First one in my high school class

Vindingo · May 19, 2011, 06:34:16 PM

This year will be my 10 year high school reunion. I found out that last night a kid I went to school with was shot in killed in an attempted robbery. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He is the first one from my class to die. I don't know if I ever had a conversation with him. Our class was small, maybe 90 kids, and there are about 5 people I can honestly not remember ever saying one word to.

He grew up in Newark, NJ where he and I went to school together. He was a good kid, one of the ones that "made it."

He was the first one in his family to go to college. He went on to Yale, then came back to teach at our high school.

It kills me to think that he got out, and something inside of him told him to come back... to this shithole.

Crap like this makes me wonder why anyone even tries to be a good person, why anyone tries to give back...

I haven't had a drink in 5 months, this weekend there is a bottle with my name on it.

SacDuc · May 19, 2011, 06:47:57 PM

Damn. Sorry dude.

Sac

ducatiz · May 19, 2011, 07:39:52 PM

I can't say I know how you feel, but I had a similar situation. The difference was that I was friends with him.

The boy I knew was a quiet, brainy and sardonic type. He drew cartoons and made people laugh, and was a bit nerdy.

We lost touch right after high school -- he went away to college and was finishing his PhD in physics at Cornell when he was killed in a car accident.

I didn't find out about it until a year ago - my 20th high school reunion was a few years back and I never bothered with them.

Kicks you in the balls no matter what.

IZ · May 19, 2011, 08:02:07 PM

It does make you wonder Vin. Sorry to hear the news. That's sad. Wrong place. What a waste of what couldve been a long productive life. What a waste of space the murderer is.

I had my 20 year awhile back. Actually, it was just the anniversary. We didn't have a reunion. There was a list on FB of all our classmates. It was shocking to see that 9 people had passed on since graduation. I guess 2 more are getting close to it as I type.

Howie · May 19, 2011, 09:06:11 PM

Sorry to hear.

Vindingo · May 19, 2011, 09:40:03 PM

Quote from: ducatiz on May 19, 2011, 07:39:52 PM
I can't say I know how you feel, but I had a similar situation. The difference was that I was friends with him.

That is one thing that is bothering me quite a bit. All of my friends were saying how great of a guy he was, so smart... etc and I don't think I every spoke to him.

Its like I feel guilty for not feeling sad for him specifically and more about the situation. I feel guilty for not wanting to go to a bar and have drinks with people I haven't seen in 10 years just because someone got shot. I also feel guilty for thinking that a place like Newark has no hope, and there is no way to fix it.

ducatiz · May 19, 2011, 09:44:38 PM

Quote from: Vindingo on May 19, 2011, 09:40:03 PM
That is one thing that is bothering me quite a bit. All of my friends were saying how great of a guy he was, so smart... etc and I don't think I every spoke to him.

Its like I feel guilty for not feeling sad for him specifically and more about the situation. I feel guilty for not wanting to go to a bar and have drinks with people I haven't seen in 10 years just because someone got shot. I also feel guilty for thinking that a place like Newark has no hope, and there is no way to fix it.

I felt bad for not keeping up with Kip, as if it would have changed what happened to him. You can never know that. People deal with their grief in different ways and your ambivalence is just human. So what if you didn't hang with him, that doesn't mean you hated him.

And yes, Newark is an irretrievable shithole. Sorry. Rank it down there with Detroit.

TiNi · May 20, 2011, 03:05:08 AM

sorry vin $:-\$

the first of my high school classmates to pass got hit by a drunk driver as he was skateboarding home one night. very gruesome... he was hit so hard, his body was thrown across the hwy into a telephone pole. it was the first wake i ever went to... we were still in our junior year of high school. who knows what he might have ended up doing with his life.

Speedbag · May 20, 2011, 07:11:08 AM

Sorry.

Out of my class, I think we lost two. One to a car accident, one to a suicide.

Recently a good friend of mine lost his only brother at the ripe old age of 45. Blood clot, took him out while working in his yard one Sunday. Five kids too, complete and utter bullshit. Seeing as how I'm 42, this is a little too close for comfort. $:-\$

redxblack · May 20, 2011, 09:54:08 AM

Sorry for your loss, truly.

I went to a rural high school (graduating class of 45) and we had one die before graduation, and about 4 more since then. It'll be twenty years next summer. I don't know if they'll bother with a reunion (I wouldn't go anyway) as there aren't enough of us to book more than a section of a McDonalds.

Vindingo · May 21, 2011, 06:18:18 PM

I found out some information yesterday that broke my heart. I read in the paper that he was murdered over a drug dispute. I couldn't believe it, so I called an old high school friend.

He quit teaching at my high school and started selling drugs. Teaching wasn't lucrative enough...

RAT900 · May 23, 2011, 04:09:45 AM

Quote from: Vindingo on May 21, 2011, 06:18:18 PM
I found out some information yesterday that broke my heart. I read in the paper that he was murdered over a drug dispute. I couldn't believe it, so I called an old high school friend.

He quit teaching at my high school and started selling drugs. Teaching wasn't lucrative enough...

Wow...that is a shame...his upbringing in the inner-city got him in the end anyway

He probably touched a lot of lives in a good way

before he got sucked back out into the sea of despair

As for him going back to make a difference

One has to be careful when they decide to confront their demons

Sometimes the demons win

I hope on balance he gave more than he took

ducatiz · June 13, 2011, 09:10:13 AM

Quote from: Vindingo on May 21, 2011, 06:18:18 PM
He quit teaching at my high school and started selling drugs. Teaching wasn't lucrative enough...

it sucks that he died. but one cannot expect to start dealing "drugs" without significant risk, moreover, to totally dump your legitimate career in favor of it? i don't know. something isn't right there.

sbrguy · June 13, 2011, 10:01:28 AM

without getting political, remember teaching is not a high paying job and with a lot of politicians wanting to cut teachers salaries, it means you might not be making enough for student loans etc. so it isn't out of the realm of reason for someone to finally say f-it with a low paying job for 30k a year and do something that pays a more money, legal or illegal, sure it wasn't hte best decision but we really don't know what the situation is in full so its not best to judge at this time.

also whenever anyone dies its a sad event, like the movie unforgiven says, you can kill someone and take away all that they did and were in an instant.

we all have our own paths, there was a reason you don't talk to everyone after high school for years, its because you are experiencing your life and they are doing their life, and if you are not talking it means your paths are not on the same road of life, its nothing to be sad about, its life we all have to live it as we see fit.

ducatiz · June 13, 2011, 10:24:54 AM

i understand all that, but something else is going on. you don't wake up one day while teaching high school math and say "this job sucks, i'm going to deal drugs."

News:

First one in my high school class