Ducati Monster Forum

Kitchen Sink => No Moto Content => Topic started by: mstevens on May 17, 2008, 05:09:30 PM

Title: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: mstevens on May 17, 2008, 05:09:30 PM
Well, for being more of one that usual...

Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday. She would be 17 years old and likely making me crazy if she hadn't died at 16 months of a brain tumor.

I can't go out for a ride because I can't concentrate worth anything and am seconds away from road rage just emptying the dishwasher. As much as I'd like to go find out if my 620 really will go 140mph and as little as I care about consequences at the moment, the absolute last thing my wife needs right now would be to get "that call" from the police or ED.

I've had time to get used to this, and most of the time I'm OK (except for right now and at the end of September, which is when we took her off life support).

By Monday I'll be back to being my usual jerk of a self, but for right now I could use a little slack if I'm quick on the trigger, abrasive, or not making sense. In any event, I've already snarled at someone who made a lighthearted comment here and figure that's probably just the start. It might be best if I just didn't go online, but the DMF is such a good way to keep my mind off of other things.

Sorry in advance!
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: ducpainter on May 17, 2008, 05:13:05 PM
Don't apologize to me.

I get it.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: ducducgooseme on May 17, 2008, 05:35:06 PM
No apologies needed.  Hang in there.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: red baron on May 17, 2008, 06:06:42 PM
I've got nothing, good thoughts your way.





dp, never apologizes for his behavior.  [cheeky] (luv ya dp ;D)
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: herm on May 17, 2008, 06:27:40 PM
wow dude......... :-[

i hope monday is a great day for you
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: ducpainter on May 17, 2008, 06:33:58 PM
There aren't too many here that can understand the kind of pain he's feeling.

Things can hurt you...

you can't get hurt any worse than losing a child...there is nothing...worse.

My heart is with mstevens tonight.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: mstevens on May 17, 2008, 06:52:42 PM
Quote from: herm on May 17, 2008, 06:27:40 PMi hope monday is a great day for you

Meh. I'm on-call next week. I can pretty much guarantee it'll be better than Sunday, though.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: Scottish on May 17, 2008, 07:19:35 PM
Condolences, I can't imaginee how I'd cope. No apologies needed. Be well friend.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: mstevens on May 17, 2008, 08:23:38 PM
Quote from: WannaDucBad on May 17, 2008, 07:19:35 PMcan't imaginee how I'd cope.

You know, it's amazing what you can cope with when you have absolutely no choice whatsoever.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: Count Desmo on May 17, 2008, 08:30:51 PM
Damn, my heart goes out to you.  I gave my little girls an extra hug and told them they were from someone who really needed them.

Be strong, man.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: Howie on May 17, 2008, 08:43:53 PM
I can only imagine the loss you feel.  My heart goes out to you.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: IZ on May 17, 2008, 08:58:55 PM
After holding a fellow DMF'ers newborn baby a couple days ago..

so small and helpless..

I couldn't even imagine that kind of pain!! 

TOUGH!!

:-[
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: bigiain on May 17, 2008, 09:32:59 PM
Quote from: mstevens on May 17, 2008, 05:09:30 PM
Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday. She would be 17 years old and likely making me crazy if she hadn't died at 16 months of a brain tumor.

make the beast with two backs.

That's all I've got to say...

big (oh, also that I agree with your choice to stay off the bike right now...
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: somegirl on May 17, 2008, 11:24:15 PM
Feeling for you. :(
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: Mother on May 18, 2008, 12:20:26 AM
shit mang

that's rough
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: c_rex on May 18, 2008, 12:46:54 AM
I can't express my sympathies deeply enough.  My heart is in my throat and tears in my eyes to think what you must be going through still.  I'm pretty sure that it would crush me entirely.  As much as anyone you've never met can offer anything resembling comfort my heart goes out to you.  Take care and hang in there.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: mstevens on May 18, 2008, 08:50:25 AM
Thanks, everyone.

It's sort of odd that we do more to celebrate her birthday now than we did when she was alive. Helen went into a coma right before her birthday and spent her actual birthday having brain surgery to debulk her tumor.

Since I was a (very, very junior) faculty member at the time as a senior resident, they let us in to the PICU right after the surgery. Helen was already awake - she'd extubated herself and yanked the ventriculostomy tube right out of her head and was giggling away while waving one life-support tube in each little fist. The PICU director painted faces and patterns on them and let her keep them as birthday presents since we couldn't bring anything else in.

Ever since then, we've done something on her birthday that we think she would've enjoyed. Today it's a bicycle ride and picnic. Of course, if she were actually here I'm sure she'd think that was lame and would demand the car keys so she could go meet some boy to snog.

Off to make sammiches and get the spiderwebs off the bicycle seat.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: T-byrd on May 18, 2008, 08:57:58 AM
Seeing as how I don't have children, I will never know your pain. 

I think the way you and your wife celebrate her life is wonderful, not easy but wonderful.  Enjoy her day and her memories. 

Happy Birthday Helen.

T
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: Bun-bun on May 18, 2008, 09:33:00 AM
Quote from: ducpainter on May 17, 2008, 06:33:58 PM
you can't get hurt any worse than losing a child...there is nothing...worse.



Absolutely true.
I feel your pain.

My heart bleeds for you and your wife.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: dolci on May 18, 2008, 04:30:47 PM
I cannot even imagine losing my daughter.  My heart hurts for you.  I think the way that you celebrate her birthday is wonderful (although she probably would think you were completely lame).
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: raulduke on May 18, 2008, 07:38:55 PM
I am so sorry.  Stay strong.  Be well.  Love someone, it all comes back.

make the beast with two backs the apologies.  You got a right...rant a little if it helps.

Peace.
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: lilysmama on May 19, 2008, 02:55:22 PM
I'm late in writing because I'm not online often, but I couldn't possibly read this board and not respond.  Despite the tears in my eyes.  I just wanted to share my sympathies.  I think you've experienced -- and endured -- the worst thing that anyone can.  We aren't supposed to outlive our children.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Michelle
Title: Re: Apologies in advance for being such an a-hole
Post by: mstevens on May 19, 2008, 05:08:52 PM
Thanks, everyone. It really does help.

I'm pretty close to my baseline level of obnoxiousness at this point. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled programming.