. If it has anything to do with the Corporation or Company owing you anything, it is a problem-drenched process filled with delays and restarts
. If it has anything to do with you owing the Company or Corporation anything....benefits cuts, or any other form of employees give-backs...it is a well-oiled machine that is operating at deadly speed and precision efficiency
Better named..Rat's Golden Rules
Watching that "well-oiled machine" in process at work right now. Luckily, I'm a contractor there and not on the chopping block like the rest of them.
Yes perhaps Golden Rules
If the Company or Corporation is lagging financially, do not rethink product line or strategy or marketing plans....immediately contact HR and determine how many employees must be jettisoned in order for the ink in the lower right hand corner of the .XLS to go from red to blue
If the Company or Corporation announces Record Profits, do not rethink product line or strategy or marketing plans....immediately contact HR and determine how many employees must be jettisoned in order for the executive compensation package bonus payouts to double for achieving "expense management" goals
<takes notes>
;D
I can't wait for more.
So far, right on the money. [thumbsup]
Cheap wooden and Glass "Award Plaques" are excellent substitutes for cash awards when recognizing the successes of employees
All CXO's should have gigantic Wooden and Glass award plaques built into their compensation packages instead of money
[popcorn]
Rat, have you been a lifelong corporation man? I'm picking up a twinge of angst here, but I'm liking the anti-man tone.
[popcorn] [popcorn] [popcorn]
Quote from: RAT900 on March 01, 2011, 08:26:17 AM
If the Company or Corporation is lagging financially, do not rethink product line or strategy or marketing plans....immediately contact HR and determine how many employees must be jettisoned in order for the ink in the lower right hand corner of the .XLS to go from red to blue
I am not a cynical guy, but sometimes my employers are really persuasive in trying to make me that way. I have never worked for a company that has laid off employees because they posted net losses. I
have worked for two companies, and survived many, many rounds of layoffs initiated because the company did not meet shareholder expectations, or to keep stock price at a certain level leading up to a buyout. In other words, they made a profit, but not enough profit. [thumbsdown]
Anyways, one contribution, if I may.
The effect of actually getting something done, maintaining a convincing illusion of productivity, or making a good argument that someone else should have gotten something done are just about the same. I call this the productivity liability - you must be better at getting things done than other people are at doing the other things.
if you can't pass the blame to someone else or make someone else a scapegoat, that means you are the scapegoat.
if you are really good at passing the blame and making others the scape goat, then you are the CEO
Just do your best to convince those that matter ...that you are doing your best !
Dolph :)
My CEO (a few jobs back): "It's not about the money, it's about the challenges"
Me: "In that case, why don't you give me your salary and take on my challenges"
How'd the rest of that convo go?
I) If an engineer wants to reject $1000 worth of parts due to a dimension being out of spec, a week long review process with supporting reasons must be completed and negotiated with the supplier.
II) If a purchasing manager wants to move a million dollars worth of products to a third tier country and supplier to save 10,000 dollars a year, they basically do it with proof the supplier can make all those parts (see part I)
As your own productivity goes up, so does the likelihood that there will be changes in the project rendering you recent productivity null & void (& usually a few more days' work...) [roll]
High producing employees must be given more work to subsidize poor performers,
high producing employees should never be promoted
they are too useful where they are
Force reductions/Layoffs must always target customer-interacting staff in "the field"
in order to protect the critically important jobs of internally-facing corporate staff
Quote from: akmnstr on March 01, 2011, 02:19:27 PM
Rat, have you been a lifelong corporation man? I'm picking up a twinge of angst here, but I'm liking the anti-man tone.
[popcorn] [popcorn] [popcorn]
Yes I have....worked for some outstanding companies and some real clunkers...many of them no longer exist....many have no right to still exist
What gets me is that since this isn't your first trip around the block that it took this long for you to come to this realization, or rather just now got fed up enough to vent.
Curious.
Id bet my next pay check he's vented before...
Quote from: Monsterlover on March 02, 2011, 04:10:57 AM
Id bet my next pay check he's vented before...
Not to us. ;D
Now you get specific..
It's all in the recovery.
Quote from: ducpainter on March 02, 2011, 04:17:30 AM
It's all in the recovery.
Venting to a new group (especially on the net) helps relieve the cranial pressure. Unfortunately the relief is only temporary. The temporary release acts as a reminder which then increase the pressure.
It's like peeling back a band-aid and poking at the wound to see if it's gotten better. The poking only brings back the pain.
Quote from: Monsterlover on March 02, 2011, 04:10:57 AM
Id bet my next pay check he's vented before...
That would be a safe bet...probably haven't spewed here before...
I think what bothers me most goes back to how Ralph Waldo Emerson put it
What you are shouts so loud in my ears I cannot hear what you sayWhen companies pretend they care about the work force....
some actually do and their actions show it....and generally it is also reflected in their bottom-line
those that care least tend to use email to bombard and spam employees
with insultingly false attestations of caring, concern and "evidence" of their benevolence
and yet at the end of the day, the raises do not even keep up with inflation, the benefits are cut annually with a greater contribution portion being pushed onto the employee
the undercurrent of dismissive disdain and the addiction to off-shoring employment to 3rd world sweat shops is ceaseless
If you are going to feed shit to your workers at least be up front and say "here's your platter of shit, bon appetit"...
don't say....
Hey folks we love you and want you to enjoy this exciting new dish we cooked up in your honor: Excrement Tartare with Digested Corn Garne' topped with a piquant sauce we call Revenge of Montezuma.....we are saving you a real surprise for dessert
So why not step off the wheel?
Quote from: ducpainter on March 02, 2011, 05:42:10 AM
So why not step off the wheel?
I am 3 years shy of early retirement with vestigial medical benefits and pension (age 62)....I have to ride this out for that cheap brass ring...
if I am lucky enough to stay under the radar and not be targeted when I get too close to the finish line I am gone gone gone
Quote from: RAT900 on March 02, 2011, 05:45:52 AM
I am 3 years shy of early retirement with vestigial medical benefits and pension (age 62)....I have to ride this out for that cheap brass ring...
if I am lucky enough to stay under the radar and not be targeted when I get too close to the finish line I am gone gone gone
Best that you get out your frustration here then. ;D
everyone is replaceable in the workforce, everyone is expendible no matter how important the person thinks they are.
#1 rule in business, profits and money are the only goals, everything else is just pr spin.
Quote from: RAT900 on March 01, 2011, 10:15:24 PM
High producing employees must be given more work to subsidize poor performers,
high producing employees should never be promoted
they are too useful where they are
This is me... I'm stuck as a service tech cause I'm too good at it...
Quote from: sbrguy on March 02, 2011, 07:12:53 AM
everyone is replaceable in the workforce, everyone is expendible no matter how important the person thinks they are.
#1 rule in business, profits and money are the only goals, everything else is just pr spin.
This is an absolute truth
Profit and money should be everyone's goals....if they aren't they should be out on the street
It starts to get a little hazy when it comes to dividing up the spoils of the profits and money
years ago I worked for Shell Oil.One Saturday evening the Capt. sent for me. He gave me a bottle of rum and said "I have some bad news...Its your mother. I will do my best to get ya home asap." The next Morning a German Navy Fastboat appeared along side. I went over the side in my galley checks in a net with my sea bag and onto the onto the fast boat. We rode the waves on this wee turd....me strapped in on the bridge in a six point harness. Then we stopped ."We are here" I hear the guy say. Middle of fricking nowhere I thought..... Then out of the sky appears a chopper with German navy markings and I am all of a sudden on deck in a gumby suit in a sling. Very quickly I am hoisted up into the chopper. We fly to Germany,Hamburg. There is a plane at the end of the Runway and the chopper lands close to it. Then I see a truck with a ladder driving out to the plane.I am told to get over to the plane. I run with my seabag, still in my checks( I was ships cook) and up I go with one of the German Navy aircrew. The plane door opens and he grabs the first guy in the door and says OFF. You have lost your seat. Priority Seafarer In distress, UN Regulations. He fights and argues and is last seen screaming and kicking going down the stairs. I do up the seatbelt and we take off. Everyone is looking at me wondering wtf??I get to London Heathrow and Shell has a car waiting for me to take me to see my dying mother in Hospital......
Now that friends is how it used to be when you worked for a company that values its employees. I was plucked off a ship in the middle of the north sea by a foreign navy ,had a boat ride,two air rides,and a taxi ride all in under 4 hours and this cost me nothing!
They did their best to get me home alright! They used up a couple of favors that day.....Shell recognized that a happy employee was the most productive employee possible. I to this day will buy Shell gas even if it the most expensive. I owe them.I owe them big time.
In 2011 would that happen? I would like to think so ,but in my heart I doubt it.
Just my 02...
BGB.
Good story.
The moral: happy cows make more milk :)
Great story BGB [thumbsup]
I happen to be in the process of venting some angst gases from my brain courtesy of my current company, so feel free to dismiss this as sour grapes. But I am inclined to believe those were acts of personal kindness, back when companies didn't get in the way people doing that.
Quote from: Monsterlover on March 02, 2011, 07:53:24 AM
Good story.
The moral: happy cows make more milk :)
Correction; cows injected with rBST/rBGH make more milk. Do you really think that free coffee down at the end of the hall is a coincidence?
And RAT; does this approach the level of honesty you're wanting from employers?
http://jalopnik.com/#!5768869/boss-crafts-americas-most-gonzo-help+wanted-ad (http://jalopnik.com/#!5768869/boss-crafts-americas-most-gonzo-help+wanted-ad)
Remember the #1 Golden Rule......" Those w, the Gold make the Rules "
Dolph
RAT, RAT, RAT..... [clap]
You make me laugh out loud with your insightful observations. This corporate world which you describe..... I know it so well [laugh] [bang] [laugh].
None of this here thread is news of course...... but it makes me feel better knowing the frustration is well understood by others too [beer].
Like you.... I tolerate it (just) in the hope that I can stay sane enough to survive the next few years of frustrating corporate doublespeak-shite.... before sailing off into the sunset, never to return. Yes, the light at the end of the tunnel is finally becoming visible at last. Thats until they figure how much can be saved by turning it off ;).
"Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied"
L. Cohen. [laugh]
All those annual compliance courses you must take/sit through or watch on your computer
are not because the company wants to make you a better person
or enlighten you about the sensitivities of women and minorities and disabled people....
the corporate attorneys really couldn't care less if you don a Klansman's outfit and hike up your cassock and wave your cock at any honey within eyeshot outside of the office
those training films and the mandatory completion sign-offs
are to protect the corporation from lawsuits that claim it fosters a harassing and discriminating environment
and to pave the way for the offended party to launch a personal liability lawsuit because it is documented that you were aware of the rules
In the end ....they really don't give a shit about you ,whether you live ...or die !
Sad, but true.
Just keep the " Machine " running and the $$$$ coming in .
Dolph
Quote from: DoubleEagle on March 03, 2011, 09:16:49 PM
In the end ....they really don't give a shit about you ,whether you live ...or die !
Sad, but true.
Just keep the " Machine " running and the $$$$ coming in .
Dolph
It always makes me laugh when people or the news speak of "friendships" between nations...
how we mis-accord terms (that pertain to personal relationships) to national collective collusions with other states....
or that the Government "cares" about your well-being....how can a government "care?"....how can nations be "friends"
anything other than a family owned-and-operated business should never speak of the work force as a "family" ....
besides that,,,,,family owned and operated businesses quite often have some of the sickest and most dysfunctional dynamics in-play
You utter bastard RAT.
All this time I thought America was Australia's big buddy.
Quote from: RAT900 on March 03, 2011, 08:07:39 AM
All those annual compliance courses you must take/sit through or watch on your computer
are not because the company wants to make you a better person
or enlighten you about the sensitivities of women and minorities and disabled people....
the corporate attorneys really couldn't care less if you don a Klansman's outfit and hike up your cassock and wave your cock at any honey within eyeshot outside of the office
those training films and the mandatory completion sign-offs
are to protect the corporation from lawsuits that claim it fosters a harassing and discriminating environment
and to pave the way for the offended party to launch a personal liability lawsuit because it is documented that you were aware of the rules
This goes for safety videos as well... I huge buzz program at least in my company.
mitt
Quote from: ungeheuer on March 04, 2011, 05:28:17 AM
You utter bastard RAT.
All this time I thought America was Australia's big buddy.
[laugh] Think about it....you or I could easily name a half dozen of our own fellow countrymen that we would probably enjoy beating like baby harp seals....so the idea of a mutually all-encompassing embrace of/or between each and every citizen is absurd to even contemplate
Now on to more Golden Rules.........
A man should never exit a public Restroom wiping his mouth
if you are not looking out for yourself as your first and most important priority, you are doing yourself a huge disservice because noone and no compnay will put you that for forward on their priority list of concerns.
Quote from: badgalbetty on March 02, 2011, 07:46:27 AM
years ago I worked for Shell Oil.
In 2011 would that happen? I would like to think so ,but in my heart I doubt it.
Just my 02...
BGB.
I work for a major oil company. Some of you may remember a couple of summers back when Mrs. sno_duc tried off-road riding on her 620. When I got the phone call from the ER, I was half way thru my hitch on an offshore platform, the foreman deverted a helicopter, and 20 minutes later I was heading to the beach.
So, yes BGB the oil patch still takes care of people.
Quote from: RAT900 on March 04, 2011, 06:12:12 AM
Now on to more Golden Rules.........
A man should never exit a public Restroom wiping his mouth
:o :o do tell ;)
I am so happy to hear that Sno_Duc!
I hope that Mrs Sno_Duc is ok and has made a complete recovery.
Shell treated me well, better than any other company I have worked for before or since.
Funnily enough Ducati's come with a Use Shell Oil sticker..........works for me!
Quote from: sno_duc on March 07, 2011, 09:35:02 PM
So, yes BGB the oil patch still takes care of people.
Awesome stories BGB & sno_duc, I'm really glad to hear there are still companies that take care of their people.
Unfortunately, mine is putting all of its efforts into moving folks from high-cost cities to low-cost areas. And decreasing benefits and limiting pay. :(