Ducati Monster Forum

the whole marriage thing how is it folks?
is it hard work?
do you really start to hate the other person and secretly plot their murder after a few years?
sex? any?
I'm at a cross roads just trying to get some 411

Thanks
Bek

it is what you choose it to be. no ones individual experience has a make the beast with two backsing thing to do with anyone else's individual experience.

Marriage 1 : Cost me $35k
Marriage 2 : cost me my heart
Marriage 3: still lookin ladies! 8)

Yer on yer own. Mother is right.

You either make the right decision or you don't - and the right decision doesn't mean it's going to work anyway.

Marriage 1 = Failure
Marraige 2 = happiness [thumbsup]

It`s what you make of it [thumbsup]

I've been married since I was 22 yes it seems young but I crammed a lot of living into that time, anyway we have no kids and we are going on 12 years. I would say the first year was tricky but since then its been great and murder plot free. I would have to say its the best decision I have made to date. I agree with everyone whose posted so far what works for some doesn't work for others and for all I know its a toss of the dice.  I guess as long as 2 people can adapt to each other, willing to compromise on a lot of things  and their surrounding situations it works.  My .02

I have been married for only 3 months, but we have lived together for 1.5 years.

As everyone has said, it is what you make it.

Compromise is very important. Pick your battles wisely. Split up house responsibilities and chores, makes life easier so there isn't complaining about this not being done or not done the right way, etc.

I've lived with my fiancée for over a year.  Splitting the chores is a big thing.  When we first moved in, I was still doing things as I always had.  I have lived alone for nearly 4 years so I just did things as I needed them done.  A couple months in, I started feeling like I did everything.  I did, and it was by choice, so we started sorting some chores out.  If I cook, she washes the dishes that won't go in the dishwasher & cleans the table up after we eat, vice-versa if she cooks.  Cleaning is not specifically broken up, but usually we do a little here and there as we have time and it works out.  Also communicate about things if something is out of whack.  I can't stand to leave dishes in the sink or laundry in the dryer.  My fiancée was used to putting the load in and picking out of the dryer for a couple days before getting around to folding & putting it up.  Drove me nuts.  We talked about it and sorted it out.  Occasionally it has to be stuff gets left overnight, but we try to get stuff out.  She came from a household that practically every light is on after dark, I come from a family that turns out a light if you leave the room, even for just a few minutes.  Communication is key.

JM

Bingo

[clap]


Similar story here.  The s/o and I married each other young.  I was 23 at the time.  It can seem like hard work at times..but we give and take and it all works out in the end.  Communication lines stay open.  She doesn't hold me back from my interests/dreams and vice-versa.   We'll celebrate 15 years this summer.  No kids yet..but it's about that time.

 

Yes, it's awesome.
Yes, it's hard work.
Yes, there is sex.
Yes, YMMV.

Based on this post, alone, I'm thinking you shouldn't get married.

I was thinking the same thing.

If you have to ask others if marriage is worth it, then don't get married.

anal

^ channeling sacduc

Now that you're married, you have anal with Sacduc?  That's make the beast with two backsed up, bro.

hey...it keeps our marrage together

Damn Californians... [puke]

we lead the nation in innovation.

 [laugh]

"Innovation?"  That's what you're calling it now?   [laugh]

The only advice I will ever offer anyone on marriage is that for it to work, you both just have to want it to work.  The details about how you make it work are trivial.  You just have to be committed to serving the marriage.

So, it is not so much a question about occasionally being unhappy, but whether you are willing to do whatever is necessary to get past that.

Good luck on the decision...

Exactly.

And like JM said, communication is key.

Doesnt BP live in San Fran?

nope

SF is more like the armpit of Cali

I live in Bakersfield... the anus of Cali

fellas don't all reply at once I'm not a fast reader

Fitting, given your prediliction for anal. [laugh]

the very first response should have been......

After forty two and a half years married and four years going out with each other commumication is certainly the key ingredient plus alot of give and take  ;) ;)

 [coffee]

<--There's yer answer.


And in response to California...even the good people from Cali are make the beast with two backsed up. And we still love you Joel.  ;D [beer]


Beck, seriously, Sinister and Cyrus are right. If you have to ask any of those questions, then marriage isn't in the cards right now for that relationship.
I spent alot of time asking myself if my last relationship was right or not. In the end, it wasn't. It took a good and brutal slap in the face to realize that. Better to figure this out now than to waste a few years in a marriage and then begin wanting out.

I like to think that I had a hand in that one.  You turned out alright, kid.  [thumbsup]

 [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]

You definitely told him how it was.


Zltful turned out alright.

He is actually a cool guy, but a little on the fruity side  ;D





 [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]

have your perspective spouse read every one of your DMF posts.   That should pretty much render the thread moot.   






 ;)

Why do you ask? ;D

LA

Ask yourself this question and if the answer is YES ...then you shouldn't get married ! 

Are you a selfish bastard ?             Dolph     

After nearly 8 years of marriage, I'm still slowly wearing her down. ;D

asking for advice about motorcycles on the internet..............ok
asking for advice about marriage on the internet.........maybe
asking for advice about marriage on a motorcycle forum.......no

so it sucks huh
f it im going the al pacino way lol

My parents were married 48 years in 1995 when my Mom died from Cancer. Had she not died, I'm sure they would have been married until my Dad died of Cancer in 2001.That would be 54 years of marriage.

I know they had hard times when I was young especially with money. Even though my Dad was a Business manager of a College, then a large Hospital but then he and another man started a business from scratch.

Things were tough in a lot of ways for the Company and Dad would get drunk on Friday night's and he and Mom would fight . My Mother didn't approve of drinking to excess.

Dad only drank on Friday night but he would drink a Fifth of Old Crow. He was impossible when he drank like that. He made all kinds of promises and plans and of course when he sobered up he didn't admit to any of it. There were times that I thought Mom might leave us.

As I got older ( Junior High & High School ) his Business was very successful ( 450 employees ) but he was under a huge amount of stress as the V. P. because he and the guy he went into business with were not getting along.

Dad loved to play Golf since before I was born and at one point when I was probably in my 40s I remember that Dad started drinking while he was playing golf . One afternoon he came home drunk and fell asleep on the front steps. . Mom found him there and gave him an ultimatum . Mom told Dad that if he didn't agree to quit drinking completely she wanted a divorce.

Well that was a rough time in their marriage. Some how they got through that. They got through a lot of rough times .They were very much involved in the church. Went every Sunday of course and were on several committees ,and were the third largest donors to the church at one time. For as long as I can remember my Dad gave 10% of his income to the church just as the Bible says. Good times , bad times. Same with my Mom. Mom had a Degree in Dental Hygienics but ended up being a substitute school teacher since her minor in College was French she was able to get a Sub. Teaching Certificate.

I really think it was their faith in God and Jesus' teachings that kept them going during the tough times and their love of each other which I never really saw in the way some people may think of it but I'm sure it was there.  

Even though I'm single, I believe much can be learned from my parents 47 years of marriage.   LOVE, FAITH in something greater than themselves, NOT GIVING UP when things got rough.

My Dad was an excellent cook. He could have survived fine single. But he feel in love.

Also my parents made it through their 1st child ending in miscarriage only 1 year after being married.       Dolph

Who do you think the good an brutal slap was?  [thumbsup]

And me fruity? Weren't you the one that became a gay Australian at some point during the night in Boston with CharlieF?  ;D

How quickly he forgets....

I have to say that if I were seriously seeing someone and they had to ask a question like that regarding whether marriage is worth it, I would hope they wouldn't propose.  If you are thinking of proposing or considering marriage because your choices are that or break up, I would go with break up.  It's not fair to either of you but especially to the woman to propose but not be 100% committed or sure it's what you want. 

Also, if you can't talk to each other now openly and honestly about your status and what you want for the future you will never be able to make a marriage work. 

My last boyfriend and I were at that stage where it was get married or move on and we talked about it and decided that moving on was the best thing for both of us.  We are still friends and I have since gotten married to someone that I know is right for me. 

Just my $.02!!  :)

I disagree.  My wife and I didn't live together prior to getting married, and it was fun learning about those little things that you don't see when you aren't living together.  It was a fun first few months!  ;D

huh?


How quickly you forget who bought those vodka grapefruits!

Stories man. Stories. You being a gay Australian jet setter has much more flair than "financial industry dude from Ohio" ;)

18-1/2 years and I love my wife more today than i did in 2000. I knew I was going to marry her about 20 minutes after I met her. I'd follow her into hell if I had to (i did move to NC for her and That's pretty close) The insane codependance we have I what pulls us thru the parts when I want to scream at her. You have to talk but more important you have to listen. Even the crap that you have no intrest in. (and don't pretend to listen, you'll get caught.)

But if you have ask if you should maybe you shouldn't.   my .02

So, you don't think you would have learned the same things without the marriage license?
What  if one of the things you learned was an absolute deal breaker?

The first few months are called the honeymoon period for a reason. Then one day, you wake up and realize that if she picks the jam out of her toes at the dinner table one more time, you're gonna get tha axe, and make sure she never does that again! ;D

My point is, when we got to that point, why go with the half-measure?  If we're doing this thing, let's do it and work through any issues.  I love my wife, and I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her; "living together" for a year wouldn't have changed that. 

Married life is great (says the guy who's been married two months).


Long as you 1) communicate ("God you look awful today!" is *not* communication)

and realize things may change. Best to chat about long term before commiting to it. If you find marriage material, you should act on it. Quickly.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uv3HEmlUfpM (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uv3HEmlUfpM)

I agree, but we did live together for about 14 months prior to getting married, but we were engaged during that time.

It helped with planning the wedding

Why?  That's women's work.

I had to get the open bar set up  [thumbsup]

That is such old news at this point...

it hardly counts. [evil]

when you buyin' the next ones? :P

Been married >9 years been with her for > 10 years.  She is away in Atlanta this week for a wound care course (she's a nurse) and I miss her like hell.  We have our arguments like in any long term relationship but they are always short lived usually ending before bedtime. 

I do not like the idea of the phrase "we have our ups and downs" because that phrase seems to imply longer periods of discontent and being angry with your spouse for long periods is very dangerous. I think on of the best sayings ever is "dont go to bed angry".  I have a feeling that going to bed angry is kinda like going to bed after trying to memorize something.  When you wake up the next day whatever it was you were angry about now has a strong hold in your mind.

fyi we've been living together for 5 years.
still havent met the parents, im lucky they live in israel....

 [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]

Good point  [thumbsup]

When is that little gathering at your house?

I might bring a shitty bottle of vodka and a mixer for you  ;D