Belle, Does This Count for the Ticker?

[desmoquattro]

I'm on the fence for this one. I was riding my Yamaha home from work yesterday, westbound on Howard, when I split lanes and pulled up to a stoplight at 6th St. I was at the front, about to go when the light turned green, then BAM! All of a sudden I was on the ground, bike on its left side revving out of control.

I knew right away that something had hit me from behind, but I didn't see a car bumper attached to me or my bike so I thought maybe a motorcycle was splitting lanes behind me and didn't stop. But there was no motorcycle...just a scruffy bicycle messenger (yes, a bicycle messenger...like Puck from the Real World, except he was an actual bike messenger) on the ground next to me. I thought WTF???.

The messenger started getting up, asking if I was OK. On adrenaline, I picked the bike up and started to wheel it to the curb so we could be out of traffic. Sadly, all the potential witnesses in cars drove off. So I manage to get the bike over to the curb, onto the center stand, get my helmet off, and sat down on a fire hydrant. The messenger didn't seem injured, but I could tell the guy was high...bloodshot eyes, slow reaction time, etc. He had been blowing between cars at high speed and just plowed into me. So I started looking the bike over, looking myself over, and managed to find some minor damage...bent rearset, scratched fairing, scratched top box, scratched helmet, torn suit.

When I told the guy that we needed to exchange information he just said "make the beast with two backs You, your bike's fine" and started riding off. At that point I faced a moral dilemma.

If the old Joe (both pre- and post-mullet) had been in this situation, I would've mounted the bike, chased the guy down, tackled him (or stuck a foot in his spokes), and, um, rendered the idiot unconscious until the  arrived. He likely would've ended up in the hospital. And you can say all you want about how tough bike messengers are and how they carry bicycle locks, but I guarantee that I'm a lot tougher and meaner than this idiot...plus he was high.

But I figured that the minute I take this guy down the cops will be there to arrest me for a felony, so the modern-day less troglodytic Joe took over and I called 911 as the guy rode off. The 911 operator made me stay there and wait for the cops...who took 25 minutes to get there. This was the middle of the tenderloin...you'd think the cops would be there faster, since they're always in the area rousting homeless people. But no dice...the guy got away, and the cops wouldn't even go looking for him. In fact, one of the cops (a guy who had worked with my dad before he retired from the force) told me half-jokingly that I should just frequent the bike messenger spots, cover my license plate, and take it out of the guy's hide when I find him.

So my question for 'Belle is this: when I find the guy and beat him into a coma, does that count as two ticker wrecks or just one?

[Michael Moore]

I think we need a "Random Shit" ticker for things like this, or a big bird landing on your bike and tipping it over. 

[Spidey]

You were stopped and got taken out by a bicycle?!?!  Someone hates you.  What, did you wear your "God can suck my balls" T-shirt that day?

[TCK!]

Lack of physical repercussions for actions taken against others has greatly declined, in my opinion, the remorsefulness of our fellow Americans.

I believe your foresight will pay off for you in the long run, although, immediate gratification was selflessly sacrificed. Fortunately for you, in large cities sometimes beatings that aren't severe enough to warrant hospitalization are swept under the rug to allow those patrolling the streets time to deal with more serious violators. I wish you luck in your hunt and I'm sure a sock of quarters presented to him in an appropriate fashion would immediately change his perspective on fleeing from a scene of an accident.

[desmoquattro]

You were stopped and got taken out by a bicycle?!?!  Someone hates you.  What, did you wear your "God can suck my balls" T-shirt that day?

Ironically, this was the one day I wasn't wearing that kind of t-shirt. I think it was the dumb (as you call it) trying to extract its revenge on relatively intelligent people.

Lack of physical repercussions for actions taken against others has greatly declined, in my opinion, the remorsefulness of our fellow Americans.

I believe your foresight will pay off for you in the long run, although, immediate gratification was selflessly sacrificed. Fortunately for you, in large cities sometimes beatings that aren't severe enough to warrant hospitalization are swept under the rug to allow those patrolling the streets time to deal with more serious violators. I wish you luck in your hunt and I'm sure a sock of quarters presented to him in an appropriate fashion would immediately change his perspective on fleeing from a scene of an accident.

Oh, I'll find the guy. Then I'm gonna call up some hard-ass pipe-hittin' n#$$@s to go to work on the holmes with a blow torch and a pair of pliers.

[Popeye the Sailor]

I'm not sure why there was a moral dilemma. Run the make the beast with two backser down from behind. Park on him, and lower your hot exhaust onto his forehead.

When he wants to exchange information, just tell him "make the beast with two backs you, your bikes fine" and ride off.


I see no reason you should not be an instrument of karma.

[desmoquattro]

I see no reason you should not be an instrument of karma.

...other than a potential felony assault charge.

[Popeye the Sailor]

...other than a potential felony assault charge.

Meh-you had 25 mins to do damages and escape.

[desmoquattro]

Meh-you had 25 mins to do damages and escape.

No. If I had done anything the cops would've been there faster. That's how SFPD operates.

[Spidey]

...other than a potential felony assault charge.

If they deserve it and you really, really mean it, it's not illegal.  Trust me . . . I know law n' stuff. 

[mostrobelle]

So you got butt-humped from a tweaked out cyclist splitting lanes?  The p.c. thing to say is, "That sucks!"  and I truly mean that with 99.9% of my being.  The other 0.01% is laughing hard--not at you, just at the situation.  Fortunately you didn't get hurt!   

I'm going to toss it up there as a reminder to watch out for random crap I guess.  The crash ticker just notes crashes and doesn't judge who's at fault.  It's just a reminder to ride mindfully and hopefully get people to talk about crashing so we can avoid doing it.  I sure as hell know that I'm going to watch out a lot more for cyclists now!  I always knew that they take a little extra gumption to run over, but never thought that they might pose a threat from behind. 

[desmoquattro]

If they deserve it and you really, really mean it, it's not illegal.  Trust me . . . I know law n' stuff. 

Yeah, but you already know how cops have the uncanny ability to make their own law. And we're not in the south...he needed killin' isn't a valid legal defense here.

[MendoDave]

It still sounds better than running into a flying Vulture. Who you gonna kill then? besides if you just forget about it you will probably run into the guy unexpectantly. Maybe he has a delivery to your work.

[mostrobelle]

You're spending a lot of time rationalizing why you shouldn't have put the hurt on this guy, when you could be out happily hosing blood and hair of of your bike instead. 

[sidm]

Glad you're okay.

Let me know what the make the beast with two backser looks like. I live 6 blocks and work 4 blocks away from your incident. Happy to stick random objects in his spokes as he's flying down Howard next time, helping deliver these messages around the neighborhood.