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DMF joke thread
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Topic: DMF joke thread (Read 440761 times)
Randimus Maximus
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'01 996SPS
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #2205 on:
July 25, 2024, 06:42:56 PM »
A newlywed couple went out for a drive in the country.
As they were going along, the woman started getting horny and began flirting with her husband, who was definitely into it.
They both agreed they had to have it RIGHT THEN and they were way out in the middle of nowhere so it seemed safe enough.
The husband pulled the car off the road, parked and started getting into the back seat.
His wife said, “We can’t screw back there! It’s too cramped!”
“You’re right,” he replied, “but I haven’t seen a car from miles…Wanna do it in the road?”
The woman got excited, tore off her clothes and screamed “YEAH!” so they went at it in the middle of the road.
A mile away a trucker in an 18-wheeler was driving along and when he noticed something l in the road he started blasting away on his horn.
As he got closer he realized that it was a young couple, bare-ass naked, screwing their damned brains out in the middle of the road.
He started slowing down and blasting away on the horn but they weren’t moving.
So, still slowing down, he laid on the horn until the 18-wheeler was just inches from their heads.
The trucker jumped out, ran around to the front and started screaming “YOU IDIOTS! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS? DIDN’T YOU SEE MY TRUCK?! DIDN’T YOU HEAR THE HORN? COULDN’T YOU TELL I WAS COMING?
The husband looked up at the trucker and said “Look, man, I was coming, she was coming, you were coming and you were the only one with brakes.”
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Quote from: Jacob on June 06, 2011, 11:07:02 AM
you may be a god
Randimus Maximus
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Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #2206 on:
August 31, 2024, 06:13:48 PM »
I had been set up a blind date about a year ago but was worried about what to do if her pic was fake and she was really short & unattractive.
My neighbor told me not to worry because there’s an app for that.
It’s called “Mom, Are You OK?”
You schedule it to ring your phone just after you meet your date.
If you like her you just ignore your phone.
If you want to cut the date short, you answer with, “Mom? What’s the matter? Are you okay?”
“It works every time,” my neighbor said. “No worries."
When the woman knocked on my door I opened it there stood a tall beautiful woman! - absolutely gorgeous! Better looking than her picture.
But just as I was about to invite her in for a pre-date drink, her phone rang, she answered it and said, “Mom?…
«
Last Edit: August 31, 2024, 08:06:28 PM by Randimus Maximus
»
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Quote from: Jacob on June 06, 2011, 11:07:02 AM
you may be a god
ducpainter
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DILLIGAF
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #2207 on:
August 31, 2024, 06:19:02 PM »
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"Once you accept that a child on the autistic spectrum experiences the world in
a completely different way than you, you will be open to understand how that
perspective
is even more amazing than yours."
To realize the value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
"Don't piss off old people The older we get, the less 'Life in Prison' is a deterrent.”
Randimus Maximus
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Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #2208 on:
September 01, 2024, 10:46:42 AM »
Three tortoises, Rod, Roger and Gary, decided to go on a picnic. Rod packed the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches.
The picnic site was 10 miles away, so it took them 10 days to get there.
When they got there Rod unpacked the food and beer.
“OK Gary,” said Rod, “give me the bottle opener.”
“I didn’t bring it,” said Gary. "I thought you packed it.”
They both looked at Roger who said, “I didn’t bring it.”
So they were they were, 10 miles from home without a bottle opener.
Rod and Roger begged Gary to go back and get it, but he snorted and said, “Forget it, you’ll eat all the sandwiches while I’m gone.”
The other two ganged up on them and finally convinced him to go back and get the bottle opener.
Three days went by, then five, then finally a whole week and Rod said, “Screw this, let’s eat the sandwiches.” as Gary crawled out from behind a rock and said, “I knew you’d eat the sandwiches!”
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Quote from: Jacob on June 06, 2011, 11:07:02 AM
you may be a god
Howie
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Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #2209 on:
October 24, 2024, 12:14:01 PM »
$2.99 SPECIAL
I love it................................
If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors, this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, someday you will be......
The 2.99 Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.
'YES!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!
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kopfjäger
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Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #2210 on:
October 24, 2024, 12:28:49 PM »
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“Woohoohoohoo! Two personal records! For breath holding and number of sharks shot in the frickin\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
DarkMonster620
According to some, a bottomless pit eating machine
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Enjoying the ride
Re: DMF joke thread
«
Reply #2211 on:
October 25, 2024, 06:47:20 AM »
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Carlos
I said I was smart, never that I had my shit together
Quote from: ducatiz on March 27, 2014, 07:34:34 AM
Ducati is the pretty girl that can't walk in heels without stumbling. I still love her.
"When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
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