Betty & Jukie's Italian Pilgrimmage - Take 2 (Potentially NSFW Now)

[Betty]

‘WORKING’ PEOPLE

Our first ... umm ... exposure to this was on the approaches to Turin. My first thought was that the poor girl had broken down and had taken the opportunity to sit out in the sun – I thought that perhaps her clothing may draw some unwanted attention on such as busy roadway. But then it dawned on me ... attention was exactly what she wanted to draw with her choice of clothing (or lack thereof).

Our initial impressions were that the standard was somewhat more aesthetically pleasing than what was common near our childhood homes back on Canterbury Road. These girls were far from shy, beckoning passersby to slow down or approach as they displayed their wares ... and display they do.

We had heard that the Ducati factory was located in a ‘red light’ district but had never seen any evidence of that ... until our third visit. Maybe we were a little naive previously or perhaps Turin had opened our eyes. But I think that working for Ducati must be a stressful occupation with employees in constant need of relief as the ‘girls’ in the area seemed to have led a hard life.

Not to be outdone we also saw a bit of ‘activity’ around Tivoli (outside Rome) which was effecting the flow of traffic – frustrating when you need to get your car back to the depot so you have time to make your flight. I s’pose it also confirms what people are actually ‘up’ to when towns shut down for hours in the middle of the day ... at least I know somebody is working during these hours.

Now although this girl was working, she was not 'working' in the manner suggested in my post. I simply wanted to point out the innovative use of cable ties:

[Betty]

DOGS

Not related to my previous posting, but there are quite a lot of dogs in Italy ... well, perhaps there is actually less (per capita) than at home but how and where you see them is the difference.

City streets, cafes and restaurants, occasionally churches and tourist destinations, shops, handbags and hotels ... pretty much everywhere. Of course wherever you have dogs, you have dogshit ... so you need to be vigilant.

Of course this brought about another of those moments of clarity and this one had a biking theme. When I was warned to “watch the dogshit” – the biking related doctrine that sprung to mind was target fixation. Although I didn’t circum myself ... I post it here as a warning for others – don’t watch the dogshit!

Taking photos of dogs isn't really my thing, so you'll have to settle for a ferret ... apparently Milan must be almost as trendy as Newtown:

[braando]

What part of Italy was this one taken Mark....?

[Jukie]

Well that was at Italian Pits. And they both made it to eastern creek and back. And i was sure i sighted you mv mate on the way back and this just proves it. A great day out for all

[Betty]

Yeah, 'twas interesting that despite MV F4 RRs & Panigale Tricolores in the parking area these two seemed to be getting all the attention. 130 mile round trip ... the Lammie had a slight edge on looong hills, but didn't quite have the top end for keeping up with the Bambino on the motorways - fair to blame the respective pilots there I think.

But I reckon they held their own considering the combined engine capacity of under 650cc and combined age over 90. Unfortunately we missed our lap around the track but we managed to get driven around in Morgans ... that new section has definitely changed things up a notch.

[Betty]

Now back to business ...

SMOKING

Similar but far more confronting to the presence of dogs is the presence of smokers, in fact smoking was so commonplace I was somewhat surprised to see dogs rarely smoking when out in public. But it seems that everyone else smokes ... everywhere!

It has to be one of the compulsions of the ‘nanny state’ back home that I can actually be grateful for (apologies to any drug addicts reading). The sheer number of people makes cigarette smoke impossible to avoid. Although the church is claimed to be the focal point of the community surely it is actually the Tabaccheria. Whereby tobacconists are practically extinct in Australia nowadays they are everywhere in Italy and such a cornerstone of everyday life that authorities and utility providers have taken advantage of their presence to expand their networks.

The Tabaccheria is the place to buy your ciggies obviously - but typically (as not all or always) is a place to re-charge your phone credit, buy your tickets to tourist attractions or public transport and pay your infringement notices.

Of course for the true addict needing a fix during the couple of hours a day that the Tabaccheria is closed or for those unable to walk the 23.4 metre average between them you can always depend on vending machines which are available to everyone.

Although nothing like the Japanese infatuation - vending machines appear to be becoming increasingly popular with vending machine ‘shops’ popping up in the towns ... these are completely unattended and mostly offer all sorts of foodstuffs both hot and cold. Of course the vending machine that doesn’t quite rival the cigarette but runs a close second is the condom vending machines ... every second corner seems to have one ... a necessary convenience when all the shops are closed during ‘business’ hours.

The smoke was so thick in places, it was difficult to see the big names out on track:

[Betty]

Oh and the Boss wanted me to add this one to show how the addiction appears to have impacted on their architecture and advertising placement:

[Betty]

PUBLIC TRANSPORT

Although we had the car and did a shitload of walking (even when unnecessary) sometimes it was best to take public transport. It was not always a simple or painless experience ... but neither of us were raped, murdered or mugged at any time despite warnings posted on travel advisories. The Metro lines would have to be my tip for the easiest most efficient and surprisingly cost effective method of travel – Australian governments could learn a thing or three from these type of systems.

The Metro in Rome is meant to be a pretty scary experience but we had no trouble on this or our previous trip. Sure it is starting to look a bit grotty and run down ... but hey, it’s Rome. It is also quite crowded and this obviously presents opportunities for the unsavoury to take advantage of the unwary.

Our taxi trip out to Vittorio’s museum in Rodano near Milan was expensive but saved us a lot of hassle. We decided to then test the rail system on the way back.

The train back into Milan was a bit tough. At a suburban station servicing an industrial area it was not exactly geared towards tourists. Broken ticket and validation machines as well as a complete lack of signage or network maps made it a challenging experience. With four platforms and no idea where the trains were headed it was interesting. Once on the train we could converse with some locals (so we knew we were headed in the right direction) but they could not understand why we would be willing to walk a kilometre or two back to the hotel when we could simply buy two more tickets and change on to three more trains to get within a couple of hundred metres of the hotel.

We also caught the Metro in Milan mainly as a time saver as we tried to get out to Ducati Milano before it closed. Perhaps a step up on the system in Rome but a little more confusing for the uninitiated with the number of lines.

The Metro in Turin would have to be the pick though ... relatively new so clean and presentable rolling stock. The driverless system is different but very efficient its only problem being the annoying warning buzzers at the closing of doors.

In contrast the train in Cinque Terre was a complete pain in the arse. When trains run late and out of order they don’t change the order on the arrivals board ... this was how we ended up in La Spezia. We caught six trains in Cinque Terre and only one was on time, of course this was the one we made allowance for late running in our planning so we arrived for our dive way too early – early arrivals is another thing Italians simply can’t comprehend.

The ferry along the Cinque Terre coast was fantastic ... close enough to on-time running and you had the opportunity to hop on and off to visit the towns. The views back along the coastline weren’t too bad either and considerably easier than walking the paths.

Timetables were completely useless for the bus we caught in Misano and it was bloody crowded – and if I was to guess – I would say most were not there for WDW. This stretch of the coastline is like Italy’s Gold Coast ... and it seems to be the place Italians go for holidays.

The forward view aboard the driverless Metro in Turin:


The ferry being loaded at Vernazza in Cinque Terre:


The path the ferry takes on the way into Portovenere:

[Betty]

THE BEACHES

We had a little taste of the Italian beach scene on our last trip during Jukie’s recovery and it was rather uninspiring. So much so that we didn’t really feel the need to experience it again – but I will re-cap for you lot.

Last time we were taken to the beach where we had to fight for shade under an inadequate umbrella. The umbrellas are hired and the beaches (almost all of them) are private so you pay for the privilege of sharing the beach with thousands of others all crammed in under identical umbrellas (well the colours vary from one private beach to the next). You are constantly being bombarded with hawkers trying to sell their fake sunnies and handbags.

If you venture down to the water, there are boats trawling up and down the coast just off shore with their loudspeakers blaring out advertisements. Relatively few people were actually in the water, but each private beach has their own lifeguard. The role of the lifeguard is two-fold: they are responsible for selling/hiring flotation devices and also to make sure nobody gets into trouble in the water.

When I say ‘make sure nobody gets into trouble’ I mean: make sure nobody goes any deeper than their waist in water. Now you have to remember that the sea here is dead flat most of the time – ‘surfing’ only exists at internet cafes. I was reprimanded for putting myself (and quite possibly the lifeguard) in danger by recklessly adventuring too far from shore – when I stood up the water level was no higher than my navel ... and I’m a short arse.

So, as I said ... we didn’t really feel the need to pay for the privilege of ‘going to the beach’ again. But don’t worry, there is no shortage of takers – the beaches are always crowded. People seem quite content to pay for their umbrella and just lay there all day ... quite often not even using the umbrella just laying there leathering up (oh, and smoking). Although it was typically really hot when we were near the coast with rarely a breeze the sun just doesn’t seem as intense as it is back home.

So a typical Italian holiday seems to be to drive the family out to the coast, stay in an overpriced hotel (quite often with a pool), then pay for the special rate the hotel has negotiated to hire an umbrella at the beach across the road probably owned by the same people. Then you lay in the sun all day. Once you have done this everyday for a week or so you pack up and head home again.

Not the best photo to show a typical beach scene ... but headland to headland umbrellas with barely a person in the water:


Beach grooming takes place after closing:


When things are a bit quieter:

[stopintime]

ACCOMMODATION
...........

We had to pay a little for parking in Bologna but the hotel was so cheap it was of little consequence. We also had to pay in Milan (no surprise there as you pay for everything in Milan) but our car was safely locked away in an automated parking system. Turin was quite expensive (but nothing like Sydney expensive) and a bit of a shit because the parking was a few blocks away from the hotel (they failed to mention that).
...........

Do you have safe parking IN the hotel?
 - yes!
So, I'm able to park my moto there and it's closed during the night?
 - no, it's in the street.
So, you don't have parking in the hotel?
 - no.

Do you have safe parking IN the hotel?
 - yes!
So, I'm able to park my moto there and it's closed during the night?
 - no, it's not closed.
But it's in the hotel?
 - no, it's near by.
So, you don't have safe parking in the hotel?
 - no.

No matter how specific I was, they always tried to decorate the true situation.
Just a little annoying - no biggie.
One of the hotels told me to send an email, which I think is business-Italian for 'make the beast with two backs off' 

[ungeheuer]

One of the hotels told me to send an email, which I think is business-Italian for 'make the beast with two backs off' 

[Jukie]

Now stop in time
 don't you know that Yes means No and No means No

[Betty]

KERMIT

He wasn’t green (thankfully), but he was a little Frog. Kermie was the nick-name our lease car was given ... a little DS3 Citroen. Part of the attraction of leasing was that we could basically choose which car we wanted ... so long as it was French and offered under the short-term leasing setup, but anyway you knew what was available by looking online.

Leasing gave us a couple of advantages – we weren’t paying through the nose for a slightly higher spec model, the car is brand spanking new, we didn’t have to pay extra for sat-nav, we didn’t have to pay extra for a second driver (up to 50% more for some of the hire agreements we saw), the thing was fully insured (with road assist) and no excess. No excess could be a big win as you won’t end up arguing over some bullshit claim for damages from the hire car mob when you really do have a plane to catch (and they know it).

Also by choosing a slightly higher spec model it came as an auto (with a clutchless manual change thingy if you felt so inclined). Now you may all view this as the soft-cock option ... but most reasonable cars available in Australia nowadays aren’t manual – our daily driver hasn’t had a clutch pedal for a few years. Of course it all falls into place when your left hand falls on a manual gearstick ... but over there some idiot seems to have moved all the steering wheels on to the wrong side of the car.

With trying to remember which side of the car to get in on, which side of the street to drive on, trying to find our way and mindful of the maniacal drivers/riders ... using the wrong hand to change gears would practically guarantee failure. So I am comfortable with the less than manly choice.

The manual over-ride did come in handy on occasion especially when out on the twisty roads in the hills. Occasionally the poor thing would get caught out on a steep climb or coming out of an uphill corner ... so the manual allowed you to hold a gear or shift before the turn as appropriate. Plus it was much more fun that way.

The four speed did seem a bit limiting at times but that is probably only because it is so noticeable if you are accustomed to 6 or 7 speed boxes. It was also the first time I had driven a car with a flat bottom steering wheel which feels unusual to begin with ... but I think it helps to hold a line through a corner. No doubt this is not really the intention ... but merely some half-arsed attempt to make it like a race car. I mean it’s a 1.6l turbo with a 4 speed auto and an adjustable steering column ... for Pietro’s sake ... this ain’t no race car.

But it was certainly comfortable and enjoyable enough for our purposes. It seemed to handle well, coped with our luggage yet was small enough to get where we needed to go. All good I’d say.

Kermie at handover/pick-up:


Aerial view of his froginess:


And in a prime parking spot:

[Betty]

THE END

So, if there is anybody still out there reading this crap, I assume you have had enough of me by now ... I think I am done. But if you have any questions or comments, criticisms or piss-taking ... fire away.

Hmm and just to prove what a little exposure on the DMF can do for your career (if there is still anybody around that can remember back that far) ... look who we found performing on the Ponte Vecchio in Florence:


It's our old mate Claudio:

[FIFO]

You ain't finished yet
What about the cost

*Car lease /hire
*Fuel prices
*What you would expect to pay for accommodation.
*Food restaurant prices best places to eat.
*Most important Booze/alcohol/cigarettes
*Entry fees to Musems/Historical sites.
*Any recommended travel web sights or agency.

Can you please quote prices in Aussie Dollars