Mmick, there is also the multi mode Sphincter valve in which as well as providing added grip to your seat, it also embodies you with a massive amount of testosterone, super human vision, and the complete understanding of Einstein's theory of relativity. Let me explain:
I have in my wanderings in the Adelaide Hills during sunnier periods come across a new breed of wildlife. Unfortunately in the finer weather it's numbers vary (but becoming more common each year), and the specific breeds vary too, but the one common thing is that they travel in packs. They have what I believe to be a telepathic ability as 99% of the time when I have come across these packs they are inevitably in my path.
The said creatures are what I refer to as the lycra cockroaches. These creatures appear in various stages of their life cycle, from the lithe young greyhound like builds, to the middle aged, technology equipped labradors, through to the aged lumbering almost beached whale type physique.
No matter what the stage they appear in packs of 3 or more, sometimes as much as 15. Now in my travels in pursuit of the corner of happiness I have come across said packs in the middle of the apex of my pleasure, and thus the Sphincter Valve kicks in.
The first instinct is to grab a big handful of both front and rear brakes - this is stage 1 of the sphincter valve where testosterone kicks in. As you stated your cheeks are now clenching and your lower abdomen is tightening. As this testosterone starts coursing an electrical impulse is sent by the sphincter to your optical nerves. This is where super human vision kicks in as you suddenly develop high definition vision and your sphincter receives this information in preparation of either clinching harder or preparing for emergency release. Once that data is analysed then Einstein's theory kicks in thus:
* Relativity of simultaneity: Two events, simultaneous for one observer, may not be simultaneous for another observer if the observers are in relative motion. This is when miraculously you pick a gap in said pack and aim through it. This is very true as by the time you have got your expletive out and the sphincter clenches harder, this may also happen at the same time for the lycra cockroach, but in reality the event has passed for both at different times and you are hopefully through unscathed.
* Time dilation: Moving clocks are measured to tick more slowly than an observer's "stationary" clock. This also correlates with pupil and possible Sphincter dilation if emergency measures are required. Contrary to popular belief time does slow when these events are occurring.
* Length contraction: Objects are measured to be shortened in the direction that they are moving with respect to the observer. Yes you do come upon them awfully fast, and the same said when you leave. There is also said contraction from Sphincter resulting in change of clothing at your next stop.
* Mass-energy equivalence: E = mc2, energy and mass are equivalent and transmutable. This relates to the amount of mass your Sphincter is holding to the seat, and the amount of energy you release turning a ICBM in to a SCUD missile.
* Maximum speed is finite: No physical object or message or field line can travel faster than light. Whilst this is may be true it can be said the gesture that you leave on exit of the pack of lycra cockroaches has been made faster than the speed of light.
Once through this experience the Sphincter also has another release mode, and that is of endorphins. Couple of times I have gone through that experience and come out with the urge to laugh like a madman. I think this is the valve's way of resetting itself in readiness for the next time it is needed.
