Ducati Monster Forum

I know this might be a sobering subject, and possibly taboo, but I need some help from the community in order to get an idea of what to do next.

This past weekend, I had lost a good buddy in a bike accident. Apparently, he was riding up state NY on his 999, entered a corner, misjudged, and didn't make it out the other side alive. I can't even begin to express the feeling of not only losing my friend, but HOW I had lost him. We had both gotten our motorcycle licenses around the same time, me only a month or so earlier. Actually, I think I even helped to slightly motivate him to get his license once he knew I had done it and bought a Monster. I just can't stop playing those early conversations in my head. And I know I am not responsible for what has happened, but I just can't stop thinking about. On top of it all, I had seen him a couple weeks ago and we spoke about the importance of riding with protective gear, no matter what. And he was a firm believer of this, considering it was about 90 degrees outside that day, and he was in full leather. And yes, he was in full gear when he passed, but apparently it was so violent...well, you get the picture.

Then I get a call from our mutual friend on Monday, which started out with the dreaded, "I'm not sure if you had heard, but we lost...". I felt sick to my stomach.

So here is where my twisted head is right now:
I'm shocked. I'm scared. I'm freaked out. I'm sad. All those emotions happening at the same time.

And I am now at a place where I can't decide if I should continue riding. I understand the danger every time I hop in the saddle. I am sure everyone thinks/knows the possibilities every time they head out. However, when it's this close to home and fresh in the mind, how can you ignore it? The problem is, I love to ride.

The thing that keeps running in my head, which is helping me consider "riding on", is the fact that my buddy died because of the situation he put himself in. I know that's a selfish way of looking at it, but I feel it's true. He has only been riding for a couple years (but did have a lot of miles under him). He had a Monster 900 for about six months, then jumped right into a 999 which I thought wasn't the best move, considering he was a novice rider, at best. Was he going too fast into that turn? Probably. Did someone pull out in front of him? No. Did he hit some sand or something in the road? No. It was in his control. So I just keep telling myself, "I know I don't ride like that".

I do everything to not put myself in that situation. But you just never know what could happen. So my question is this: Who has been in this situation before? How did you handle? Do you know someone who may have been in my situation and how did they handle it?

I'm not asking for anyone to tell me what to do, just trying to see how others have dealt with a tragedy like this, so I can decide what is best for me.

And everyone, please, RIDE SAFE. Those words have an even greater meaning to me now.

Sorry about your loss.  :(  RIP.  Never been anywhere close to your situation but am positive others here will be able to provide advice and insight.

Had a buddy go on a corner that I drive everyday.  I tried to avoid the corner for a long time but finally realised that I was trying to avoid remembering/reminding that my buddy was gone.   Take a step back cherish your life and the memory of your friends.  Some would continue to ride in memory of the fallen, some would chose to stop ridding.  There is no right/wrong answer just what feels best to you. 

Best of luck! 

Sorry about your friend.  :(

I've lost two friends over the years to bike accidents. Their memory always made me that much more paranoid about the dangers, and made me a much more conscious rider.

That said, my own incident with The Deer last September has taken a lot of the fun out of riding for me. My neck and upper back haven't been the same since, and probably never will be. I've seriously thought about hanging it up (especially after my recent convertible purchase) and now ride only on perfect days, never at night. I've put on about half the miles I normally do during this season.

You have to do what feels right for you...

Sorry about your bro.

This is a question only you can answer.

Two things to tell ya:
#1. My condolences.

#2. +1 to the quoted statement above.

sorry to hear about your friend

the immediacy of the situation and the emotion of losing a friend will affect your decision if you make it now.

take some time, you will be able to decide your future with riding later with less emotion and more thought.

My condolences  :(

Having had the displeasure of loosing two friends on the same road a couple of months apart I can attest to how you feel.  Your choice to continue riding or not but know that your friend died doing something he loved to do.  Not something many people do.

RIP

Sorry for your loss.  I reckon that you will go through a range of emotions in the coming weeks/months.  Everyone does when they experience a loss of some kind.  I would just say that you don't have to decide whether or not to ride anymore anytime soon.  Take some time before you make any big decisions.  If your bike sits in the garage for a while, so be it.  Only you can decide to ride or not.  My condolences go out to his family and friends.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.  I have not lost anyone close to me riding, but my brother is in wheelchair with no movement below his chest because of a motorcycle accident.  I stopped riding for more than four years after.  I never sold my bike though.  It just sat in storage, in part because I couldn't face selling it and in part because I wasn't ready to give up riding entirely.  I told myself that motorcycle riding wasn't going anywhere.  It was something I liked doing, but not something I couldn't live without.  I told myself that if I ever wanted to (or needed to), I could just pick it up again.  Initially, I was ok without riding.  But as time passed, there was an itch that grew and grew and grew.  I wanted to ride.  I needed to ride.  I pulled the old bike out of storage and got it running.  I rode it for a week just to check.  From then I knew that I needed to ride.  I bought my first monster the next week.

There's nothing wrong with taking some time off if you feel need it.  Your bike will still love you.  There have been a few other times where I've taken a few months off after a crash just to get my head right or to get over being freaked out.  Each time, it's the urge to ride that draws me back in.  But being freaked out is a normal response.  It's important to let it sort itself out. 

So give yourself some time off the bike if you feel like you need it.  That time off may stretch into months or years or forever.  Or it may pass.  Like I said, motorcycle riding isn't going anywhere.

Thanks all for the advice. It's very much appreciated. Ultimatly, i know i need to decide what's best for me, but it's comforting to know I am not alone. The situation is tough enough as it is, so some kind words and seasoned insight is going a long way.

I'm going to take a bit of time off and regroup. Then decide what's the next move.

Thanks again everyone.

My sympathy to your friend's family and to you on his loss. I too have lost several friends over the years. This year is my 45th year of riding, it's too late for me to stop now. Even my bad accident (read: animal attack) in 2007 hasn't stopped me. Yes, it's slowed me down due to neck and upper back pain. But I have never seriously considered hanging up the helmet. Especailly due to the loss of my friends. They wouldn't want me to, I'm sure of that in my heart.

This is a very personal issue. How you handle it will make it's self apparent in due course. The loss of my friends has never made me freak out, all I have ever felt was the sense of loss and sorrow for their families and myself. Everyone handles these things differently. No matter if it's by bike accident or illness. The loss of a friend or family member is just that... a terrible loss.

Enjoy your time on the bike, I'm sure that's what your friend would want you to do. [thumbsup] [moto]

Spidey, you're the man. Thanks.

Very sorry for your loss.   :'(

First off, let me say sorry for your loss. All of us who ride have thoughts that at some point that this could happen to us. We know the dangers, some of us better than others yet we still continue to ride. At any given moment we can be taken out of the game. You will make the right decision when the time is right and no one will fault you.

Im sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss.  I lost a friend the same way last year in September.  He wasn't as close to me as your situation sounds, but same scenario - 2 years on a bike, all the right gear, but over road the roads often.

 I had the same thoughts you are having.  I am still riding, though a lot less now-a-days due to a lot of things, like kids, other hobbies, etc., but he is part of it too.

Good luck finding your happy medium.

mitt

sorry for your lost, it can wreck hell on your mind im sure.

i had a friend recently get nailed by a car and ended up slamming into a parked car. 3 weeks in the hospital and he just got out wednesday night.

Even something small like that weighs on your head let alone the passing of a close friend. You really need to decide what helps you feel better at night. In the end everyone makes their own bed, its up to you how you want to.

But whatever you do, its the right choice.

I am very sorry to hear this.

Loosing someone close , family or friend is devastating at first.

Your feelings are quite normal.

I have survived 2 crashes that could have very well killed ME.

I have no reservations about getting back on my bikes but I hope I learned some thing from each crash that will help me not repeat and crash for those reasons.

I have dodged death many times I feel due to the speed I ride on the roads that I ride.

I guess my thoughts are I'm going to die some way ...might as well be doing something I love to do.

I'm pretty well busted up from those 2 crashes and don't have many years left to ride due to my age and health.

I hope to enjoy what years I have left and to be able to retire my Helmets at as old an age as possible.

If you are younger than 40 , you have lots of time to ride ...even if you cool it for a while.

If you are over 60...well you might want to get back on that bike and ride ,...life is short !

Dolph

A few years ago, a family friend of ours lost a child.  They went swimming and their little boy aspirated water -- choked -- while swimming.  He stopped coughing and everything seemed fine.  That night, after he went to bed he drowned in his sleep.  Water still in his lungs.

It pains me to type that even now.  Loss is the worst feeling you can have, bar none.  Nothing will hit you more than losing someone.

I think about that every time we go to the pool and my little boy is in the water.  It sickens me.  As a parent, you obsess about it. 

But freak accidents happen.  Some activities are more risky than others.  Motorsports are always at the top of the list -- but it's not motorcycles, knives or even guns that kill more kids every year -- it's pools and OTC drugs.

You have to go thru the loss in your own way, use your resources, rely on your friends and family. 

I'm past 40 and I still cry some when I think about my dad dying.  He's been gone now for almost 8 years and it still burns.  Same with that little boy.  They were friends, we thought our kids would grow up together.  It burns.  It never stops.  You just learn to live with it, and you will learn. 

Stop biking? Maybe give it a rest for a while.  It's gonna remind you of your friend every time and it will burn.  But on the other hand, is that what he would have wanted you to do?  Maybe that's not the right question now.  But it is relevant.

Just give it time.

Sorry for your loss.  It happens once and awhile, and it's nothing we are ever prepared for.  I have lost a few riding friends in my life, one of which I introduced into motorcycling.  

The decision to keep riding is totally up to you.  Take a break for awhile if you arn't feeling it.  Remember the good parts, leave out the bad.  It's the only thing (in the end) that we take with us.

If you continue to ride in the future, let the loss be a reminder that it isn't the worlds safest sport, that things can happen at anytime, and let that be a guide for life in all aspects.

 [thumbsup]

Ducatiz, it's been 5 years since I lost my father.  I'm glad I'm not the only one that still gets choked up about it (I'm 32).  Even worse is he never got the chance to meet my son, and I have soooo many questions.

Anyway, getting away from the OP, and starting to show a glimmer of emotion.  I'm out.....

I too am sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad 5 years ago and stopped flying giant scale r/c stuntplanes because he and I did it for 25 years, even took week long vacations every year to an event called the Joe Nall memorial fly in.  He was a Baptist preacher, and as such you could imagine that I am a Christian as well.  Even though I know we will meet again..... I miss the heck out of him right now. 

My dad got me into motorcycling when I was 5 years old, and we took trips together on his bike with just some clothes and a tent!  Man those were fun....  and I still ride.

You will get back to it or you won't.  Your decision as others have said...  just don't sell your bike without letting some time pass.

I am sure I will do r/c again, but I have too much fun on my motorcycles and there is only so much time in the day.

God Bless his family also. 

Very sorry to hear about your loss.  I know you feel partially responsible but you should NOT beat yourself up too badly.  The worst thing you can do is react and make decisions with all these emotions running thru you.  Give it some time to clear you head.  You will know what is the best for you.

EDIT: Adding the NOT

I've lost two friends to moto accidents. I take comfort in knowing they went out doing something they loved. No thoughts about hanging it up though. We're here for a good time, not a long time.

I am sorry you are going through this...

I hope your friend went quickly...sometimes there are worse things than dying

you will work your way through this...you'll just have to give time some time

it sucks, loss like this is a lonely trek down a rough patch of road..

we all have walked it at one time or another

Condolences.  Tragedy strikes us all at some point in our lives.  I was taught early on that life is what you make of it and the biggest tragedy of all is never living one.  I hope you reconcile your guilt and understand that most likely he passed enjoying his life as we all should one day.

As others have said I also offer my condolences.  I have never lost a friend through motorcycling but have some come through pretty messed up after some bad crashes.  I have, however, lost lots of friends through hang gliding and skydiving accidents. A couple of times I have even had to call their parents to let them know what happened.  You talk about tough, I can almost still cry over those times.

This is a total personal call. Only you can decide. I didn't stop flying because of those accidents but rather I internalized whatever lesson I could learn from them to make myself a better pilot, jumper & rider. Sometimes there is no telling. You can go through a corner just as hot as the guy in front of you or behind you and they go down but you don't. You just don't know. If you can shake it off then great. No will think any worse of you. If you can't shake it off then that's fine too and actually no one will think any worse of you either.

I haven't lost anyone to riding, and hope i never do. Condolences friend, I hope you figure everything out.

+1 to Spidey's comments. Take some time off, it's not good to ride with a clouded mind. The bike will be there when you're ready. The thing about a hobby is that it's supposed to be enjoyed. If the circumstances prevent you from enjoying your hobby, then don't bother.

Take a break, get back to it when you're ready.

We're also all here if you need us.

Very sorry for your loss... May he RIP...

Take some time, only you can decide...

Eventually (in my experiences) the good times had memory's remain, as the others fade away...

V/R,
Nick

Sorry for your loss.
just make sure your head is clear when you decide to get back on the bike.
Last thing you need to do is playback in your head what happened to your friend while you are on two wheels. Take your time and like spidey said riding isnt going anywhere.

My condolences to you and his family....may he RIP

You will have plenty of time to think this over, there's really no need to make a decision right now during your grieving period.

Very sorry for your loss ...
I have never loss a friend to a motorcycle accident & pray to god not to experience one ..... Couldn't help much here but I'm quite sure that you'll get over it soon. Best of luck.

I hopped on the bike for the first time in a while today. Needed to see where my head was at. I think it's screwed on straight (for the most part), and I've decided to continue riding for a number of reasons. One being, i think my buddy would have wanted me too. I don't think he would have been cool with me packing it up for a mistake he made.

However i ride with a new sense of respect for the bike and those of us that ride.

Thank you to everyone on this board that provided some much needed advice/thoughts/guidance/opinions/condolences. It truly helped me figure out what would be best for me. And for those that have been in a similar situation, much respect.

Ride safe, everyone.
-theo