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DMF joke thread
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Topic: DMF joke thread (Read 443714 times)
kopfjäger
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Feral 859
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1455 on:
February 16, 2014, 02:31:37 PM »
^^
Weak ass make the beast with two backsing joke!!
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“Woohoohoohoo! Two personal records! For breath holding and number of sharks shot in the frickin\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Skybarney
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Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1456 on:
February 16, 2014, 02:40:06 PM »
Yup not a great one, kinda dated.
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DarkMonster620
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Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1457 on:
February 18, 2014, 05:34:02 PM »
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Carlos
I said I was smart, never that I had my shit together
Quote from: ducatiz on March 27, 2014, 07:34:34 AM
Ducati is the pretty girl that can't walk in heels without stumbling. I still love her.
"When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
ducpainter
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DILLIGAF
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1458 on:
February 19, 2014, 03:33:36 PM »
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
perspective
is even more amazing than yours."
To realize the value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent.”
ungeheuer
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Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1459 on:
February 19, 2014, 04:03:25 PM »
^^
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Randimus Maximus
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Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1460 on:
February 22, 2014, 03:58:17 PM »
A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/ West Virginia State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a juggler and was on his way to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him. While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy traveling from Tennessee got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.”
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Quote from: Jacob on June 06, 2011, 11:07:02 AM
you may be a god
kopfjäger
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Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1461 on:
February 22, 2014, 04:39:51 PM »
^^^^ you were losing me till the punch line.
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“Woohoohoohoo! Two personal records! For breath holding and number of sharks shot in the frickin\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
DarkMonster620
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Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1462 on:
February 23, 2014, 11:36:44 AM »
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Carlos
I said I was smart, never that I had my shit together
Quote from: ducatiz on March 27, 2014, 07:34:34 AM
Ducati is the pretty girl that can't walk in heels without stumbling. I still love her.
"When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
DarkMonster620
According to some, a bottomless pit eating machine
Post Whore
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Posts: 38040
Enjoying the ride
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1463 on:
February 23, 2014, 04:05:24 PM »
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Carlos
I said I was smart, never that I had my shit together
Quote from: ducatiz on March 27, 2014, 07:34:34 AM
Ducati is the pretty girl that can't walk in heels without stumbling. I still love her.
"When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
zooom
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when your gas is natural and has a name...
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1464 on:
February 27, 2014, 01:06:35 PM »
early friday joke for our Aussie friends...and a late Thursday joke for the other hemispherians....
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy. One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.”
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
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kopfjäger
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Feral 859
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1465 on:
March 02, 2014, 06:05:13 PM »
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“Woohoohoohoo! Two personal records! For breath holding and number of sharks shot in the frickin\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
ducpainter
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DILLIGAF
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1466 on:
March 02, 2014, 06:10:52 PM »
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"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
perspective
is even more amazing than yours."
To realize the value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent.”
Desert Dust
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"There's no glamour in Nirvana, no glamour at all"
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1467 on:
March 02, 2014, 06:16:35 PM »
That's so funny!! And it's not even X or even R rated.
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07 S2R 1K: "You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”
Monsterlover
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I will save Skynet from Sarah Connor
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1468 on:
March 02, 2014, 07:07:56 PM »
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"The Vincent was like a bullet that went straight; the Ducati is like the magic bullet in Dallas that went sideways and hit JFK and the Governor of Texas at the same time."--HST **"A man who works with his hands is a laborer. A man who works with his hands and his brain is a craftsman. A man who works with his hands, brains, and heart is an artist." -Louis Nizer**
MendoDave
Guest
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #1469 on:
March 10, 2014, 07:44:29 PM »
A computer programers wife sent her husband to the store with instructions to get a loaf of bread and If there are eggs to get a dozen. The husband brought home 12 loaves of bread.
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