Friday Funnies??

[Spider]

as someone with great Scottish heritage in my veins......that's damn funny!!!!

[dragonworld.]

Me too Laddie!! Och aye!! 

[dragonworld.]

Paddy has broken his leg and his mate Mick goes round to see him.

Mick says, 'How you doin?'

Paddy says 'Do us a favour, nip upstairs and get me slippers, me feet
are freezing.'

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters
sitting on the bed ..... He says, 'Your dad's sent me up here to shag the both of you'.

They say, 'Get away with ya ... prove it.'

Mick shouts downstairs 'Paddy, both of em?'

Paddy shouts back, 'Of course both of em, what's the point of f@#*+$@ one !!!!

[Jukie]

naughty naughty dragon

[dragonworld.]

I need disciplining....................................badly!!

[Jukie]

Ill discipline you Dragon alright

[bazz20]

[Jukie]

he he he you got t right well done Bazz

[bazz20]

thank you mistress of ozmonsters

[dragonworld.]

A SIMPLE STATEMENT OF FACT!! 


ROCK...........Rock beats scissors!

PAPER..........Paper beats rock!

SCISSORS.....Scissors beats paper!

BLOW JOB......NOTHING beats a BLOWJOB!! 

[sydmonster]

A SIMPLE STATEMENT OF FACT!! 


ROCK...........Rock beats scissors!

PAPER..........Paper beats rock!

SCISSORS.....Scissors beats paper!

BLOW JOB......NOTHING beats a BLOWJOB!! 

hmmm 6 months ago that would have been boobies...
but you cant stop process

[FIFO]

Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The
stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'

Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!'

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are
flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!'

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of
amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses &
lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want dont you?'

'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'

Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not
servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a
death trap!

Paddy's chat up lines:

1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!
4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts
tighten up!
6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a
light switch away!

[Jukie]

very very good Rob S. give me more

[FIFO]

         
                        Here's one for the girls

"THE BLONDE AND THE COW"

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Rockhampton grazier.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the grazier says to Amy,

'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The grazier leaves to check the fencing in the top paddock. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.

Amy takes him down to the cattle yards. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'

The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?'

'That's simple she said, by the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,

'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

(It's nice to see a blonde winning once in awhile. :-)

[FIFO]

                ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how
many kinds of boobs are there?

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of
boobs:

In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50,
they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,

'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?.

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear,
a man goes through three phases.
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak
tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch,
flexible but reliable.
After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration.'