DMF joke thread

[Randimus Maximus]

A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks. The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but he couldn't understand what they were doing.

Finally, he approached the workers and asked, "I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again.

One of the city workers explained, "The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today."

[Randimus Maximus]

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the hell the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the Meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

One week later he called the National Weather Service again."Is it going to be a very cold winter?" he asked.

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied,"it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It looks like it's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy".

[Randimus Maximus]

Gladys was the preacher's wife and accompanied her husband each Sunday to church.

One particular Sunday when the sermon seemed to go on forever, many in the congregation fell asleep.

After the service, to be sociable, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman. In an attempt to revive him from his stupor, she extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."

To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"

[ducpainter]

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were talking the other day, and Thibodeaux told Boudreaux that he had asked Clotile the night before to have sex, but he wanted to try it a different way.
He told her he wanted to try it "doggy style". Boudreaux asked him, "Mais, dat sounds like fun. How was it ?"
Thibodeaux told him, "Aw, it wasn't much. I sat up an' begged, an' Clotile rolled over an' played dead

[ducpainter]

Boudreaux was walking down the levee the other day, and as he passed old man Thibodeaux's house, he noticed that Thibodeaux was sitting on the front porch, wearing nothing at all from the waist down.
This naturally got Boudreaux's attention, and he asked Thibodeaux, "My fren, why for you sittin' der nekked wid no pants on like dat ?"
Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, it's like dis. A couple weeks ago, I sat out here widdout a shirt, and got me a stiff neck. Dis was Clotile's idea !"