Fess up. What is the worst gift you ever got? Birthday, Christmas, etc.
Coal? A flaming bag of poo? An expired coupon? What was it?
My worst was Christmas 1986. I got out of the Air Force in April of that year. I moved to a state where I knew one person. We had a falling apart, and for the first time ever I got nothing for Christmas. Not one card from family, not one gift at all. That was even worse then the year I was sick and missed Christmas altogether.
What say you?
The worst gift at this point is ANY gift. I don't need stuff. I don't want stuff. I don't have room for stuff in my house. And I certainly don't want/need/have room for crappy stuff picked out for me buy someone who feels obligated too consume mindlessly on my behalf. Please just don't. Just tell me how you feel about me. Cards are nice. A shot and a beer and a chuck on the shoulder. Great. A warm smile. Perfect. I'd rather be told to make the beast with two backs off by someone who truly meant it than to have to shuffle a cheap piece of Chinese plastic around my house just long enough so that I don't feel too bad for throwing it away. My wife told her parents a thousand times not to get us anything. They will anyway. Likely in a few months they will subtly remind us that they did by inquiring about the item. Sigh.
If anyone reading this gets me stuff for Christmas I will punch you in the dick.
sac
/unless I can drink it and it contains alcohol and you will partake in it with me ;)
People love me and I only get cool gifts. Sorry.
note to self..... send Carl this
(http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs745.ash1/163770_474299107004_719462004_5940777_2744852_n.jpg)
last year...my older brother asked me directly what I wanted for X-Mas...I sent him to a link on Ebay for a topcase for my motorcycle...this is 2 weeks before X-Mas...
Xmas afternoon with the 'rents and family and we are all exchanging gifts and I get this little plug in USB Motion activated noise making skull with a clearance price sticker on it for $1.99...obviously a novelty item from the computer store from a guy who makes 6 figures a year and he tells me, "this is your gift until you tell me something you want that isn't moto related, because I will not support your moto-habit, as I do not approve of you riding motorcycles"
needless to say...I am a lil bitter still and am considering sending him some elephant dung from that other thread....
Quote from: Sắc Dục on December 14, 2010, 06:14:48 PM
The worst gift at this point is ANY gift. I don't need stuff. I don't want stuff. I don't have room for stuff in my house. And I certainly don't want/need/have room for crappy stuff picked out for me buy someone who feels obligated too consume mindlessly on my behalf. Please just don't. Just tell me how you feel about me. Cards are nice. A shot and a beer and a chuck on the shoulder. Great. A warm smile. Perfect. I'd rather be told to make the beast with two backs off by someone who truly meant it than to have to shuffle a cheap piece of Chinese plastic around my house just long enough so that I don't feel too bad for throwing it away. My wife told her parents a thousand times not to get us anything. They will anyway. Likely in a few months they will subtly remind us that they did by inquiring about the item. Sigh.
If anyone reading this gets me stuff for Christmas I will punch you in the dick.
sac
/unless I can drink it and it contains alcohol and you will partake in it with me ;)
And I was going to get you a shiney new 1198s.
I am soooo glad that I don't celebrate Christmas anymore. No trees, or lights, or spending money to buy people stuff they don't need, or getting stuff I don't need, no stress about it, and my family and I can still have a nice time together. [thumbsup] We cooked a Turkey last night for the reason of eating it and having turkey for the rest of the week, and instead of getting her some gift, we are planning a trip to Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver this April instead.
One of the best things about no Christmas are the lack of family fights and the resulting feuds that go on for years. I don't have to see anymore stuff like my cousin tell my Aunt she is an effin B, or my Grandmother chase my Grandfather around the house with the 22. or any of the other stuff that I could go on about...
Quote from: Sắc Dục on December 14, 2010, 06:14:48 PM
The worst gift at this point is ANY gift. I don't need stuff. I don't want stuff. I don't have room for stuff in my house. And I certainly don't want/need/have room for crappy stuff picked out for me buy someone who feels obligated too consume mindlessly on my behalf. Please just don't. Just tell me how you feel about me. Cards are nice. A shot and a beer and a chuck on the shoulder. Great. A warm smile. Perfect. I'd rather be told to make the beast with two backs off by someone who truly meant it than to have to shuffle a cheap piece of Chinese plastic around my house just long enough so that I don't feel too bad for throwing it away. My wife told her parents a thousand times not to get us anything. They will anyway. Likely in a few months they will subtly remind us that they did by inquiring about the item. Sigh.
If anyone reading this gets me stuff for Christmas I will punch you in the dick.
sac
That's normally how I feel. But this year I got a Ducati 1098S die cast Hot Wheels bike. Best gift I've ever gotten. First year. Pearl white.
/unless I can drink it and it contains alcohol and you will partake in it with me ;)
Quote from: D Paoli on December 14, 2010, 06:47:54 PM
I am soooo glad that I don't celebrate Christmas anymore. No trees, or lights, or spending money to buy people stuff they don't need, or getting stuff I don't need, no stress about it, and my family and I can still have a nice time together. [thumbsup] We cooked a Turkey last night for the reason of eating it and having turkey for the rest of the week, and instead of getting her some gift, we are planning a trip to Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver this April instead.
One of the best things about no Christmas are the lack of family fights and the resulting feuds that go on for years. I don't have to see anymore stuff like my cousin tell my Aunt she is an effin B, or my Grandmother chase my Grandfather around the house with the 22. or any of the other stuff that I could go on about...
I read the first paragraph and was thinking "good for you man!"
Then I read the second paragraph and thought, "holy hell you can't buy that kind of entertainment! That man should get himself a bottle of Jagermeister and let the family disfunction come rolling on in!" I'd pump those crazy bastards so full of Goldschlager they'd be crapping cufflinks in the morning.
I mean, it beats the hell out of being the only one drinking in the afternoon because its the only way to cope with the fact that you're in for hours of people being passive aggressive and snide in their criticisms of each other's cooking and bathroom cleanliness. Its nauseating. When it devolves into sarcastic over politeness I thank god for the presence of good kids and rational dogs to play with.
sac
My extended family and I don't really talk to each other, We were all forced to go to Christmas at a lodge in the middle of a national park in Illinois, no cell signal, internet, no bike and snowed in. Comes time to exchange presents, I open the box and I've received a gord that has a string of christmas lights in it...
(http://fineartamerica.com/images-medium/gord-bird-house-coralyn-klubnick-simone.jpg)
with lights shoved inside.
My mother got pink cotton balls
We don't think they like us much
There has yet to be an explanation
its a dick in a gord set
A friend got me coal once.
But it was from the Titanic, so it was cool coal.
One year when we were both in high school, my brother got me a CD (Adam Sandler's They're All Gonna Laugh At You) that I already owned. As soon as I'd unwrapped it, he asked if he could borrow it.
Dick.
Usually every year I get a bad one, and I get frustrated, cause I go out of the way to get them something unique, maybe hand made, etc.
Typical examples
- sweater from department store that when I return it I find out it is on clearance for like 11 dollars
- one size fits all baseball cap that doesn't fit and no return receipt
Quote from: Buckethead on December 14, 2010, 07:40:53 PM
One year when we were both in high school, my brother got me a CD (Adam Sandler's They're All Gonna Laugh At You) that I already owned. As soon as I'd unwrapped it, he asked if he could borrow it.
Dick.
My older brother's rule of gift giving is never give someone something that you can't borrow back and use for yourself. [laugh]
My goofy as shit aunt used to give me finger nail clipper sets when I was a kid and #2 pencils with my name embossed on them. [bang] Weak shit.
My God awful make the beast with two backsing pregnant dog of a step mother (my Mom died in '76 and Dad remarried to the piece of shit 11 months later. I was a grown man by then.) gave one of my favorite nieces an empty box for a Christmas present!! No shit. It was a very nicely wrapped box but was empty as hell. The pregnant dog had no real good explanation and mumbled something about "I must have forgotten to put the gift inside". But she never said what the "gift" was nor did she ever produce anything in the way of a gift. The worthless pregnant dog died in 2001 and I drive by her grave every June 9th just to make sure she's still in there! [laugh]
Quote from: Sắc Dục on December 14, 2010, 06:14:48 PM
The worst gift at this point is ANY gift. I don't need stuff. I don't want stuff............
My favorite card.
(http://i327.photobucket.com/albums/k445/majmontana/530145_default_11.jpg)
20+ year old regifted egg poacher from my dads best friend for my wife and I at our wedding.
When I was 15, my grandmother (who was an elementry school teacher) got me "David the Gnome" coloring books and a box of dollar store crayons. She thought it would "help build hand eye coordination" [roll]
Quote from: Sắc Dục on December 14, 2010, 07:10:34 PM
Then I read the second paragraph and thought, "holy hell you can't buy that kind of entertainment! That man should get himself a bottle of Jagermeister and let the family disfunction come rolling on in!" I'd pump those crazy bastards so full of Goldschlager they'd be crapping cufflinks in the morning.
Yea well I don't fool around with those folks anymore. Especially since my mom died a couple of years ago. (That was her side of the family)
And My wife's family doesn't celebrate Christmas either. :) So I don't have to be disapointed with some thin sweatshirt that doesn't fit or Cheap tube socks that are 50% Nylon and have no ankle bend in them.
Okay, now I remember the worst gift ever:
When I was 13 I got a pair of authentic, German lederhosen.
Quote from: Drunken Monkey on December 14, 2010, 10:24:27 PM
Okay, now I remember the worst gift ever:
When I was 13 I got a pair of authentic, German lederhosen.
Dooooood. That only sucks cause you were too young for serious drinking. If I got a set now, I'd be stoked. I'd wear those things any time my BAC got higher than .05. I mean, seriously. It's like the uniform for getting belligerently drunk.
I got a $10 jack in the box gift card one year from my bro/law (we do a 'secret santa' type thing for the adults in that side of the family).
I don't really like jack in the box. Honestly I think they stopped at Vons on the way to our house and just grabbed the first gift card they saw off the rack.
My dad is the worst at giving gifts. He always gets me gift cards to places he knows I don't like.
My new sister-in-law will get you nothing. She will wait and see how much you spent on her. Then after Christmas say sorry I didn't get you anything and offer to buy you something. Coincidently it will be for about the same amount you spent on her.
Shit last year she got two iTunes $50 gift cards on accident from her parents. One was supposed to go to my wife. Whenever we would ask for it she said she "lost" it.
Quote from: oldfastwin on December 14, 2010, 08:19:31 PM
My goofy as shit aunt used to give me finger nail clipper sets when I was a kid and #2 pencils with my name embossed on them. [bang] Weak shit.
I think we had the same aunt.
Quote from: Buckethead on December 14, 2010, 10:37:48 PM
Dooooood. That only sucks cause you were too young for serious drinking. If I got a set now, I'd be stoked. I'd wear those things any time my BAC got higher than .05. I mean, seriously. It's like the uniform for getting belligerently drunk.
That's funny!!! Good call. [thumbsup] I like the uniform comment the best. [cheeky] [beer] [drink] [bacon]
Speedbag, we could be cousins! [laugh]
I saw the $1 DVD bin at Walmart one year. I found the worst DVD and bought it as a gag gift for a family friend as her Christmas present. You should have seen her face as she opened the box - confused yet trying to appear grateful. Meanwhile, I am rolling on the floor laughing. [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] Yes, I did give her a real present afterwards.
The DVD I got her?
(http://www.bing.com/getimage?q=FMO_0dd00b481d6cf553576f27c03b17435e_2&wf=Genimage)
Awesome!! I love Christmas time gag gift exchanges. My wife has several different groups of girlfriends and two of those groups have all girl Christmas gag gift parties and the gauntlet is thrown down for the best awful/funky/nasty/weird gift they can come up with. It's pretty damn funny. But it's also serious business. [laugh] Another group has a Christmas tree ornament exchange party and it's just as serious.
Not to go against the grain of this thread but I didn't know where to post this. Hope it's not a derby. Check out this awesome Christmas gift for someone!!
http://www.roadracingworld.com/news/article/?article=42878 (http://www.roadracingworld.com/news/article/?article=42878)
Quote from: oldfastwin on December 15, 2010, 06:36:39 AM
Speedbag, we could be cousins! [laugh]
[laugh]
I had
COMPLETELY forgotten about the personalized pencils.....
Don't tell me your aunt got you started collecting matchbook covers too. Yes, really.
Update from the WTF file: I actually just found THREE of those damned pencils! [laugh] Bright yellow with gold upper-case letters. Un-sharpened even (I must have been SO impressed), complete with petrified erasers.
Quote from: oldfastwin on December 15, 2010, 10:06:30 AM
Awesome!! I love Christmas time gag gift exchanges. My wife has several different groups of girlfriends and two of those groups have all girl Christmas gag gift parties and the gauntlet is thrown down for the best awful/funky/nasty/weird gift they can come up with. It's pretty damn funny. But it's also serious business. [laugh] Another group has a Christmas tree ornament exchange party and it's just as serious.
We used to do the gag gift thing, but about ten years ago I spoiled it.
I gave a dead frog.
Now we give each other "ethnic" cards and presents. We're all white as Wonder bread.
Quote from: Bun-bun on December 15, 2010, 02:51:59 PM
Now we give each other "ethnic" cards and presents. We're all white as Wonder bread.
Some college friends and I do something similar. Our group of friends had Christian, Jewish, Wicca, Atheist, and probably some other religions, too. Rather than have a party celebrating one of those religions to the exclusion of the others, we decided to have a call our party Voodoo Day and offend everyone. There's a $10 limit on gifts for the Secret Mama Shabooboo gift exchange. Gifts are wrapped in porn (the nastier, the better) and placed around the Voodoo Cone, a traffic pylon with pennies Scotch taped to it. Whoever is hosting makes food, and everyone else brings copious amounts of booze. Good times ensue.
Year before last, I made a "Cathy Bates Starter Kit!" for my friend Heather. Used copy of "Misery" on DVD ($3), a 3 lb rubber maul ($5) and one pack each of assorted colored zip-ties ($1) and 50' of clothesline ($1).
Quote from: Buckethead on December 15, 2010, 03:54:18 PM
Some college friends and I do something similar. Our group of friends had Christian, Jewish, Wicca, Atheist, and probably some other religions, too. Rather than have a party celebrating one of those religions to the exclusion of the others, we decided to have a call our party Voodoo Day and offend everyone. There's a $10 limit on gifts for the Secret Mama Shabooboo gift exchange. Gifts are wrapped in porn (the nastier, the better) and placed around the Voodoo Cone, a traffic pylon with pennies Scotch taped to it. Whoever is hosting makes food, and everyone else brings copious amounts of booze. Good times ensue.
Year before last, I made a "Cathy Bates Starter Kit!" for my friend Heather. Used copy of "Misery" on DVD ($3), a 3 lb rubber maul ($5) and one pack each of assorted colored zip-ties ($1) and 50' of clothesline ($1).
That's funny as hell!! [laugh] [clap]
Quote from: oldfastwin on December 15, 2010, 04:10:44 PM
That's funny as hell!! [laugh] [clap]
+1 - sounds like a great time.
mitt
I'm hoping to give the worst gift ever, this year. Yes. Hoping.
My brother and I have the tradition of trying to get each other something completely awful. I enjoy it, and it takes the pressure off of people trying to get the "perfect" thing for each other. This year:
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51fqnoZCK4L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg)
;D
We also usually give each other comic books...since we were kids we've done this.
My wife and I usually end up picking out our own presents together then wrapping them and waiting until christmas day to open and be suprised. [laugh] Usually, it's because we use Christmas as an oppertunity to get things we need for the year (new coat, or socks...etc.)
No one in my family really does big Christmas gifts though...not since we were kids
I used to work with a guy who would get pissed if he spent more on his girlfriend than she did on him...He would work it out the dollar. Last year, he got her a necklace, and she got him new exhaust for his truck...and it was off by $30. He was a douche about it for 2 weeks. I felt sorry for her...It'd make me hate the holidays.
I have two other sisters so there have been a few boyfriends throughout the years.
Several years ago, my dad's wife put together three photo albums. One representing each of us with EVERY possible picture she could get her hands on that included a past boyfriend.
Did she kindly and tactfully give that photo album to each of us? Of course not.
She gave it to the guys we were with at that time. ???
Nothing more awkward than having your b/f look at pictures of you snuggled up to someone else over the years.
[roll]
Quote from: Stella on December 17, 2010, 07:47:54 AM
Nothing more awkward than having your b/f look at pictures of you snuggled up to someone else over the years.
[roll]
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Does your dad's wife read much Dumas? Because that is Monte Cristo level revenge.
edit: Wording fixed. Sorry about that, Stella.
Quote from: Stella on December 17, 2010, 07:47:54 AM
I have two other sisters so there have been a few boyfriends throughout the years.
Several years ago, my dad's wife put together three photo albums. One representing each of us with EVERY possible picture she could get her hands on that included a past boyfriend.
Did she kindly and tactfully give that photo album to each of us? Of course not.
She gave it to the guys we were with at that time. ???
Nothing more awkward than having your b/f look at pictures of you snuggled up to someone else over the years.
[roll]
we have a winner... that is by far, the worst gift ever
why on earth would she do that to you and your sisters.... [roll]
Quote from: Buckethead on December 17, 2010, 05:02:17 PM
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Does your mother read much Dumas? Because that is Monte Cristo level revenge.
+1
I agree. That's the current front runner! And I love the Dumas reference!!! [laugh] [laugh] [bow_down] [popcorn] [beer]
Quote from: Buckethead on December 17, 2010, 05:02:17 PM
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Does your mother read much Dumas? Because that is Monte Cristo level revenge.
Correction:
Dad's wife. NOT MY MOTHER! My mother would NEVER think to make her daughters look like whores.
Quote from: DuCaTiNi on December 18, 2010, 05:28:29 AM
why on earth would she do that to you and your sisters.... [roll]
If you met her, you would understand. All who know my dad still scratch their heads and wonder "what was he thinking?"
My brother said that his girlfriend at the time also received a photo album of him with all past g/f's. Again: [roll]
Quote from: Stella on December 18, 2010, 07:57:47 AM
If you met her, you would understand. All who know my dad still scratch their heads and wonder "what was he thinking?"
i do understand :) my dad has one too [laugh]
So did mine. [bang] Glad she died first!! [clap] [thumbsup] [evil] As I said before, I still drive by her grave every June 9th just to make she's still in there... pregnant dog. [puke]
Hope your Dad's wife isn't THAT bad. Because that really can make things suck. Trust me. If I had ever gotten a present from her I would have soaked it in the tub for hours and had it x-ray scanned. If it had been food no way would I have eaten it.
Damn stella, that's so horrible its freaken hysterical.....
at the time, I thought it was the worst ever . Now almost two years later I think it was the most wonderful thing ever. In fact I can recomend it. Without this I would still be in hell.
I was given divorce papers. [laugh]
Quote from: badgalbetty on December 18, 2010, 09:16:31 PM
at the time, I thought it was the worst ever . Now almost two years later I think it was the most wonderful thing ever. In fact I can recomend it. Without this I would still be in hell.
I was given divorce papers. [laugh]
Me too. Years ago. No kids and it still took over two and a half years! [bang] Went through three attorneys. They were the only ones that got anything out of it. :P Re-married and all is well. Rule #1: don't marry a psycho and then find out her whole family are psychos!! She was really good at hiding that. A pro. Who'd a thought?? [bang] Worse thing #2 does is leave the garage door up! [laugh] I can deal with that... no psycho issues there! [thumbsup]
Quote from: Stella on December 17, 2010, 07:47:54 AM
I have two other sisters so there have been a few boyfriends throughout the years.
Several years ago, my dad's wife put together three photo albums. One representing each of us with EVERY possible picture she could get her hands on that included a past boyfriend.
Did she kindly and tactfully give that photo album to each of us? Of course not.
She gave it to the guys we were with at that time. ???
Nothing more awkward than having your b/f look at pictures of you snuggled up to someone else over the years.
[roll]
i may be the only one that thinks this is the most hilarious thing you could do to someone. [clap]
then again i'm glad i'm not the boyfriend getting this gift. because that would really suck. [laugh] [laugh]
I was about 20 and got a Strawberry Shortcake lunch box. Lots of thought went into that. I kept it and strapped it to the seat of my old 900 Ninja. Now that I think about it a bit, I was 24 or so.
My mother also got me some oddball stuff. Strange colored scarves and such. Nothing malicious or mean, just kind of oddball. She died about 10 years ago, I wish I still got the oddball gifts.
I got my ex her birthstone on some earrings. Cost me over $600. As soon as she saw them, she said, "Can you take them back?" No thanks, no gee, that isn't my color, no nothing, but, can you take them back? I took them back and bought some tires and other stuff for my bike. At least my bike isn't rude.
Speaking of psycho ole ladies, that one was a kleptomaniac/alcoholic, that unbeknownst to me, had 8 arrests for shop lifting, right before I met her, had been arrested again for shoplifting, and moved in with me a couple months later. At court, I went with her, they went over her record, and she got 300 days in jail. I took her court papers home with me, since they locked her up right then, and there was a psych report that said she was a sociopath. The judge warned her that if she did it again, 3 years in prison was next. So I had her mini van, and got to watch her birds. She did the full 300 days because she kept getting caught doing stupid sh!t. The day she got out, she went to the big department store where she got caught the last time (rhymes with Spaceys), and stole $1100 worth of stuff, including my Christmas present (She told me this later). Other than the kleptomania, alcoholism and the sociopath stuff, she was perfect.
It didn't last too much longer after that. She went back to her husband. Did I forget to mention that she was married, too? When we were living together, he had this knack for calling when we were getting it on in the mornings. I would just set the phone there on the bed. He is the only enemy I have in the whole world, and I've never met him.
Now that is some crazy shit. There's a six foot tall winners trophy out there some where with your name on it! Damn dude... [bang] I do like the lunch box part, that's funny! [laugh]