The Official MOB Joke Thread

[hypurone]

I've seen a few "unofficial" threads pop up here and there, let's get it started for real: 

The Wedding Test


I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

 

There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was 22, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate, because she never did it when she was near anyone else.


One day, her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.


She said, ''I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'' I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!  With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, ''We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.''




And the moral of this story is ... always keep your condoms in your car.

[Desmostro]

Corny warning. 

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at  the moment,
it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person,  which
 almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Pokey' died  peacefully
at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his  family was getting
him into the coffin. They put his left leg in....  And  then the
trouble started.

[Blake]

THE ITALIAN TOMATO GARDEN

An old Italian man lived alone in the country.  He wanted to dig over his Tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.  His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.  The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

 

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my Tomato garden this year.  I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.  I know if you were here my troubles would be over.  I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

 

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

 

Dear Dad,

Don't dig up that garden.  That's where I buried the bodies.   

Love, Vinnie

 

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.  They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

 

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.  That's the best I could do under the circumstances.   

 

[Blake]

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where
they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel
schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on
Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so
he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left
out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error,
sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her
husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory
following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives
and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and
fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the
floor, and saw the computer screen which read:



To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2005


I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and
you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just
arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then!!!!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!   

 

 

 

[Blake]

This is my last contribution to this thread for a while.......but it's a good one...

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette Convertible out of the dealership.

 

Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

 

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

 

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

 

He floored it to 110 mph...then 120... then 130.

Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

 

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday, if you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

 

The old gentleman paused, then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

 

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

[hypurone]

One day in math class, the teacher poses a word probkem to the class. She says, "There are 5 crows on a wire and you shoot one of them. How many are left?"

Sarah replies, "There are 4 left"

The teacher says, "That's correct"

Johnny waves his arm frantically and interjects, "But Mrs. Jones, if you shoot one of 'em they will all fly away and there won't be any left"

The teacher says, "Well technically there would be 4 left but I like your thinking"

Johnny says, "Mrs. Jones, you have 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream. One is licking around the edge of the scoop, one is biting the scoop and one is gobbling the whole thing down! Which one is married?

A little flustered, the teacher answers, "Well it must be the one gobbling it down"

Johnny says, "Well technically Mrs. Jones, it is the one with the ring on her finger, but I like your thinkin!"   

[johnc]

two cannibals are eating a comedian ...

one cannibal asks the other "does this taste funny to you?"