The Genuine/Official (more or less) NMMR Joke Thread

[Kawboy]

One hasn't been started yet. So I thought I would share withall of you a race I had with a H  . . .  Har  .  .  .  Harley.  Whew!  There.  I got it out.

I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed
to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really
twisting sections of mountain road with no straight sections to
speak of and where most of the bends have warning signs that
say "MAX SPEED 30 MPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those
big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where
handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could
catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and
cornering. Three corners later, I was on his mudguard. Catching him
was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the
mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly
got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd
manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but
when we came out he'd get on the throttle and out-power me. His
horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me
more determined than ever.

My only hope was to out-brake him. I held off squeezing the lever
until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an
instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of
his engine as he struggled to keep up. Three more miles to go before
the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I
stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the
canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see
him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles
before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I
was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the
tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more
than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. Though it was
not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the mountain and I had
preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of Brit iron.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedaled
so hard in my life. And, some of the credit must go to Raleigh
cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...

[Scottish]

  Damn I need a head scratching smiley... cause I was wondering?? 

[Zaster]

Kawboy,
That's hilariously suspensefull.....
I will forward this to my HD friends including your phone number and home address

[Kawboy]

Kawboy,
That's hilariously suspensefull.....
I will forward this to my HD friends including your phone number and home address

I'd be worried if I knew you had them   .   .   .   or do you???

Sigh    . . .    How much do shotguns cost now-a-days?   

[bonfy]

 

   You had me going, too!  What a hoot!

All I know is that even their pictures will slow a computer down and hog up oodles of megabytes.  I have to go buy another memory stick or a notebook to get the three or four shots I got of them in Carrizozo! 

[Zaster]

Not much going on this time of year riding wise... Thought I share this

[bonfy]

 

I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed that!

 

[Zaster]

Didn't mean to hold out on you, but here is my favorite:


As you can tell I got waaaay to much time on my hands

[bonfy]

Wow, I had never seen that side of your sense of humor.      How come you never bust out at DucNight on that note??

[Zaster]

I'm just a modest guy barely getting to know you all.. wouldn't want to expose myself to just anyone
BTW, couldn't have run into a better bunch of good people

[ducducgooseme]

A tale of two diaries:

HER DIARY : Tonight I thought my boyfriend was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.. I asked him what was wrong; he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later he came to bed. To my surprise he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY: I lost a street race to a Honda today, but at least I got laid.

[Punx Clever]

Probably NSFW.... fair warning before you click play.

[Kawboy]

Couldn't leave the Condom family as the latest addition, so try this:

WHAT DO DEER THINK?
 
 Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting.
 
 The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?' "
 
 Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French."
 
 The interview ended at that point.




I like Ted.

[Punx Clever]

A tale of two diaries:

Results of sending joke to girlfriend:

Her:
I'd like to think you and I communicate better than that. 

And that you wouldn't do that to me. 

Although I could just be deluded... what do you think?

Me:
I thought it was funny.

[Zaster]

This is one of the funnier superbowl commercials:
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