The worst place youve ever had to "go".

[zooom]

Um, this is a thread about poop.  Please don't muddy it up.






 

butt....we like shitting in YOUR thread !!!....LOL

[KnightofNi]

hooray for lactose intolerance!

there have been many stiff legged sprints, near misses, more misses than i care to talk about, and lots of mind blowing relief felt due to my body refusing to put up with lactose.
I was about 12 when i learned, as rat pointed out, to never trust a fart. shortly afterwards i learned what was wrong with me.

one of my faves is this...
i was going back to brooklyn from philly carrying about 4 million pounds of canned goods because my mother refused to let me leave without it. seriously, i had 2 hockey bags filled with food and clothes. on the A down to brooklyn it hit and i tried as hard as i could to fight it. i step off around canal when i realized i could not hold out any longer. of all places, freaking chinatown to try and find a bathroom. i accepted that i would not be relieving myself in the cleanest of places. i step off the train and lo and behold there is a restroom on the platform! I get to it and it's locked, "for employees only." My mind is racing trying to think of the closest place above ground that would have a public restroom. my arms hurt from carrying my bags. there is no way i'm going to make it to a bathroom with the bags. Platform is too crowded to jump off and do my business. so i dropped my bags and told the guy behind the glass that i would be right back as i needed to find a bathroom. yeah, that would keep my stuff right there. the bathroom i eventually found had about an inch of water on the floor with "stuff" floating in it. i felt like i was catchign a disease already. i let loose and in my post assplosion relief my legs went weak and i collapsed onto the seat. i just had to sit there for a couple of minutes before i could move again. get back to the subway and the guy is outright laughing at me and giving me a horrible look of disdain. i told him to make the beast with two backs off and got my stuff which amazingly hadn't been touched.

[JEFF_H]

worst-
the porta-potty at La Ducati Day.

and i just had to take a leak.

[RAT900]

On the 7th Ave line...W4th Street/Chris Square station....stenciled on the wall in faded black paint " For Bathrooms Use Stairs At End Of Platform"

Judging from the humid summer stench there is no doubt that many people followed those instructions to the T

[KnightofNi]

On the 7th Ave line...W4th Street/Chris Square station....stenciled on the wall in faded black paint " For Bathrooms Use Stairs At End Of Platform"

Judging from the humid summer stench there is no doubt that many people followed those instructions to the T

but did you?

[swampduc]

On the 7th Ave line...W4th Street/Chris Square station....stenciled on the wall in faded black paint " For Bathrooms Use Stairs At End Of Platform"

Judging from the humid summer stench there is no doubt that many people followed those instructions to the T

 
Jebus. How do any of you people live in NYC?!

[RAT900]

but did you?

I have pissed in damn near every setting imaginable in NYC except a precinct

once stood in the middle of an intersection of 5th Ave up in the 80's where the intersections are only 3 way because of the park...and directed my stream in accordance with the traffic light

To the cheers honking and laughter of many people

and to the horror of my brother, his girlfriend and her friend she brought along for me to meet

[elyse]

during the last few feet of the mad dash and frantic blind search for the belt buckle

I always hear INXS "Devil Inside"

it makes me 

your poop has a soundtrack 

[RAT900]

yes a song sung by a guy who was rumored to have hung himself while rubbing one out...

auto-erotic asphyxiation has its downsides

[swampduc]

once stood in the middle of an intersection of 5th Ave up in the 80's where the intersections are only 3 way because of the park...and directed my stream in accordance with the traffic light

To the cheers honking and laughter of many people

and to the horror of my brother, his girlfriend and her friend she brought along for me to meet

 

[KnightofNi]

I have pissed in damn near every setting imaginable in NYC except a precinct

once stood in the middle of an intersection of 5th Ave up in the 80's where the intersections are only 3 way because of the park...and directed my stream in accordance with the traffic light

To the cheers honking and laughter of many people

and to the horror of my brother, his girlfriend and her friend she brought along for me to meet

never pissed in the middle of an intersection, good thinking going with the lights. you're just helping out that way.

[badgalbetty]

yes I am done....oops! I misread the subject title line. I apologise.
Worst place ever going potty was in India. Open hole in the floor, coupled with 100*+ heat made a disgusting place to go potty.

[Speedbag]

I have pissed in damn near every setting imaginable in NYC except a precinct

once stood in the middle of an intersection of 5th Ave up in the 80's where the intersections are only 3 way because of the park...and directed my stream in accordance with the traffic light

To the cheers honking and laughter of many people

and to the horror of my brother, his girlfriend and her friend she brought along for me to meet

    

I seem to (hazily) recall a buddy and I whizzing into a giant potted Christmas tree on a busy downtown street corner in my hometown one night close to said holiday, much to the delight of other drunken passers-by. Turns out one of the mobile audience knew my Mom, and laughingly told her of the debacle the next week at work.

So much for my lily-white reputation with Mom. 

[rgramjet]

 

yes I am done....oops! I misread the subject title line. I apologise.
Worst place ever going potty was in India. Open hole in the floor, coupled with 100*+ heat made a disgusting place to go potty.

THAT'S more like it!

[CairnsDuc]

I must admit I feel right at home in this Thread, I have a rather sensitive system, we don't know what set's
it off, I've had a number of checks and test's, and still none the wiser why my systems will be fine one minute
and the next minute I'm running to the Can 3 or 4 times during the evening with a case of the Squirts!

Most memorable was 12 months ago, I moved from Cairns in North Queensland Australia to Launceston in Tasmania
so a 4000k trip, spread over 4 days, 3rd day into the trip and my systems has been behaving itself, considering the diet has not been the best, and eating at all sorts of weird times and places, but anyway I am getting close to the border of New South Wales and Victoria, middle of no where. I get the familiar cramp in the belly. quickly I ask the Sat Nav where the nearest public restroom is located,

about 100k's away, Shit!  

So thankfully I had packed a Toilet roll in the car, it was then that I realized I had packed it under all the stuff in the back of the car, buried in beside the Spare Tire!  

So I am in the middle of Bushland on a pretty quiet back road, so I pull over and frantically start unpacking the Trunk of the car, find the hidden Treasure of Toilet paper and hastily repacking the car as fast as I could, all the while straining like I have never strained in my life to contain the brown Demon within.

Car closed up, I lock the car, keys in pocket, I run into the scrub about 20 meters from the road, a quick scan around looking for any roving eyes about to witness a horror that will scar them for life, no one is around, I drop the Jeans and in the Immortal words of Russell Crowe in the Movie Gladiator "At my Signal, unleash hell"
There are bugs flying around, sharp sticks and prickles, all the while worried that the few passing cars that are on this backroad, some poor soul will get concerned by a little Hyundai Getz parked on the side of the road and:
A: Decide to stop and see if I need any assistance, walk into the scrub and then I'm paying for some bastard to go to Therapy
B: They decide to stop, trash the car and make off with the Contents.
or
C: Take a Shot at the car and then I'm Driving into the Police state that is Victoria with Gunshot scars on my Car.
"No officer, there not Gunshot holes, there Speed holes!"

But thankfully none of that happened, I finished up, cleaned up and walked away vowing to never look back!

Sad part is, I get back to the car, use enough hand sanitizer to drown someone, get my composure and then drive off.
I get back up to highway speed and drive over the next rise, and there are some public Restrooms!  
Barely 30 seconds beyond where I just was, but because they were on the other side of a rise in the road, I couldn't see them, and the damn TomTom didn't know about them.

Bet that tree will never be the same though