Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole

[c_rex]

I can't express my sympathies deeply enough.  My heart is in my throat and tears in my eyes to think what you must be going through still.  I'm pretty sure that it would crush me entirely.  As much as anyone you've never met can offer anything resembling comfort my heart goes out to you.  Take care and hang in there.

[mstevens]

Thanks, everyone.

It's sort of odd that we do more to celebrate her birthday now than we did when she was alive. Helen went into a coma right before her birthday and spent her actual birthday having brain surgery to debulk her tumor.

Since I was a (very, very junior) faculty member at the time as a senior resident, they let us in to the PICU right after the surgery. Helen was already awake - she'd extubated herself and yanked the ventriculostomy tube right out of her head and was giggling away while waving one life-support tube in each little fist. The PICU director painted faces and patterns on them and let her keep them as birthday presents since we couldn't bring anything else in.

Ever since then, we've done something on her birthday that we think she would've enjoyed. Today it's a bicycle ride and picnic. Of course, if she were actually here I'm sure she'd think that was lame and would demand the car keys so she could go meet some boy to snog.

Off to make sammiches and get the spiderwebs off the bicycle seat.

[T-byrd]

Seeing as how I don't have children, I will never know your pain. 

I think the way you and your wife celebrate her life is wonderful, not easy but wonderful.  Enjoy her day and her memories. 

Happy Birthday Helen.

T

[Bun-bun]

you can't get hurt any worse than losing a child...there is nothing...worse.

Absolutely true.
I feel your pain.

My heart bleeds for you and your wife.

[dolci]

I cannot even imagine losing my daughter.  My heart hurts for you.  I think the way that you celebrate her birthday is wonderful (although she probably would think you were completely lame).

[raulduke]

I am so sorry.  Stay strong.  Be well.  Love someone, it all comes back.

make the beast with two backs the apologies.  You got a right...rant a little if it helps.

Peace.

[lilysmama]

I'm late in writing because I'm not online often, but I couldn't possibly read this board and not respond.  Despite the tears in my eyes.  I just wanted to share my sympathies.  I think you've experienced -- and endured -- the worst thing that anyone can.  We aren't supposed to outlive our children.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Michelle

[mstevens]

Thanks, everyone. It really does help.

I'm pretty close to my baseline level of obnoxiousness at this point. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled programming.