1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. It all goes to the same place anyway.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Even george washington did this! Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
Quote from: ducatizzzz on October 28, 2008, 03:04:35 PM
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.
Reminds me of Jack Nicholson when he said to Morgan Freeman (two old guys) in
The Bucket List , "never trust a fart." Heh heh, get it? ;D