Lately I've been thinking about one's mortality quite a bit, probably due to George Carlin's death and the creepy "worst way to die" thread. ;)
Funerals, for the most part, are such a drag. :(
When it's my time, I'd like to have one of those New Orleans deals where they slowly cart the body through town playing jazz and everyone joins the parade. Then once the group reaches the edge of town at twilight (complete with large body of water), they put my body on a big, floating funeral pyre and torch me up and shove me off like the Vikings used to do. And the party goes on until dawn.
As for a memorial, I'm thinking something along the lines of the giant statue of Jesus down in Rio. Only it would be me, dressed in a loincloth holding a fiery sword to the sky. A growling lion would sit at my feet, slightly behind, while a scantily clad, busty female with flowing hair clutches my upper thigh looking up at me in awe. That's pretty much it though, anything more would be tacky. :)
How about everyone else?
I want to dig a hole now and just be rolled in...and covered over.
no fanfare...
Right now???? ;D
Quote from: Speedbag on June 25, 2008, 05:14:04 PM
Right now???? ;D
...no....when it's time... [laugh]
I figure if the hole is already dug it will be an incentive to not make any fuss. ;)
Quote from: ducpainter on June 25, 2008, 05:15:42 PM
...no....when it's time... [laugh]
I figure if the hole is already dug it will be an incentive to not make any fuss. ;)
that is a great idea
at 18 all males are given a plot and are required to dig their own grave
and maintain the hole until their death
at which point they are rolled in
in a hole out back.
and a open bar party
Quote from: bobspapa on June 25, 2008, 06:05:03 PM
in a hole out back.
and a open bar party
Well....
yah.... ;D
Just drag my ass back in the woods and kick some leaves over me.
I'm all in for the party to commemorate me.
Screw the church supper and their lame pot-lucks.
Is corporate sponsorship by Patron Tequila too much to ask for?
Corporeally: Harvest whatever organs/tissues they can. The rest of it, donate to science.
toss me out of a plane high over the pacific.
free beer at the reception. anyone who shows up to my funeral reception with pot luck also gets tossed out of the plane.
even the dwarfs
Especially the dwarfs.
Hmmm... well, cremation for me, but puhleeze make sure I'm actually dead first.
Scatter the ashes .... not sure where.
Gotta think about that.
Or maybe sneak 'em into the frame of the best MotoGP bike/rider combo at the time, so I can at least vicariously enjoy the ride. :)
Have a big 'ol party, but no cryin' fer crissakes, I've been very lucky and had a better life than maybe I've deserved, so far.
Here's to no funerals, they suck. [beer]
Cremate me and flush me down the toilet...
Shoot my Body into the Sun while playing "Great Balls of fire"
Mmmm Crispy!!
Quote from: Le Pirate on June 25, 2008, 06:24:18 PM
toss me out of a plane high over the pacific.
anyone who shows up to my funeral reception with pot luck also gets tossed out of the plane.
Quote from: bobspapa on June 25, 2008, 06:55:08 PM
even the dwarfs
Quote from: Obsessed? on June 25, 2008, 07:01:39 PM
Especially the dwarfs.
<gimli>No one tosses a dwarf!</gimli>
burn the body
hoist a shot of whiskey
have the pipes play amazing grace
be brave
shed no tears
my uncle was former navy and a lifelong diver. and he had a super sense of humor. in the end he surprised us all; he signed up for something with the Neptune society where they mix cremated remains with cement, create a reef pod, affix your name to it and let your family attend the.. sinking.
so we sank my uncle. the whole family went on an August "vacation" to Florida, flipped out, rode in a boat with plentiful wine and beer, and sank Uncle Phil. he got his color guard, even.
(https://farm4.static.flickr.com/3148/2611569789_d34e232e6c_m.jpg) (https://www.flickr.com/photos/unseelie/2611569789)
the idea that his last wishes included we all take some kind of maniacal vacation in his honor, and the hassles of travel distracting and driving everyone nuts, was some kind of nutty. and fun. and we were all asking each other "are we *supposed* to be having fun?"
Quote from: CairnsDuc on June 25, 2008, 07:41:15 PM
Shoot my Body into the Sun while playing "Great Balls of fire"
Mmmm Crispy!!
you *can* be shot into space! (http://www.memorialspaceflights.com/services_orbital.asp)
we were trying to figure out how to "one up" my uncle when i found that... i don't think they shoot at the sun, though.
Quote from: Obsessed? on June 25, 2008, 06:21:33 PM
Corporeally: Harvest whatever organs/tissues they can. The rest of it, donate to science.
Hell, yes. Don't waste this body when I no longer can use it. I'm sure not letting it go to waste now. [evil]
Party. If there's anything in my bank account that won't be used for lawyers, tax agents, morticians and such, use it to buy booze. ;D Although, sinking has a nice sound to it...
I'm not too worried on the crying thing... ;)
Quote from: m0t0g0th on June 25, 2008, 07:51:36 PM
my uncle was former navy and a lifelong diver. and he had a super sense of humor. in the end he surprised us all; he signed up for something with the Neptune society where they mix cremated remains with cement, create a reef pod, affix your name to it and let your family attend the.. sinking.
so we sank my uncle. the whole family went on an August "vacation" to Florida, flipped out, rode in a boat with plentiful wine and beer, and sank Uncle Phil. he got his color guard, even.
(https://farm4.static.flickr.com/3148/2611569789_d34e232e6c_m.jpg) (https://www.flickr.com/photos/unseelie/2611569789)
the idea that his last wishes included we all take some kind of maniacal vacation in his honor, and the hassles of travel distracting and driving everyone nuts, was some kind of nutty. and fun. and we were all asking each other "are we *supposed* to be having fun?"
thats actually a really cool idea. I had never heard of it before
Quote from: herm on June 25, 2008, 07:50:52 PM
burn the body
hoist a shot of whiskey
have the pipes play amazing grace
be brave
shed no tears
i cannot make it through amazing grace on the bagpipes without shedding tears,
or pretty much anything played on the bagpipes...
i'd like to be turned to ash,
and thrown into the wind...
Quote from: DuCaTiNi on June 26, 2008, 08:29:00 AM
i cannot make it through amazing grace on the bagpipes without shedding tears,
or pretty much anything played on the bagpipes...
i'd like to be turned to ash,
and thrown into the wind...
no to amazing grace
yes to Mull of Kintyre ..... at my partay
Quote from: bobspapa on June 26, 2008, 08:32:25 AM
no to amazing grace
yes to Mull of Kintyre ..... at my partay
played on the bagpipes, right?
Quote from: DuCaTiNi on June 26, 2008, 08:35:04 AM
played on the bagpipes, right?
and a flute-a-phone [laugh]
if any of my organs or tissue are still in good enough shape to help someone else then by all means take them and allow me to live on that way. [thumbsup]
i have decreed that upon my timely demise there shall be a party. it would be great if the cooler was my casket so people had to get their beers from it with my body right there. hahaha.
that being too morbid for some i decided i would have a few bottles and a lot of shot glasses on a table next to me (i would possibly be propped up in a chair at said table) everyone does a final shot or 5 with me. beer is in the cooler next to the table. there will be a podium and a PA system so that if anyone wants to share a story about me, make fun of something i did, or just share their thoughts they are welcome to do it. if they start in on the sadness and make people cry, they are getting haunted.
music should be punk and metal. people can request songs that they like or that remind them of me, but don't play anything sappy or you get a poltergeist. it would be good if there was a piper present, but as i'm not good enough friends with any to have them come to my wake, it might not happen. the piper should not play anything sad, if he does, his ass is haunted.
the next morning the procession heads out to the ocean. i found a motorcycle hearse that i would like to be carried in. viking funeral commences with wherever i may roam (or other suitable song about wandering the earth)playing, and the party continues for all that want to remain and watch the fire fade away onto the horizon.
if anyone starts crying uncontrollably or refuses to have fun, you guessed it, i'm haunting their asses.
Quote from: bobspapa on June 26, 2008, 09:01:01 AM
and a flute-a-phone [laugh]
with kazoo back-up [laugh]
Quote from: KnightofNi on June 26, 2008, 09:28:50 AM
...
if anyone starts crying uncontrollably or refuses to have fun, you guessed it, i'm haunting their asses.
you'd make a great ghost! [thumbsup] [laugh]
Feed my carcass to the local mountain lions. Go into the woods later and harvest cat scat.
Mail it to Ducatizzzz.
For his garden.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9018348/ (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9018348/)
HST is my hero. [clap]
My brother is a park ranger at a Civil War military park. Their long time maintenance man passed away a while back. In his will, he requested that his ashes be fired out of one of the cannon at the park. A little black powder and a big boom later he got his wish. Pretty cool I thought.
Ken
Quote from: KnightofNi on June 26, 2008, 09:28:50 AM
if anyone starts crying uncontrollably or refuses to have fun, you guessed it, i'm haunting their asses.
Literally? ;D That's pretty weird, man. [laugh]
I saw a bit on the tube about becoming part of the memorial reef thingy mentioned above. I thought that was awesome. [thumbsup]
Having gone to too many of the standard weppy eyed wakes and funerals, I too would rather have a "Roast". I'm always called on first to roast someone, even if I've known them in passing. However, I'm pretty secretive, so they may have a hard time coming up with 'dirt' on me.
Have some drinks, maybe a mean BBQ, have fun (horseshoes, all-out WiffleBall game?)
I think in the last few weeks, I've some to the conclusion I'd like to be cremated. Nobody wants to be buried and forgotten, so prop me up on the mantle after sprinkling a few of my ashes and pre-determined locations. I'll need to find a unique urn so when family visits, they'll ask what the hell is that. It'll be me!
Is tupperware too tacky?
Dana
Quote from: Dana on June 26, 2008, 03:52:37 PM
Is tupperware too tacky?
Absolutely not.
My grandfather is in an old tin watering can like he used to use in his garden. Its where he was happiest.
Quote from: Dana on June 26, 2008, 03:52:37 PM
Having gone to too many of the standard weppy eyed wakes and funerals, I too would rather have a "Roast". I'm always called on first to roast someone, even if I've known them in passing. However, I'm pretty secretive, so they may have a hard time coming up with 'dirt' on me.
Have some drinks, maybe a mean BBQ, have fun (horseshoes, all-out WiffleBall game?)
I think in the last few weeks, I've some to the conclusion I'd like to be cremated. Nobody wants to be buried and forgotten, so prop me up on the mantle after sprinkling a few of my ashes and pre-determined locations. I'll need to find a unique urn so when family visits, they'll ask what the hell is that. It'll be me!
Is tupperware too tacky?
Dana
A spitoon might be cool!
Quote from: rgramjet on June 26, 2008, 04:39:19 PM
A spitoon might be cool!
"No, Joey, don't throw your bubble gum into grampa's spittoon. It's ashes, not sand. "
Quote from: Dana on June 26, 2008, 03:52:37 PM
Is tupperware too tacky?
Not if it has a DMF logo and travels via motorcycles visitng members!!
Quote from: lauramonster on June 26, 2008, 04:44:22 PM
Not if it has a DMF logo and travels via motorcycles visitng members!!
Becoming the new Toasty.
I'm not sure how I feel about this one. Cremated then made into a teapot (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1028469/R-I-P--Rest-In-Pot--Son-turns-fathers-ashes-teapot.html).
Donate anything useful (organs, tissues), then cremate and scatter me somewhere over the water.
Donate my body to a rugby team in need....
I've said I want to be cremated... then flush my ashes for all I care.
If I'm not cremated, I want to be buried face down: So the whole world can kiss my ass!
I came into Portland Oregon on the Columbia River on a tanker 24 years ago.After I am dead I wish to be cremated and my ashes scattered into the Columbia on the outbound tide. I shall return to the sea, the one home I truly loved.
I had no plans about my body post death, but I figured my last words would be "Son......there's a whole bunch of money buried under....." then die.
Poor sucker will spend the rest of his days digging up everything I ever owned.
Wait, no, I got it.
I want to be cremated and have the ashes divided evenly amongst the kids. I want to be kept in a container in the trunk of their respective cars.
That way if they ever get stuck in the snow, as a last act of fatherly love, they can pour dad under the tires and get out :)
Quote from: someguy on July 01, 2008, 10:03:06 PM
Wait, no, I got it.
I want to be cremated and have the ashes divided evenly amongst the kids. I want to be kept in a container in the trunk of their respective cars.
That way if they ever get stuck in the snow, as a last act of fatherly love, they can pour dad under the tires and get out :)
your ashes won't go far being divided amongst your 9 kids :-\
Quote from: someguy on July 01, 2008, 10:03:06 PM
Wait, no, I got it.
I want to be cremated and have the ashes divided evenly amongst the kids. I want to be kept in a container in the trunk of their respective cars.
That way if they ever get stuck in the snow, as a last act of fatherly love, they can pour dad under the tires and get out :)
i was discussing this with one of my vendors and she said she wanted to be cremated then have her ashes divided amongst her kids. however, she wanted them to take her ashes with them whent hey went to a party so she could continue to party with her children.
I told my family that I want them to cremate me and then use my money to go and scatter little bits of my ashes at all the places on my "to visit" list that I hadn't visited yet. That would force them to use the money for well-deserved vacations.
My sister says she's turning some of my ashes into a diamond ring. I'm ok with that. www.lifegem.com
Quote from: Nitewaif on July 02, 2008, 04:09:50 PM
My sister says she's turning some of my ashes into a diamond ring. I'm ok with that. www.lifegem.com
Ok now I want all my ashes turned into industrial diamonds. The kind they use on saw blades. Then people might stop calling me useless. That'll show em. 8)
Quote from: DuCaTiNi on July 02, 2008, 03:36:24 AM
your ashes won't go far being divided amongst your 9 kids :-\
Yep. I was surprised at the small amount of ashes that come back from the crematory.
Quote from: DuCaTiNi on July 02, 2008, 03:36:24 AM
your ashes won't go far being divided amongst your 9 kids :-\
I intend to get woefully obese shortly before I pass.
Quote from: someguy on July 04, 2008, 10:09:20 AM
I intend to get woefully obese shortly before I pass.
or....
you could only have a couple/few kids, instead ;D
I want to die like my grandmother did, old and wrinkled, surrounded by kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. I want my funeral to have a bunch of people celebrating the fun moments, the funny moments, and the really funny moments.
Take off whatever parts are still usable, then cremation for me.
My wife can stuff the ashes in a coffee can (they still sell those in antique stores or someplace, don't they?), put them in the cat box or the garden, mix them in with mortar to build a stone wall, whatever.
My daughter's coffin was this horrible, white IZ_ thing with some sort of pattern shaved into it. Neither my wife nor I recalls much about it - it was supplied by a family friend who owned the mortuary - but we agree it was a good thing that Episcopalians use a pall over coffins. I guess it's just possible there wouldn't have been anything we would have liked, though. It was burned up pretty soon after that, so buying a work of art hand-crafted from fine wood would have been silly.
Funerals are for the living. My family can do whatever they want. My 13 year-old has already offered to use the leftovers to chum for sharks while he's diving. What a sweetie.
Quote from: someguy on July 04, 2008, 10:09:20 AM
I intend to get woefully obese shortly before I pass.
Won't help - fat burns.
My donor card specifies that they can salvage the wreck of my body for whatever they want.* I'd rather what's left of me does some good for the living.
As for funerals... well funerals are for the living. Let my survivors do whatever they want to make them feel better.
*The comment section on my donor card says "Bon Apetit!"
I figure that's the last joke I'll ever get to tell ;D
Funerals, like weddings, are not really for the people who's names are in bold on the invitation.
They are for everyone else that receives an invitation.
SO that given
Burn me down to a small pile of ashes and scatter me along Pacific Coast Highway.
That way my family has a reason to get back to the ocean every now and then and I don't take up any valuable realestate.
For me, I really don't care. Take what still works, cremate me and let other people figure out how to remember me.
Quote from: DuCaTiNi on June 26, 2008, 08:29:00 AM
i'd like to be turned to ash,
and thrown into the wind...
Umm... Ever see Big Leboski? Trust me, not
into the wind.
OK, i have thought about this a little bit..
Step one:
PART ME OUT- i am sure that i have not ruined all of my parts (may have wore out a couple )
Step two:
Cremation
Step three;
Add ashes (very small amount) in to a fuel tank of my latest motorcycle or hot rod
Step four:
BURN RUBBER
Step five:
spread the remaining ashes with some relatives that have passed.
Quote from: mstevens on July 04, 2008, 08:44:54 PM
Won't help - fat burns.
My head is going to go off like a roman candle [laugh]
Since my grandfather took care of the burial plot in the upper part of the lower penninsula of Michigan (for $9.00), that's where I'd like to be buried.
And as a parting gift to the living, my tombstone will have a joke carved into it so those that can read can laugh and enjoy life.
Current front-runner?
So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra...
;D
Quote from: slowpoke13 on July 06, 2008, 07:48:33 PM
Umm... Ever see Big Leboski? Trust me, not into the wind.
i have seen that... hilarious [laugh]
i hope whoever does the tossing is smarter than that ;)
Quote from: DuCaTiNi on July 07, 2008, 10:30:32 AM
i have seen that... hilarious [laugh]
i hope whoever does the tossing is smarter than that ;)
and mel died with friends. not liek so many of our boys in nam who died face down in the mud....
Quote from: KnightofNi on July 07, 2008, 01:46:13 PM
and mel died with friends. not liek so many of our boys in nam who died face down in the mud....
not yet she didn't >:(