DMF joke thread

[triangleforge]

^^^ One of my favorites!

[NorDog]

^^^ One of my favorites!

 

Too bad the picture doesn't have a "third" like a pirate or a grizzly bear.

[Howie]

HAHA...yeah I guess it did seem to work out that way but I'm back now!!!!!!

Welcome back

[DaniD]

U look really familiar, did you go to gaithersburg high?

Nope...Blair, CO 2000

[r_ciao]

Short Management Course

Lesson 1:
A  man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor..
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The  woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was  Bob the next door neighbor,' she  replies.
'Great,'  the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral  of the story:
If  you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a  position to prevent avoidable exposure.

More to follow...

[Arimaul]

One day a girl was feeling curious so she asked her Mom, "Why did you name me Raindrop?"
Her Mom replied,"When we took you home from the hospital one single raindrop fell on you and we thought that would be a perfect name."
Hearing this made another girl curious so she asked her Mom, "Why did you name me Snowflake?" Her Mom replied "When we took you home from the hospital a single snowflake fell on your nose and we thought that Snowflake was a perfect name for you."
"Duurrrrrrrr, Duurrrrrrrr, Duurrrrrrrr."
"Shut up Cinderblock!"

[Jobu]

One day a girl was feeling curious so she asked her Mom, "Why did you name me Raindrop?"
Her Mom replied,"When we took you home from the hospital one single raindrop fell on you and we thought that would be a perfect name."
Hearing this made another girl curious so she asked her Mom, "Why did you name me Snowflake?" Her Mom replied "When we took you home from the hospital a single snowflake fell on your nose and we thought that Snowflake was a perfect name for you."
"Duurrrrrrrr, Duurrrrrrrr, Duurrrrrrrr."
"Shut up Cinderblock!"

Holy shit, that's stupid, but it made me laugh for a while.

[eyeboy]

two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was a salted

[NorDog]

On a related theme:

A hippie child went to his hippie dad and asked, "Where do our names come from?"

The hippie dad said, "Honey, when you're oldest brother was born I was on some great acid, went out side as saw the beautiful sky and named your brother Sparkling Sky!"

"Cool" said the hippie child.

Then the dad said, "When your sister was born I was feeling really groovy from some 'shrooms, went out said and saw a rain storm, so I named her Wavey Rain."

"Cool" said the hippie child.

"Why do you ask Dog Licking His Balls?"

[ducpainter]

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.  It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.  Harold Schlumberg is such a person.

                                         
 
I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'? Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine."

 
Harold should be an inspiration to all of us.

[tcspeedfreak]

 

[Porsche Monkey]

 

[Duck-Stew]

HAROLD, HAROLD, HAROLD!!! 

[Howie]

Smart Wife
 
After being  married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said: "Darling, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old girl.
 
Now, We have a  $500,000.00  home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma  screen TV but I'm  sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you have not been holding up your side of  things."
 
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told  me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old  girl, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and  watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
 
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis!

[ducpainter]

Guts and Balls

(There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls)

We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS is: Arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS is: Arriving home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is NO difference in the outcome.

Both result in death.