So, me mum has been a bit of a wreck ever since the old man passed on, though she has been slowly getting better, or as better as one can get. Such is life.
However with the loss of the old man, there are a number of things that she now needs help with, like moving anything heavy, or help finding things like a trustworthy contractor etc.
Me brother, who lives all of ten minutes from her, is of no help. She sold her house, as it was too much for her to maintain. She gave him a chunk of the money. Did he help her move? No.
Does he call her? Check on her? Take her to lunch? No. Nothing. I do more for her around the house. I live in California-she lives in Massachusetts. This makes for a rough commute.
He called to pregnant dog that she was always asking for help. I asked what the last thing he did for her actually was, which was to pick her up from the airport from when she came to visit me. He took two hours out of his busy life to pick his mother up in the $30K+ truck she bought him. That would have been a little over three months ago. I can't tell you how impressed I am.
Not too long ago, apparently, she got tired of this-being treated like an ATM but getting no kindness or thanks, or much of anything, and cut him off. This is a tragedy in his life as he and his wife have never figured out how to spend less than they make, and will most likely be in severe trouble in the next five years. I give him about three before he faces losing his house.
Him and I, through some screwball deal, own a different house together. He wrote to me fairly frantic, wanting me to buy him out, except he also wanted use of the house after the fact. I suggested he cram it with a pool cue. (I did not know he was cut off at this time).
She then contacted me to tell me what was going on, and that she wants to make me trustee to his share of the estate. She won't tell him he's being left out of the inheritance, either. She doesn't want to have that fight. This is going to be a surprise to him, apparently.
She wants to make sure I take care of her grandkids (my niece and nephew) and keep his from frittering it away. I agreed.
I imagine he'll hate me.
I need a drink.
Quote from: MrIncredible on March 28, 2010, 12:03:36 PMI imagine he'll hate me.
I imagine he'll contest the will.
Although hopefully you wont have to deal with that issue for a very long time to come.
Quote from: ungeheuer on March 28, 2010, 12:08:47 PM
I imagine he'll contest the will.
Although hopefully you wont have to deal with that issue for a very long time to come.
Meh.
He's never been a match for me.
Do you mind him hating you?
Ha!
My dad died a poor man while his brother and sister blew through 2.2 million dollars after my grandfather died. My aunt (I call her pregnant dog) was in charge of the estate and cut my dad right out. My grandfather had alzheimer's at the end and had no idea what was going on.
My aunt ( pregnant dog) bought a new house and cars. My uncle ( freeloader) bought a house and a liquor store. Now he can drink his pathetic ass into the grave. They didn't even have the decency to send a card or show up at my dads funeral.
So... I feel your pain
This is a wonderful thread...I am honestly glad for you that your mother came to her senses,, [clap]
I am also sorry for you that you will be saddled with the vultures
but you will do what is right
I no longer deal with remaining family...
father died broke, broken and drunk
mom is an 85 year-old lifetime/career prescription junkie who makes William S. Burroughs seem wholesome
2 brothers are both deadbeats
only decent sister checked herself out at age 30
the other 2 sisters...well one is a crackhead and the other a prematurely bitter spinster
no holiday gatherings with them [thumbsup]
I have more than my fair share of drama and oddness as well, so I feel for you.
Quote from: ducpainter on March 28, 2010, 12:15:28 PM
Do you mind him hating you?
Only that it inconveniences me in my dealings with him.
My annoyance is more that he's upset me mum-she doesn't ask for much.
Quote from: MrIncredible on March 28, 2010, 01:00:38 PM
Only that it inconveniences me in my dealings with him.
My annoyance is more that he's upset me mum-she doesn't ask for much.
My brother leeched off my mom for years before she died. She'd complain about it every time I talked to her. He thinks he's a prince.
Now he's leeching off his brothers. [bang]
Good luck with it.
Quote from: MrIncredible on March 28, 2010, 01:00:38 PM
Only that it inconveniences me in my dealings with him.
My annoyance is more that he's upset me mum-she doesn't ask for much.
The bigger question...what's with the British accent?
I guess I'm lucky. While there was plenty of reason for the train to come off the rails, my immediate family is mostly normal, we all get along and like each other. The extended family gets a bit sketchy, but that's just fodder for conversation over the Thanksgiving table. ;D
Quote from: ungeheuer on March 28, 2010, 12:08:47 PM
I imagine he'll contest the will.
Although hopefully you wont have to deal with that issue for a very long time to come.
How does that work? I don't know anything about the inheritance system. Why do "we" get to change what the deceased wanted?
Quote from: erkishhorde on March 28, 2010, 03:12:19 PM
How does that work? I don't know anything about the inheritance system. Why do "we" get to change what the deceased wanted?
Because there are lawyers...
and judges that will listen to the bullshit.
Wills are great. My grandmother left different properties to each of her grandchildren... but my cousin was getting divorced at the time, and refuses to accept the property as she doesn't want her ex to get any of it... so it goes into perpetuity and eventualy the gov'ment will own it... then the other properties are in various states of disrepair and the family is fighting over clean up costs and what not.... finally, you have the hospice bills and such that need to be paid for, and nobody wants to sell their property to pay for the grandmothers debts... total mess... good luck with it all.
Quote from: Dan on March 28, 2010, 02:22:29 PM
I guess I'm lucky......... my immediate family is mostly normal, we all get along and like each other........ ;D
I believe we were working under the Father Knows Best/Leave It To Beaver model
but something got a little tweaked in the translation and execution of the script :D
oh and
never EVER take a dispute over executor designation into the courts for settlement...
they will assign an "Independent Law Firm" to administer (plunder) the estate assets as the "executor"
The Law Firm will be connected to the in-power political party ...you will never overturn it
and you will sit on the sidelines and watch all the wonderful ways they work-over the "plum"
and if you see the malfeasance and try to take it to court...
well guess what judge will be hearing your impotent bleatings?
don't ask me how I know the play here
Quote from: lethe on March 28, 2010, 01:09:07 PM
The bigger question...what's with the British accent?
Side effect of the liquor. ;)
Wow. Despite my monday-morning funk brought on by personal shit this weekend...
You-all have managed to put a smile on my face! Thanks! My family has all passed on leaving me and my siblings alone without all this drama and petty BS. :)
I have no issues with my siblings. My 2 brothers and I moved from the island and are not dependent on hand-outs. My 2 sisters are still there but have decent to highly paying jobs, so they are not sucking my mom and grandparents dry. The worst is that they ask my 89 year old grandma to baby-sit my 4 year old niece, but they both seem to enjoy this arrangement.
Sorry, Mr. I. Sounds like a load of crap. Any chance of moving mom out to CA?
I'm pretty lucky I guess. My Pops is cool. Bro is cool. Mom was nutty as fruit cake since I was a wee one and i haven't spoken to her for years. Plus none of us has any wealth to speak of so it won't turn into a pregnant dog fest when one of us dies.
My wife's family on the other hand [roll] But they stopped talking to me about 8 months ago so . . . [thumbsup]
sac
Quote from: SacDuc on March 29, 2010, 06:36:32 AM
Sorry, Mr. I. Sounds like a load of crap. Any chance of moving mom out to CA?
It's in process. Been working like a dog to get it done.
I strongly recommended to both my parents and in-laws to use all their money. Just leave us enough to bury them.
This sort of thing isn't fair at all, but the fact is that the responsible people get more responsibility heaped upon them.
Yes, it'll probably be very unpleasant when the brother learns his inheritance is in trust and you're the trustee. Just think of it as one more very important thing you need to do for your mom.
My brother and I get along pretty well, but I've still told my parents that my hope is that they'll spend their last dollar before they die. Neither one of us has a great need for inheritance and I'd prefer that my parents enjoy the fruits of their labors.
The fight, and there will certainly be one, will be over who has to clear out my dad's lifetime accumulation of junk and treasures. There is more than enough of each, and they're very hard to tell apart. My brother has rejected my suggestion of "you do it and keep everything you want."
Quote from: mstevens on March 29, 2010, 07:35:13 AM
The fight, and there will certainly be one, will be over who has to clear out my dad's lifetime accumulation of junk and treasures. There is more than enough of each, and they're very hard to tell apart. My brother has rejected my suggestion of "you do it and keep everything you want."
i had to do thisfor my parents.
allt he crap they moved into storage befor ethey got divorced was sorted out by me. if it had no apparent value ro the sentimental value wasn't high enough it got pitched or donated. the stuff that couldn't be donated was either used for firewood or was trashed. somehow i still wound up with a unch of their crap in my apt. :-\
one sister still claims i threw her stuff away just to be a dick. she's only partially correct.
Funny, I have the opposite problem.
My sister(Only other surviving sibling) moved out to Vermont, then San Diego, and won't lift a finger to help my parents, leaving it all for me to take care of. I drive up an average of once a month and spend a weekend doing their "chores".
My Dad was just hospitalized with pneumonia 3 weeks ago, and spent 4 days in ICU. I went up and stayed with Mom, and visited him daily. My mom called my sister, and told her he was in bad shape. I think she called once, a few days later, to see if he was released yet, and ask for "some help with the mortgage". Since she bought her house for $750k just as the economy tanked, and her asshole husband lost his maintenance job the calls seem to arrive once a month.
OTOH, I do love my sister, and she is generally good people, just with less than stellar taste in husbands, and I wish she lived closer so she could share some of the joy.
My parents are both enjoying their retirement(Except for the pneumonia,) and I'll be not at all upset if they don't die until the money runs out.