Ducati Monster Forum

Just checking in with you...how are things going?? [moto]

Hey Dolci! I'm doing .... ok. Better than I was but I still have some rough days. I know it sounds cliche and immature but after nine months of spending just about everyday with someone, its hard to let go. I find myself getting teary over stupid things. Hell, even riding the monster is hard cause he was always on my right (so we could talk at stoplights as he has a dry clutch). I miss the little things like that.

But I am moving on. I'm talking to other people, going out and enjoying myself, and fixing some things that need to be fixed.

I have to say that this group of girls, even though I've only met a couple of you, means a lot to me. I couldn't have gotten through this better without y'all.

Aww crap. Now I'm teary again. Where's my beer?

 [drink]

Well, if I make it to Rhodeside tomorrow evening, I shall have the girls toast you!   [beer]

It's good to hear that you're pulling yourself through JB. Sometimes just knowing you have someone to pregnant dog to if necessary is a comfort. We're here anytime you need us!

Just hang on to your dreams with tenacity, keep on doing what makes you happy, living your life, and good things will surely find their way to you in their own good time.

Hey girlie, I ran across this today and thought it might interest you:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24418670/

Hey hon, thank you for that article. It put some things in perspective for me. I think the main problem for me is that I really thought I had found my other half. We had all these things that were just ... right. We were alike in many ways and different in enough to make it interesting. We had vulcan mind meld moments. Thats the kind of stuff that I'm missing the most. One of my favorite moments was when we were watching Battlestar Gallactica. He had seen the series before and was watching it with me to catch me up. At one point, the mighty G jumps into the atmosphere of a planet and rains down hellfire. I thought it was the coolest thing ever and he thought it was awesome that I did. Those connections, those little things, they make me cry now.


Sorry for babbling.

Babble away sweetie. Babble away. I've been there.

You know what's even worse than being broken up with and having those moments? Breaking up with someone then having those moments... wondering if you made the biggest mistake of a lifetime... all for a jackass that wasn't worth my time. Oh the things we learn along the way...

We're still having those moments too. Because we work for the same (BIG) company, we have the ability to talk to each other during the day. I'm having trouble letting go and can't cut myself off from talking to him after 9 months of talking every day. So we talk online at work and we laugh and we have a good time. And we've seen each other a couple of times and had a great time. So those moments are still there. I'm trying my hardest to cut myself off but I dont think I can do it cold turkey.

I want to be angry and pissed off and yell at him and tell him how he's broken my heart and he's ruined a good thing and he'll never find someone like me. I want to beg and plead. I just want him back.

But I dont want to be "that" girl. Do I deserve better? Yes, but I think that he and I are right together. I don't think I'll ever find anyone that fits me like he does.



God. I'm a mess. I'm gonna go cry for a minute. I'll be back.

Hang in there, Honey!

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's a hard time you're going though right now.

It's difficult now, but time will pass, and the immediate pain will ease, and the way forwards will appear.

Meanwhile, lean on your girlfriends! We're here to support and encourage and care.

Here is one thing I have learned in my sort, hormonally challenged time here:
Over a lifetime of relationships, be it romantic ones, or friendly ones, or even tense unhappy ones, different people will offer you different things. They all have gifts to give you, even if you don't know it until well after the fact. There may be that one person that you find irresistable and feel they are the only individual that will ever rock your world, but that fact doesn't necessarily mean that every other man out there is wrong for you. At this point in my life, I don't know if I believe that there's that one man for me and if I don't find him, I'm doomed to a lifetime of misery. You will find someone. I truly believe things happen for a reason, in their own good time, and trying to force the hand of fate will only put you further away from the happiness you deserve. Believe me.

The truth of the matter is, if he doesn't feel the same, then he probably isn't the one.

I don't think trying to cut yourself off from him is necessarily the best way to heal. At least it wouldn't be for me. If you guys can still be civil, nurture that. Is it going to hurt like hell for a while? Sure is. But you two did share a good chunk of time with each other, and you may very well have laid the foundation for a lifetime of awesome friendship.

After the breakup with my ex, I was devastated. I didn't know what to do with myself. Then I had a revelation - it wasn't him that I missed so much, it was the routine, the security. Once I realized that and felt the freedom to do as I wanted when I wanted to do it, my life got a lot better in a hurry.

I was going to suggest putting all those thoughts in a nasty email and not actually sending it, but then I remembered that's what I did and I ended up sending it.  [laugh]


It's so easy to think that now, and it's totally ok to think that. But you'll meet someone who fits you even better and you'll realize that this one didn't fit you as well as you'd hoped.


They need a beer/martini delivery service. I'd totally send you beers.

*Edit... found something ALMOST as good as beers. It's on it's way.*

Neenja just hit the nail on the head.  It's so difficult right now because you don't have a chance to really move on, he works with you.  You have to deal with him every day in  your life.  Not easy and not fair, it takes a LOT more to work through getting on with your life. 

I was with my ex-husband for 10 yrs (I just turned 35) a third of my life was spent with him.  He is an amazing man, but we just ended up wanting different things in life.  Doesn't make it easy knowing that, but I now see (after just finalizing the divorce last Nov and having moved out the Dec before) that.

It takes time and work, but in the end it all works out...if it hasn't worked out, it's not the end.

Be angry, be sad, cry your eyes out but move forward...always move forward.

Chin up sister, we're here for you.

T

I've been reading this thread and thought "i've been here" WAYYYY too many times.  Divorced after 13 years, then was engaged and broke up after 2 1/2 years.  Each time was devistating.  But, I took some advice I heard on the Dr. Laura show once - -

"Why would you want to be with anyone that does not want to be with you"?  Often us gals throw ourselves out there just so we have companionship.  We don't want to be alone.  I was that person.  One brake up I actually got so upset I hit the liquor bottle, passed out from drinking, and woke up 24 hours later.  Lucky I didn't die. I look back on it now, and I know he wasn't sad like that.  And I wasted some good liquor on that guy! 

I'm sure you've also heard the saying "when you're not looking.....".  That happened to me, met a guy online, actually went on a date sort of as a "well, i've got a few minutes after work for a drink" kind of thing, and I wound up marrying him 2 years later.  I knew after 10 minutes that we would be married.  You'll find that person, trust me.  I thought i'd never would and my family referred to me as "eternally single"  :(

Give yourself a few more teary nights and days, then hop on that motorcycle and go a ridin'.  If you don't remember, you participate in a sport that is 90% men  [moto]  so use that to your advantage!  [wine]

I completely agree with the whole thing about not looking.  Stillie came into my life at the absolute worst time.  I was bitter and jaded from a very recent and very ugly breakup.  He was patient with me and took all of my displaced frustration in stride.  He is a saint for putting up with me in those first few months.  I wasn't ready to be with anyone.  He just waited for me patiently to realize that the right guy is the right guy, not matter what time it is.  The same is true for the opposite.  If you're with someone because it's the right time, but it's the wrong guy, it doesn't matter how ready you are to be committed to someone.  He will always be the wrong guy. 

I also agree with the idea of not being with someone who doesn't want to be with you.  There is no point.  He may have thrown away the best thing in his life, but if he doesn't want it, there is nothing you can do or say to change his mind.  The sweetest revenge is not feeling the need for it.  Just be happy.

Hey ladies, thank you so much for the support and advice.

I've moved on. He did something today that cut to the quick and finally knocked it into my head.  [bang]

I'm at the point of feeling like a fool.

On the plus side, I obviously wasn't looking and lo and behold a great friend (other than my girls here on the board) has fallen into my lap. Its nice to have friends.

 ;D

hey there,

looks like you're experiencing humanness.
it's not so bad to be wrong about something.
it is bad to beat yourself up over things in the
past.

it was right at some point and you enjoyed it.
now (especially with this recent experience)
you feel it isn't right and that's ok

just give yourself time, feel everything, and
be loving toward yourself.  you are not a fool
by any means.  dust yourself off and give it
another go when you feel ready.

Thank you hon.

I had something fall into my lap. I wasn't looking, in fact, I think I was doing the opposite of looking.

So...I started talking to this thing that fell in my lap and realized that I was ok and that what happened was for the best, just like you girls said. It took me a little bit and it would have taken me a lot longer to realize it without my friends here.

In short, I'm happy. I'm deserve someone who wants me and who thinks I'm just great the way I am, just like my ladies told me. And now I've found that quite unexpectedly.

Your wisdom ladies, all of it, was my saving grace. I'm so grateful.

THANK YOU  :-*

yay!

just recognize that it's still early.
remember about the rebound thing.

again, it's awesome if the rebound thing feels good,
but don't underestimate the amount of healing yet
to be done.  *hint* something will happen and you'll
overreact and rebound thing won't have a clue about
how you got there... it'll be a conditioned reaction.

we are in total support of your emotional health and
your lasting happiness.

lots of love,
  ~ empress ~

completely agree AND sometimes what you think might be the rebound thing turns out to be a whole lot more than that!

After my divorce, the very next relationship I got into ended up into almost 3 years and it was one of the best ones I've ever had until now. Don't overestimate the rebound relationships, but make sure you take things slow and don't sink your entire heart into them at first.

taking things slow is critical.

+11tyb

Sometimes the rebound is the rebound.  Been there.  Done that.  Got the tee shirt.  However, sometimes you wake up 16 months after the first time you spoke to the rebound and wonder how you're so lucky enough to be staring at his beautiful face as he wakes up. 

It hasn't always been easy.  He has paid for the mistakes of my past and I have paid for the mistakes of his, but we've made it through every time so far.

Hey girlie...how are you doing this week?

I'm great. I'm so very happy with what's happening right now that I just can't stand myself. I was adamantly not looking for something and had it just pop up out of nowhere. I know some people will say its too soon and such but we're taking it slow. We've both been hurt so we're not jumping in and instead we're just letting stuff happen naturally. I'm happy, he's happy, we're happy. Its so cute its sickening.

I think that without my friends here I would have missed out on something that could be very cool and I definitely would still be feeling very down about myself and the situation I was in. You all have really helped me out with your advice and support; makes me feel all warm and IZ_ to know that there's such a great support group here.

I'll be going on a little vacation in a week to see this someone, should get to meet Neenjah and her beau while I'm there.

I know I've said it before but I'm gonna say it again. You guys are awesome and thank you so much.

Best wishes, let us know how it goes! :) [thumbsup]

We definitely need a report back!  I'm thrilled for you; you sound so silly happy, it's awesome!    Now get yourself back up here, so we can ride.... [moto]

He's is a most wonderful someone!  Yay for both of you!!!  ;D

T

T, you figure it out?  ;D

Hey Dolci, I believe I've got a three day weekend (Fri, Sat, Sun) for July 4th. Will people be around? I could ride up on the bike.

I think there are a fair number of us around - I know Zooom and I are local. 

Cut and pasted from my original post....."I'm sure you've also heard the saying "when you're not looking.....".  That happened to me, met a guy online, actually went on a date sort of as a "well, i've got a few minutes after work for a drink" kind of thing, and I wound up marrying him 2 years later.  I knew after 10 minutes that we would be married.  You'll find that person, trust me."

CONGRATULATIONS!!!  [beer]
That's me drinkin' some beers at the Suns game (minor league baseball) tonight for ya!! Yippee!!

Sorry to thread jack, but...Seeing that some of us are "local" (DC/Balt. area) maybe a group "gals only" ducati meetup/ride is in order??  I know a TON of good roads back in this area :)

I thought so...but I'm not so positive now.  ???  [laugh]

T

Hahahhaha. Lesse, he's a (formerly) bitter guy that lives on a mountain and fights fires. Occasionally hangs out with Neenjah and her beau.  [thumbsup]

He's the one with the glasses on here. ;)
(http://img104.imageshack.us/img104/9440/mahna4za.jpg)

http://ducatimonsterworldwide.org/index.php?topic=539.msg48720#msg48720

Hahahah!!! I had forgotten about that.  ;D

OK!!!  I thought so...I stand by my first response in thinking who he was...he is absolutely wonderful!  I would do just about anything for that boy. 

Cheers to the both of you being happy!!!  [beer]

T

Can't wait to see you here J! When are you planning on coming down and for how long?

Hey C. I'll be there next weekend and we'll be going to the track where I believe your beau will be racing. I'll be there Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.


Thanks T!!!  ;D

hahaha...i totally love this!

doot doooo doo doo doo
mna mna

doot doo doo doo
mna mna

doot doooo doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo,

Wallace: "The question is, what is a Mahna Mahna?"
Statler: "The question is, who cares?

Stop by the Northwest board and say "Hi!"  We're a friendly bunch. [beer]

Except for Mother, he's a grouch. [laugh]

Workin' on that.  ;)

I'll be at a race on Saturday I believe. I think Neenjah and Mo will be who I'm seeing there but I'll certainly introduce myself if you show up too!

Fantastic idea!  I don't know whether or not I'll be working on the 4th since I'll just be getting back from a 2wk vacation, but I'm in for the weekend ride.  Oh yeah, JBubble, you'll have to visit Rod with his modded crutches and all.

take a look at the new topic....make it on sunday after 1pm and i'm in!  [thumbsup]

So, how was your trip?
  8)

My trip was perfect. I only wish I could have stayed longer. I'm so happy I can't stand myself. i got to meet some really awesome DMFers as well as someone special.
 ;D

She's talking about me.  :-*

Hells yeah.  ;D