Friday Funnies??

[dragonworld.]

Heh, heh, heh, (Very rude snigger  )

[dragonworld.]

Daddy, How was I born?A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via email with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little 'Pop-Up' appeared that said Scroll down
You'll love this
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤
¤

'You have Male!'

[Jukie]

yes very good dragon

[ptooey]

[Jukie]

thats gotta hurt your balls

[dragonworld.]

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.   
He replies:   'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'   
She answers,  'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have sex with a nun.'

She responds,
'Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, You have to be single
#2, You must be Catholic.
# 3, I have to save my virginity, you will have to enter me from behind.

The cab driver is very excited and says,   
'Yes, I'm single, Catholic, and Im happy to enter from behind!'

'OK'  the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley..'

The nun fulfills his fantasy, in a way that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned.  I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish..'

The nun says, 'That's OK.   My name is Kevin and I'm going to fancy dress party

[Jukie]

hhhmmm what can i say

[dragonworld.]

UUmmm, dont get into a Taxi dressed as aNun??? 

[Jukie]

yes that wil do

[dragonworld.]

Be Warned!! 

Read at own Peril!!        

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......

'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'

'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved 'Eees a bacon tree.'

'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'

'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.

And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

'Pepe... go back man, you was right ees not a bacon tree.'

'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?

'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...

Ees

Ees


Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees






 

 

Eees a Ham Bush.

[dragonworld.]

The Vicar's Salary

At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago, stands up and proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says,
'If the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.'
There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'F#@* him'

[Jukie]

hhmmm nice

[brimo]

I was a very happy man.    My wonderful girlfriend

and I had been dating for over a year, and so we

decided to get married. There was only one

little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful

younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very

tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She

would regularly bend down when she was near

me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to

be deliberate, because she never did it when she was

near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to

come over to check the wedding invitations. She was

alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she

had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't

overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once

before I got married and committed my life to her sister.


Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.


She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if

you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'


I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go

up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned

and made a beeline straight to the front door. I

opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing

outside, all clapping!


With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and

said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our

little test. We couldn't ask for a better

man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:   




Always keep your condoms in your car.

[Jukie]

yes i can see, you dragon have being in this situation before NO

[dragonworld.]

Ummm maybe?? But I carry my dingers in my wallet.