DMF joke thread

[zooom]

two bums go off in the morning different directions to collect cans, and are to meet back at 5:00 to recycle the aluminum and get the evenings refreshments. the first bum returns promptly at 5 the second is a no show. after a couple hours the second bum returns. the first bum is angry and asks "what the hell? we always meet back here at 5. The recycling center is closed. what happened? the second bum says "I went down by the tracks like I do every Wednesday and I saw a beautiful blond tied to the tracks. Of course I untied her, then we made love on the river side till, just a little while ago. If it makes it any better she's still there, would you like to have a go at her?"
The first bum replies "Boy would I, Does she give good head?'
The second bum says" I don't know, I never found her head"

[zooom]

Maury and Pauly were in the barn, and Pauly was relating his
quandry:

"I don't know what decision I should make. I'm currently
being pursued by a 23-year-old aspiring model who hasn't
got a dime to her name and also by a 69-year-old widow with
bazillions of dollars."

"Hmmm," said Maury. "In your place, I wouldn't hesitate a
second. With your age and looks, it's obvious that you're
never again in your lifetime going to get the attention of
a 23-year-old, even if she is broke and only an aspiring
model. What counts is youth and beauty. In your place, I'd
send the old bat off and then set up housekeeping with the
beauty."

"You're right!" says Pauly. "It's just amazing how friends
can see the situation so clearly and offer such good advice."

"No problem," says Maury, "but could you give me that widow's
name and number?"

[Bun-bun]

two bums go off in the morning different directions to collect cans, and are to meet back at 5:00 to recycle the aluminum and get the evenings refreshments. the first bum returns promptly at 5 the second is a no show. after a couple hours the second bum returns. the first bum is angry and asks "what the hell? we always meet back here at 5. The recycling center is closed. what happened? the second bum says "I went down by the tracks like I do every Wednesday and I saw a beautiful blond tied to the tracks. Of course I untied her, then we made love on the river side till, just a little while ago. If it makes it any better she's still there, would you like to have a go at her?"
The first bum replies "Boy would I, Does she give good head?'
The second bum says" I don't know, I never found her head"

I know I'm being picky, but if he never found the head, how did he know it was a blond...

[mstevens]

I know I'm being picky, but if he never found the head, how did he know it was a blond...

Not all women bleach or remove their pubes.

[dolci]

Most women DO have hair on their arms...hello.


Can we get back to the jokes? kthxbai

[NorDog]

So this decapitated blonde lady walks into a bar and sets her head on the counter.

The bartender looks at her and asks, "What the hell happened to you?"

The lady says, "I was kidnapped, tied to train tracks, run over by a train, then my corpse was raped by a smelly bum in order to make a punch line to a stupid and distasteful blonde joke.  So I'm in no mood to listen to any crap, just shut up and give me a martini."

"Okay lady!  Sheesh!  I'm just asking.  No need to lose your head over it."

[zooom]

So this decapitated blonde lady walks into a bar and sets her head on the counter.

The bartender looks at her and asks, "What the hell happened to you?"

The lady says, "I was kidnapped, tied to train tracks, run over by a train, then my corpse was raped by a smelly bum in order to make a punch line to a stupid and distasteful blonde joke.  So I'm in to listen to any crap, just shut up and give me a martini."

"Okay lady!  Sheesh!  I'm just asking.  No need to lose your head over it."

<:: slaps forehead ::> DOHT....LOL

[Bun-bun]

Most women DO have hair on their arms...hello.


Can we get back to the jokes? kthxbai

That was the joke.




Guess I should have thrown a   in there.

[Dragsterhund]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs:

on the wall?
- art

on the floor?
- matt

in the bathtub?
- bob

waterskiing?
- skip

who was scratched by his cat?
- claude

in a pile of leaves?
- russell

what do you call a woman with no arms and no legs at the beach?
- sandy

what do you call a woman with no arms and one leg?
- ilene

where does ilene work?
- ihop

what do you call a chinese woman with no arms and one leg?


wait for it...


irene

[djrashonal]

irene

HAHAHHAA   

[zooom]

A tough old Montana cowboy once told his grandson that, if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93. When he died he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren ... and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. "

[zooom]

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

"Doctor I have this terrible problem with gas, I can't seem to stop farting.

They never smell and are always silent but it's still a problem all the same.

Believe it or not I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back.

"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me,
but now my farts stink terribly!"

The doctor says,

"Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

[zooom]

Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?

A: Bamboo!

[zooom]

Q: What do you call a ghost's mother and father ?
A: Transparents !


Q: What did a ghost say to a bee?
A: BOO BEE
( . )( . )

[GAAN]

Zooom

http://ducatimonsterworldwide.org/index.php?topic=2292.0