Ducati Monster Forum

I must have 'shit on me' written on my back or something. Perhaps I did something in a former life and Karma is kicking my ass.
I just confirmed, 1 week short of our 1 year anniversary, that my 2nd wife is make the beast with two backsing around, and has been for probably 3 months. So that's 2 wifes out of 2 that have whored around.
A 1 time thing...hey...I might be able to let that slide. but seriously to carry on like everything is normal. I just don't get it.  The 1st wife wasn't really a surprise, but this one.  I mean I'm really stunned. Until I finally cornered her, there was a good portion of me that really didn't believe that she would do it. but there it is.

I'm a nice guy. Pretty thoughtful and considerate. Don't get angry. just easy going and like to have fun. We dated for probably 4 years and it was great.
I need a picture of me in the Fail thread I guess.

The 'funny' part is, a good friend and coworker of mine found out 2 months before he was going to be married that his fiance had been make the beast with two backsign someone else for months, all the while making wedding arrangements. Well my wife had no shortage of bad things to say about her, and how he should never go back to her etc. How does one make a 180 like that?

Well just venting. The first wife I was bothered more financially than anything. But this is a kick in the nuts. My guts haven't been right since.
As a disclosure. yeah i've cheated on girlfriends. usually with x gf's, but whatever. once you're married tho, that shits sposed to change, right? maybe that's my karma!

em, you do all think that i shouldn't try to keep it alive right?

You can try, but your relationship will never be the same again.

Sorry this happened to you, that sucks big time.

get out!!

you never know what a girl will do. Did you meet that douche bag? Do you know why she was cheating on you? Did you guys talk about it?

All i can tell you is, its going to be hard, some women realize what they've done, and they change. others will never. Its your decision  on what you want in the end. but sorry to hear that man.

Is it too early to make jokes?

give us some names and some social security numbers, and we'll take care of her and her friend. Lifes make the beast with two backsed up.

dude. that sucks...  :-\

Sorry man.

Geez that sucks.

I feel your pain...  :(

Of course, no one can tell you what to do. It's your choice, your decision.
Talk to the wife, See what feels right.
Just curious- did y'all have specific agreements up front? Some couples have 50 mile rules, or 500 miles, or Top 10 Movie stars, or whatever, but if the 2 of you agreed to exclusivity, it might be difficult (but not impossible) to move forward together.

Sucks man.

Sorry dude.

End it, end it now. The person you married doesn't exist.

That does suck.

From experience, let me give you this advice:

RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!!

this is sucky news :(

how did you find out?

sorry man, you need to leave her and move on.


"the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" Mother Teresa (I swear to god it's her quote ;))

I can't imagine how you must feel.  Sorry, dude.

Get the big D, then take a vacation to South America.

sorry to hear this, man.

I won't give you advice, given I don't know you, or the situation at all.

I will say, though, that if you do leave, a year from now, you'll feel a whole lot better than you do now.

Good luck

Sorry man. That sux.

     You need to decide what to do for yourself. Following the advice of anyone else is just asking for a bad outcome in this situation.
     Since you've been here before, I'm sure you already know this, but I'll say it anyway; GET PROOF. Proof that will hold up in court. Even if you decide to try to make it work.
     Marriage is a contract, and you'll need proof that she broke the contract in case she decides to leave you and file for divorce.

     After that, I agree with Pakhan(and Mother Theresa).

Dude you could totally turn this around and get famous from it...

Hire that TV show "cheaters" that does like private investigator work and follows the "suspected" around and catches them in the act...and then they show up with you in tow and live cameras and the whole shebang.

Just tryin to put a positive spin on something.  It really sucks that this has happened to you man.  My sympathies.

Wisconsin is a no fault state so it doesn't matter who did what. Which is unfortunate for me!

I didn't know for sure (or maybe didn't want to believe it) until Wednesday morning when I finally got it out of her. I got her a GPS for her birthday. On the 18th we were supposed to go to a microbeer fest after our vacation in AZ (waste of money no?). She backed out as I suspected she might, saying she had too much laundry etc to do. Well bout 330 she leaves and goes down by her 'friend'. Comes literally sneaking in at 330 probably hoping I was passed out from all the beer. Our floors creak, and the backdoor needs to be shut hard. Even being in the basement I almost didn't hear her come in. She said she was pissed at me for leaving a nasty voicemail. But near as I can tell, pissed off doesn't sneak anywhere.
Next day on a whim I fired up the gps and looked at the 'recently found' locations. Oneida Casino, where she said they went. And also 2 hotels right off the hiway 20 minutes north of here. Well that was the proof I was finally looking for. Everything else was circumstantial: non stop text messaging - even on our vacation!, mysterious miles on her car (yeah  I kept track - he lives 30 miles south of here so was easy), not being at work when she said she was, and of course sex dropped to almost nothin.

Anyway, I suspected a couple months ago. Even talked about it in relation to my last wife and why I would take these things the wrong way. Apparently that didn't sink in.

I've pretty  much decided that it's done. I didn't trust her a month ago, I'm not going to be able to trust her a year from now.
Our biggest possession is the house, which is in her name since she bought it before we got married, but should still be 'half' mine. I would like to stay here and could probably afford it. Guess we'll have to see.
But for now she's not staying here. Just me, Kat and dog. Good news is the only thing I owe money on is my truck, which I could pay off with my insurance settlement from the accident, but then I'd have no down payment for a house if need be. so there's that.

I wonder what people who cheat tell their families about why things 'didn't work out'? I really doubt they take responsibility. Too bad cuz I like her parents and we get along well.

poo in her purse and roll on down the highway, and dont look back :P

Talk to a therapist. Not for both of you, just for you.

And not to be a dick, but twice in a row may mean you seek out women who are bad for you. Again, a shrink may be able to dig in a bit more on this.

Beyond that, my sympathies. That totally sucks.

Did you cheat on either of your wives before you got married to 'em?
Maybe they knew, and figured you were alright with an 'open' marriage?

<IMO>
Typically, any committed relationship is, by definition, monogamous.
Doesn't matter if you're married to your partner or not.
There are folks that have committed relationships that are sexually open, and both parties know that it's open.
That's likely pretty rare.
Perhaps I'm a bit old-fashioned.
</IMO>

And +1 on DrunkenMonkey's advice.

Ahh, the good ole GPS trick! 

Just think, what else has she been keeping from ya?

+1

I worked one of the Dateline "To Catch a Predator" deals a year or so ago. One of the perv's we arrested insisted he just "happened" upon the 13 year old girls home....until we checked his GPS. :)

Sorry to hear, that sucks :(

Oh man, sorry.

That sucks in a big way.  Hope you can move on and be happy once again.

FTR.... you can be a nice guy and still have a spine.


boot her ass

take some time off from the womans.... get to know you a lil better.


then..... you will find the one you are looking for.

most guys who think of themselves as being "nice guys", hook up with women who use them as door mats.

the one constant in both relationships is you.   fix you

it might be tempting to go all soft and try again but honestly i think you should get out. now.

i wasted a year with someone like that... not worth any of it. not a bit. none.

sucks though.

She was here when I got home from work this morning, doing laundry and what not. Ignored her for an hour before she came upstairs. Pretty much ignored her then but was much harder.
I really don't have a choice but to end it. As such, I'm making it of a point of not keeping it a secret what's happened. That way, everyone will know, and will give me the 'moral support' if I start talking stupid.

Really pisses me off  after I get the house the way I want it - Tore out/remodeled 1 bath, the kitchen, built a small but nice barroom, gutted another room,replaced all windows, and most importantly I have my brewery. I won't be able to afford FMV on the house. Somehow I doubt she'd sell it to me for what we owe (bout 70ish). I can't go back to an apartment - too much stuff! My credit still isn't entirely fixed from the first marriage debacle so even if I could get a loan - these days who knows - the rate would be high. Guess we'll see where the chips fall.

Meantime, I'm waiting for the alternating gut twisting/disbelief/anger to go away. Good thing I only work 3 days a week. I can take my rum medicine  [drink]

Sounds like the best course of action.  Good luck with everything, and you know we are all here for support anytime you feel like ranting.

First, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I know it doesn't feel like it, but the sickening heartache you feel right now will go away.

Second, on a bit of a heavier note, do yourself a favor and get tested. 2 close friends of mine have gotten STD's from cheating SO's. You can never be too safe.

Best of luck. I will raise an adult beverage tonight just for you.

Sorry to hear about your situation. The betrayal must have felt absolutely horrible.

Sorry to hear about it.

The advice P-City is getting from about everybody about his bike seems to apply here too.

Get your bike, I hope you had a written contract before hand, call a lawyer, and you and your friends need to go visit the guy!

Amazing how it works here too!

Went through the same a couple of years ago, left and am much happier for it.

Did have a hard time though but friends pulled me right [thumbsup]

Strippers, Scotch, and Fast Motorcycles

Do what you need to do, but keep it in moderation.  Booze may help with the pain, but it won't make things clearer for you.  I don't think cheater's ever change, so getting out is the right course of action (which you already know.)  This just sucks all the way around for you.  Sorry, bro.

Or sharing with you.   [puke]

Sorry to hear about all this.  Things will get better.

Sean Connery advocates slappin' women who get out of line, hell, they slap us for just saying things like 'nice tits', I'll tell you in this situation to do the same.

Become one with the Indian Nation, and Slapaho.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6flcm1lUEI&feature=related


Watch, learn, laugh

First I am really sorry you're having to go through this. It sucks.

I am not a lawyer, but I went through the same thing a few years ago. The following advice is from experience, not legal training. However, GET PROOF, the kind that is admissible in court. If she's been texting constantly, get a itemized copy of her cell bill. If she's been paying for any of their meetings, get copies of her credit card bills. NC is a no fault state as well, but infidelity effects alimony. Your state might be the same.

Here, when a spouse moves out, they have abandoned the marriage. The one remaining in the residence is now the sole resident. That means you can change the locks and she can't say shit about it. If she's not staying there any more, lock her out. It'll feel good.

Good luck,
Ken

Not in MD>  I had a friend that did that and was ordered to give the soon-to-be ex the keys.  Also, if she bought the house before you were married, and you are not on the mortgage or the deed, it will, most likely be considered hers.  I am in the middle of all this and anything that either one of us had prior to the marriage is considered ours - if it was bought after the marriage, then it gets divided up.

Speak with an attorney or a mediator and get some advice quickly as to how to proceed.

and next time, shout 'we want prenupt, we want prenupt', like kanye sez.

Not to threadjack, but I'll do it anyway.  I don't entirely agree with this statement.  It is true of some cheaters; however, not all who have been unfaithful in one relationship will always be unfaithful in subsequent relationships.  I do agree that once a person has cheated in a relationship that they are much more likely to cheat in the same relationship again, unless some drastic changes are made, which is very rare.  However, if the person who was unfaithful is in a relationship in the future with someone and is in all the right circumstances, then s/he is more likely to be faithful.  I do agree with the end result of your advice.  Run.  It will probably happen again.

I say have some sense of self-pride. You don't stick around and let it happen over and over, have some self respect. Get ahold of yourself, and all those related movie phrases.

In Wisconsin, from experience of others and reading up, it doesn't matter who did what. The woman almost always comes out ahead. That's part of the reason I waited almost 3 years to get divorced the first time. She moved out less than a year after getting married, and couldn't hold a job down etc. No way was I gonna file then and get stuck with some liberal judge telling me I gotta pay.

We met today and agreed in principal on who gets what. I offered to try to give her what the initial cost of the house was, but I don't know if I can follow up on that. I can afford the payment, but the tightening credit market might mean I can't get the loan. Anyway, that way she'd get her initial investment back. I am, however, prepared to put my crap in storage and move if need be.
I've agreed to try to do this amicably. I stand to gain nothing by hiring a $2500 retainer lawyer. She made less than  $1000 more than me last year, and has more bills. I told her I want her to pay for the lawyer (only 1 person needs one if everything is uncontested) but that I will hire a good lawyer if I need to. I've got that money in the bank from my accident so at least that's something goin for me ;)

I believe she is at least slightly remorseful about the whole thing - I hope she's losing sleep but who can tell. ( I've pointed out several times what's with the tears? you were make the beast with two backsing around for a couple months and couldn't have felt that bad.)

However that hasn't stopped her from carrying on with him still. Not surprised.


As for her not living in the house....Since she pays the house payment.........I'm going to push for this to get resolved quickly.

Some hours and days are good, some are pretty bad. Like I told a guy at work: Every day I get up out of bed and leave the guns in the cabinet is a step in the right direction. :)


And yeah, some sort of revenge on either/both of them would be nice, but I would be dedicating time to that which would be better spent on me.

That is very good to read.  Live a full and happy life, that's the best form of revenge, IMO. 

Good luck, it will get better.

T

+1.  Right attitude.

I totally agree with this.   BUT, if you don't properly come to grips with all this you'll just be filing it away for a later date.  I know T-Byrd doesn't mean that you should ignore it.  But I think it should be said that you need to deal with the issues that come from this. Especially since it's the second time.  And I would agree with the other comment about talking to a shrink.  The truth is we could all probably benefit from it.  I know I do. 

boomer,

I just wanted you to know that, while it may not happen as often as it should, every once and a while a cheater gets what's coming to them in the most spectacular of ways.

Enjoy:

(audio only, NSFW in the strictest of offices)
http://www.Break.com/index/another-cheating-girlfriend-dumped-hard.html


sac

lol that's awesome
I have a feeling he'd come home from work to find his stuff all tore up for the stunt tho ;)


As for me I'm trying to get thru to the wife that she should sell me the house for 83k. She doesnt' want to since we owe 69, and her initial payment was 83 when buying it. Add in some home improvement stuff  - I think she paid for 1/4 the windows, tankless waterheater, cabinets, dishwasher, oven, fridge) and she thinks she ought to get more. Fair market value is probably right around 100 (says 94 on the tax rolls). So assume it would actually sell for 100 - and in a timely fashion - and her half of that is....*gasp* about 14k! Something just isn't getting through.
There was a slight breakdown in communications when I called her a piece of shit and said if there is a hell she'll be burning in it.

So there's always that.

I've got some money for the down payment, but not quite 10%. these days who knows. But if it came down to making a necessary downpayment via selling the Duc, I don't think I'd do it. Of course, paying 700 to rent an apartment doesn't appeal to me either and wouldn't allow me to save for a house so I dunno. I could get a van and live down by the river!

If you really want the house (and do you really?  Memories and such), then everything else you would have to compromise can be replaced down the road.  If you have to rent a place, remember that it wont be forever.  The market is crap everywhere, you could get a nice place for next to nothing.  And it would be all yours, waiting for new memories to be made.

Sometimes it's worth it to just walk away.  Just some food for thought.  Good luck, you will come out ahead in the long run, regardless of what happens.

T

+1