Not at the wedding.
Not while I was in Chicago with the wife (in theory, their hometown).
No one has come to see the grandchild.
Never spoken to them on the phone.
Received one email, once, wishing me a "Merry Christmas".
This shit ain't normal.
I don't think they exist.
Then I consider the frequent travel of the wife.
The martial arts training.
The weapons she has in the house.
I've never met anyone who has known her for all that long.
There's only one explanation.
She must be a secret agent, leading some kind of bizarre susie homemaker/hired killer sort of double life.
In a drunken stupor, I confronted her on it last night.
Witness protection program? FBI? Mob? What is it?
She admitted to nothing.
She's been giving me a sorrowful look since. I can only assume she feels terrible about the fact she'll have to off me. The dogs have been giving me that hungry look, eyeing the choicest cuts no doubt.
Dear friends, please take this as a final request, an urgent plea.
If something happens to me, some "accident", like getting shot while resisting arrest, or falling down an elevator shaft, onto some bullets, please....avenge my death!
[laugh]
So I Married an Axe Murderer comes to mind
Is she skilled at butchering animals?
Does she have a girlfriend named Ralph?
What kind of weapons? What type of Martial Arts?
Don't question a good thing.....
i'd arm myself if I were you...
and post about it all over the net.
leave a letter with a lawyer, telling the world all about her. make sure she is aware of this, and that in the event of your untimely death, said lawyer will go to the police.
/end bad movie plot
so you are saying you are brad pitt and your wife is angelina jolie and you are telling us the plot line for the movie
Mr. and Mrs. Smith Part 2
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [clap]
damn that is the funniest posting Mr. Incredible has ever written. See he does have a witty sense of humor.
Quote from: sbrguy on October 30, 2010, 12:38:27 PM
so you are saying you are brad pitt and your wife is angelina jolie and you are telling us the plot line for the movie
Mr. and Mrs. Smith Part 2
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [clap]
damn that is the funniest posting Mr. Incredible has ever written. See he does have a witty sense of humor.
She might be comparable to Mrs. Smith but he's no Mr.
This goes much deeper
smoke and mirrors
He lives in a compound
has an entire structure no one has seen the inside of because a "person" rents it
Kazakhstan to go "launch satellites" and then a mystery illness
Kazakhstan has a GNP of 158 billion and they are launching satellites...right [roll]
Never has the same car for more than 6 months
Ninja for a wife
Kid with the second name "danger"
The only explanation is Dr Evil has returned
Quote from: rgramjet on October 30, 2010, 11:59:43 AM
What kind of weapons? What type of Martial Arts?
Don't question a good thing.....
Kenpo-she's an instructor. Technically, she's paid to hurt people.
Various staffs, pointy sticks (technical name), and the like abound.
She asked me where the shovel is! :o
You've married an alien. Duh? Now you have an alien child. Gonna put 'em in private school? Good idea!! [laugh] Wish I was paid to hurt people. That's a job I could get into! [thumbsup]
On another note: 20 extra points to your team for never having to meet the in laws. It always sucks! :P
Don't ask any questions.... just live with it.
Growing up, my best friends dad... "Nick" had a bag packed at all times. Honest to god if there was trouble some where in the world he was there. My father told me not to ask any questions when I hung out over their house.
Some things I remember as a child...late70's early 80's... He was shot, stabbed and had a wicked bad sun burn from what I remember. Now of course I realize that was a chemical burn.
Even 30 years later my friend does not know what his dad did for a "real job".
Let's be honest. She doesn't feel that badly about having to off you.
Quote from: sugarcrook on October 30, 2010, 06:13:08 PM
Let's be honest. She doesn't feel that badly about having to off you.
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Quote from: sugarcrook on October 30, 2010, 06:13:08 PM
Let's be honest. She doesn't feel that badly about having to off you.
You've served your purpose.....the species has propagated......now its time to die.
Once it is over it is over. We will miss you :'(
You have been around too long. If you were her intended target, you would have been gone a long time ago. The "Agency" she is working for has other plans for you.
Quote from: howie on October 30, 2010, 06:21:05 PM
Once it is over it is over. We will miss you :'(
Let's be honest. We won't.
;D
Quote from: MrIncredible on October 30, 2010, 05:27:12 PM
Kenpo-she's an instructor. Technically, she's paid to hurt people.
nothing like hiding in plain sight 8)
And weaponry? Uzi nine millimeter? .45 long-slide with laser sighting, by any chance?
more bacon for me
Quote from: sugarcrook on October 30, 2010, 06:30:31 PM
Let's be honest. We won't.
;D
OK, we will miss his vodka at DIMBY :'(
Quote from: rgramjet on October 30, 2010, 06:17:31 PM
You've served your purpose.....the species has propagated......now its time to die.
This is exactly why I asked if she was known as "the black widow" in any locale on our first date.
Quote from: MrIncredible on October 30, 2010, 09:53:20 PM
This is exactly why I asked if she was known as "the black widow" in any locale on our first date.
LSD will do this to you !
Time to lay off the stuff , it makes one delusional.
Dolph :)
Quote from: DoubleEagle on October 30, 2010, 10:04:05 PM
LSD will do this to you !
Time to lay off the stuff , it makes one delusional.
Dolph :)
Well, I'll stop before I start thinking I'm a fast rider.
Quote from: bobspapa on October 30, 2010, 07:51:42 PM
more bacon for me
You forget.. I'm still here. ;)
[bacon]
so did the conversation include "i would tell you, but then i'd have to kill you"? ;D
you could always hire a private eye IF you really want to know the truth b/c "the truth is out there."
strange? yes. unusual? yes. a blessing in disguise? maybe. perhaps she loves you and is trying to protect you. i see that in many spy movies.
maybe she's embarrassed by her family? doubtful. she is pretty cool you know. smart, musically talented, RIDES A DUC (well, technically... used to), and she did marry you afterall.
BTW, who's idea was it to give your kid his middle name, Danger? is that an omen?
my recommedation is to sleep with one eye open. good luck with that one.
Quote from: rgramjet on October 30, 2010, 07:35:32 PM
And weaponry? Uzi nine millimeter? .45 long-slide with laser sighting, by any chance?
[thumbsup] 8)
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcCJ24MozOg)
she views you as nothing more than an entertaining clown and therefore no threat, you're safe.
Quote from: DoubleEagle on October 30, 2010, 10:04:05 PM
LSD will do this to you !
Time to lay off the stuff , it makes one delusional.
Dolph :)
Might be on to somethiing, Could have called himself MrGood or even MrGreat........had to go with mrincredible.......delusions of grandeur, Damn that LSD!
Getting back to the thread title...I wish I never met my ex-in-laws...or their daughter...ever
if that's the worst of your issues then be happy....
and who cares if she's a ghost using you for deep cover?
if she can roll and snap her hips right, is easy to be with, has a good sense of humor when things go sideways
and doesn't bring home incurable STD's to share with you then
you are a lucky man....now act like it!!
even if its only 2 out of 4, she is a good find.
dibs on the bikes.
too early?
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Is he dead yet? When did he last sign in? [popcorn]
I call it for the Falcon! [evil]
I'll sign up for the toolbox she just got him. ;D
she'll probably want to keep the baby.... right?
If not, then dibs on Danger!
mary...
really....
i think i called him first... [laugh]
Actually, you just asked about her wanting to keep the baby, you never really called dibs on the little poop machine... Technically. :-*
;D
[bacon]
Quote from: Junkie of Bacon on October 31, 2010, 03:04:12 PM
I call it for the Falcon! [evil]
F*cker! I want the Falcon! You can have his Jeep truck or his Chrysler....
Quote from: Duck-Stew on October 31, 2010, 06:18:39 PM
F*cker! I want the Falcon! You can have his Jeep truck or his Chrysler....
You had the falcon once already so your dibs trade on the jeep is null and void
The Kaiser is mine I call official dibs
and a bottle of booze for the drive north
Quote from: Mother on October 31, 2010, 06:24:26 PM
You had the falcon once already so your dibs trade on the jeep is null and void
The Kaiser is mine I call official dibs
and a bottle of booze for the drive north
FINE! I get the Falcon back. Junkie of Bacon gets the Chrysler and you can have the Willy's & some booze. How's that?
Quote from: Duck-Stew on October 31, 2010, 06:57:22 PM
FINE! I get the Falcon back. Junkie of Bacon gets the Chrysler and you can have the Willy's & some booze. How's that?
this works for me
now
we just have to make sure she actually knocks him off
maybe some financial incentive?
Quote from: Duck-Stew on October 31, 2010, 06:57:22 PM
FINE! I get the Falcon back. Junkie of Bacon gets the Chrysler and you can have the Willy's & some booze. How's that?
No no NO! I don't want no Chrysler. Stu, you can have the Falcon IF you let me ride your Monster Café Racer once or twice when it's done. Or that other bike you were telling me about. I figure that's a good trade. ;)
Oh, and you buy Mother the booze... [laugh]
[bacon]
Between the booze and dividing up his personal belongings, Dave is going to have one hell of a wake! [thumbsup]
RIP Dave.
sac
Isn't that why people go to wakes? For the booze and free food? ;)
[evil]
[bacon]
Quote from: herm on October 31, 2010, 01:58:55 PM
even if its only 2 out of 4, she is a good find.
Haha, which 2?
Just prop me in a corner with a shot of whiskey in my hand
So I can watch you guys fight over the spoils.
There will be no fighting... We're politely negotiating.
Mother gets the jeep and a bottle, Stu gets the Falcon, I get to ride his CR up Nine-Mile and the 33, and LMT gets Danger...
Well, maybe there will be a fight between 'TiNi and LMT over the little pooper...
Try and keep up, will ya? ;D
[bacon]
In all honesty the amount of liquor here is probably worth more than the Falcon, Jeep, and Chrysler combined.
I don't understand why only one bottle has been claimed :P
Quote from: MrIncredible on October 31, 2010, 09:38:44 PM
In all honesty the amount of liquor here is probably worth more than the Falcon, Jeep, and Chrysler combined.
I don't understand why only one bottle has been claimed :P
We will sort that all out when the time is right. Would you just hurry up and die already!
sac
Quote from: MrIncredible on October 31, 2010, 09:38:44 PM
I don't understand why only one bottle has been claimed :P
Because I'm holding out to see what the bacon stash looks like!
;D
[bacon]
Quote from: MrIncredible on October 31, 2010, 09:38:44 PM
In all honesty the amount of liquor here is probably worth more than the Falcon, Jeep, and Chrysler combined.
I don't understand why only one bottle has been claimed :P
there is only The Bottle
[bow_down]
[drool]
Quote from: Veloce-Fino on October 31, 2010, 09:05:16 PM
Haha, which 2?
it really depends on the combinations i think.
dibs on the BMW GS.
i'm surprised nobody else called for that. ;D
Lol wonder y she hasn't posted on here.. I'm guessing she had no plans to off you, but with you making this thread she now has no choice in the matter..
She's probably busy concocting Plans B and C, now that she has an inkling that he's onto her.
She's been discovered. Now she has to go back undercover with a new identity.
Mr. Incredible may have stumbled onto his own salvation right here in our forum. Too many witnesses if he is offed now.
By the way, in most cases, not meeting the inlaws, would be desired by most husbands.
Wasn't her avitar once something along these lines:
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_9fx9fom_BEU/SPv-TQaMmnI/AAAAAAAAAH4/YGWlzc_IFds/s400/violet3.jpg)
Maybe she really is a Super in hiding?
The story... Travel "for work"... No verifable past... etc...
Sounds a lot like this plot line:
(http://www.deadline.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/TrueLies.jpg)
Hmmmm...
Ok, let's assume that somegirl is, in fact, an operative:
Who's dumb enough to show up first to try to claim Mr I's stuff?! [popcorn]
BTW, sounds like a pretty good assumption to me. RIP, Dave.
Quote from: MrIncredible on October 31, 2010, 09:38:44 PM
In all honesty the amount of liquor here is probably worth more than the Falcon, Jeep, and Chrysler combined.
I don't understand why only one bottle has been claimed :P
If your wake is anything like DIMBY's......one bottle is all that will be left.
How's your supply of firewood and other combustibles and do you have at least one large can of beans??
R.I.P. Dave
Quote from: swampduc on November 01, 2010, 01:21:58 PM
Ok, let's assume that somegirl is, in fact, an operative:
Who's dumb enough to show up first to try to claim Mr I's stuff?! [popcorn]
BTW, sounds like a pretty good assumption to me. RIP, Dave.
can I make a request Dave?
can you get the jeep up and running before you die?
and put the booze in the truck?
I'd like to get in and out of there while P is taking out ryan and stu
Mother, you've got it all wrong...
Being the big, slow guy she'll catch you first.
Stu can be pretty quick when he needs to be, but I'm a little shorter, quicker, and with my gymnastics and MMA background I think I have the best chance for survival.
Of course, while P and I are battling, r_ciao and Jaman will probably sneak around the back and steal the GS and the Jeep full of booze... [roll]
;D
Whilst you two are duking it out JoB... I'm in the Falcon, cranking the 302 over, desperately wondering if Dave got it up & running before he mysteriously disappeared....
Maybe I should bring a gun...
Quote from: Duck-Stew on November 01, 2010, 07:24:44 PM
Whilst you two are duking it out JoB... I'm in the Falcon, cranking the 302 over, desperately wondering if Dave got it up & running before he mysteriously disappeared....
Maybe I should bring a gun...
(http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/profile-ak-snc4/object2/1084/4/n266778816707_9181.jpg)
I look something like that....but not really. I would, however, look that dorky trying to wield a firearm. :P
Quote from: Duck-Stew on November 01, 2010, 07:24:44 PM
Maybe I should bring a gun...
Well yeah, there's that...
But I'd consider it cheating [roll]
;)
[bacon]
Dead folks tell no tales buddy...
The only one who would know it was 'cheating' would be me...and I'm burying the evidence if the Falcon will ever start up...
(NOW I'm regretting giving him *all* my keys for it....)
Quote from: Duck-Stew on November 01, 2010, 07:47:13 PM
I look something like that....but not really. I would, however, look that dorky trying to wield a firearm. :P
Well, since he's holding a grenade you might be alright. :D
Okay, here's the plan, after she's done offing Mother, I'll distract her long enough with my meager skills for you to get the Falcon running. Once you do that, pull around back and ake all of the booze from out of the Jeep and put it in the trunk. I'll run outta the house and dive through the window and we get the fook outta there.
I also happen to know she has a fatal weekness... Bacon!
She's one of those vegetablarian/vegan types. Bacon is her kryptonite.
I get me strength from bacon, bacon causes her to lose hers.
I think we have a chance! 8)
[bacon]
The appropriate reply to the above post is simply this:
[roll]
Quote from: Duck-Stew on November 01, 2010, 08:49:44 PM
The appropriate reply to the above post is simply this:
[roll]
I probably should've told you the plan by pm, huh? :-\
[bacon]
I have a couple long guns. I can hold her at bay while you guys get the vehicles. Then I'm taking the house. :D
Quote from: Speedbag on November 01, 2010, 10:28:16 AM
She's probably busy concocting Plans B and C, now that she has an inkling that he's onto her.
I've advocated a plan DD, which involves me getting smothered.
I'll go willingly.
Quote from: MrIncredible on November 01, 2010, 10:46:22 PM
I've advocated a plan DD, which involves me getting smothered.
I'll go willingly.
[laugh]
But then you'd have to buy them first... almost seems like a waste.
...almost. [evil] ;D
[bacon]
Everyone is overlooking the fact that the dogs are the true masterminds here and will take all out.
i'm sure we all have plenty of time to perfect our plans
paula is most likey going to wait for their son danger to be old enough to help her out
although she could totally take out dave without help ;)
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b6/BND_Logo_2010.png/280px-BND_Logo_2010.png)
I have contacts, who have contacts :-X
Just lemme know.
Quote from: MrIncredible on November 01, 2010, 10:46:22 PM
I've advocated a plan DD, which involves me getting smothered.
I'll go willingly.
Death by "motorboat".
How awesome. [thumbsup]
Quote from: ungeheuer on November 03, 2010, 03:27:27 AM
I have contacts, who have contacts :-X
Just lemme know.
I have cousins... who have cousins in construction. ;)
[bacon]
I am sure by now...Paula has read this thread and marked you all on her collateral damage list...LOL
I met your inlaws. They were kind of stoked when they heard Dimby might be held at my house, but after they found out you were the host they went on a cruise instead.
Anyway if she offs you it will be OK. There are too many Daves on this board already.
Dear P,
When all of this west coast carnage goes down, can you let us east coasters know? I'd like to be out on the front porch on my swing listening the the screaming... I'm sure with your level of training I'll be able to hear it from there.
Kthx.
-Pip
Quote from: Junkie of Bacon on November 03, 2010, 07:44:16 AM
I have cousins... who have cousins in construction. ;)
[bacon]
I've seen the spelling of your last name
I imagine that you have some "family" in the same business as P