The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom."
The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."
pregnant doges to the end.
Man, I'll tell ya, women are cold until the end!
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad
news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the
waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we
celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't
well.. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.'
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less sober.
There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end,
'I've been diagnosed with AIDS..' The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'
'Because I don't want any of those pregnant doges sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order
