This is for you Mr. Explosive Diarrhea shitting everyday in the restroom person. I am so glad that you can spackle the back and sides of the toilet daily to make it impossible to use until the cleanup crew comes in the following night with hazmat suits and calls in the CDC to help with cleanup.
I mean seriously? As much as you get on the toilet, the seat and the stall walls surrounding said toilet, it is impossible that you haven't spackled your own body as well. So here we have your shit-fest that you left in the stall for everyone else to admire but you are also walking around somewhere in this building or out in the trade covered in your own shit.
I mean seriously...who DOES that??!!
There was a guy at work who used to do that. We called him the phantom shitter. We never found out for sure who he was, but the person we suspected transferred and it stopped...
Says the guy who single-handedly plugged up my shitter.
[roll]
Quote from: Randimus Maximus on December 18, 2009, 12:39:19 PM
Says the guy who single-handedly plugged up my shitter.
[roll]
If you're sticking your hand in that far, you're doing it wrong.
Quote from: angler on December 18, 2009, 12:57:23 PM
If you're sticking your hand in that far, you're doing it wrong.
+11tyb
We had one too. I swear, his assh0le was half way up his back.
mitt
[laugh] [laugh] OMG I am not the only one!!!!
We had some guy who could apparently defecate with such force, such extreme velocity that it would actual splash up onto the bottom of the seat.
Completely foul and disgusting. And why is the corporate restroom the worst ventilated room in the entire building? There are smells that stay there for weeks.
As you can see Randy, that while you may not have my back, Angler and Wade do. [cheeky] (we really need that twofinger emoticon here)
It's amazing how much distance and coverage he can get. I assume he is hoovering when he goes otherwise, there is no explanation on how he can cover the seat as well as he does.
I suspect it may be one of the owners...
[puke]
Is he one of the asian-types who stand/squat on the seat and let fly? That could explain it. We had a patient from China once whose dad was one of those...and who had intestinal worms. The nurse who walked in after him nearly needed resuscitation. [puke]
try working with people who have just come from south of the border where toilet paper is routinely placed next to the pot...and not in it
Quote from: NAKID on December 18, 2009, 12:34:40 PM
There was a guy at work who used to do that. We called him the phantom shitter. We never found out for sure who he was, but the person we suspected transferred and it stopped...
Dude! When I was in the Army in Wiesbaden Germany, we had a phantom shitter too! [bang] First it was the toilet, then the stall, then the latrine floor, and finally the 1st Sergeant's desk! :o We never figured it out, the same thing happend, the shitting stopped after the main suspect transfered, so either it was him or the phantom shitter quit while he was ahead.
My pet peave peeve is spelling ;D
Also, an idea I have been promoting: all rants should be delivered in haiku format. I have taken the liberty of composing one for you.
"Taco stomach art,
My canvas in your shitter"
Jackson Pollock's ass
Quote from: il d00d on December 18, 2009, 07:47:09 PM
Also, an idea I have been promoting: all rants should be delivered in haiku format. I have taken the liberty of composing one for you.
"Taco stomach art,
My canvas in your shitter"
Jackson Pollock's ass
;D is all I have to say about that
:edit: in fact, I'm surprised that the old haiku thd has never been restored
This thread is useless without pictures
;D
^^^^ [puke] [puke] [puke] [puke] [puke] [puke] [puke] [puke] [puke]
one of our boaters can somehow get it on the ceiling, dont know how he manages it. we even know who he is other boaters have complained about him and people i work with have appearently witnessed it first hand. i dont ever want to step foot on his boat after seeing what he can do to a big bathroom [puke] [puke] [puke]
Quote from: il d00d on December 18, 2009, 07:47:09 PM
Also, an idea I have been promoting: all rants should be delivered in haiku format. I have taken the liberty of composing one for you.
"Taco stomach art,
My canvas in your shitter"
Jackson Pollock's ass
I think Not. Because it goes against my goal of trying to communicate more effectively, instead of just blurting out separate, loosely connected thoughts. You should start a Haiku thread if that's what you want.
I must say this is as strange a topic as any in quite a while.
I count out loud laughs every day, because it's a finite resource and good for us.
I just got a couple of days worth here. [thumbsup]
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
LA
i'm lactose intolerant. i don't always catch what is in what i'm eating or sometimes lactose is added to things for coloring (french fries for example) i have assploded all over a couple of bathrooms, you know when it happens.
that guys is just too lazy and inconsiderate to clean up after himself. at least wipe the seat down.
the random haiku wednesday thread will be brought back on weds if i'm not too busy at work =)
My nickname for corn is "meal tracer"
Quote from: tcspeedfreak on December 19, 2009, 05:44:12 AM
one of our boaters can somehow get it on the ceiling
:o
I've textured many a bowl to date, but I can't say any of it ever ventured north of the seat or outside said bowl.....
Quote from: Speedbag on December 19, 2009, 09:26:38 AM
:o
I've textured many a bowl to date, but I can't say any of it ever ventured north of the seat or outside said bowl.....
+1
Quote from: Speedbag on December 19, 2009, 09:26:38 AM
:o
I've textured many a bowl to date, but I can't say any of it ever ventured north of the seat or outside said bowl.....
i can't figure out how it would get on the cieling unless they fell over.
i've lost a couple of photo finishes and missed the bowl :-[
I'll never forget a jr. high spring break in Puerto Penasco, Sonora. My family always stayed in a campground with quarter operated showers. My cousin and I went in for our daily shower and it was the most disgusting thing we have ever seen. There was shit all over the place. One stall the toilet was filled up out of the bowl and the second nearly so. Shitty footprints all over between the two stalls and then into the shower stall. I don't know how that guy lived actually. Had I not been about ready to puke, I would have looked more closely to see if the dude lost any organs. I bet there was shit on the ceiling on that one 'cause it looked like the cat had fallen and slid between stalls and the shower. Needless to say we didn't shower until maintenance had hosed the place down. Thank god for the powers of Mexican pine sol and bleach.
Ol' Montezuma must have been pretty pissed at that guy.....
Quote from: angler on December 19, 2009, 09:58:07 AM
I'll never forget a jr. high spring break in Puerto Penasco, Sonora. My family always stayed in a campground with quarter operated showers. My cousin and I went in for our daily shower and it was the most disgusting thing we have ever seen. There was shit all over the place. One stall the toilet was filled up out of the bowl and the second nearly so. Shitty footprints all over between the two stalls and then into the shower stall. I don't know how that guy lived actually. Had I not been about ready to puke, I would have looked more closely to see if the dude lost any organs. I bet there was shit on the ceiling on that one 'cause it looked like the cat had fallen and slid between stalls and the shower. Needless to say we didn't shower until maintenance had hosed the place down. Thank god for the powers of Mexican pine sol and bleach.
Ol' Montezuma must have been pretty pissed at that guy.....
2 words...
eww EWWW
Quote from: KnightofNi on December 19, 2009, 10:21:33 AM
2 words...
eww EWWW
Its rare that I whip out that story because it is completely disgusting. But when someone whipped out corn and ceiling spackle, I figured it was fair game......
Ok if NWS = not work safe.
Then what is this thread, N?S. Haven't figured out what the ? is.
Not after meals for damn sure.
Quote from: sno_duc on December 19, 2009, 03:54:23 PM
Ok if NWS = not work safe.
Then what is this thread, N?S. Haven't figured out what the ? is.
Not after meals for damn sure.
N.S.P.S.
Not
Sober
People
Safe
Quote from: ducducgooseme on December 19, 2009, 05:01:30 AM
This thread is useless without pictures
;D
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote from: D on December 19, 2009, 05:44:48 AM
I think Not. Because it goes against my goal of trying to communicate more effectively, instead of just blurting out separate, loosely connected thoughts. You should start a Haiku thread if that's what you want.
So, you're saying rants about explosive diarrhea, should not be adulterated by senseless poetry. Because it is at odds with one's desire to clearly communicate one's feelings about explosive diarrhea.
Totally. Please see my upcoming thread entitled "Meltdown in the Bathroom: an epic poem"
;) [beer]
About two years ago I got super sick. I tossed cookies in the parking lot trying to get home.
Anyway, I got home wrapped myself around the throne and proceded to yack so hard and so long I ruptured at the other end at the same time. Barely managed to get my shorts past my thighs, after that I painted the shower, and toilet simultaneously. I was the singularly most disgusting event I've ever created.
[coffee]
A friend of mine recently had the flu, and he was nice enough to share a similar story. On one trip to the bathroom he was kneeling and retching away, and the opposite end suddenly erupted in unison. All he was wearing at the time was underwear. It wasn't pretty.
Awright, really, this has gone far enough. :-X
Quote from: Dan on December 20, 2009, 04:34:07 AM
Awright, really, this has gone far enough. :-X
+1
the stink is creeping into other threads
A buddy of mine was accidentally sent this by one of his students:
I need to tell you about my whopping pile of heave that my ass gave
birth to. So, here was how it went. I got to the shit pot and moved
into position. Not more than a second after I was seated...my ass cheeks
flew apart with such force that I thought I was going to shatter the bowl.
Out came a torrent of fecal matter the likes of which have never been seen
before! It was a continuous log about 3 and a half feet in length. The
semi-firm consistency and high velocity of bowl deposit resulted in a
shattered loaf. The high amount of gas that propelled this toilet monster
also permeated the turd itself, giving it a swiss cheese like appearance.
This may have weakened the crap structure resulting in the disintegration
upon splashdown. On the plus side, this gas was so stench-ridden that the
paint on the walls began peeling. My eyes were watering from the potency
of the shit...despite it being my own! After wiping my ass several
times....I stood up to admire the carnage I had created. The pot was
totally filled from side to side. It seemed as though my shit had totally
displaced all of the bowls water. All that remained was an enormous mound
of splintered crap covered with crumpled Charmin. Similar to a huge
chocolate sunday topped with whipped cream. The giant heap of blort took
fifteen...count 'em...FIFTEEN flushes to remove. And as if to leave a
reminder, the shit left big brown spirals in the bowl as it was sucked
into the unknowing Albuquerque septic system. Luckily, this beast of a
shit was not dumped in my own throne.
I just thought that you would appreciate this wonderful Man-moment!
All of this shit talk makes me want to recreate that glorious moment again!
In fact...I can feel a good sized toilet python sliding down my bowels at
this very moment. Maybe I can let him loose in someones desk!
Quote from: pompetta on December 20, 2009, 06:44:44 AM
A buddy of mine was accidentally sent this by one of his students:
I need to tell you about my whopping pile of heave that my ass gave
birth to. So, here was how it went. I got to the shit pot and moved
into position. Not more than a second after I was seated...my ass cheeks
flew apart with such force that I thought I was going to shatter the bowl.
Out came a torrent of fecal matter the likes of which have never been seen
before! It was a continuous log about 3 and a half feet in length. The
semi-firm consistency and high velocity of bowl deposit resulted in a
shattered loaf. The high amount of gas that propelled this toilet monster
also permeated the turd itself, giving it a swiss cheese like appearance.
This may have weakened the crap structure resulting in the disintegration
upon splashdown. On the plus side, this gas was so stench-ridden that the
paint on the walls began peeling. My eyes were watering from the potency
of the shit...despite it being my own! After wiping my ass several
times....I stood up to admire the carnage I had created. The pot was
totally filled from side to side. It seemed as though my shit had totally
displaced all of the bowls water. All that remained was an enormous mound
of splintered crap covered with crumpled Charmin. Similar to a huge
chocolate sunday topped with whipped cream. The giant heap of blort took
fifteen...count 'em...FIFTEEN flushes to remove. And as if to leave a
reminder, the shit left big brown spirals in the bowl as it was sucked
into the unknowing Albuquerque septic system. Luckily, this beast of a
shit was not dumped in my own throne.
I just thought that you would appreciate this wonderful Man-moment!
All of this shit talk makes me want to recreate that glorious moment again!
In fact...I can feel a good sized toilet python sliding down my bowels at
this very moment. Maybe I can let him loose in someones desk!
i find this completely gross, but so funny that i may have to read it again
Quote from: Scottish on December 19, 2009, 09:10:49 PM
About two years ago I got super sick. I tossed cookies in the parking lot trying to get home.
Anyway, I got home wrapped myself around the throne and proceded to yack so hard and so long I ruptured at the other end at the same time. Barely managed to get my shorts past my thighs, after that I painted the shower, and toilet simultaneously. I was the singularly most disgusting event I've ever created.
[coffee]
didn't that happen on south park?
Well...whoever it is is currently wearing a pair of black wingtips...very classic styling. They were in the stall next to me not too long ago and the sounds were amazing and disturbing all at the same time. He entered and exited while i was doing my business...I tried to hurry up to see who it was but to no avail. Perhaps if he had washed his hands I may have had time...
I am beginning to suspect one of our sales managers. They tend to dress a bit more business formal than the normal sales staff or the office staff...
I have discretely been checking shoes as I make my way around the office putting out fires. No luck so far but I have eliminated quite a few people.
On a side note, I too have experienced the exploding from both ends. The worst is when it is the liquid shits. *shudder*
*doing what he can to perpetuate the abomination that this thread has become*
having the flu requires a very special device known as the velocicraptor.
it attaches to your toilet so you can easily and without mess let loose from both ends.
there is a picture somewhere, but i'm not searching for it while at work, lol.
Quote from: ZLTFUL on December 21, 2009, 06:30:54 AM
Well...whoever it is is currently wearing a pair of black wingtips...very classic styling.
Well, there you go.
All you need to do is find the culprit by their shoes, drop everything in your hands, point, and scream
"SO YOU'RE THE MAD SHITTER!!!!!"
Conveniently, all of the sales managers and team leaders are out of the office today. Both of the owners are going to the meeting that they are attending as well and all of them are apparently wearing suits and ties...so my investigation has lowered the count down to 7 possible culprits.
I am half tempted to go in there early some morning and write using my fingers and chocolate pudding, "I NOW KNOW WHO YOU ARE, PHANTOM SHITTER!!!" on the inside of the stall door...
Quote from: pompetta on December 20, 2009, 06:44:44 AM
A buddy of mine was accidentally sent this by one of his students:
I need to tell you about my whopping pile of heave that my ass gave
birth to. So, here was how it went. I got to the shit pot and moved
into position. Not more than a second after I was seated...my ass cheeks
flew apart with such force that I thought I was going to shatter the bowl.
Out came a torrent of fecal matter the likes of which have never been seen
before! It was a continuous log about 3 and a half feet in length. The
semi-firm consistency and high velocity of bowl deposit resulted in a
shattered loaf. The high amount of gas that propelled this toilet monster
also permeated the turd itself, giving it a swiss cheese like appearance.
This may have weakened the crap structure resulting in the disintegration
upon splashdown. On the plus side, this gas was so stench-ridden that the
paint on the walls began peeling. My eyes were watering from the potency
of the shit...despite it being my own! After wiping my ass several
times....I stood up to admire the carnage I had created. The pot was
totally filled from side to side. It seemed as though my shit had totally
displaced all of the bowls water. All that remained was an enormous mound
of splintered crap covered with crumpled Charmin. Similar to a huge
chocolate sunday topped with whipped cream. The giant heap of blort took
fifteen...count 'em...FIFTEEN flushes to remove. And as if to leave a
reminder, the shit left big brown spirals in the bowl as it was sucked
into the unknowing Albuquerque septic system. Luckily, this beast of a
shit was not dumped in my own throne.
I just thought that you would appreciate this wonderful Man-moment!
All of this shit talk makes me want to recreate that glorious moment again!
In fact...I can feel a good sized toilet python sliding down my bowels at
this very moment. Maybe I can let him loose in someones desk!
I laughed so hard at this I almost cried.
Then I made my wife read it and she almost passed out she laughed so hard.
[laugh]
All I have to add: Food poisoning. Post-emptying everything I had eaten for several months, I had started drinking Gatorade to re-hydrate. However, my stomach was having none of that, unbeknowest to me. Drinking small amounts over the afternoon and evening it added up. I went to sleep on the couch, but awoke feeling odd, but not nauseated. Stumbled my weak self to the sink for a glass of water. One sip later, the room spun violently, I bounced off the dining room table, a hutch, and two different walls before finding myself in the bathroom. I slammed down on my knees in front of the toilet and violently threw up a gallon or more of Gatorade. How violent? My NOSE became a Gatorade fountain. I was forcing the liquid up with such pressure it was also exiting via my nose.
JM
IHOP seems to do that to me sometimes.
Went to one in Atlantic City (mistake number one) a few years back and got the steak omlette with pancakes (mistake number two). Next thing I know about 15 minutes later, I'm doing my best to squeeze my cheeks together in our rented minivan so I wouldn't fill my shorts. We got to a gas station where I ran it and let loose the fury after waiting for a large woman to exit the restroom. I almost dropped trou behind the dumpster because I couldn't wait.
Fast forward 15 minutes later and I'm getting close to my buddies place in West Chester, PA. Again, that feeling of my bowels arming themselves for another volley sinks in. I ran into my buddies place and proceded to unleash all hell on his toilet in what sounded like someone holding a garden hose 12" from a 5 gallon half-full bucket of water with the nozzle fully open.
That day, my friends, was a scary day.
Quote from: TJR178 on December 23, 2009, 06:09:21 AM
IHOP seems to do that to me sometimes.
Went to one in Atlantic City (mistake number one) a few years back and got the steak omlette with pancakes (mistake number two). Next thing I know about 15 minutes later, I'm doing my best to squeeze my cheeks together in our rented minivan so I wouldn't fill my shorts. We got to a gas station where I ran it and let loose the fury after waiting for a large woman to exit the restroom. I almost dropped trou behind the dumpster because I couldn't wait.
Fast forward 15 minutes later and I'm getting close to my buddies place in West Chester, PA. Again, that feeling of my bowels arming themselves for another volley sinks in. I ran into my buddies place and proceded to unleash all hell on his toilet in what sounded like someone holding a garden hose 12" from a 5 gallon half-full bucket of water with the nozzle fully open.
That day, my friends, was a scary day.
noone ever references waste chester!
we went to the hooters in AC, luckily we were staying there. a few poeple had similar experiences.
I am so glad I started this thread. [laugh]
Quote from: ZLTFUL on December 23, 2009, 06:25:16 AM
I am so glad I started this thread. [laugh]
Reminds me (loosely - pun intended) of the fart thread I started on TOB. [laugh]
Quote from: ZLTFUL on December 23, 2009, 06:25:16 AM
I am so glad I started this thread. [laugh]
Yeah...
me too. [roll]