Friday Funnies??

[Jukie]

yes i guess that is a good thing hey Danno

[dragonworld.]

The Wedding Ring

A man went to the hospital in Cooktown, Queensland to have his wedding ring  cut off  from his penis.

According to the nurse attending the operation, the patient's girlfriend found the ring in his pants pocket.

She didn't know he was married and she was so mad she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.


I don't know what's worse:

1) Having your girl friend find out you're married.

2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring  got on your penis.

OR...

3) Finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.


Tough call. You decide.

Bloody, decisions decisions. Sheeeesh     

[Jukie]

i reckon this one would be the worse
3) Finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.
 

[dragonworld.]

Unless you have hands like a gorilla??   

[Jukie]

iam sure dragon your wont fit this category, I'm sure you is very satisfying

[dragonworld.]

Ya got any peanuts??

I'll be out swinging in my tree !    

[dragonworld.]

The chief woman 'Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist', who was responsible for getting horses banned from National parks and State forests, was climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Frogmouth Owl attacked her for invading its nesting site.
 
In a panic to escape, she slid down the tree, getting a great number of splinters lodged in her crotch area. In considerable pain she hurried to the nearest doctor, told him she was an environmentalist and how she got all the splinters.
 
The doctor listened with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She waited for 3 hours before the doctor reappeared. Angry, the woman demanded, 'What took you so long?'
 
'Well...' replied the doctor, '...I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency; the Forestry Service; the National Parks and Wildlife Service; the Wilderness Society and the Department of Conservation and Land Management before I could remove 'old growth timber' from a 'recreational area' . . . I'm sorry but they all turned me down.'

[dragonworld.]

25 REASONS why I love MY MOTHER

 
 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.
 
 2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
 'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
 
 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'
 
 4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
 ' Because I said so, that's why.'
 
 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'
 
 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
 
 7. My mother taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, a nd I'll give you something to cry about.'
 
 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper'
 
 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?'
 
 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'
 
 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
 'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'
 
 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
 'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
 'Stop acting like your father!'

 15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
 'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
 'Just wait until we get home.'
 
 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
 'You are going to get it when you get home!'
 
 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'
 
 19. My mother taught me ESP.
 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'
 
 20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
 'When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, don't come running to me.'
 
 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'
 
 22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
 'You're just like your father.'

 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
 ' Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

 24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.'          

[Jukie]

very very good Dragon and i remember them well

[dragonworld.]

very very good Dragon and i remember them well

And some you invariably rehash when you have your own offspring!?!     

[Jukie]

i dont have any offsprings

[dragonworld.]

Yet?? 

Gotta keep practicing??   

[Jukie]

keep practicing but not going to happen

[Spider]

keep practicing but not going to happen

you got Betty though!

[Jukie]

what as a baby you right there spider