Ducati Monster Forum

Main Entry: blurt
Pronunciation: \ˈblərt\
Function: transitive verb
Etymology: probably imitative
Date: 1573
: to utter abruptly and impulsively —usually used with out




Was thinking about this potentially deadly ailment.

A whole class of human affliction that has yet to be accorded its proper place in the Medical Journals and in the consciousness of the Socially Aware.

I believe Blurtism is a continuum ailment. At one end of the spectrum there is the example of the drunkard or parochial school student telling the Nun "Nice tits!!!" Which results in a Ninja-fast backhand slap across the face with Ring of St Joseph turned outward for brass-knuckle effect.

At the other extreme of the spectrum we may yet find a link to Tourette's Syndrome where-in the hapless sufferer may interrupt a moment of silence beside a burial plot at the interment of a young bride who died accidentally on her honeymoon, by screaming repeatedly a mantra of "make the beast with two backs Shit Piss Cock-sucker Cock-sucker"

There is no pity or compassion for the Blurtistic, only ugly reaction

drinks are hurled in their faces, the aforementioned example of slaps are a common occurrence and at the other extreme, fatal consequences may be suffered at the hands of the ignorant who arrange the impromptu live-burial of an otherwise healthy sufferer.

The time has come to put Blurtism on the medical map.  

It needs a symbol, a ribbon of some sort...perhaps in the form of a kidnapper's mouth gag...symbolizing the silence imposed about the condition and on those who suffer the condition.

Marches could be organized with placards saying "We're Walking the Talk for the Cure!!" or "Taking the Hurt out of Blurt"

Ribbon/Mouth Gag Pins for the lapel can be fabricated...adhesive stickers for the car as well

then when a Blurtistic person asks a young lady at a social gathering if her "Tits are real" or inquires if she is "Wearing a thong or going commando" or feels compelled to compliment her on a prominent Camel-toe...the initially offended party will see the lapel pin and understand that a different reaction to the question or observation is warranted and the question/compliment should be responded to with candor and compassion

I would think that as the medical community delves further into this disease formal training and certification of Licensed Blurticians can be instituted to counsel the afflicted. And then the entire catalogue of Blurtigical Disorders may finally be defined and treatments can be effected.

Web sites for the afflicted can be established where Blurtistics can write daily Blurgs and Blurging will help form a sense of community and unity

And then, perhaps someday in the future.....No longer will people be stricken by that voice in their head (the one that sounds like Lenny Bruce or Andrew Dice Clay) that swoops in out of nowhere to momentarily seize the vocal chords to do its damage!!

Anyway that's what I think...and I will start with this one seminal statement blurted-out devoid of shame "I am RAT900 and I am Blurtistic"

 [clap] [clap] [clap]


U shor du hav a way wit dem thar wurds!

boobies!

it's the NMC section here.   And for those who are more severely effected, it's CDC.    ;D

I wonder if you realise the severity of the disease and its contagiousness

I can see it now

man with blurtism calls 911 for help

fire truck gets there

medic asks what the problem is

man says

"I have Blurtism"

Lt rolls his eyes and tosses the clipboard back into the kit

The A/O exclaims

"Oh jesus make the beast with two backsing christ, are you make the beast with two backsing me? we got out of bed at 3:30am because you can't keep your make the beast with two backsing mouth shut?"

"make the beast with two backs you asshole"


and thus the disease passes on

I'm more than a little curious about what transpired to cause this little tid-bit to be created.

Rat probably has the taste of left foot in his mouth im guessing

Me too, but I'd like to hear just how eloquent he was putting it in there.   ;D

Guys it was bad...I would have made Archie Bunker cringe...here was the play

Daughter was up from NC with husband and my grandson who is 6 months old.  

I had a really long and bad day stuck in a car in endless traffic with my moron brother for 6 hours reciting episodes of The Wire which I have no interest in...

I dropped him off to his fat nasty wife and came home

to a house overflowing with son and daughters son in law and squalling grandson and a basement washtub overflowing with raw sewage into the wall-to-wall my wife insisted on putting down there

....overflowing because the step-daughters are still flushing their make the beast with two backsing tampons down the toilet and everything backed up

so I am in a house full of Midol candidates and an indoor swimming pool of sewage below after being trapped in a car with moron brother who has nothing intelligent to say about his crappy life so he bores you by filling the air with "home movie" level dialogue

Daughter is wearing a loose oversized t-shirt and pj pants with her frigging feedbags flopping around at her ankles...

she is all about maternity, breast-feeding motherhood and the birth experience and all the stuff that women love to immerse themselves in

I look at her and say good god honey don't they make foundation garments to support those things...you are going to trample and trip over them

I thought they were going to collectively drag me out into the yard for ritual castration

I am still apologizing for what apparently was an epic sized record-breaker in abject male insensivity

So there it is

Anyway everyone else on earth who gets busted drinking, drugging, make the beast with two backsing and gambling or some combination of the aforementioned gets to say they have a disease and they are getting treatment or going to a 12 Step Group or Rehab to deal with it...so I got to thinking I need blurting to be elevated accordingly

ohhhhh that's BAD!    [laugh]

My ailment is not unlike blurt.  Too often the filter between my brain and my mouth malfunctions. I understand. 

I hope you still have all your pieces parts, the sewage issue is resolved and you're all enjoying a Rockwell family dinner this evening.

 ;)    [beer]

While I can sympathize, I think the real problem was a lack of supporting testosterone from whatever males were present, overload on estrogen from the females present, and the systematic feminizing of our society to the point where every scenario imaginable needs to be a 'nurturing environment'.    ;D  I've got your back, if only symbolically, and too late. 

This reminds me of a story, about a girl I saw for a while.  She, in public, asked a mutual friend when she was due about 6 weeks post-partum.  Even I know better than that. 

You guys crack me the make the beast with two backs up.

 [clap]  I'm proud you spoke your mind.  Sometimes folks need a little "reality" in their life

Stress relief.

Dolph     :)

Yeah it was a pressure-relief valve popping

But just as Stella described it ...

my son pulled me aside later and said,, "Dad your mind-to-mouth filters have always been pretty sketchy but you just knocked one out of the park"

oh well 

 ;D [thumbsup]

I just read your "blurt" to my wife.  She loved it [clap] [clap] [clap] [clap] [clap]

Should this ailment be dubbed Blutarskitis?

Initially I was leaning toward Blurtilepsy as the seizures of the vocal chords can be either of the Grand Mal or Petit Mal variety (these seizures would be referred to as blurtations)

Agreed though that Animal House did offer a clinically illuminating display of how radically the affliction may be exacerbated through the unregulated use of substances in desperate attempts to self-medicate the condition

But then I thought of Autism and Aspergers and the greater Autistic Spectrum Disorder continuum and felt that as an intra-cranial malfunction it may sit better in the Autism Spectrum of brain disorders

Besides Autism seems to be trumping Epilepsy on the social concern/awareness scale lately so it seemed to make sense that I could hitch this up to autism and ride those coat tails to some sort of shabby semi-legitimacy  :)

With diagnoses numbering in the 1:150 to 1:66 range (depending who's numbers you believe...)

it's probably a good thing people are starting to pay attention.

Maybe I should post my concerns in NOGAS.  ;D

Indeed there is a lot of debate and controversy raging of late as to whether potential causes vs. improved diagnostics of Autism Spectrum are driving the stats to increase

One of my step-daughters teaches learning-disabled children for a living

I do not mean to entirely make light of what is a tragic occurrence in many people's lives

I didn't assume you were.

I know...it was a general statement

humor these days is risky business

There are funny ways to do it. ;)

"feedbags"

[laugh]

omfg was that funny

[laugh]

Rat,
Man, I know exactly what you are dealing with--I raised two daughters and at times the combined estrogen levels with them and the wife were so high I swear i could feel my balls trying to retreat into my abdominal cavity.  I usually ended up saying something completely chauvanistic just to keep them in place and hold the line of my maleness--it usually lasted about 14.76 seconds at which time I would retreat to the garage and reorganize my tools or rebuild the lawn-mower's engine or something.  You have not lived until you have travelled cross-country in a 1987 Honda Accord with a wife and two teen-aged daughters who are PMSing, and even simple questions like "are you getting hungry?" or "does anyone need a bathroom break?" are met with accusations of being the most insensitive man ever to walk the planet.  Good times for sure.       

[stands up]

Hi everyone. My name is SacDuc and I have Blurtism.

Rat....

When you end up writing your book...

Please give me some notice before it's done so I can start a publishing company to handle it

;D

My sister majored in Women's Studies at NYU.

While home on winter break one year, she found some fabric and a pattern she liked and set about making a skirt.

As she's sitting at the sewing machine stitching this thing together, my dad walks past her on the way to the laundry room.

"Hmm... Looks like those Women's Studies courses are paying off after all."

She didn't speak directly to him for the remaining week and a half of her vacation.

Exactly!!! that is the "Lenny Bruce/Dice Clay hijacking of the vocal chords" example of blurtism.....I had a similar one when my step-daughter after graduation from BU announced she got a job teaching ASL to Deaf children diagnosed with Autism in Philly...

the evil stand-up comic lurking in the back of my skull swooped in and said "isn't that like banging your head against the wall along with your students?"

another one sailed clear out of the park.

They forget that you funded and encouraged them in the pursuit of their dreams/goals/avocations and actually are staggered by the level of commitment and resolve they are demonstrating in helping others

like I said, blurtism robs the afflicted of so much

 [laugh]  Awesome thread  [clap]

well done  [clap]    [clap]


mitt

Good for you SacDuc.

[stands up]

Hi everyone. My name is Metallimonster and I have Blurtism.

And oh yeah, that filter thing- I didn't even know it existed.  I've stopped talking to any woman who remotely looks pregnant. 

As far as the whole preganancy issue goes, The only safe procedure I have found is to pretend no one is ever pregnant until they explicitly tell you so.

I do the same...

Absolutely, it is one of the basic rules of survival as a male. Even if you see an extra pair of little legs dangling below the hemline of the skirt...she is NOT pregnant unless she directly informs you.

It is a rule right up there with "never exit a men's room wiping your mouth"

I knew a guy that made a statement about this once to his wife and 2 daughters....he was waiting on the guys to come and pump out the septic tank which was jacked up by a bunch of feminine products.... so he made the statement by taking the remainder of the hundred count box of tampons and made a Karo Syrup and red food coloring mixture and dipped them tampons one by one in the syrup and flung them by the string like a bolo at the ceiling above the toilet till they were all stuck up there with the strings hanging down...once he was done and the crock was vaccuumed clean and the house wasn't backed up anymore( cause the ladies went to Grandma's house when it occurred) he called the other house to let them know it was all good and then went on a long drive in his car.....he came back to pissed off family, but proclaimed to them how much this episode cost and told them the next time they insisted on flushing them female items, they can wait and pay the service call, cause he can go and do his business on a tree.....the conversations in the house were silent for a while apparently...


now, I realize after typing this, it isn't an example of the syndrome...but that lil tidbit in the story reminded me of it and I had to share....

"Do these pants make me look fat?"

"Not so much the pants, but your hips."