The Genuine/Official (more or less) NMMR Joke Thread

[Zaster]

Well, you guys are more knowledgeable than I am.  I haven't been to Europe yet.  My great-great grandfather came over from France and settled in Missouri.  Later the family moved to Oklahoma.  So, since I am not first generation French, I can't take much credit or blame for any of their attitudes or actions.  I have read up on their history and current culture.  I do stand by them and am more sympathetic to their nature than the average American.  They take a lot of abuse from just about everyone on their politics.  That probably accounts for some of their spikiness.  OKay, I'm done.  Fire away. 

Nothing wrong with your French connection......I visited the home of Jeanne d' Arc who was one bad ass lady....so are you   
Learn to live with it

[dusty]

Hey, you shave your legs and pits so you're ok with me. 

[Scottish]

Well, you guys are more knowledgeable than I am.  I haven't been to Europe yet.  My great-great grandfather came over from France and settled in Missouri.  Later the family moved to Oklahoma.  So, since I am not first generation French, I can't take much credit or blame for any of their attitudes or actions.  I have read up on their history and current culture.  I do stand by them and am more sympathetic to their nature than the average American.  They take a lot of abuse from just about everyone on their politics.  That probably accounts for some of their spikiness.  OKay, I'm done.  Fire away. 

Seems like just yesterday we were talking about this??>...  OK I get it. Tell me more.

[bonfy]

Seems like just yesterday we were talking about this??>...  OK I get it. Tell me more.

Which reminds me, don't forget to write and thank your Grandma for the money...   You'd better thank them for the small sums if you want to stay in the will for the big ones.   

Hey, you shave your legs and pits so you're ok with me. 

Yup, I'm always packin' my lip gloss and a razor.  At least I've got that going for me. 
Hey, have you checked out the French ladies lately?  They seem to be past the post-WWI era.  Once again, I only know what the media presents, but they seem to be pretty on top of things these days.   

Nothing wrong with your French connection......I visited the home of Jeanne d' Arc who was one bad ass lady....so are you   
Learn to live with it

You're the bomb, Zaster, you always put a positive spin on things.  I'm not worthy.  Back at ya!!   

[dusty]

Which reminds me, don't forget to write and thank your Grandma for the money...   You'd better thank them for the small sums if you want to stay in the will for the big ones.  

Spoken like a true MOM. 

Yup, I'm always packin' my lip gloss and a razor.  At least I've got that going for me. 
Hey, have you checked out the French ladies lately?  They seem to be past the post-WWI era.  Once again, I only know what the media presents, but they seem to be pretty on top of things these days.  

Nope.  Haven't checked them out recently, but good to know they have modernized.  Phew!

You're the bomb, Zaster, you always put a positive spin on things.  I'm not worthy.  Back at ya!!   

I concur! Cheers to you, Zaster! 

[DucMouse the Mighty]

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[Zaster]

I have nothing against the HD crowd but I thought this quote is funny:

"Harley Davidson - The most effective way to turn gasoline into noise without the side effect of horsepower."

[DucMouse the Mighty]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and said, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

So how come I make $39,675 a year, a pretty small salary and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"


The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic................................
"Try doing it with the engine running."

[dusty]

I like that   

[DucMouse the Mighty]

 A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular biker bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his motorcycle. After trying his keys on five other bikes, he finally found his own bike. He sat on his motorcycle in a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, and again on and off. He started his engine and pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00.  The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" he exclaimed. "I doubt it," said the man, "You see, tonight I am the designated decoy... I haven't had a drink all day!"

[DucMouse the Mighty]

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live together. One night the 96-year-0ld draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yells.
The 94-year-old hollers back, "I don't know, I'll come up to see." She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, "Was I going up or going down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful", and knocks on wood for good measure. Then she yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."









There once was an old man who was about to die. He told his wife to put a bag of money in the attic "When I die I'll get it on my way up." chuckled the old man. Well when the old man died the wife went up to the attic and found that the bag of money was still there. "I knew I should have put that money in the cellar!" said the old woman.

[Zaster]

Here is one for the ladies:
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots.  He arrests him for indecent exposure.
> As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you walking around like this?"
> The cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff, I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did." 
 
> "We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt. So I did.
> Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants. So I did.
> Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts. so I did.
> Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy.'
> And here I am."
> Son of a gun, blonde men do exist ! 
 

[dusty]

   

I kept picturing Brad Pitt's character from Thelma and Louise.     

[bonfy]

Ummmmmm, yummmmmy......

 

 

(auto-reply to all posts regarding Brad Pitt)

[dusty]

(auto-reply to all posts regarding Brad Pitt)

You can do that??