O.K.... so a friend of mine, a questionable friend, a german from germany friend, just bought a BMW 1100 something or other. :P You know, one of the ones with the training wheel attachments on each side just in front of your feet. He calls them cylinders, but I usually disagree! ;D
Anyway, he has always talked trash about my duc (apparently a very common past time among european germans) but since getting his new bike has really stepped it up, even siding with some of our friends who ride harleys, which, even among BMW riders, should be inviolate.
This has been compounded by the fact that I had to ride home 90 miles on a road trip we took last year in 3rd gear after a spring in my transmission broke (S2R800) and I couldn't shift anymore. You can imagine the total disrespect there, even though I still kept up with all of their bikes, which are normally way behind me until I pull over to let them catch up.
I can hold my own with the HD guys pretty well even though it's usually 5-6 to one [coffee] but I'm starting to run out of ammo against the germans (no predjudice or other jokes intended there) and could use a little help.
I know that the first repsonse will be to get new friends but they're what I got! This is always in good fun but I want to add some BAMM! to it. [evil]
Let me get you started:
he says in a thick german accent ( think Arnold here): "those Italian machines are worthless, they can't even make a spring that runs right!" then laughs very smugly.
and I reply (think smartass here): "listen fraulein, next time you ride with us you need to hire a pilot car."
....and it goes back and forth from there.
So, gimme what you got on the germans. [popcorn]
Don't Mention the War?
Here is some ammunition. I don't know if any of it is true, but this is what I often hear.
1) Boring
2) Slow
3) Overweight
3) No soul
4) All the character of a sewing machine.
5) Those funky Telelever front ends have no road feel.
BMW=Big Money Waste
I have a Monster & I have aBMW ..... ;D What can I say? ;D
I think that you should start focusing on clutch maintenance issues. Hmmmm why in the world would those BMW engineers make it so difficult to replace a clutch? I've heard that you have to take BMWs half apart to perform clutch surgery. Then there is that torque reaction from the transverse crank - what an awful layout for a motorcycle engine - then there is that drive-shaft thingie and the funky colors that BMW always seems to paint their bikes. I wonder why BMW hasn't won any MotoGP or WSBK races lately? Why is it that only old people ride BMWs? Why are the headlights lopsided? -
It hasn't changed much since I worked in Germany 20 years ago. BMWs were the best motorcycle for any issue being compared with any bike - with special distaste for Italian machines. I had a Sportster so I took a ration of shi+ every time I rode it - a rolling target for discussing BMW superiority LOL.
Just do a nice graffity on his beamer.
"Bayrischer Mist Wagen" [cheeky]
Also point out the GS is the most fugly motorbike in the world and its BMW, right ?
I am German, I love my Ducati, I loved my Lotus and I would definitely buy an Audi before any beamer
Better watch it, they (germans) are well known for their sense of humour ;D [thumbsup]
I did my first track night last night and there was a guy on a shiny new K1200s. My first impression was "why on earth does it have to be that big?!" Skills aside, that thing was slow. On the straight, I blew the decals off of him, and through the turns I lost him completely on my S4rs. Not impressed at all. [coffee]
Add that to your ammo box. [beer]
Quote from: darkduke on June 19, 2008, 06:16:10 AM
I did my first track night last night and there was a guy on a shiny new K1200s. My first impression was "why on earth does it have to be that big?!" Skills aside, that thing was slow. On the straight, I blew the decals off of him, and through the turns I lost him completely on my S4rs. Not impressed at all. [coffee]
Add that to your ammo box. [beer]
that really comes down to rider skill. i know a guy with a k1200 and another with a r1200 that most would be hard pressed to keep keep up with in the twisties.
Can't we all just get along? :D
BMW Motorrad have had numerous recalls, just as Ducati and just about any other manufacturer. Machines with lots of parts sourced from a host of external suppliers will statistically do that to you...
BMW is getting into WSBK next year with their S1000RR homologation special. Aprilia returns with their new V4... and KTM is supposed to join too.
(http://www.cycleworld.com/assets/image/2008/W16/417200812329.jpg)
There is also rumor BMW will come out with a 675 triple supersport.
Quote from: derby on June 19, 2008, 06:46:54 AM
that really comes down to rider skill. i know a guy with a k1200 and another with a r1200 that most would be hard pressed to keep keep up with in the twisties.
hence the "skills aside".
I just meant that I thought it was a faster machine in the straight. But I should maybe keep my trap shut as I don't know the tech specs on said machine. my appologies.
Find two small orange flags, and a small yellow sticker that says "wide load" and affix them to his tail section.
Quote from: big bear on June 19, 2008, 05:10:09 AM
Better watch it, they (germans) are well known for their sense of humour ;D [thumbsup]
Good point. We (here in this thread) might just wind up being responsible for Poland getting annexed again...
From what I hear most BMWs are bullet proof. Aside from yo' mama jokes all I can think of is that BA Baracus must have been on the design team for the GS series.
I can see it now, a bunch of german engineers in a small town need to come up with a design or else! Around the corner rolls in the A-team doing a smoky burn out in their van. Out jumps BA, Murdoch and the gang. They rip apart a school bus, tractor and an old motocrosser and weld everything together in the back of the van.
They let out a few rounds from their Rugers for good measure, Murdoch says, "I love it when a bike comes together". BA gets druged and put on a cargo plane and the team heads back to the states just as Col. Lynch rolls into town a minute too late to catch'em.
But wait where's Face, oh he missed the plane, he was in bed with the pretty blonde engineer who called the A-team. Oh, Face you dog you!
No no no!! It was Hannibal that said that. Murdoch was the "howlin' mad" pilot. ;)
I'm German and Dutch
I like windmill cookies and starched shirts, and just to off-set the inner struggle within.... I ride Italian.
Quote from: DRKWNG on June 19, 2008, 07:42:25 AM
No no no!! It was Hannibal that said that. Murdoch was the "howlin' mad" pilot. ;)
you're right! You must be an even bigger TV geek than me [popcorn]
Dude, Ducati has won more superbike championships than all the other teams combined.
And BMW and Harley are sooooo far down the pecking order, they don't even compete.
nuff said. [thumbsup]
maybe someone else said it but;
Ask him why BMW went away from tele-lever front end for the sbk? According to the bmw koolaid drinkers, it is the best.
Also ask same question above except include chain drive vs shaft.
mitt
Nutts, you getting all this.
Beemers are very good bikes - I grew up on em. I have a friend that rides a 1200 Adventure and he's a certified badass on it. It is absolutely amazing how fast those things can be make go on very twisty mt. roads. With a good pilot, even with me on it, a modern BMW is competitive with most bikes on the road today. If you include the new HP2 Sport in that equation they should be competitive with ANYTHING.
Most of the time it's the rider that's the most important variable in the go fast equation, not the bike.
But whether we like it or not, in a straight line, for the money spent, and for reliability etc. the Japanese are unbeatable. And that's hard for me to say - I gots Ducati in my blood for over 30 years now.
LA
Wow. some of you guys need to go to trash talking school.
This is a backyard not technical fight. Wit is supreme not tech. When trash talking if you reply with a serious cantelever, flux capacitor answer you lose.
I wish I knew more about BMWs to help out. Some obvious avenues would be to hit him on his inability to ride up front with you, the BMW/Harley cult (how much BMW gear does he wear/have?) and those god aweful training wheels.
Of course you could also ask him if he bought his BMW due to his love for ugly slow bikes or if it was man-love for Ewan McGregor.
Quote from: COWBOY on June 19, 2008, 09:39:17 AM
Wow. some of you guys need to go to trash talking school.
This is a backyard not technical fight. Wit is supreme not tech. When trash talking if you reply with a serious cantelever, flux capacitor answer you lose.
How about asking if he got a discount with his AARP card?
Too bad he doesn't ride a K bike. Then you could challenge him to park the bike on the sidestand when it is hot. You see the brilliant engineers at BMW put the cylinder head and the kickstand on the left side of the bike and put the oil sump on the right side. So the oil runs into the cylinders when you park on the sidestand and they smoke like a pregnant dog when you start them up.
Ask him why they use Rotax engines from Austria and have their bikes assembled in Italy by Aprilia.
You can also mention the made in China engines in the new 800cc series bikes
Where's that Guzzi with Saggy Tits comic????
That sucker always makes me laugh.
(http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d147/pompino/comic.jpg)
This, but in engrish.
Challenge him to a drinking contest [drink] [drink] [drink]
Quote from: Duc L'Smart on June 19, 2008, 12:51:37 PM
Challenge him to a drinking contest [drink] [drink] [drink]
That might be a bad idea. They drink like we take corners.
the aarp discount is a good one as is the mcgregor man love comment
make sure you comment on how he bought the entire page 5 of the bmw accessories/clothing catalog and should be a model now for them since that is what all bmw riders do since they have no concept of style at all.
truth be told i could never say that since almost all my gear is bmw gear.. [laugh]
Someone pleaaaasse post a link to the Hitler motorcycle vid. "A make the beast with two backsing GS?!?"
I love that one. I would post the link but i'm at work and verboten from vootoob. :'(
(http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00128/ed_imgRSNN0905A_128464a.jpg)
1) you can tell him to stop rationalizing for buying the wrong bike
2) you can remind him of the late night public access programs in Germany...
Unpimp ze Moto!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0I0WfnhVs2s (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0I0WfnhVs2s)
Quote from: DucDodgers on June 19, 2008, 07:37:17 AM
From what I hear most BMWs are bullet proof.
Well that certainly explains why googling "BMW Final Drive" nets 737,000 hits, none of them pretty. Including the one, the only www.finaldrive.com, otherwise known as Final Drive Failure Home. [cheeky]
There WAS a time that BMW's were, if not bulletproof, certainly repairable by the side of the road. That was a LONG time ago.
Not sure if said but:
Point to the bat wing engine and say: "That's sooooo cool... BMW throws in free metal frame sliders for all that money you spend!"
OR
"Like walkers are for old people who should not be walking... BMWs are for old people who shouldn't be ridding."
PS. I have a GS 650 (hahaha) but a monster too!
http://www.youtube.com/v/iaB40TLQE8M&hl=en"
[laugh]
SKOM.... That was great! it was the DML version that got me to this board! so much thanks. [clap]
Had both...
4 valve Boxer Cup Replika and now a S2R1000.
Did quite a few track days on the BMW. Fun to ride, got looks, and could haul all my camping gear.
BUT she was heavy and slow turning..and probmatic.
The S2R is lighttt and wants to turn.
My 2 cents worth.
Dave
I'd love to see Audi and KTM get together to blow those BMW bikes out of the water. What the hell is it w/ BMW owners being so cocky?
What's the difference between a BMW owner and a porcupine?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
(sorry i guess that one doesn't work for bikes)
I have this:
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1313/548709864_ba80904ebe.jpg?v=0)
and this:
(https://farm4.static.flickr.com/3190/2550594969_8affcb26ab.jpg?v=0)
And, since Ducati discontinued the best bike they ever built:
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1439/548704802_f2f7856b77.jpg?v=0)
I am going to have to replace it with (in addition to the head of the piece of shit that stole it):
(http://www.bmwmotorcycles.com/images/bikes/k1200s/overview_photos/titan_silver_met_cblue.gif)
There.
David Hasselhoff
Ever since I watched the Long Way Around and The Long Way Down Documentary's I have a huge respect for BMW
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0403778/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0959858/
Quote from: DCXCV on June 20, 2008, 02:11:28 PM
David Hasselhoff
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
(http://www.andychristie.com/graphics/douchebag.jpg)
Quote from: DCXCV on June 20, 2008, 02:11:28 PM
David Hasselhoff
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vNsDhFaKUk&feature=related
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
haahahaaha that's exactly it!! You'll always win this argument when you drop the "Hoff Bomb" on em. Seriously, i think the Germans are the only people that will claim that no talent hack. [cheeky]
(i admit i watched baywatch as a young lad but that was for .... nvm)
hu. I watched them both as well and
lost all respect for BMW. :P
Quote from: ROBsS4R on June 20, 2008, 02:32:35 PM
Ever since I watched the Long Way Around and The Long Way Down Documentary's I have a huge respect for BMW
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0403778/ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0403778/)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0959858/ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0959858/)
BMW has, since '04, suffered an embarrassment of chronic problems, mostly in their drive trains. Hopefully, the '09 K13 models will resolve all those issues. BMW seems stuck with their opposed twin even though they have and have had a better engine for many years. BMW riders love their iconic twin.
For a dramatic example of the mechanical problems that have afflicted BMW in recent years, take a look at the DNF drop-outs in the '07 Iron Butt. The "bullet-proof" beemers were breaking down all over the route.
See: http://www.ironbuttrally.com/IBR/2007.cfm?DocID=43
Perhaps it was aberrational, but certainly not as weird as the fourth place finisher, a HD sportster. Wow!
But the real problem with beemers is that almost everything requires a BMW technician with his diagnostic computer. They are very hard to work on.
Quote from: Desmostro on January 12, 2009, 11:50:15 AM
hu. I watched them both as well and lost all respect for BMW. :P
Stuck in the past are we?
Quote from: Desmostro on January 12, 2009, 11:50:15 AM
hu. I watched them both as well and lost all respect for BMW. :P
Because it's wasteful to ride so far when starbucks is right around the corner......?
Quote from: MrIncredible on January 12, 2009, 03:36:57 PM
Because it's wasteful to ride so far when starbucks is right around the corner......?
(http://i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll161/porschaholic/smileys/laughing-smiley-006.gif)
http://www.bmwlt.com/forums/showthread.php?t=32682 (http://www.bmwlt.com/forums/showthread.php?t=32682)
Here is all the ammo you need in reference to the final drive on BMW....Not the reliable beast people claim they are. I have never heard of a Duc that can kill someone.
Bavarian Manure Wagon
Quote from: ryanracer on January 12, 2009, 04:02:52 PM
http://www.bmwlt.com/forums/showthread.php?t=32682 (http://www.bmwlt.com/forums/showthread.php?t=32682)
Here is all the ammo you need in reference to the final drive on BMW....Not the reliable beast people claim they are. I have never heard of a Duc that can kill someone.
i remember mrincredibles bike set it self on fire. thats an attempt at the very least no?
Quote from: ryanracer on January 12, 2009, 04:21:43 PM
or Bavarian Money Waster
Welcome to the forum. [thumbsup]
Quote from: He Man on January 12, 2009, 04:23:12 PM
i remember mrincredibles bike set it self on fire. thats an attempt at the very least no?
Not that I was glad it happened, but I was really glad it didn't happen the night before...our first date. That would have been quite memorable. :o
When BMW riders (or drivers) give me grief I just respond:
"Yeah. If I'd paid that much for an inferior product I'd be pissed off too." ;D
Actually no modern bike dare be too far from a competent dealer if the bike breaks down. And as far as likelihood of breakdown goes no Ducati owner should ever be dissing a BMW. That's like the pot calling the kettle black. [laugh]
Bolivian metal works
you know, if i type 'final drive failure' into my google search box, it the first auto-complete option that comes up is 'final drive failure bmw.' [popcorn]