http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/ (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/)
Good for some laughs...
Text only, but if you have a very strict internet filter/policies then it'll be NSFW due to swear words and the like
Discovered this a few days ago...I also discovered that you shouldn't read it while people are walking by your office and you are laughing hysterically at what you just read...
"Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city."
[laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh]
a Hayden brother?
(410): You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Labels: (410)
"(714): I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality."
-I need to make this... worth Billions... billions...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
(603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
(1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What's a ginger? Redhead?
Some of my favs:
(614): I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
(503): PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
(515): Ur type is ready and willing
(406): So, how was the dinner
(1-406): Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
(417): He has such a weird drunk-voice.
(1-417): dude, he's deaf.
(617): So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
801): hey, what are you doing tonight?
(646): sleeping, g'night!
(801): but i wanted to see you :(
(646): sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
(646): stop - you have a right hand - use it!
(908): the vacuum is drunk
(703): what?
(908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
[laugh]
(301): Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
:-X [laugh]
(859): im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
(310): dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
(323): no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
(310): oh, so thats why my junks red.
(323): wow. cant help you there...
(973): On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
(818): On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is (it) in there right now?
(703): Can i come over
(240): After you called me a desperate slut? No.
(240): Come over
[laugh] to the last one
(321): I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just found my new sig line!
(914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
(917): K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
(505): so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
(546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. make the beast with two backsin waste of money.
(859): I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
(973): Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
(859): Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
(860): I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
(860): make the beast with two backsk wrong person
(1-860):.. who was that for? a girlscout?
(602): where are you
(303): in your bedroom
(602): how did you get in
(303): your wife...
(602): WTF
(415): Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
(415): Recession joke.
(602): i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just rediscovered this site.
i've done nothing this morning but read it on my phone's browser and text excerpts to friends.
Ah yes... sorta forgotten about this.
- I think I went to school with this girl:
(425): i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
(513) she referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited
(860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
(401): Well how do you think I feel
(860): fair enough
(724):
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
(818):
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
(414):
so I ended up banging her last night
(1-414):
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
(414):
i don't even remember
(917):
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Quote from: Monsterlover on July 06, 2010, 11:34:23 AM
(917):
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude, that one was from months ago.
How much time have you spent reading through that site today??
[laugh] [laugh]
about 10 minutes :)
I just put in random page numbers and post what seems funny
[laugh]
Quote from: Monsterlover on July 06, 2010, 12:30:20 PM
about 10 minutes :)
I just put in random page numbers and post what seems funny
[laugh]
Ahhh, got it.
I have the page bookmarked on my phone and read all of the new ones everyday.
I've literally read every single text on that site.
[laugh]
I think you may have a problem
;D
Quote from: yuu on July 06, 2010, 08:30:55 AM
- I think I went to school with this girl:
(425): i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hell, I very well could have been married to her. FML.
i wasted my whole lunch hour on that site, then went and got a lunch plate at the corner. and then proceded to waste another hour.
I love that site, but I've been stuck on this one recently. I'm not why it's so hilarious, but it is:
http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com/ (http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com/)
Quote from: Rameses on July 06, 2010, 01:41:57 PM
I have the page bookmarked on my phone and read all of the new ones everyday.
I've literally read every single text on that site.
Yep, TFLNberry app here
(815):
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
[coffee]
Quote from: ItsaDuc on July 06, 2010, 05:06:19 PM
(815):
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pics or it never happened!!
[evil]
Quote from: DRKWNG on July 06, 2010, 05:43:50 PM
Pics or it never happened!!
[evil]
was my first thought too.
[beer] [wine]
Quote from: DRKWNG on July 06, 2010, 05:43:50 PM
Pics or it never happened!!
[evil]
and we are all suddenly 15 yrs old again... ;D ;D
Quote from: KnightofNi on July 07, 2010, 04:29:55 AM
and we are all suddenly 15 yrs old again... ;D ;D
Like you didn't think the same thing... ;)
Quote from: DRKWNG on July 07, 2010, 05:06:36 AM
Like you didn't think the same thing... ;)
why do you think i put the ;D after it?
i might not think it's right, but i'm not going to lie. lol.
This site makes me so make the beast with two backsing happy I am that I went to college before everybody had a cell phone with a camera.
There does not need to be evidence of:
Those weekends in Kentucky
Kidnapping a freshman the day he was supposed to have sex with his gf for the first time
The accidental pee in the mouth story
The fat kid slept in the wet spot story
The realization that all six guys in the room had slept with her
The various places broken into (came in handy, I had to break into the job site trailer on Monday! Yay college!)
The various things stolen (though oddly only funny things that had no value whatsoever)
The various memories that aren't actually memories but are only memories of someone telling you what happened
The slow degeneration into alcoholism from which some of us did not make it out
Great stories each and every one of them, but holy shit there does not need to be permanent digital record of that shit in detail. Sure it was funny when Tyler couldn't even eat solid food any more and the only thing his body would let him down other than alcohol was Spaghetti O's with beer in them. But the guy has his masters degree now. He doesn't need someone digging up old texts and facebook updates about puking up a Big Mac on to my brother's car. At 50mph. At 11am. On the way to the liquor store.
Sometimes I miss college.
sac
(858):
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For those that use sitters, this one hurt a little. [bang]