i know many of us on the dmf are virtual strangers but i also know in a lot of ways this board is like a family..i dont normally share my problems with the world, but this is a pretty extraordinary circumstance & im just needing some positive energy sent my way to help me get through this...
there's no easy way to say this..My mom & my brother were murdered. they were stabbed to death & then left in their house for several days before the house was set on fire to cover up the murders...
I live in cali & my family is in Alabama. Im flying out in the morning to handle all of this stuff...i believe in the power of positive energy & if ever i needed some is now. So if you could just please send some positive thoughts my way, i would be forever grateful...
Oh no, that's terrible. Sending positive thoughts your way from across the pacific.
Thoughts sent...
:'(
:o
Oh my..what can one say to that?! ???
How old were they?
I hope this crime is solved and you have the strength to get through this elyse!!
Thoughts sent...
:'(
my thoughts are with you, if you need to talk we're here for you
(hugs)
Be strong. and please talk to us if you need.
I'm so sorry for your tremendous, unthinkable loss. Positive thoughts and virtual hugs to you.
:-[
Elyse, I am so sorry that you are enduring such unthinkable tragedy and loss
please accept my heartfelt condolences as you travel this awful part of your path
stay strong
stay in touch, we are here
I am so sorry for your loss.
Positive thoughts for you and your family
:'(
More thoughts on the way.....
wow.
thoughts headed your way.
as said already, we're here for you.
+1 to ^^^ that.
All of it.
Never hurts to reiterate.
We are here for you.
There are no words to describe the senselessness of a murder. Prayers go out to you and your family and to the detectives to catch the animal(s) that did it.
mitt
incomprehensible. Strangers indeed, but still :'(
we are a family.
we're here for you.
thoughts and mojo headed your way...
condolences for your loss. if you allow me to speak from experience ... don't allow yourself
to be consumed by thoughts of anger and vengence. that path leads to the dark side.
Positive thoughts and hopefully a bit of strength - remember not to neglect yourself through this stuff - its easy to forget
Elyse, positive thoughts for you, be strong, and let us help you carry the load
I am so sorry. :'( Sending more thoughts and hugs your way.
Oh my, terrible :'(
I'm so sorry to hear of this.
Your internet family is here for you.
Words fail at times like this. Take strength in your beliefs and know that we are here for you.
Peace,
Dave G
OMG
Prayers sent
:'(
Good grief! My words typed here could never reflect my feelings for you and your family. I told my wife (who is very religious... yeah, what's she doing with me?) and we will keep you all in our thoughts and prayers. My heart goes out to you. Hopefully you will somehow find peace with this awful act and hopefully the actors will be brought to justice. Either way, I hope you find peace in your heart. God bless.
If you need anything more than kind thoughts and prayers please let the DMF family know. Better bunch of folks I have never met. [thumbsup]
I can't think of many words to help in such a situation.
I'm sorry for your loss, and hope for justice to be served.
Stay strong and don't be afraid to lean on others to regain strength.
What a horrible situation to have to deal with.
Good thoughts & prayers being sent.
A sad reminder that everything bad in the news happened to somebody someone knows.
Condolences and our best from the wife and I.
Wow, I'm so sorry.
Sending positive thoughts right now!
+1 to everything already said.
We are here for you. Best thoughts on their way for you.
Sending positive thoughts your way. Be Strong.
I'm truly sorry for your loss.
Please, if at all possible, allow sadness to overpower anger.
We, the DMF, is a great resource - use us!
My mother passed away early last year and the support messages I got meant a lot :)
You can have them now...
http://www.ducatimonsterforum.org/index.php?topic=34288.0 (http://www.ducatimonsterforum.org/index.php?topic=34288.0)
I have no words that will make your pain go away.
One more thing in life that no one can fix.
I'm so sorry.
talk about ask & you shall receive! you guys are amazing! this is the first time ive been able to check the board since i posted & im really overwhelmed at how many of you responded. It means everything to me...
The person that did it actually died in the fire..he set fires in multiple locations & the last one he set flashed back on him. Karma i suppose. Unfortunately it was a step brother that i really didn't know. My mom had remarried about 10 years ago & with her being in bama & me in cali i had met him but didn't really know him although when i had met him i literally said he was the type of person that would kill you while you were sleeping. Unfortunately i was right...
The news media is all over this. I guess i didn't think about that part. Reporters have been camped & had a live news feed going when i went by the house. They've been going through the mail too. I wish they would think about what has happened to my family & how people close to them might feel versus trying to get a scoop on something that will be last weeks news & forgotten about by them in a couple of days... They even had quotes from me in the local paper only problem was i had never said them..
The mortuary was able to get my mom & brother from the coroner today. Im having them created which seems so odd that soon my mom had& brother will be able to sit inside a little glass jar...i really hate this...im going to have a private memorial for them early next week...
The positive thoughts & energy seems to be working as i was able to hold it together today....
I really am grateful for all of your kind words. They help more than i could ever express.
Quote from: elyse on September 21, 2011, 07:46:34 PM
The positive thoughts & energy seems to be working as i was able to hold it together today....
I really am grateful for all of your kind words. They help more than i could ever express.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say:
"We wish you didn't have to go through this, but we'll gladly to be there for you."
Let us know what you need.
Elyse, I'm so sorry that you're going through this, and even sorrier that you're now having to deal with those vultures. Positive thoughts and prayers sent for you and your family.
Thanks for the details - it helps me with the uncertainty of living in a world with pain like this.
I wish I was closer and I would volunteer to chase media off your lawn!
It is amazing how you had the intuition many years ago that this person was evil.
Just and idea - but regardless of your faith or lack of, pastors / priests / clergy can help make bad situations a little better by knowing what to say and sharing experiences.
mitt
I am here in town if you need anything.
Good thoughts coming your way. Really don't know what else to say. God Bless.
Elyse,
Sorry to hear your story, and sad that you have to go through it. Positive thoughts, prayers, meditations, energy... whatever you will accept... are being sent your way.
Quote from: mitt on September 21, 2011, 08:15:44 PM
I wish I was closer and I would volunteer to chase media off your lawn!
This.
Quote from: mitt on September 21, 2011, 08:15:44 PMI wish I was closer and I would volunteer to chase media off your lawn!
I can see the 6 o'clock news now...
"It was a frightening scene today as 300 Ducati motorcycles pulled onto the lawn. The din of their exhausts rendered the audio feed useless, they tipped over the news van, and poured Starbucks on the
grief fetishists news team. We won't be returning to the scene as they said if we came back that one of them would lead a horde of rats against us."
Humor is my coping mechanism, I hope you don't take offense. I can't imagine what you're going through and as empty as it feels saying it since I can't do a damn thing, you're in my thoughts.
Quote from: Artful on September 22, 2011, 06:19:10 AM
I can see the 6 o'clock news now...
"It was a frightening scene today as 300 Ducati motorcycles pulled onto the lawn.
[clap]
I received a response to a PM that I sent Elyse that is included below (w/minor edits). I'm hesitant to include her address on this open forum (not because of any of you of course). ;) So if you want it, PM me and I'll forward it.
From Elyse:"I really do appreciate all of you so much..with my mom & brother gone its just me left from my immediate family & im having to deal with so many things i have no idea how to do...
...as far as flowers i really would prefer not to have any sent it just seems even sadder to me when the flowers die.
donations to charities would be amazing really any military or children's charities would be great..
as far as notes sent my way, since the house is destroyed im staying in a hotel but if you wanted to send them to my home address where i could read them when i get home that would also be great.
i really can't say thank you enough"
My sincere condonlences... I'm so sorry.
:'( squared.
I'm also available to chase off vultures from the lawn. I'm good with a bat! [thumbsup]
In a sad/strange way I am glad you know who did this. I can't imagine going through life not knowing who brought death and destruction to my family or friends and not seeing them brought to justice. My faith in karma is not that strong. I'd need to see results and closure. Fortunately you at least have that.
Again, my family's thoughts and prayers go out to you. Please try and stay strong. You have the support of hundreds of people on this forum you will probably never meet in your lifetime. In a weird, hi-tech way that's pretty awesome. God bless and may peace be with you. :)
good thoughts en route. We're all here to help if anything occurs.
There aren't words, but my thoughts are being sent your way...
(first I've read of this, or it wouldve been sooner)
So sorry for your loss. May you have the strength to deal with this horrible situation.
Good thoughts and virtual hugs being sent your way.
Be well.
people suck (present company excluded...)
i wish there was something we could say or do that would make this better.
be strong.
jesus christ that's terrible. i'm so sorry.
not sure where in cali you live, but i'm in LA. if you need something done here while you're away (e.g. pet tended to, mail picked up, etc.), let me know.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
Terribly sorry. My prayers are with you and your family.
REMINDER (see previous page):
If you want Elyse's address to send her a note, please send me a PM.
Thnx.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and the friends of your Mother. My mom was also murdered. It happened when I was little, but I do know some of what you are going through.
The internet is real and so are the friendships that we develop over time spent with it. This group has come together and supported each other in some pretty amazing ways. We are here for you.
Holy damn... :P
I'm not near enough to Cali or Alabama to be useful in any way, but good thoughts and prayers from me to you.
Quote from: kopfjäger on September 21, 2011, 09:34:25 PM
I am here in town if you need anything.
thank you :) if i do need help with something i will definitely let you know. I very much appreciate the offer
Stay strong.. i think the ducs on the lawn idea is actually a good one... let smome locals know, i doubt they would hesitate.
once again i can't thank you all enough..i dont have much time during the day so i read the board at night when i finally have some quiet time. Your messages mean so much and help immeasurably.
Today i finally spoke to the investigators at the anniston police dept. I was getting frustrated because i had never actually spoke to anyone from the police. I had called several times and left messages but had never received a call back. So today i just went into their building. they told me that my brother was stabbed in the back first, so my brother probably didn't even know it was coming.
I also had to go to his job to fill out some forms and collect his last check. I also collected all of his belongings from his locker. That was the worst part. Its just so final.
Tomorrow one of my nephews comes to town and a cousin will be here Monday. That's good and bad because i feel like i need to comfort them and im not very good at accepting the comfort in return. I know they would understand if i break down, but it makes me feel guilty because i dont want them to feel worse.
I also had to deal with the insurance adjuster for my moms renters insurance. I somehow need to itemized every single item in my moms house. There's just so much paperwork for everything..
I guess that's enough venting for tonight. Again thank you all so much
Hang in there Elyse,
just put one foot in front of the other and walk your way through it
sometimes the mundane tasks help to take the focus off the nastier aspects
irony abounds in times like this, the fact that you can see that, speaks reams about your level-headedness
there will be plenty of time afterwards to reflect on it all and to start constructing a perspective
that will allow you to reconcile that life comes at us on life's terms.....not ours
you are an intelligent and spirited lady, I pray that you don't allow yourself
to become another casualty of this sorry, sorry event
Holy crap, I just read this! Sending my thoughts and prayers your way. Stay strong.
Elyse, still thinking of you. You are so strong. Hang in there. ((hugs))
Its a weirdness that from half a world away ... I'm deeply shocked... Elyse I feel for you... And as all those before me have offered, I also offer thoughts of support... No one can know what you're going through, but we your DMF friends are here .... coz despite distances and that few of us will ever actually meet... that is what this place is... a genuine gathering of friends.
From afar, I send you my deepest thoughts of concern and wishes that peace can somehow be with you.
Damn :'(
Elyse,
Vent away all you need. that's what were here for. To listen and help in any way that we can.
Keep strong, Elyse
You have all the positive energy of the DMF behind you.
Saw your FB. So sorry to hear, and yes you have my good thoughts and positive energy. This is something terrible to endure.
JM
Holy Shit, don't know what to say to this! Thoughts and prayers your way.
DTM
Wow I just saw this. I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there! If you need anything let me know. I am local to you in Cali. Just send me a PM.
This is a wonderful community, and I'd like to add my positive thoughts & help in any way I can.
Which is pathetically little in comparison to the magnitude of what you're facing.
Vent here whenever it feels helpful, lean on this forum as much as you can, but please find a way to accept help from the real flesh & blood people around you too. You mentioned above that you're more comfortable comforting than being comforted, but this is a time to let go of that. You have friends, here and in the "real" world. Hesitating to lean on them at a time like this is the gravest insult you can pay that friendship.
Here i go being redundant but i still can't thank you all enough...
The memorial is tomorrow at 11am. Im dreading it but also think that the sooner its over the better. I really hate all of this...and funerals i think only make things sadder..i picked up their cremated remains today. Its really quite weird carrying your family around in a little box...did i mention i really hate all of this?
Quote from: elyse on September 26, 2011, 11:27:59 PM
...did i mention i really hate all of this?
You did. But you can tell us over and over and over how much you hate it. Vent away and hate it and know that all of us continue to keep you in our thoughts and wish we could do more for you.
:'(
More huge, virtual hugs to you......
hey elyse :)
i hate what you are going through too... and like stella said, it's ok to tell us as many times as you want. scream, cry, yell if you want to... it's still ok, we'll still be here to listen. i just wanted to let you know that i think you are a very strong and brave woman. my thoughts have been, and still are with you.
hugs :'(
I can't imagine what you have experienced, especially what you said about carrying your family around...
Keep checking in and know that we are thinking of you everyday, hoping for things to start getting better!
mitt
Thoughts sent and stay strong.
Quote from: mitt on September 27, 2011, 06:25:25 AM
I can't imagine what you have experienced, especially what you said about carrying your family around...
Keep checking in and know that we are thinking of you everyday, hoping for things to start getting better!
mitt
Unfortunately, I can imagine it...been there.
Hang in there kiddo...time helps.
Quote from: ducpainter on September 27, 2011, 12:46:30 PMHang in there kiddo...time helps.
Its true. In time... the pain will begin to heal.
Many have said "be strong". I say be as you are. If that's strong... then good. But there's no shame in collapsing in a crying heap, no shame in needing the support of those around you. Lean on those who are there for you. Its not your responsibility to be the tower of strength. So be strong if that's what you need, but allow your emotions free reign. All who care about you and for you will understand.
Thoughts very much with you on this most difficult of days.
And from tomorrow.... slowly the healing will come.
True strength allows the ability to express grief without fear of the assured pain that attends it
True strength allows sorrow and pain to be felt without fear of it lapsing into despair and self-pity
There is an enormous difference between "acceptance" and resignation
Acceptance requires embrace of an event or circumstance,,,,, acknowledgement
and it is the first step forward on a path to authentic reconciliation...it is sometimes dreadfully hard, seemingly impossible work
Resignation is defeat, it is the sorry shield of the victim, it is the helpless child
Invictus by William Ernest Henley is about our capacity to be triumphant in spirit
Probably not a bad thing to read at a time such as this
So the memorial went better than expected today.. It was pretty untraditional. No minister. Not because I dont believe, but because i hate when you go to a funeral & the minister knows absolutely nothing about the person that died, but they act like they do & then they always mispronounce their name. I so hate that... So basically I told everyone that came that we were going to celebrate their life instead of mourn how they died & I had everyone tell their favorite story about my mom & my brother. It was nice to hear laughter instead of sobbing...
So now all I have left to do is the business side of things..unfortunately neither of them had a will, so most of their accounts will have to go through probate. i can hardly wait to begin this next adventure :)
Lesson to you all, make a will if you haven't already done so. Even if you dont have much. My brother has like $1500.00 in his checking and i can't even close the account without going through probate.
As always, thanks for listening :)
Thats the best way to do it.. my best friend of 16 years passed a few months ago. Hes Jamaican, and after the funeral we had a big dinner.. i always rather celebrate and remember the good times then morn.. i morned with my fathers passing in '00 and my ex wife in '01 hard... my emotional state would have/be better if i did it different..
Glad the memorial went well, celebrating and laughing is a great way to remember loved ones [thumbsup]
I hope you have help or guidance with all of the paperwork.......which I'll wager is not user-friendly :-\
I'm sending positive thoughts and patience with bureaucracy your way :)
Glad it went well, I like the approach you took. I have always said tears aren't because they're gone, but because of all of the memories made. Good for you for making a celebration of a life rather than a sad, somber goodbye. It's better for everyone.
JM
Quote from: the_Journeyman on September 28, 2011, 05:40:38 PM
Glad it went well, I like the approach you took. I have always said tears aren't because they're gone, but because of all of the memories made. Good for you for making a celebration of a life rather than a sad, somber goodbye. It's better for everyone.
JM
+1
im still in bama & i'm really wishing i was back home in cali already....
the paperwork is neverending & i swear the city of anniston is like stepping back into 1950...
the first probate attorney i went to didnt have a computer. his secretary was still using an electric typewriter (no joke). he also had a bust of bear bryant in his entryway... im an auburn fan, i should have fled as soon as i saw that :)
im on my 2nd probate attorney. i go see him in the a.m.
brothers life insurance paperwork is complete & his 401k too
im still working on itemizing & pricing every item in my moms house so the renters insurance will pay out. theres a whole lot of crap that fits into a 5 bedroom house.. this is all such a pain..
on a happier note, i will still be in bama this weekend so i'm going to be able to go to the vintage festival at barber... thats my little ray of sunshine :)
as always thank you for letting me vent & all the good wishes sent my way :)
I was wondering how you were doing, glad to hear there's progress, slow as it may be. Good luck with plowing through the rest of the paperwork!
Catching the vintage festival is a ray of sunshine indeed, enjoy it!
[thumbsup] [thumbsup]
Have fun at Barber...nice way to take a break
electric typewriters? I love time-warp communities
holy shit, anniston.
that's a town i havne't heard about in over 15 years. I used to live outside of enterprise, went to school in new brockton.
glad to hear things are moving along.
also, war eagle!
Anybody that worships the "Bear" should be feared.
Congrats on the ray of light. Hopefully it is the light at the end of the tunnel
holy crap..... I don't know how I missed this thread.
I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to have to go through this.
I'm fairly certain I would not be handling it with the grace you've shown here.
my deepest condolences and most positive energy sent your way elyse
Carl and I have been away from the board for quite a little while. We are very sorry for your losses and are sending out positive thought and prayers your way. We are very sorry..
Quote from: pitbull on October 07, 2011, 06:10:56 PM
I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to have to go through this.
I'm fairly certain I would not be handling it with the grace you've shown here.
my deepest condolences and most positive energy sent your way elyse
not sure if i'd call it grace, but thank you :)
Quote from: Polpetta on October 07, 2011, 06:40:25 PM
Carl and I have been away from the board for quite a little while. We are very sorry for your losses and are sending out positive thought and prayers your way. We are very sorry..
i was wondering where you 2 have been. i hope all is well in your world.. thank you
Quote from: fastwin on October 26, 2011, 02:26:41 PM
Hey, not to make it so public, but you OK girl given all the stuff lately? Back in Cali?? [thumbsup]
no worries, i think i made it public myself :)
im doing fairly ok. some days/nights are worse than others. i got back to cali about a week & a half ago. the drive back was fairly uneventful except for the whining year old daschund i brought back with me.. he was my mom's dog, which brings my dog count up to 4. good thing i love animals :)
im not back at work yet, but my job has been beyond awesome. when i am ready to be back working theyve told me i can work from home. which is incredibly generous of them i think, especially since it's a big corporation i work for, you dont normally see empathy shown. (i work for adp, it's a payroll company, in case anyone is wondering).
right now im sorta in decompression mode. trying to take time to just kind of wrap my brain around everything. i've tried really hard not to be angry. i dont think it will serve any good purpose. & i stay away from asking why this happened, because i'll never know why...im just trying to stay focused on moving forward & creating a new normal.
most of everything is done now except for the probate. and the one thing that's holding that up is locating my niece. she's somewhere in berkeley & sadly homeless. i was able to reach her by phone once last week, but staying in touch with her & getting her to sign the paperwork that she needs to sign is a whole other issue...
hopefully im kinda on the homestretch of all of this & i'll be able to put it behind me as best as i can... as usual, i'll never be able to thank you all enough & i am definitely the dmf's biggest fan now <3
Awesome news gal!! You always know you can count on this giant group of misfits to distract you, crack you up, comfort, consul, etc. Like we've got something better to do? [laugh] Seriously, glad your home and have a new pooch. Better days ahead. [thumbsup] [wine] [bacon]
I am so dreadfuly sorry that you have gone through this-its truly awful.Wishing you peace and better days ahead.
Virtual hug is sent your way.
Erica.