I shouldn't waste money on lottery tickets...

[Timmy Tucker]

With luck like this you really should consider hitting on hot women with huge pissed off looking boyfriends.

 

The last girl I seriously pursued was dating a guy that was 6'5"/250 full time bouncer/amateur MMA fighter. I'm 5'10", was 180 at the time and couldn't take down a drunk Raggedy Ann doll. I worked on her for months until she finally dumped him and I immediately lost interest.

Goats are the debil

About the goat...

My grandfather always kept goats around because he was partially paralyzed by a stroke and couldn't mow the lawn. He didn't have much grass anyway, so 1-2 goats could keep the whole yard trimmed. He had this one particular goat that was evil incarnate. His name was Bob, but the family called him BeelzeBob.  I didn't really understand what that meant at the time. He stayed tied to the fence with about 20ft of swingset chain, due to his apparent lack of people skills.

We were there for our summer visit when I was about 8 and I decided to go check out the new goat. Bob was standing there beside the fence pretending that he was grazing, but he was actually devising a swift and terrible plan. I got about 5-10 feet from him and he set his plan into motion, hitting me in the gut and knocking the wind out of me. I landed on my ass sitting upright and had ahold of his horns trying to stop him from headbutting me. Needless to say, it turned into a full fledged PRCA sponsored rodeo in about .2 seconds.

During the ruckus, Bob managed to spin us both around a complete 360 degrees, wrapping his chain around my neck. At this point I yelled for help and Bob saw his golden window of opportunity. Pretending to be startled by my screams, he bolted as fast as he could away from me until he ran out of chain. It caught so hard that it jerked his feet out from under him, and I still remember that even in the midst of what was happening, I found the sight of him being violently jerked to the ground like a cartoon dog on a leash amusing. The shock of the sudden force from the now taut chain and the ensuing tug of war between Bob and my neck caused me to black out for a few seconds. I'm not sure how, but I managed to free myself and GTFO post haste. My dad walked outside to find me beating the make the beast with two backs out of Bob with quite possibly the largest stick ever wielded by an 8 year old. I didn't even have so much as a scratch on me, so he didn't believe my story and proceeded to wear my ass out.


make the beast with two backs goats.

[fastwin]

Wow. That's a good one. Sounded like Bob needed a good stick thumpin'. Instead it sounds like you got one. After my ass whipping I would have gut shot the bastard with a .22 when no one was looking. Please tell us this has a happy ending with something horrible befalling Bob the devil goat.

[zarn02]

That's a hell of a goat story.

[cokey]

Damn.. hey maybe u shld buy me a lotto ticket.. with your luck id prob win..

[hadesducati848]

About the goat...

My grandfather always kept goats around because he was partially paralyzed by a stroke and couldn't mow the lawn. He didn't have much grass anyway, so 1-2 goats could keep the whole yard trimmed. He had this one particular goat that was evil incarnate. His name was Bob, but the family called him BeelzeBob.  I didn't really understand what that meant at the time. He stayed tied to the fence with about 20ft of swingset chain, due to his apparent lack of people skills.

We were there for our summer visit when I was about 8 and I decided to go check out the new goat. Bob was standing there beside the fence pretending that he was grazing, but he was actually devising a swift and terrible plan. I got about 5-10 feet from him and he set his plan into motion, hitting me in the gut and knocking the wind out of me. I landed on my ass sitting upright and had ahold of his horns trying to stop him from headbutting me. Needless to say, it turned into a full fledged PRCA sponsored rodeo in about .2 seconds.

During the ruckus, Bob managed to spin us both around a complete 360 degrees, wrapping his chain around my neck. At this point I yelled for help and Bob saw his golden window of opportunity. Pretending to be startled by my screams, he bolted as fast as he could away from me until he ran out of chain. It caught so hard that it jerked his feet out from under him, and I still remember that even in the midst of what was happening, I found the sight of him being violently jerked to the ground like a cartoon dog on a leash amusing. The shock of the sudden force from the now taut chain and the ensuing tug of war between Bob and my neck caused me to black out for a few seconds. I'm not sure how, but I managed to free myself and GTFO post haste. My dad walked outside to find me beating the make the beast with two backs out of Bob with quite possibly the largest stick ever wielded by an 8 year old. I didn't even have so much as a scratch on me, so he didn't believe my story and proceeded to wear my ass out.


make the beast with two backs goats.

and here i thought some barnyard shenanigans was going on and the goats husband came home early hahaha
i like your story better 

[Triple J]

I was wondering about the goat as well...great story. Assaulted by a goat and survived, only to have your ass beat by your dad for retaliating! 

I'd also buy a lottery ticket. You have way more luck than most people!

[bulldogs2k]

I was wondering about the goat as well...great story. Assaulted by a goat and survived, only to have your ass beat by your dad for retaliating! 

I'd also buy a lottery ticket. You have way more luck than most people!

Haha what he said!

You get choked out by the devil goat, then, you get your ass beat by pops.  Devil goat must of been smiling as he watched you get beat, and not just any smile, that master mind smile with hooves clasped. 

[sbrguy]

see your father knew that you needed to be taught a lesson, don't mess with goats tied to a fence there is a reason they are not roaming around free. 

[JEFF_H]

<Drums>
DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH

<Cue this guys voice>


If somebody wrote a book about your life
Would anybody want to read it?

[r_ciao]

Timmy Tucker,

could you please move away from me?  i don't want to be anywhere close to you when you have to add the next item to the list. Damn!  you are LUCKY!

btw, how goes it on the bike?  no bike stories?

[Timmy Tucker]

Timmy Tucker,

could you please move away from me?  i don't want to be anywhere close to you when you have to add the next item to the list. Damn!  you are LUCKY!

btw, how goes it on the bike?  no bike stories?

I'm on the other side of the country from you, so you're probably safe. Probably. 

We are currently in the middle of a fairly hefty storm. Tornado watch for 4.5 more hours and and flood watch got upgraded to a flood warning in the last hour or 2. Never seen this much water around town. The creek that runs thru town is at the banks already, many of the streets are 6"-12" deep in places and we haven't even got into the serious part of the storm yet. Glad I live on a hill, except for all the cloud to ground lightning. 

It never make the beast with two backsing ends, I tell you. 

As far as the bike goes, 1 little highside only, no damage to me or my gear. Only cost me a shifter and had to get the rearset welded back together.

[the_Journeyman]

I almost got some lightening again today.  Took out a transformer on a pole about 15 feet away.  Was spooky.

JM

[hbliam]

I'm surprised no one has called BS yet.

[lethe]

I'm surprised no one has called BS yet.

Bob Saget?
Why does he have a goat story too?

[Timmy Tucker]

I'm surprised no one has called BS yet.

Frankly, I'm pretty surprised myself. The more I read it, the less believable it sounds.