Funerals.....

[TiNi]

Wait, no, I got it.


I want to be cremated and have the ashes divided evenly amongst the kids. I want to be kept in a container in the trunk of their respective cars.


That way if they ever get stuck in the snow, as a last act of fatherly love, they can pour dad under the tires and get out 

your ashes won't go far being divided amongst your 9 kids   

[KnightofNi]

Wait, no, I got it.


I want to be cremated and have the ashes divided evenly amongst the kids. I want to be kept in a container in the trunk of their respective cars.


That way if they ever get stuck in the snow, as a last act of fatherly love, they can pour dad under the tires and get out 

i was discussing this with one of my vendors and she said she wanted to be cremated then have her ashes divided amongst her kids. however, she wanted them to take her ashes with them whent hey went to a party so she could continue to party with her children.

[Nitewaif]

I told my family that I want them to cremate me and then use my money to go and scatter little bits of my ashes at all the places on my "to visit" list that I hadn't visited yet.  That would force them to use the money for well-deserved vacations.

My sister says she's turning some of my ashes into a diamond ring.  I'm ok with that.   www.lifegem.com

[SKOM]

My sister says she's turning some of my ashes into a diamond ring.  I'm ok with that.   www.lifegem.com

Ok now I want all my ashes turned into industrial diamonds. The kind they use on saw blades. Then people might stop calling me useless. That'll show em. 

[Manny]

your ashes won't go far being divided amongst your 9 kids   

Yep. I was surprised at the small amount of ashes that come back from the crematory.

[Popeye the Sailor]

your ashes won't go far being divided amongst your 9 kids   

I intend to get woefully obese shortly before I pass.

[TiNi]

I intend to get woefully obese shortly before I pass.

or....
you could only have a couple/few kids, instead 

[Ducatista]

I want to die like my grandmother did, old and wrinkled, surrounded by kids, grandkids, and great grandkids.  I want my funeral to have a bunch of people celebrating the fun moments, the funny moments, and the really funny moments. 

[mstevens]

Take off whatever parts are still usable, then cremation for me.

My wife can stuff the ashes in a coffee can (they still sell those in antique stores or someplace, don't they?), put them in the cat box or the garden, mix them in with mortar to build a stone wall, whatever.

My daughter's coffin was this horrible, white IZ_ thing with some sort of pattern shaved into it. Neither my wife nor I recalls much about it - it was supplied by a family friend who owned the mortuary - but we agree it was a good thing that Episcopalians use a pall over coffins. I guess it's just possible there wouldn't have been anything we would have liked, though. It was burned up pretty soon after that, so buying a work of art hand-crafted from fine wood would have been silly.

Funerals are for the living. My family can do whatever they want. My 13 year-old has already offered to use the leftovers to chum for sharks while he's diving. What a sweetie.

[mstevens]

I intend to get woefully obese shortly before I pass.

Won't help - fat burns.

[Drunken Monkey]

My donor card specifies that they can salvage the wreck of my body for whatever they want.* I'd rather what's left of me does some good for the living.

As for funerals... well funerals are for the living. Let my survivors do whatever they want to make them feel better.

*The comment section on my donor card says "Bon Apetit!"
I figure that's the last joke I'll ever get to tell 

[55Spy]

Funerals, like weddings, are not really for the people who's names are in bold on the invitation. 

They are for everyone else that receives an invitation. 

SO that given

Burn me down to a small pile of ashes  and scatter me along Pacific Coast Highway.

That way my family has a reason to get back to the ocean every now and then and I don't take up any valuable realestate.

[slowpoke13]

For me, I really don't care. Take what still works, cremate me and let other people figure out how to remember me.

i'd like to be turned to ash,
and thrown into the wind...

Umm... Ever see Big Leboski? Trust me, not into the wind.

[PanDuc]

OK, i have thought about this a little bit..

Step one:
PART ME OUT- i am sure that i have not ruined all of my parts (may have wore out a couple )

Step two:
Cremation

Step three;
Add ashes (very small amount) in to a fuel tank of my latest motorcycle or hot rod

Step four:
BURN RUBBER

Step five:
spread the remaining ashes with some relatives that have passed.

[Popeye the Sailor]

Won't help - fat burns.

My head is going to go off like a roman candle