FIRST BANK/ UNITED NATIONS 2009 SCAM VICTIMS COMPENSATIONS PAYMENTS.FRAUD VICTIMS REF/PAYMENTS CODE: FCB/06654
Attention, I write to bring to your notice as a delegate from the Nigerian Government Reimbursement Committee under the strict supervision of the United Nationsto pay 230 Nigerian 419 scam victims the sum of $3million USD (Three million Dollars) each. You are however listed as one of the beneficiaries for these payments. You are expected to get back to us for your immediate reimbursement. As a result of this laudable recommedations, you are hereby informed that during the last U.N. meeting held in Abuja, Nigeria, it was alarmed somuch by the rest of the world on the loss of funds by various foreigners to the scam artists operating in syndicates all over the world today. In other to redeem the good image of our country, the President has ordered the immediate payment of $3 million USD each to the affected victims inaccordance with the U.N. recommendations. Due to the corrupt and inefficient Banking Systems in Nigeria, these payments are to be made FIRST BANK, Nigeria and CITE BANK PLC, UK as the corresponding paying bank under the funding assistance of the Central Bank of Nigeria.Presently, 184 Beneficiaries have been paid; more than 50% of the victims are from the United States, while about 40% are from other parts of theworld. Your particulars were among those mentioned by some of the Syndicates that were apprehended in Lagos, Nigeria as one of the victims of the operations, you are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to anybody for any reason whatsoever as the U.S.secret service in conjunction with The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) has swange into action to track this criminals down. Once again, you are expected to keep it secret until these criminals are all apprehended. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) (Motto: No Body is above the Law) have combined effort with the United Nation Anti-crime Commission to alleviate the plight of these victims as well as redeeming the image of our dear country. Many Banks, Universal firms, Companies and individuals have been in bankruptcy today due to the activities of these hoodlums.However,a thorough investigation have revealed that these people have dropped over 500,000 victims across the world, after collecting their money falsely, many as a result of this have committed suicide, while others are now living in abject poverty. As regards these ongoing developmental strive, we have over 200 suspects at hand, 135 in kirikri prisons. While many are awaiting trial, we are still in search of others, who think they are wise, and hope that you will assist by giving any vital information that could lead to the apprehension of these hoodlums.
You can receive your reimbursement via any of these options you choose; (ATM PAYMENTS UNIT OR WIRE TRANSFER).
We shall be waiting to hearing from you been certain that your response will be that you are satisfied and willing to claim your $800,000 USD (Eight Hundred Thousand Dollars) reimbursement funds. Your call which is highly important and copy of your response is expected to be sent to us via this email (peterattah7@gmail.com) with the following information,
Full Name:
Full home address:
Telephone:
Bank Name:
occupation:
Age:
Sex:
Yours faithfully,Mr. Peter Attah.Processing/Transfer OfficerFRAUD VICTIMS+234 8023749336+234 1 4336284FIRST BANK NIGERIA PLC.
aparently.... I've been scammed in the past, and my good friend Peter (or Dick, as he like to be refered to as) is going to assist me.
[laugh]
The United Nation Anti-crime Commision. ;D
the virus is evolving...
welcome to the internet......
I say do it. What with the tough economic times......
I forget where I got this (or the source, I think it was an author), but it's fitting:
1. The Original Letter
DEAR SIR,
FIRSTLY, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING IN THIS MATTER AS THIS MESSAGE MAY COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE.
I HEREBY WISH TO CONTACT YOU FOR A JOINT BUSINESS TRANSACTION WHICH CAN BE OF IMMENSE FINANCIAL BENEFIT TO BOTH OF US. MY NAME IS HONOURABLE MR.MIKEE DOLE A FORMER SENATOR FROM THE RIVERCESS COUNTRY AND GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL IN LIBERIA. PRESENTLY, I AM TAKING REFUGE IN COTONUE(REP.OF BENIN) LIKE OUR FORMER PRESIDENT CHARLES TAYLOR,THOUGH THE FORMER WAS GRANTED POLITICAL ASSYLUM WHILE WE HAVE BEEN CRAMMED INTO CAMPS TO ESCAPE THE WAR RAVAGING OUR COUNTRY LIBERIA. THE REST OF THE STORY YOU CAN GET FROM THE INTERNATIONAL MEDIA.
HOWEVER, THE PURPOSE OF THIS MESSAGE IS TO ASK FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO SECURE ON MY BEHALF THE SUM OF $9.2 MILLION WHICH IS PRESENTLY IN A FINANCE/SECURITY COMPANY IN EUROPE DEPOSITED AS PERSONAL EFFECTS. I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SECURE THE MONEY WHICH WE CAN USE FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSE IN YOUR COUNTRY AND ALSO TO HELP ME EMIGRATE TO YOUR COUNTRY AFTER THE TRANSACTION.
THEREFORE, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO ASSIST ME IN THIS GREAT TIME OF NEED IN ORDER TO SAVE ME FROM MY PRESENT SITUATION. AS SOON AS I RECEIVE YOUR CONFIRMATION OF INTEREST, I SHALL GIVE YOU DETAILS OF HOW TO PROCEED TO SECURE THE CONSIGNMENT CONTAINING THE MONEY FROM THE FINANCE/SECURITY COMPANY.
PLEASE FORWARD TO ME YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS FOR EASIER COMMUNICATION. WAITING FOR YOUR POSITIVE REPLY.
BEST REGARDS,
HON. MIKEE DOLE
2. My First Response
Dear Mikee:
Surprised! I was flabbergasted!
Yesterday Hilda -- she's my wife -- she says to me Norbert, it's time you joined the 20th century and got yourself one of those new fangled computer machine things. Well sir, I went down to Jerry's Computer Emporium and Wart Removal Clinic and bought me a TI-340 super deluxe 500 gigabyte mini-mainframe personal computer. No sooner did I set up my email account than up pops your message! You could have knocked me over with a feather.
I heard about this Charlie Taylor guy on Leno, and I'm sure glad to help you any way I can. Just tell me what I can do.
Yours truly,
Norbert DeFazio
PS: If you get an email from somebody named "Trixie" asking if you know "Rosie Palms", I think its a trick. When you click on her website, it shows you a bunch of pictures of naked women, and asks you to call them on a 900 number, which I did, and all they wanted to talk about was how big Mr. Johnson was getting. I don't know any Mr. Johnson, or any guy named Longfellow, Harry Nuts, Big Willie, or Mr. Stubbie for that matter.
3. Mikee Writes Back
Dear Norbert,
I have acknowledge your mail, and I am glad to say that I will do business with you. But meanwhile, kindly send to me your telephone and fax number immediately so that we can discuss on the way forward to this transaction.
I await to hear from you sooner.
Hon. M. Dole.
4. Norbert has no phone
Dear Mr. Hon
I'd really love to call you, but me and Hilda got rid of our phone when we bought this here new computer thing. Bud Folker, our salesman, said we wouldn't need it no more, and he was right! Hilda and I spend all our time surfing the web now, and let me tell you sir, there's a lot to see!!! But some times it can get confusing. Did you know if you hit the wrong key when typing “Home on the Range†it takes you to a gay website, instead of to the lyrics of my favorite song? I ended up spending an hour looking at pictures of some guy in leather pants who seemed to think twelve year old boys need a lot of discipline. I'm not entirely sure what he was doing with that jar of Vaseline and the cage full of gerbils, but I printed out a few pictures to study more closely when Hilda goes to the beauty parlor, and I have more free time to examine them thoroughly.
As for getting rid of the phone, we never got a lot of calls anyway here in Deer Lick Alabama, so we don't miss it much. Our oldest boy Richard Edward (we call him “Dick Ed†for short) is away at school studying to be a geologist or gynecologist, or something that begins with a “g.†That two year course at Frederick Unger Community College is very demanding, and he doesn't have a lot of spare time to call home. In fact, whenever we call him at FUCC, he says he's too busy getting his “rocks off†to talk, so it must be geology he studying.
Anyway, if we're going to help you with that money problem you mentioned, we'll have to do it by email. I'm looking forward to hearing from you again.
Best wishes,
Norbert DeFazio
5. Mr. Hon thinks he has a live one
Dear Norbert,
Thanks so much for your response, really I am impressed to carry on this business with you no doubt about this.
I'll be glad to let you know that I am making a very serious arrangement with the security company where the consignment containg the money would be transferred to very soon. Also I will want you to send your contact address to me as to enable me send some documents regarding this consignment containg this money to you.
In addition to this, I will want you to start making arrangement on how you can travel to Holland to keep up the consignment.
Hon. M. Dole.
6. But Norbert doesn't like to travel
Dear Mr. Hon. M.
Me and Hilda was talking over your last email, and we may have a problem.
Hilda, God love her, retains water like a tank truck and has this little gland problem, which gives her the bloat. Right now she's pushing 380, which at 4'9 makes her as wide as she is tall. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I like a woman with a little beef on her ribs, but it does make it difficult to fit her in a airplane seat. We tried it once back in '97 when we flew to Roanoke to visit her sister Helga in the big city. Not only did the plane list to the left all during our flight, they had to use the jaws of life to pry her loose once we landed.
Since I lost both my legs to the gout, I don't travel anyplace without Hilda. We bought us a pair of Rascals last Christmas which get us around just fine, except for the time Hilda's back wheel gave out and we had to call the triple-A to pull her out of the ditch in front of our house. So I was wondering if you could come to Deer Lick instead? We've got plenty of room upstairs now that Dick Ed's off to college. Ruby Sue, our youngest daughter, is reel exited about having you come and stay a spell. She's a might frisky at times, though, but since the fire we won't let her near the matches, so there's really nothing to worry about.
Anyway, let me know when you can come, and we'll slaughter a chicken so we can have a nice meal waiting for you.
Your new friend,
Norbert
7. “Brother†Mikee replies
Dear Norbert,
My prayers are with you for the terribble tragedies in your life. God pray courage be with you.
Concerning your travelling,there is absolutely nothing to be frightened about. In this regard I will discuss with the diplomat to bring the consignment containing the money to your country. As this is a new and a different arrangement that we are going to make with the courier services you will be required to take care of any expenses as soon as they arrive your country.
On my part here any expenses that shall be made here in this country I will take care of it but, any one they shall make when they arrive your country shall be taken care by you, if this is ok with you, send to me your address where the consignemnt containing the money shall be delivered when they arrive your country as I am going to start making the arrangement with the courier service that will bring the consigment containg the money to your door step.
Also bear in mind that the diplomatic courier service does not know the contain of the consignment as I registered during the time of deposite as personal items, as soon as the arrangement is concluded and I get a possitive response from you, the diplomat will move immediately to deliver the consignment to you in your country.
Your response matters alot as this will determine if I can continue the business with you or not. Please send the direction on how to come to your house in your next email.
Awaiting your urgent response.
Yours brother,
Hon. Mikee Dole.
8. Bubba Norbert gives directions
Dear Honey Mike:
Hilda and me would be right pleased to have this consignment feller visit us here in Deer Lick.
Directions to my house are a little tricky, though. The closest airport is Beaver Falls, about two hours away, unless you count that landing strip in the piney woods up near the Hollar. We seen them little Cessnas land there every month or so when it's reel dark and offload a bunch of sugar bags wrapped in plastic. At least I think it's sugar. One ole boy took a shot at me and my brother Buford when we got too close. I think they was hunters who thought Buford was a Grizley Bear or maybe that Sasquash feller, because he's big and fat and hairy. He kinda looks like Barbara Boxer without the mustache trim, to give you an idea. It's a DeFazio family trait, but I have Hilda shave my back and forearms every other Monday, so my hair don't grow as long as Buford's.
Anyway, when you get to the airport, take a cab to Gopher Junction, then transfer to a Greyhound bus. Go three stops past the wider Henry's house, and start walking south. If you come to a shanty about three miles yonder you've taken the wrong trail. That's Bud Hole's place, and you won't want to mess with him. He's been a right sorry cuss since the sheriff took away his pet goat and had it tested for STD's.
You'll know you're on the right trail when you pass by Bertha Lewinsky's place. She looks a lot like her daughter Monica, except Monica still has all her teeth. I guess it must be those jaw exercises and protein shakes she swears by. She's been putting on a little weight lately, but like I said before, we like our women meaty here in Deer Lick, and her boyfriend Bill isn't complaining.
Anyway, let me know what time your consignment feller might be coming by, so Hilda can change the sheets and freshen the lye in the outhouse collecter. Instead of chicken for dinner, would you mind eating some pressed pork instead? One of the hogs got lose and was hit by a truck, and it's a shame to let a good shank go to waste.
Your bubba,
Norbert
9. Mikee still wants the address
dear norbert,
please i need the actual adress to your house. the money is ready to send you now. please writeback haste.
regards.
m.dole
10. Norbert is tired of playing
Dear Mikee:
My address is 1234 Gofugyerself Ln., Dear Lick, Alabama
Gofugyerself is an old Alabama Indian phrase meaning "How make the beast with two backsing stupid do you think I am when I get 20 emails a week from some asshole in Nigeria saying they'll give me millions of dollars if I'll send them my bank account information?"
I know you think all Americans are stupid, but we haven't elected Dean yet, so you might reconsider your fraud perpetration strategy. Give some thought to writing the French. They believe a lot of things that normal human beings find outrageous, so who knows, you might have a chance.
Your newest, bestest friend,
Bubba Norbert