So my dad calls me monday night to inform me his mother died.
I tried to act sad, but I don't think I sold it.
I haven't even seen her since 1999.
She barely ever acknowledged me growing up, we were the "snobby" grandkids... not welfare rats like all of my cousins.
Never called her grandma and always referred to her as my dad's mom.
To top it off I've been asked by my dad to be a pallbearer. So much for skipping this one.
I even tried to get my boss to schedule work for me that was as far from home as I could get.
The only reason I'm even going to the funeral or am acting as a pallbearer is for my dad's sake.
That is all!
Sorry to say..sounds like she gets what she deserved. I don't want to be disrespectful to your or your grandma by saying that but if she never acknowledged you..of course that's going to leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Looking at it from the other side though..did you ever go out of your way to get to know her? How old was she? How was her memory? What did she have going on in her life? How was her relationship with your dad?
Suck it up..go to the funeral. Maybe after all this..you'll learn something that may change your opinions of her.
Quote from: Rev. Millertime on October 13, 2010, 09:12:51 PM
The only reason I'm even going to the funeral or am acting as a pallbearer is for my dad's sake.
That is all that should matter. Do it for you father. (unless there are issues there as well)
Sounds like you figured out what to do. IMO, funerals are for the living.
This is also a good time to forgive your Dad's Mom and move on.
Do it for your father if for no other reason
my son will be in your shoes when it comes to my mother
but I will have the decency to not bother asking him to come,
heck I am not sure I will even bother to show up
I was invisible my entire life.... so were my children (and not for lack of them trying)...birthday cards? graduations, births?...nah...we weren't on the radar
but look at the irony of it...
you finally do get to show up
to help dispose of the old bat
and it might be an opportunity to grill your father on the how's and why's of her being a non-entity in your life
Quote from: RAT900 on October 13, 2010, 10:53:06 PM
Do it for your father if for no other reason
my son will be in your shoes when it comes to my mother
but I will have the decency to not bother asking him to come,
heck I am not sure I will even bother to show up
I was invisible my entire life.... so were my children (and not for lack of them trying)...birthday cards? graduations, births?...nah...we weren't on the radar
but look at the irony of it...
you finally do get to show up
to help dispose of the old bat
and it might be an opportunity to grill your father on the how's and why's of her being a non-entity in your life
Exactly. [thumbsup]
Ding Dong the witch is dead.
it does sound like you're going to do the right thing :)
like howie said... funerals are for the living
look at it this way, there is no reason to really dreg up stuff at the funeral.
so the person didn't acknowledge you, it happens, and now you have to literally carry the body, view it this way, its like you are just going as a funiture mover.
no reason to do or say anything more than that if you don't want to at the funeral. afterall furniture movers dont come to your house when moving and suddenly start critiquing why are moving, why you bought this or that furniture etc.
I have solidarity with you on this. When my dad's mom died, he called me to tell me about the funeral for the first time about 2 hours before the event (I live about 1 hour away from him). We're not ultra-orthodox anythings, he just forgot to mention it. I had a bunch of people over and did not feel I could leave. She had died a week earlier, but it wasn't important for anyone to let me know about the arrangements as they were made. I feel kinda shitty for leaving my dad hanging, but I feel less shitty in that I can rationalize why and was upfront about it. I really didn't want to sit around with the religious relatives and watch a slide show while hymns played in the background -- life is for the living and I didn't need that funeral to go on with things. My cousins did.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
There's two sides to every story......maybe she thought you were a pain in the ass.
Just sayin.