Seeking the wisdom of the almighty board

[Porsche Monkey]

As some of you may know I am going through a divorce. I am 33 she is 25 and the marriage lasted a little over two years.  It is a relatively clean divorce without any bad words either way. I let her have the Boxster which I have $3800 in total, a TV, and some of the house stuff. This was two months ago.

I have been exploring single life again which is good and bad. Ive been going out and having fun, having drinks at the bar with friends, more time to myself, ext...  I am lonely though and sometimes it gets to me.

I have an old friend that I ran into. We lost contact a few years before my marriage. She is extremely hot and knows it.  We have always just been close buddies but never anything more. We started hanging out again and picked up where we left off like nothing ever happened.  This coming weekend she managed to come up with some vip tickets for the NHRA finals in Dallas and I will be going with her.  I am staying with her tomorrow night (guest room) and we leave first thing Saturday morning.  Sunday we have my company picnic that I invited her too. 

Last night my ex calls me and begs me to come over because she needs to talk. I didn't want to go but I can't handle hearing her cry on the phone. I get there and she has dinner ready for me. She puts junior to bed and we begin to talk. She wants to know why I didn't try harder to keep our marriage together and stuff like that. I tell her I did try quite hard but felt like I was the only one giving it effort. Of course we both have our own sides to the story and there's no need to get into that. Now she acts like she really misses me and wants to give it another shot but is hesitant. I miss her too but am also hesitant. I left and went home after we talked. 

My thoughts are she moved out to try and teach me a lesson or whatever, realized that life is scary without someone to fall back on, and now is unsure if divorce is the way to go.  I kinda enjoy hanging out with this other girl although it has never been a completely satisfying relationship, she is kinda wild and exiting but used to be very boy crazy.  She also objects to me getting back with my ex.

I'm just wondering which way I should go. I plan on giving it some time but am very confused.

[dolci]

I think you dead accurate with the ex - it IS a big scary world out there and it's nice to have someone to fall back on but that doesn't mean it's the right choice or that it should be you.

Just because old/new girl is fun...keep it to fun...doesn't mean you need to jump in with both feet.

Take some time off and enjoy yourself - I wouldn't bother committing to either one right now.

[Grampa]

boobies

[IZ]

Yes, have time off and enjoy!! NHRA.

-or-

You could always have the ex come over to find you getting a "massage" from topless long, lost friend.



 

[IZ]

boobies

My point exactly!

[Porsche Monkey]

I think you dead accurate with the ex - it IS a big scary world out there and it's nice to have someone to fall back on but that doesn't mean it's the right choice or that it should be you.

Just because old/new girl is fun...keep it to fun...doesn't mean you need to jump in with both feet.

Take some time off and enjoy yourself - I wouldn't bother committing to either one right now.

Thank you Dolci.  Very sound advice.

[metallimonster]

I've never been married but I have been in the same exact situation. 

I had just started dating this hot, wild, and crazy successfull woman when my ex came back crying. 

I went with the ex and it lasted 5-6 months and I was left with nothing. 

The girl I was dating is a friend of a friend and everytime I see her I think about how much I screwed the pooch because I know we had something going. It's towards the top on my list of regrets.

My opinion is that your relationship/marriage didn't work for a reason and you should stay away from letting her come back in your life.  Obviously she used the age old crying trick to get you to come over but she was not destraught enough to be able to cook and plan an evening with you.

You know what you're getting with the ex but why not wait out and see what happens with the new one or anyone else who may come into your life. I seriously had days where I thought I couldn't go on but now I have a wonderful woman who gets me and I feel like is someone who I'll spend the rest of my life with.

[zooom]

to add....

finalize the divorce....if you guys still want to date and work things out on new ground with a revitalized and fresh sense of things...nothing is stopping you at that point...but in the middle of the proceedings, it makes things hairy, especially if you are considering dating other people, because things can be misconstrued as being unfaithful during the course of reconcilliation by any attorney...

just my .02 FWIW....

[RAT900]

Sounds like she is standing knee-deep in some not-so-greener grass

and wants to drop back and punt

you deserve better than to be a back-up plan,

you owe yourself more than to serve as a default

run screaming, finish out the divorce

and if it was truly meant to be

it will stand the test of time and circumstance

[r_ciao]

take a break from the ex.
breathe a little, have fun, go with hot friend (pics please  ).
commit to nothing.

separation anxiety is natural, go slow, take it easy.
your future may have you back with your ex but you need to ask yourself if the old relationship is worth saving.  you do have a kid with her afterall.

Good Luck.  Ciao!

[Artful]

Too many variables to call.

So the verdict of boobies stands.

[Porsche Monkey]

take a break from the ex.
breathe a little, have fun, go with hot friend (pics please  ).
commit to nothing.

separation anxiety is natural, go slow, take it easy.
your future may have you back with your ex but you need to ask yourself if the old relationship is worth saving.  you do have a kid with her afterall.

Good Luck.  Ciao!

Actually its not my kid.

[il d00d]

Sounds like she is standing knee-deep in some not-so-greener grass

Reading what I can from the situation, and forgive the use of the broad strokes in this painting, but I think the age of your ex (she got married at 22, 23?) puts this thinking in the realm of high probability.  If she was ever out on her own, it was for a relatively short amount of time?  So, it could be she is making this gesture as a result of not only the same regret and loneliness you may feel -and I am sure anyone would feel in the same situation- but also being scared about how she is going to make it.   Maybe being scared shitless is just part but not all of the emotional equation, but it is something that has nothing to do with you or your mutual compatibility.  Did she more or less land on her feet after the split?  If she did land on her feet, do you think you would be having these conversations?

And, if she didn't initiate the reconciliation, would you?

Keep your head up.  Difficult shit, this...

[SacDuc]

Sounds like she is standing knee-deep in some not-so-greener grass

and wants to drop back and punt

you deserve better than to be a back-up plan,

you owe yourself more than to serve as a default

run screaming, finish out the divorce

and if it was truly meant to be

it will stand the test of time and circumstance

To this I would only add: Have you considered that she only wants you back now because you are hanging out with another chick? People only want what they can't have. Perhaps she doesn't want you back at all. Perhaps she just wants you to NOT be hanging out with other women. Big difference. This may or may not be a conscious play on her part. Your marriage is over dude. Finish the paper work and keep yourself away from anything resembling a committed relationship for a while.

Go ride your bike.

sac

[VisceralReaction]

I am in the same boat, well similar anyway.
I'm 37, she's 32. Married for 15 years. She decided after a long time and the last year of counseling
where I said I would do anything, whatever it took to keep the family together. Yeah she decided that she
loved me but wasn't in love with me. Now as everything is split up and she's realizing that
She has all these bills to pay and no one to cut wood for her and keep the fire going and suddenly
she has to do it all. Yeah it's a big scary world out there.
I've thought alot about "what if" she wanted me back. I would have to say no. There is too much under the bridge
that I would wonder about to make it all work again. It's affected me emotionally. I am dating a new girl
and she was quiet the other night when we went out to dinner and my first thought was, "what have i done wrong".
I personally just can't see myself going back, it just never would be the same for me.
Now situations are alway different and you need to think long and hard about this. This new gal you got. She's just that,
new. She's exciting and different and makes you feel alive after the problems you've been through. BUT! She's the bounce back girl. Remember that. Think long and hard about your ex. Can you make it work? Do you WANT to make it work.
Can you let the past go and move on?  Yeah man I understand the lonliness and feeling by yourself. That passes though.
Life goes on and the best advice is don't think with your little head. Think with your heart. Remember what's important and think about you and yourself and what's best for you too. Best of luck and if you need to talk just PM me.