As some of my friends here know, I had to sell my Monster last month for a number of valid reasons.
I don't miss the Monster, but I do miss riding.
However, now that I am bikeless for a few months, I thought I'd hash out publicly my thoughts about what this means to me as a rider and my development.
My last ride wasn't that good. I had rented a 2007 CBR 600RR to see what it would be like to finally ride a sportbike. The Saturday evening I picked it up was blissful... so easy to ride, so easy to ride well, so forgiving, so comfortable on the highway. I really enjoyed it. I "got it" shall we say, "got" why people ride sportbikes. A sportbike is SO my next bike. I already posted yesterday as to why:
http://ducatimonsterforum.org/index.php?topic=9406.msg158708#msg158708The Sunday ride (which was the NYMMC forum's first formal get-together of the year) had a post-meet ride of 12 people - at least 5 more than usual for my friends and I (we all have the same avatars) - and it wasn't fun for me. I wasn't able to keep up on any stint, I had a headache, I had thoughts of what would happen to my deposit if I crashed the bike, and I kept having bad thoughts - both about riding and about my life in general. My head was not in the game 100%, and thus I had a lot of fear, which in turn affected my ability to focus on riding.
Let me address my description of "keeping up." I keep up where I can, but my crew will wait for anyone at the next turn. They have to wait for me on a lot of turns, but if gives them the break they need for the next 20 mile twisty bit. I feel ZERO pressure to keep up. I ride my own ride.
With the Monster, on average I rode at probably 65% of my skill level, and maybe 70% of the Monster's ability. On one or two rides, I may have come close to 80% of my skill and 80% of the Monster's ability. I know I need to do something drastically different in order to enhance my skills, because doing it on a ride is not the place - IMHO. I had a BIG crash in April - two weeks before I was to take the Lee Parks Total Control Class. No bike, no class (and no refunds...
) That crash took out a big chunk of confidence that I am still struggling to get back.
What I call my "newbie fear" then takes over.
When that fear sets it - I slow WAY down before every turn, especially blind turns even if I hold people back a bit. I know I have a major issue with turning because far too often I would imagine the crash if I messed it up, and imagined the absolute magnitude of the crash - EVEN AS I executed the turn properly.
I never really got comfortable leaning the Monster over. It was lack of both knowledge and trust in my abilities and the bikes abilities that hampered my development and created a sense of permanent fear whenever I rode. "Newbie fear."
I picked up riding 2 years ago, and now at 38, severely overweight, divorced and the father of two, my perspective on riding is different than many people's. I love to ride well, but with the limited schedule I got to ride this year, each ride was 1/2 warm up - 1/2 enjoyment. I would go 3 weeks without riding, then riding 400 miles on a Sunday. Most of those miles in the twisties. However, nothing consistent.
I got into this sport because it truly allowed me to relax. I had to focus on nothing else BUT riding, and the rest of my worries would go away. While my divorce has been final over a year, and it's been two years since I moved out of the house, I'm JUST beginning to become myself again.
I've told my Usual Suspect friends about my need to have my head in the game for a ride, and they have been insanely supportive of me and my issues. The perfect storm of my life hit this summer where I hit rock bottom physically (my weight), financially (thus the sale of the Monster) and emotionally (inability to clear my head on rides).
I'm taking this time to truly focus on getting some big changes in my life enacted. It's already started and I'm starting to see the results. (I won't say what they are as they're a bit too revealing even for this thread
). I have a plan of action, a checklist - if you will - of things I need to do for the rest of this year.
What's fascinating to me is this - Sunday the 10th was not fun for me as a rider and I was happy to be done with the ride. 36 hours later - I'm back on this forum, I'm back researching "the next bike" and telling the guys, from whom I rented the CBR, that I'd be back soon!
I NEED to do a track day. I NEED to do a Lee Parks class (or something similar).
When I focus on doing something well, I tend to get pretty damned good at it (my skills as a photographer, for example) but I never got the chance in the 18 months I owned the Monster, to really, truly, deeply focus on riding. I'm short-changing myself and my riding buddies by not becoming a better rider.
It feels a little silly posting on a motorcycle forum and not owning a bike, but I'll adapt.
Why did I post this?
Two reasons - 1 - Catharsis, 2 - Maybe someone else will read something that makes sense to them. Maybe their head isn't 100% in the sport. Maybe they want to take a break, too.
I hate when life gets in the way of my life.
