RAT's Book of Golden Rules

[RAT900]

.  If it has anything to do with the Corporation or Company owing you anything, it is a problem-drenched process filled with delays and restarts

.  If it has anything to do with you owing the Company or Corporation anything....benefits cuts, or any other form of employees give-backs...it is a well-oiled machine that is operating at deadly speed and precision efficiency

[IZ]

Better named..Rat's Golden Rules


Watching that "well-oiled machine" in process at work right now. Luckily, I'm a contractor there and not on the chopping block like the rest of them. 

[RAT900]

Yes perhaps Golden Rules


If the Company or Corporation is lagging financially, do not rethink product line or strategy or marketing plans....immediately contact HR and determine how many employees must be jettisoned in order for the ink in the lower right hand corner of the .XLS to go from red to blue


If the Company or Corporation announces Record Profits, do not rethink product line or strategy or marketing plans....immediately contact HR and determine how many employees must be jettisoned in order for the executive compensation package bonus payouts to double for achieving "expense management" goals

[Monsterlover]

<takes notes>

[Speedbag]

I can't wait for more.

So far, right on the money. 

[RAT900]

Cheap wooden and Glass "Award Plaques"  are excellent substitutes for cash awards when recognizing the successes of employees

All CXO's should have gigantic Wooden and Glass award plaques built into their compensation packages instead of money

[ducpainter]

 

[akmnstr]

Rat, have you been a lifelong corporation man?  I'm picking up a twinge of angst here, but I'm liking the anti-man tone.

[il d00d]

If the Company or Corporation is lagging financially, do not rethink product line or strategy or marketing plans....immediately contact HR and determine how many employees must be jettisoned in order for the ink in the lower right hand corner of the .XLS to go from red to blue

I am not a cynical guy, but sometimes my employers are really persuasive in trying to make me that way.  I have never worked for a company that has laid off employees because they posted net losses.  I have worked for two companies, and survived many, many rounds of layoffs initiated because the company did not meet shareholder expectations, or to keep stock price at a certain level leading up to a buyout.  In other words, they made a profit, but not enough profit.

Anyways, one contribution, if I may.
The effect of actually getting something done, maintaining a convincing illusion of productivity, or making a good argument that someone else should have gotten something done are just about the same.  I call this the productivity liability - you must be better at getting things done than other people are at doing the other things.

[sbrguy]

if you can't pass the blame to someone else or make someone else a scapegoat, that means you are the scapegoat.

if you are really good at passing the blame and making others the scape goat, then you are the CEO

[DoubleEagle]

Just do your best to convince those that matter ...that you are doing your best !

Dolph     

[Drunken Monkey]

My CEO (a few jobs back): "It's not about the money, it's about the challenges"
Me: "In that case, why don't you give me your salary and take on my challenges"

[Monsterlover]

How'd the rest of that convo go?

[GAAN]

How'd the rest of that convo go?

(a few jobs back) [/b

it went like that

[mitt]

I) If an engineer wants to reject $1000 worth of parts due to a dimension being out of spec, a week long review process with supporting reasons must be completed and negotiated with the supplier.

II) If a purchasing manager wants to move a million dollars worth of products to a third tier country and supplier to save 10,000 dollars a year, they basically do it with proof the supplier can make all those parts  (see part I)