Betty & Jukie's Italian Pilgrimmage - Take 2 (Potentially NSFW Now)

[Betty]

FOOTWEAR

It would seem that the Italians have devised some all-purpose footwear suitable for all occasions ... high heels. The higher and more uncomfortable the better but they can be worn at all times:
•   Breakfast (or any other meal)
•   Walking the dog
•   Visiting the beach
•   Church
•   Driving
•   Riding ... scooters, motorbikes, pushbikes
•   Any other purpose really
•   They are particularly well suited to a certain type of rough terrain which is commonplace in Italy – the cobblestone streets

Of course I am not taking the piss, this is extremely serious. Prime real estate in the centre of Florence is dedicated to a ‘shoe’ museum – and from what I understand this is not some closet collection of some lunatic fetishist. There are several floors where people (you read right I did not say women) come to pay homage and worship all that is the over-priced, impractical products of self-torture and mutilation.

This building houses the shoe museum in Florence:


I thought this place across the road would be more interesting but it just seemed to be another fashion house:

[Betty]

ROADMARKINGS

The general roadmarkings in Italy serve one purpose and one purpose only ...  and that is to indicate the direction the road heads. These markings are not used to indicate the edge of the road, the centre of the road, to signify positioning or direction on the road nor to separate vehicles travelling in the same direction – shit, not even to separate traffic travelling in opposite directions.

All they do is show the path.

They do of course have some special purpose roadmarkings and some of these are regional or even city specific:
•   White parking bays indicate free parking
•   Blue parking bays indicate metered/paid parking ... unless you are a local but if you are a tourist (particularly with French plates) you are screwed despite what hotel staff may tell you
•   Yellow parking bays indicate ‘special condition’ parking such as local residents, disabled, etc
•   Particularly in Rome pedestrian crossings indicate diagonal parking bays
•   In parts of Milan the ‘centre line’ is used as a guide to parking. If you have a small enough car, big enough balls and precise parking abilities – you can park on the centre line. Extraordinary astrological alignment could allow you to return to your car without it being temporarily relocated or extensively modified by a passing tram ... oh and remember to tuck your wing mirrors in
•   Parking bays are sized according to the smallest, commercially available vehicle and then reduced by a further 15%
•   Intersections (street corners) are also useful places to park – no line markings are necessary

Roadmarkings in Italy are much like the ‘racing line’ marked out for the Olympic marathon on Sydney streets. It indicates the most direct route between designated points using the road ... and this is how Italians use it. But much like the ‘marathon path’ most roadmarkings have been warn away through traffic use or re-surfacing.

It doesn’t matter if it was a pedestrian crossing, lane markings, parking bays or centre lines. They have all seen that much ‘action’ most have worn into practical non-existence – and not even Italians are brave (substitute whatever word you prefer there) enough to stay on the road long enough to rejuvenate them.

This is actually quite orderly by local standards:


Parking is always an exercise in precision:


On the corner and over the crossing - no parking bays, no problem ... especially if you have horsies on your car:

[Betty]

DRIVING

But the road is there to be used and the whole road is used:
•   The wrong side of the road provides improved viewing angles as you approach blind corners
•   Lazy drivers (you could substitute the words conservative, safe or those without a death wish) may leave gaps in the traffic large enough to fit a bike or scooter and they should expect them to be filled with a bike/scooter/car/van/truck/bus/articulated vehicle
•   If you are not in a hurry you should not be on the road
•   If you are timid you deserve what you get

However I found that in most cases I didn’t even qualify as timid and was thus unworthy of even receiving pity. Instead I achieved the exalted status of a Volvo driver – everybody else kept their distance – if I simply puttered along I was not even seen as a challenge, not even a moving chicane ... so all was good.

Jukie on the other hand was ‘well-up’ for the challenge ... and she is still convinced she has no Italian blood in her. Certainly seemed to drive like a native ... like a duck to water it was.

Now of course the Italians have a reputation for being the worst drivers in Europe ... something they are actually quite proud of. But in reality, that is only because they cannot publicly admit that they are routinely outdone by the Polish.

The thing is though that the traffic generally flows pretty well. Mirrors are for tourists only – why would you want to know what is happening behind you or beside you when you have somewhere to be? They do seem rather focused on the prize and that is where they are headed.

It is quite refreshing that vehicles move to the outside lanes on multi-lanes roads ... almost without exception and certainly without hesitation. The exception of course is around Rome ... where they are all nucking futs. But so as not to make road travel boring (this is the no hesitation part) they are intent to see how close they can get without exchanging paint ... although I think some secretly hold the ambition of testing the paint adhesion quality in the process.

Oh and my final driving tip for those heading anywhere near a town ... get a small car (you certainly won’t be alone) ... pulling your wing mirrors in to pass is common and a necessity for parking. Three point turns to take a corner can be a little embarrassing if you are in a small hatchback but if you were in a larger car it is quite possible you may actually get stuck.

Boy did someone have some fun coming down the Bocca Trabaria Pass:

[748s]

In Florence they make an effort not to park on pedestrian crossings.

[Betty]

In Florence they make an effort not to park on pedestrian crossings.

... and they have their special electric vehicle parking with plug-in stations:

[Betty]

CROSSINGS

As I have already discussed marked pedestrian crossings in certain locales are used as parking bays – but they can still serve a purpose for pedestrians. The guidebooks will tell you that pedestrian crossings are the place to cross the street – as in, you are slightly less likely to be maimed or killed while using them compared to just crossing the street at any random location.

Of course drivers/riders will not stop or even slow down if they see a pedestrian waiting to cross the road – or, indeed, even if in the process of crossing the road – at a dedicated crossing … or anywhere else. Eyes on the prize remember.

Of course as a wandering tourist you will need to cross plenty of roadways so the key here is not to make eye contact as this can only confuse matters. Whether your eyes show your emotions of hope, insanity, pleading, apologetic surprise or simply life fearing panic ... these emotions can be easily misconstrued. So avoid eye contact at all costs. The tricky bit is when to enter the roadway and for this I devised a cunning plan. The best course of action was to wait ... and watch. But don’t watch the traffic ... what you want to do is watch approaching pedestrians.

What you are waiting and watching for is somebody (typically a local) who is much braver (or possibly infinitely more stupid) than you are who also wants to cross the road. Now all you have to do is follow them. Don’t shelter behind them ... because this puts you in just as much danger as they are – stay offset to the rear. And remember – never make eye contact.

Also in the interests of self-preservation don’t hesitate. This is not only a sign of weakness but also indicates your willingness to become a road statistic and you will summarily be executed as a sacrifice to the Gods of motoring and roadways.

As a cultural experience which can only be understood after travelling abroad I now understand how it can be that people refer to Italian motor vehicles (such as Ducati) as having a soul. It would seem that every soul that is taken as a road statistic is transferred to a vehicle during manufacture. If you are questioning the maths involved here, fear not. Italy attracts more tourists than most other nations and for each soul that is taken via road statistics there are thousands of others who willingly trade their soul in order to ensure safe passage.

This also goes a long way to explain why the ‘soul’ of some of our bikes seems quite different to others – it is all relative to the donor.

But there are other devices used by the Italians to ensure they maintain a constant accrual of souls ... primarily the traffic light. Often these are used to dictate the flow of traffic but blind faith is a rookie mistake – like all things over there, it is not so much a rule as a guideline. I mean, why wait at a red light if you don’t have to ... if you see a gap, fill it – these things are all ingrained in the psyche of the Italian motorist.

Pedestrians don’t even register – traffic lights or not. To further confuse the uninitiated ... there is little consistency across a roadway. On a wider road it is common to have three or four different indicators for pedestrians to make a single crossing and at no time are they ever in synch. If you had mastered the game of Frogger as a youngin’ you may stand a better chance. But regardless we can rest assured there will be a constant supply of ‘souls’ for Ducatis long into the future regardless of the ownership structure.

With every street crossing a near death experience, there is little wonder why there are so many churches:


No shortage of bling either, I'm certain it's all related:


Of course not everyone is lucky enough to survive:


They even document it with pictures, where do you think these souls are going:

[Roaduser]

little off topic, but can anyone tell me Why there is a radiator on an air cooled 2 valver??

[stopintime]

......

little off topic, but can anyone tell me Why there is a radiator on an air cooled 2 valver??

I don't know, but speculate... either a hidden oil cooler within the radiator or the radiator cools a water cooled oil cooler (like the Panigale)

[Raux]

It's an ST2 motor... watercooled heads

[Betty]

FOOTBALL

It was interesting that in the first week of our return the final State of Oranges match was on (that would be Rugby League for those unfamiliar) and I remember part of the commentary talking about the crowd generated atmosphere ... apparently it was the best this seasoned commentator had ever experienced. Hmm, I’d guess they have never been to a European football match.

Unfortunately we missed the Serie A season again but we were in Italy while Euro 2012 was on. Although it was being held in Poland and the Ukraine you wouldn’t really know it. The major towns/cities had massive live sites setup and the smaller towns just got by with whatever was at their disposal.

On the tele they have a couple of dozen channels dedicated to football. So if you missed your local Serie C (third division) team playing their sixth round match in 1991 ... just keep an eye on the guides it could be playing next week.

Italy were playing Ireland while we were in Cinque Terre and every second door in town had a TV setup for public viewing with people flowing out into the public spaces. Chanting and singing was constant throughout the match with occasional, exceptional outbursts – both orchestrated and random. It was actually quite interesting to watch the tourists watching the locals – a tourist attraction in itself ... Americans seemed particularly intrigued.

The big one was Italy vs England while we were in Misano – it was the last day of WDW and the quarter-finals of the Euro. We just happened to be watching the game with pommie mates of Geoffduc in an outdoor seaside restaurant. Every business in town had the game showing but apparently using different broadcasters as the cheering from different venues was out of synch – certainly gave us the tip as to who was about to score (or not) in the shootout.

Once Italy had won that’s when the fun really started. Everyone was out in the streets, dancing singing and generally acting like, well, I actually don’t know what else would make people so deliriously happy (remember it was ‘only’ the quarters). People were out ‘cruising the strip’ with passengers hanging out of windows, doors, boots or the roof ... blowing horns and acting like steroid fuelled Olympic gold medallists.

We were just about to board our plane home when Italy were playing Germany in the semis. The Italian fella following the game on his iDevice may have been the only Italian on the outbound flight. I think he realised this midflight as he instinctively leapt with joy upon discovering the Italians had just scored.

They definitely have a passion for the sport which I think transcends mere fanaticism and is now pushing beyond the boundaries of religion. You often find football ‘pitches’ in some of the most unlikely places. It is an essential part of any town’s planning and if it can’t be planned – a solution will eventually be found. The church was meant to be the nucleus of any community but I think it has been supplanted by the ‘pitch’ ... in some cases it is difficult to delineate between them.

I am generally not one for bloodsports so it may have been a good thing we were just a little early for the Florentine football final. They were setting up in the Square when we did our Segway tour – incidentally causing a little altercation and a little spilt blood.

But if I had the opportunity I don’t think I could have avoided the intrigue of watching the game. It is often described as a combination of football, basketball and boxing or handball, rugby and wrestling. Regardless of the description there appears no doubt that it is a brutally violent game akin to an all-in brawl. Many of the locals seem to tolerate it only out of some long held sense of regional loyalty to the historic ways of the past and an obligation to uphold tradition.

Corniglia's church and its  adjoining stairway to heaven:


Well, no so much heaven ... but the town's football 'pitch':


... and that fence/net ain't there for show ... the ballboys have a tough enough job already:

[Betty]

BIKE RACING

Maybe as passionate but not quite as widespread as the devotion to football is the following received by motorcycle racing. Admittedly bikes are a regular part of the ‘every day’ here so there is not the division which can be so discriminatory elsewhere in the world. Some of the behaviour evident on the streets lends itself to the theory that all riders (from 50cc scooters to superbikes) have, often barely hidden, aspirations to be the best racer in the world.

Of course there are dedicated bike channels on the TV. So you can go from watching mini-moto racing with 8 year old kids being interviewed after they climb the podium to past GP races such as the one I mentioned in a post elsewhere on the forum about watching the current MotoGP stars squaring off in the 125s some years ago.

Unfortunately I often forgot that over there the racing is actually held in the afternoon ... rather than being shown at some gawd-awful time of the morning/night. Combine this with the fact that I was never entirely sure what day it was and we were often out doing the ‘tourist thing’ when the big races were on.

Since the bike racing was not considered one of those obscure sports that nobody follows like Real Tennis or Bog Snorkelling, information was easy to come by. It was not uncommon, for instance, to have hotel staff be able to quote the qualifying times of the front two rows of the grid and the starting positions for the remainder. All a bit different to back home.

Preparing the grid:


Because they start 'em young:


But even if they grow physically, they never really 'grow up':

[GK]

Loving the thread, pics and commentary.

Many thanks.

GK

[Betty]

ACCOMMODATION

For us we took the easy option booking hotels online before we left and this was primarily due to my fear of not having a plan. The guest commentaries we found online proved to be pretty accurate in most cases so long as you ignore the extreme views of those that simply can’t accept that some things may occasionally go wrong or those unwilling or incapable of understanding that everything won’t be the same as ‘back home’ when you are visiting a foreign country.

Our main concern with finding accommodation was that we needed to be able to park the car – for the holiday we had planned we really did need to have a car even though we did spend a lot of time in the bigger cities. Other than when we stayed out in the hills we were typically within walking distance of the major attractions with free parking in all but a few cases.

We had to pay a little for parking in Bologna but the hotel was so cheap it was of little consequence. We also had to pay in Milan (no surprise there as you pay for everything in Milan) but our car was safely locked away in an automated parking system. Turin was quite expensive (but nothing like Sydney expensive) and a bit of a shit because the parking was a few blocks away from the hotel (they failed to mention that).

No real complaints about any of the hotels and we would probably stay at most of them again if the need arose. All offered the same basic facilities regardless of size, type of building or location. Only one didn’t have the air conditioning switched on (although a couple of others may be described as impotent) and we only had to pay (a nominal fee) for wifi internet once. The internet was the major change from 3 years ago ... previously we (I) only had free internet in one hotel and it was hideously expensive everywhere else.

A somewhat typical room:


A not so typical exterior:


There was always some public space to chill out:


Although the decor was a little out-dated in some:


The facilities generally weren't too bad:

[Betty]

HOTEL STAFF

Other than our little incident with parking in Rome we didn’t have any issue with hotel staff. They were generally friendly, helpful and accommodating – particularly considering our lack of Italian language skills. Our occasional wearing of some Ducati regalia often caught the attention of hotel staff and often involved a little discussion – most were surprised that we had Ducatis at home and as the conversation evolved astonished to find out we also have the Lammie and the Bambino.

A few interactions worth noting:

In Siena Lorenzo was a Harley rider (lightly modified with a touch of airbrushing) ... he said he could never own a Ducati as they are too fast and too powerful.

In Florence one of the guys remarked how his sister had a Monster. When I said we had four Ducatis he correctly guessed that Jukie had a 600-series Monster but was astounded that such a little girl would also have an S4Rt.

In Milan the hotel manager Flavio was a complete bike nut. He rode an R1 and said he could never afford a Ducati but was about to get his young son into mini-moto so they could share the passion together. At previous hotels on the East Coast he had close encounters with (Sir) Troy Bayliss and Valentino. His most prized possession was a shirt signed by Bayliss which he gave him off his back – apparently it has never been washed and is the first thing he shows to any guests to his home. As we chatted the iPad came out and we showed him some photos including Jukie with Mick Doohan (he is a God).

In Cinque Terre they had a Lambretta serving tray that they used for breakfast. Unfortunately during discussions about our collection we asked where we might be able to find one – which meant they would have known where it was if it just happened to disappear. Apparently the poms now own all the marketing rights for the Lambretta nameplate ... so it is extremely difficult to find any souvenirs.

In Misano the interactions with the staff from a bike point of view were only worthy of note because they were unaware of anything to do with WDW ... ‘oh, umm, we do have a couple of people staying with us that are on bikes’ was about the best I could get. This was a large hotel only a couple of kilometres from the track and with a row of Ducatis out the front ... apparently the staff were unaware of the event and oblivious to all the flags and banners decorating the nearby streets.

A couple of other interesting things happened on our last couple of nights but they related to dinner not bikes. At our hotel in Arezzo we were each given a menu, but they were different – a ‘his’ and ‘hers’. Perhaps it is merely an indication of my lack of experience in this type of establishment but I had never encountered that before ... it doesn’t happen at the Pie Shop or MacDoobies. As it turns out the female version of the menu does not have any prices listed ... but that’s OK ‘cos Jukie always paid the bills anyway.

On our last night in Perugia, we had an interesting time at dinner and again it was menu related. Our poor waiter couldn’t speak a word of English but he only provided us with an English menu. Of course when our meals arrived they were completely wrong ... not even close to what we ordered. It felt like an episode of Fawlty Tours ... but no harm done. We felt so sorry for the guy he had already had a torrid time dealing with an elderly American couple with very specific demands and they refused to even attempt to converse in Italian. Next time we’ll just ask for an Italian menu.

Lorenzo's bike:


'That' tray:

[Betty]

THE CRAZY pregnant dog

The car we had leased had an in-built Sat-Nav but it seemed a little sparing with the information sharing, so we left it off and used the screen for trip info. We had never really had a GPS before and we bought one specifically for this trip ... since we had pre-programmed all the hotel addresses in before we left it made sense to use our own . However she did earn herself a name ... ’the Crazy pregnant dog’ (this may clarify things for those of you who, until now thought my references to the Crazy pregnant dog were directed at Jukie).

Most of the time she was quite helpful but occasionally she would just lose the plot - but I will admit that I couldn’t have got by without her (or one of her kin). One of the things that caused a lot of frustration was the pronunciation. It is some twisted version of Anglosized-Italian which just sounds plain wrong as they try to speak as the words are written not how they should be pronounced ... but sometimes they are not even pronounced as they are written. Weird.

It all becomes a bit frustrating after a while and I was even tempted to change over from English to Italian but was certain that I would at some point confuse my sinistras with my destras in the heat of battle and there would be carnage. Long street names, abbreviated street names, lack of signage, confusing signage, streets too close together and too many streets running off roundabouts all caused confusion at some stage ... but somehow we managed to survive without incident.

I have since been informed that the lady in the GPS is an Aussie girl ... but the Americans don’t like being told what to do by foreigners so they run the voice through some sort of digitiser so it sounds more like a machine. Apparently the Americans refuse to follow directions from foreigners but will blindly follow the directions of a computer. Interesting.

Believe it or not, this is not the 'Crazy pregnant dog':