Okay, so I noticed that there are several TOSATs (The Official Say Anything Threads), a NOGAS (No One Gives A Shit), and a couple Bullshit Threads.
Why not a NOSHIT Thread?
You can post your outrageous stories that everybody always says Bullshit and you respond with No Shit.
I don't really have any of my own that outrageous but may end up posting a couple of antecdotes that the wife tells to family and friends about my past foibles.
Oh yeah, if the story is bullshit then please post in the appropriate thread. ;D
An airplane can take off from a treadmill.
I jerked off one day and put my eye out.
Dolph :)
[laugh] Basterds.
Okay 13, I accept that one.
Dolph, I won't disagree. If you say so.
Here's one of mine.
Almost ten years ago I used to work at Fort Myer and lived at Fort Belvoir. My wife was going out to some interviews at some local ophthalmic offices and I tagged along for the day. I went into the office and waited in the waiting room while she was in for her interview at a nice family run office. After her interview she asked me in to introduce me to the doctor's daughter who worked the front desk. They seemed like a very nice Catholic Family.
When I walked in I noticed that the girl had what looked to me like toner on her forehead. I'm a techie and am used to seeing people get toner all over when changing out the cartridges in their printers. I stared at the smudge for a few seconds and it was really getting on my nerves so I thought that she would appreciate someone pointing it out.
At this point my wife explains the story to family and friends that she knew exactly what I was thinking and what I was going to do but was frozen in place and couldn't move or say anything. She says that what followed she saw in slow motion.
I stepped forward and said that she appeared to have toner on her forehead and promptly wiped it off for her thinking how nice she must be thinking I am to notice and fix it for her.
She seemed a little stunned and stated that she was Catholic and it was Ash Wednesday. Without missing a step I simply stated that I was Catholic too with a smile then it dawned on me what I had done.
I looked over at my wife and she must have been three shades of red.
She never fails to love telling that story to anyone who hasn't heard it already. Back then she was fit to be tied, now she laughs hysterically whenever telling it.
I once jumped the Grand Canyon on horseback.
Quote from: The Dude on June 02, 2010, 12:25:40 AM
I once jumped the Grand Canyon on horseback.
I'm pretty certain I can call bullshit on that one which would mean you've posted in the wrong thread. [leo] :'(
Quote from: Mojo S2R on June 02, 2010, 12:18:07 AM
Here's one of mine.
Almost ten years ago I used to work at Fort Myer and lived at Fort Belvoir. My wife was going out to some interviews at some local ophthalmic offices and I tagged along for the day. I went into the office and waited in the waiting room while she was in for her interview at a nice family run office. After her interview she asked me in to introduce me to the doctor's daughter who worked the front desk. They seemed like a very nice Catholic Family.
When I walked in I noticed that the girl had what looked to me like toner on her forehead. I'm a techie and am used to seeing people get toner all over when changing out the cartridges in their printers. I stared at the smudge for a few seconds and it was really getting on my nerves so I thought that she would appreciate someone pointing it out.
At this point my wife explains the story to family and friends that she knew exactly what I was thinking and what I was going to do but was frozen in place and couldn't move or say anything. She says that what followed she saw in slow motion.
I stepped forward and said that she appeared to have toner on her forehead and promptly wiped it off for her thinking how nice she must be thinking I am to notice and fix it for her.
She seemed a little stunned and stated that she was Catholic and it was Ash Wednesday. Without missing a step I simply stated that I was Catholic too with a smile then it dawned on me what I had done.
I looked over at my wife and she must have been three shades of red.
She never fails to love telling that story to anyone who hasn't heard it already. Back then she was fit to be tied, now she laughs hysterically whenever telling it.
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
stun guns and sex just don't mix....I'll have to type it out later and give you the whole story...
indeed you will
It's been 5 hours zooom, let's go!
I kicked a dent into a driverside door and knocked off the mirror when a car came from the right lane into mine to pass someone. Not a pretty scene.
Well, I pointed him off the road, we stopped and he wasnt real happy I had kicked him. It was life or death, seriously. I explained that MY foot was in MY lane. I didnt kick him, he hit my foot with his car.
Turns out hes a firefighter for my city, and my cousin is his lieutenant [leo]
okay...no shit, there I was....
This was back when I was in my animalistic prime of angst and youth and prettyness and all that comes swirling in on an early twentysomething finding his way in the world. I was hanging out in the Goth & Industrial clubs and hanging with fringe fetish crowds of non-mainstream individuals, most of whom could concisely tell you why they like what they like and do what they do in an intelligent manner. This was back when sexual deviantcy outside of homosexuality was still pretty hush to the mainstream public eye and an 18-25 y.o. male who would engage in these realms did so because it was either a challenge of something that hadn't been done by them before or something they REALLY liked.
So here I am at the club decked out in glorious fashion as usual and dancing my butt off and having my own good ole time. I was social and flirty with all that peaked interest, but engaged into more only with having found a level of similar wants. Life was good and I had my fair share of fun. One night I found an intriguing target for my affection, whom I traded drinks and witty banter with and a certain level of exchanged physical flirtation to confirm that we were both of the same thinking. We agree to head out to go an engage in further transgressions of the the flesh. As we get in the car, she tells me that she likes a little bit of pain, to which I think "no problem" and pass it off in bravado in response to her.
We get to the bedroom, and to pass through all the sorded details to cut to the chase, she has been given much attention for her pleasure only to achieve a mild state of arousal. Now, I happen to have had my small bag of stuff at the base of the bed which had all manner of items contained within. One of them also happened to be my stun-gun. I am not sure how many amps or volts this thing put out( and I still have it somewhere, so I could look and see) but suffice it to say, it would very easily get even the drunkest persons attention real quick ( as realized at a few parties). When I came to realize that my physical attempts were not doing what I had set out for them to do, I quickly thought of what else I could do to satiate my partner. So in a quick moment of action I pull out, and reach down and grab the stunner and apply it directly to her genitals and lit her up.
It was that exact moment that epiphany came to me. She was instantly pleasured to the fullest and my physicality did little to enduce this state of elation for her. It was the point of extremity that brought her to her point of pleasure beyond that challenge level of where I would normally go. I then said to myself "if it takes voltage to get her off, my dick ain't doin' shit" and I promptly redressed and gathered my stuff and rolled out.
so I said sex and stun-guns don't mix and I was a little misleading with that ( and sorry I took so long as I am solo at work and a lil bit busy and not feelin exactly well)....but that is my story from back in the day.... I am sure I can come out with some equally, if not moreso, colorful stories from back in the day that start in that moment of "no shit, there I was"....
Quote from: Mojo S2R on June 02, 2010, 12:34:34 AM
I'm pretty certain I can call bullshit on that one which would mean you've posted in the wrong thread. [leo] :'(
Hey, you weren't there!
No shit.. there I was in my room doing nothing on a nice summer day.. which is unexpected for 16yr old.. all of a sudden the phone (landline) rings.. I calmy greeted whoever on the other line with a "watsup".. its my boy j who quickly states.. "yo son, wanna get some head".. imidiatly I say in a worried tone, "wat"? He then replies, "we got this chicken head over here, tolder we are part of a gang," (we're all from the same 2block radious and hung out day n night).. I continued him with an "ahuh".. "we told her if she wants to be down she gotta blow us and that your the leader of the crew (which I basically was) and she deff gotta blow you".. 5 seconds after he hangs up I'm knocking on his door a block away.. so here's this young fine thing, 17 yrs old and ready to get down.. all said n then she had to swallow if she wanted in...
Quote from: cokey on June 02, 2010, 02:04:27 PM
No shit.. there I was in my room doing nothing on a nice summer day.. which is unexpected for 16yr old.. all of a sudden the phone (landline) rings.. I calmy greeted whoever on the other line with a "watsup".. its my boy j who quickly states.. "yo son, wanna get some head".. imidiatly I say in a worried tone, "wat"? He then replies, "we got this chicken head over here, tolder we are part of a gang," (we're all from the same 2block radious and hung out day n night).. I continued him with an "ahuh".. "we told her if she wants to be down she gotta blow us and that your the leader of the crew (which I basically was) and she deff gotta blow you".. 5 seconds after he hangs up I'm knocking on his door a block away.. so here's this young fine thing, 17 yrs old and ready to get down.. all said n then she had to swallow if she wanted in...
I think BS.
Dolph [evil]
Quote from: zooom on June 02, 2010, 10:25:26 AM
okay...no shit, there I was....
This was back when I was in my animalistic prime of angst and youth and prettyness and all that comes swirling in on an early twentysomething finding his way in the world. I was hanging out in the Goth & Industrial clubs and hanging with fringe fetish crowds of non-mainstream individuals, most of whom could concisely tell you why they like what they like and do what they do in an intelligent manner. This was back when sexual deviantcy outside of homosexuality was still pretty hush to the mainstream public eye and an 18-25 y.o. male who would engage in these realms did so because it was either a challenge of something that hadn't been done by them before or something they REALLY liked.
So here I am at the club decked out in glorious fashion as usual and dancing my butt off and having my own good ole time. I was social and flirty with all that peaked interest, but engaged into more only with having found a level of similar wants. Life was good and I had my fair share of fun. One night I found an intriguing target for my affection, whom I traded drinks and witty banter with and a certain level of exchanged physical flirtation to confirm that we were both of the same thinking. We agree to head out to go an engage in further transgressions of the the flesh. As we get in the car, she tells me that she likes a little bit of pain, to which I think "no problem" and pass it off in bravado in response to her.
We get to the bedroom, and to pass through all the sorded details to cut to the chase, she has been given much attention for her pleasure only to achieve a mild state of arousal. Now, I happen to have had my small bag of stuff at the base of the bed which had all manner of items contained within. One of them also happened to be my stun-gun. I am not sure how many amps or volts this thing put out( and I still have it somewhere, so I could look and see) but suffice it to say, it would very easily get even the drunkest persons attention real quick ( as realized at a few parties). When I came to realize that my physical attempts were not doing what I had set out for them to do, I quickly thought of what else I could do to satiate my partner. So in a quick moment of action I pull out, and reach down and grab the stunner and apply it directly to her genitals and lit her up.
It was that exact moment that epiphany came to me. She was instantly pleasured to the fullest and my physicality did little to enduce this state of elation for her. It was the point of extremity that brought her to her point of pleasure beyond that challenge level of where I would normally go. I then said to myself "if it takes voltage to get her off, my dick ain't doin' shit" and I promptly redressed and gathered my stuff and rolled out.
so I said sex and stun-guns don't mix and I was a little misleading with that ( and sorry I took so long as I am solo at work and a lil bit busy and not feelin exactly well)....but that is my story from back in the day.... I am sure I can come out with some equally, if not moreso, colorful stories from back in the day that start in that moment of "no shit, there I was"....
zooom wins.
Might as well shut the thread down now.
I passed Rossi on the inside at the corkscrew
(http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t180/bobspapa/photome.jpg?t=1275536454)
photographic proof
Quote from: Monsterlover on June 02, 2010, 05:45:52 PM
zooom wins.
Might as well shut the thread down now.
No shit! Wow :o There's just no pleasing that one. Well... no, I guess there is. [clap]
Quote from: Mojo S2R on June 02, 2010, 12:18:07 AM
Here's one of mine.
Almost ten years ago I used to work at Fort Myer and lived at Fort Belvoir. My wife was going out to some interviews at some local ophthalmic offices and I tagged along for the day. I went into the office and waited in the waiting room while she was in for her interview at a nice family run office. After her interview she asked me in to introduce me to the doctor's daughter who worked the front desk. They seemed like a very nice Catholic Family.
When I walked in I noticed that the girl had what looked to me like toner on her forehead. I'm a techie and am used to seeing people get toner all over when changing out the cartridges in their printers. I stared at the smudge for a few seconds and it was really getting on my nerves so I thought that she would appreciate someone pointing it out.
At this point my wife explains the story to family and friends that she knew exactly what I was thinking and what I was going to do but was frozen in place and couldn't move or say anything. She says that what followed she saw in slow motion.
I stepped forward and said that she appeared to have toner on her forehead and promptly wiped it off for her thinking how nice she must be thinking I am to notice and fix it for her.
She seemed a little stunned and stated that she was Catholic and it was Ash Wednesday. Without missing a step I simply stated that I was Catholic too with a smile then it dawned on me what I had done.
I looked over at my wife and she must have been three shades of red.
She never fails to love telling that story to anyone who hasn't heard it already. Back then she was fit to be tied, now she laughs hysterically whenever telling it.
I had a similar experience actually, except I just asked naively, "What up the f---ing dirt on your forehead?" I come from a VERY protestant area (100+ Churches, 1 of which was Catholic) and I'd never seen such a thing. My co-worker was less than amused.
Quote from: superjohn on June 03, 2010, 02:09:36 AM
I had a similar experience actually, except I just asked naively, "What up the f---ing dirt on your forehead?" I come from a VERY protestant area (100+ Churches, 1 of which was Catholic) and I'd never seen such a thing. My co-worker was less than amused.
Yeah, but you had an excuse. I was raised Roman Catholic (no longer really practicing) and then stated that I was Catholic like the idiot I was and should have known better.