Ducati Monster Forum

powered by:
November 28, 2024, 03:05:48 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Welcome to the DMF
 
   Home   Help Search Login Register  
* Discussion Boards
Introduce Yourself
FAQs and Policies

General Monster Forum
Remembering our friends...in Memorium
Riding Techniques
Tutorials
Tech
Accessories & Mods
Gear
Racing & Trackdays
Stolen Motorcycles

No Moto Content
Board Tech Issues

Local Club Boards
BOMb
RCP

* Sponsors
Valley Desmo Service
California Cycleworks
MotorcycleGear.Com
Monsterparts
Minor Sponsor Board
Sponsor Info

* Flea Market
Monsters for Sale
Monsters Wanted
Other Bikes
Parts for Sale
Parts Wanted
Gear for Sale
Misc for Sale/Wanted

Pages: 1 ... 103 104 [105] 106 107 ... 148   Go Down
« previous next »
  Print  
Author Topic: DMF joke thread  (Read 443512 times)
triangleforge
I'm just a guy. I'm no
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 3185


2000 Cagiva Gran Canyon


WWW
« Reply #1560 on: May 14, 2015, 09:34:59 AM »
Logged
By hammer and hand all arts do stand.
2000 Cagiva Gran Canyon
kopfjäger
Post Whore
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 33008


Feral 859


WWW
« Reply #1561 on: May 14, 2015, 11:52:44 AM »
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"  "Yes," replies the little girl.  "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.  The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"  The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"  "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
Logged
“Woohoohoohoo! Two personal records! For breath holding and number of sharks shot in the frickin\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Needle99
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 4339
« Reply #1562 on: May 14, 2015, 12:52:01 PM »
Quote from: Desert Dust on May 13, 2015, 09:36:35 PM
24?
none  Grin
Logged
2004 S4R, Full Termi Kit, marving midpipe, DP Clutch pressure plate, Rizoma Open Clutch Cover,  Ducabike Slave Cyl and some tasteful carbon blingy goodness
ducpainter
The Often Hated
Flounder-Administrator
Post Whore
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 78774


DILLIGAF
« Reply #1563 on: May 14, 2015, 03:47:07 PM »
Quote from: triangleforge on May 14, 2015, 09:34:59 AM

laughingdp laughingdp laughingdp laughingdp laughingdp laughingdp
Logged
"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
 a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
 perspective
    is even more amazing than yours."
    To realize the value of nine  months:
    Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent.”
DarkMonster620
According to some, a bottomless pit eating machine
Post Whore
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 38037


Enjoying the ride


WWW
« Reply #1564 on: May 22, 2015, 09:52:27 AM »
A friend of mine got a phone at 0300h . . . The guy on the side of the phone tells him "We've got your wife, if you want to see her again, you have to give us $300.00" . . . Guy pauses and tells the person on the phone "my wife is right besides me in bed, but, gimme a call tomorrow morning, this deal interests me" . . .  Shocked
Logged
Carlos
I said I was smart, never that I had my shit together
Quote from: ducatiz on March 27, 2014, 07:34:34 AM
Ducati is the pretty girl that can't walk in heels without stumbling. I still love her.
"When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
Johnny OrganDonor
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 554
« Reply #1565 on: May 30, 2015, 06:29:33 AM »


Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
 
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
 
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
 
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
 
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
 
Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."
 
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. "Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"
 
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."
Logged
Monsterlover
The best kind of whore is a
Post Whore
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 18352


I will save Skynet from Sarah Connor
« Reply #1566 on: May 30, 2015, 07:24:12 AM »
laughingdp

Oh boy
Logged
"The Vincent was like a bullet that went straight; the Ducati is like the magic bullet in Dallas that went sideways and hit JFK and the Governor of Texas at the same time."--HST    **"A man who works with his hands is a laborer.  A man who works with his hands and his brain is a craftsman.  A man who works with his hands, brains, and heart is an artist."  -Louis Nizer**
kopfjäger
Post Whore
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 33008


Feral 859


WWW
« Reply #1567 on: May 30, 2015, 11:37:43 AM »
Logged
“Woohoohoohoo! Two personal records! For breath holding and number of sharks shot in the frickin\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
DarkMonster620
According to some, a bottomless pit eating machine
Post Whore
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 38037


Enjoying the ride


WWW
« Reply #1568 on: June 07, 2015, 08:21:55 AM »
Logged
Carlos
I said I was smart, never that I had my shit together
Quote from: ducatiz on March 27, 2014, 07:34:34 AM
Ducati is the pretty girl that can't walk in heels without stumbling. I still love her.
"When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
Popeye the Sailor
For $50 you can touch my
Post Whore
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 16531
« Reply #1569 on: June 28, 2015, 09:19:14 AM »
A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculate Mary and says, "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross."

Sister Immaculate Mary rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Immaculate Mary rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently and asks, "Was that cross enough?"


A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices. After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price." Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."


After another heavy snow, old Nate donned his boots and winter coat and slowly made his way shovel in hand to begin shoveling his driveway. The snow was wet and the going tough. He felt the sweat run down his back, his breathing was labored and there was a tightening in his chest, but he pushed on.

He had just reached the end of his driveway when he looked up and saw standing there the grim reaper himself. Knowing this was the end, he threw down his shovel in disgust and proclaimed "Did you have to wait until AFTER I finished?"
Logged
If the state had not cut funding for the mental institutions, this project could never have happened.
ducpainter
The Often Hated
Flounder-Administrator
Post Whore
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 78774


DILLIGAF
« Reply #1570 on: June 29, 2015, 03:41:36 AM »
Bastard... Grin
Logged
"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
 a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
 perspective
    is even more amazing than yours."
    To realize the value of nine  months:
    Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent.”
Popeye the Sailor
For $50 you can touch my
Post Whore
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 16531
« Reply #1571 on: June 29, 2015, 09:48:52 AM »
Quote from: ducpainter on June 29, 2015, 03:41:36 AM
Bastard... Grin

I changed the name....just for you.  Kiss
Logged
If the state had not cut funding for the mental institutions, this project could never have happened.
ducpainter
The Often Hated
Flounder-Administrator
Post Whore
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 78774


DILLIGAF
« Reply #1572 on: June 29, 2015, 02:28:15 PM »
Quote from: Satellite smithy on June 29, 2015, 09:48:52 AM
I changed the name....just for you.  Kiss
I knew that... Kiss
Logged
"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
 a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
 perspective
    is even more amazing than yours."
    To realize the value of nine  months:
    Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent.”
Monsterlover
The best kind of whore is a
Post Whore
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 18352


I will save Skynet from Sarah Connor
« Reply #1573 on: June 30, 2015, 06:47:49 PM »
laughingdp
Logged
"The Vincent was like a bullet that went straight; the Ducati is like the magic bullet in Dallas that went sideways and hit JFK and the Governor of Texas at the same time."--HST    **"A man who works with his hands is a laborer.  A man who works with his hands and his brain is a craftsman.  A man who works with his hands, brains, and heart is an artist."  -Louis Nizer**
Needle99
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 4339
« Reply #1574 on: July 01, 2015, 03:00:09 AM »
If the joke was Old Greg I would have been worried.....
Logged
2004 S4R, Full Termi Kit, marving midpipe, DP Clutch pressure plate, Rizoma Open Clutch Cover,  Ducabike Slave Cyl and some tasteful carbon blingy goodness
Pages: 1 ... 103 104 [105] 106 107 ... 148   Go Up
  Print  
« previous next »
 
Jump to:  


Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines
Simple Audio Video Embedder 		Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
SimplePortal 2.1.1