Maybe you all remember from TOB where I talked a little about this.
Well, it's a done deal now. Or at least it will be. :( :'(
We finally made the call to part ways. So far everything is amicable, and we don't want the same stuff so that works out nicely. She's not pushing for any sort of support (at the moment.)
We've been talking about this for about 6 months or so.
We're just headed in different directions. She'll be done with her last year of school in December (went back to finish her 4 year deal) and I was ready for her to start working after that. We've been married 6 years and 85% of the income has been from me. You can imagine how ready I am for financial pressures to ease.
Well, she wants to keep going and get her masters. I imagine after that she'll want the PHD.
We also disagree on the kid issue. Im just not into it. I try to want it, but I think it's just coded into my DNA to not want them. She, of course, has to have them.
I don't want to be the reason she never does, and she doesn't want to be the reason I lead a life vastly different that what I'm envisioning.
Soooooo, she's looking for a job that will pay her enough to move out and keep her car paid for, etc. Im keeping the house and the dog/cat's (she's taking her cat) She's under no time deadline to leave, I want to make sure she's setup to succeed.
We're going to use a moderator to get things sorted out. We'd like to keep as much control over this as we can.
It's odd because we still love each other, so I don't know how to feel about things just yet.
I can say for sure Im not looking forward to dating again. It's probably been 10 years at least.
I guess I just needed a place to say all this. DMF support group seems like the best option.
If anyone has any advice/recommendations I'd love to hear them. We haven't started looking for said moderator yet. Is there anything I should be doing between now and then either to prepare for this or to protect myself? Like I said, things are amicable, but it's not done until it's done. I don't want to get caught unprepared.
I'm really sorry to hear that, man, but it sounds like its for the best and you're both being mature about it.
I hope it goes as smoothly as it seems to be so far, and best of luck with everything.
If you need anything, you know we're all here for you.
Be strong. It will only get easier. Time heals.
[thumbsup] to both of you.
thanks
i feel for you dude......
I have no advice. I do know that Teddy is looking for a sugardaddy and Randimus is already taken.
;D
Sorry ML. You know I had to be a smart azz!
Unfortunately, it happens. People grow apart or in different directions. :-\ Sounds like you two have a handle on things though and you know where each other stands. I hope everything works out for you ML and you can get on with a new life that works for you! The DMF will always be here to listen and help you out when we can. :)
If you need to get away, come visit Austin!! [thumbsup]
I never like hearing about things like this but if neither one of you is going to be happy with the compromises that continuing to live together would require then it's probably best that you say goodbye sooner rather than later.
On the positive side there are no kids involved and it sounds like the two of you can still talk rationally about the whole thing. Let's hope you can keep it that way until things are settled. Six plus years of your lives are involved and this can't be easy for either of you. Having some type of a mediator is a great idea (maybe even a counsellor...not to get you back together but to keep you both seeing clearly the other's side). Lawyers have their place but I think they sometimes promote an unecessary adversarial approach. I'd leave talking to them until after letting a mediator have a go at striking a deal first.
Best of luck. In time things will work out.
Oh and BTW. If you go out riding the twisties to clear your head don't let your thoughts preoccupy you. Be safe!
Breaking up is a fact of life when two people are not on the same" big picture " page. It sounds like it is going much better than 90% of splits , break ups , divorces or what ever. That's certainly a good thing. The fact that you still Love the lady may make for some difficult times in your heart. Just remember that for both your sakes it's been decided that going your own ways is the best solution for both your futures. In time you both will find someone who shares your life's ambitions . Dating takes some soul searching. Do you want to have good times but not be committed until you have had time to ease your way back into the world of being single for awhile ...or are you wanting to find your life partner very soon. The latter can be a recipe for dissapontment. Usually better to wait awhile and let things simmer down some before you get right back into a serious commitment. Take it easy and it will come and you will know when it's right if marrage is what you want.
In the mean time best of luck with the journey.
Quote from: IZ on June 27, 2008, 08:30:04 PM
If you need to get away, come visit Austin!! [thumbsup]
I hope you like turkey bacon! [roll]
Seriously, though, sorry to hear of the split. Sounds like it's been headed that way for a while.
Fortunately, there seems to be willingness to be civil, which is cool. I know a couple that split a long time ago that still share season tix to the Broncos. They too, split for some of the same reasons as you are. Hope it all works out for you!
I think the fact you are looking for a moderator, and not a blood-n-guts divorce lawyer is a very positive sign.
You are both still talking, resolving the issues with maturity & dignity. You might be ending a marriage, but I think you'll probably remain close friends for the rest of your lives.
Good luck. [thumbsup]
News like this always saddens me, but unfortunately it happens. Glad to hear you are working the material issues successfully without a lawyer. Do have a lawyer check out the final agreement to make sure all the legalese is correct.
Sorry to hear about that. I fairly recently wen through that except there is child that is caught up in all this. I really think society make the beast with two backss with people by making it sound that marriage is the end all. People should be aspire to be happy and content in my opinion.
Rob
BTDT, in very similar circumstances, other than the reasons for the split.
If both of you are in agreement on how to divide up the personal property, you can get the job done with one lawyer.
It's what I did, and it worked fine.
It will work even if there's support involved.
Just filling out and submitting/filing paperwork, you may even be able to have a paralegal do it.
It's in both of your best interests to keep it simple.
<disclaimer>
I'm not a lawyer, and I likely don't live in your state, so YMMV.
</disclaimer>
DoubleEagle's post is excellent.
I have to say Monsterlover, this is one Issue that scares me with the Wife - Kids
She wants, I don't
I hate Kids, They annoy me, I can put up with friends kids (cause I get to give em back when they cry or shit em selves)
But as a general rule, they shit me to tears, I've talked her down from 2 kids to 1, She keeps trying to convince me, but I just don't know.
We love each other very much, but the kid thing just kills me.
All of our friends have kids, My best mate has 3, but I see how he struggles from week to week to pay the bills.
I don't want to be like that, I'm selfish I'll admit that, and that is not my main reason.
I just can't stand em, I'm not interested in having one.
I can see that this may be an issue in the near future for me as well Monsterlover.
Goodluck with the future, It'll all workout in the end [thumbsup]
Some great responses so I'll let them speak for me.
Best wishes.
Quote from: Randimus Maximus on June 27, 2008, 09:27:03 PM
I hope you like turkey bacon! [roll]
Austin has it's share of hippies but it's till Texas and you can get some badass bacon from grocery stores to mobile food trucks here. I agree with IZ it's a good place to get away if you need it.
Best of luck with your situation, I've personally chosen the single life to pursue my dreams/aspirations first with the idea of serious relationship buried deep in my conscious underneath the personal wants etc.
Quote from: CairnsDuc on June 27, 2008, 11:58:01 PM
I have to say Monsterlover, this is one Issue that scares me with the Wife - Kids
She wants, I don't
I hate Kids, They annoy me, I can put up with friends kids (cause I get to give em back when they cry or shit em selves)
But as a general rule, they shit me to tears, I've talked her down from 2 kids to 1, She keeps trying to convince me, but I just don't know.
We love each other very much, but the kid thing just kills me.
All of our friends have kids, My best mate has 3, but I see how he struggles from week to week to pay the bills.
I don't want to be like that, I'm selfish I'll admit that, and that is not my main reason.
I just can't stand em, I'm not interested in having one.
I can see that this may be an issue in the near future for me as well Monsterlover.
Goodluck with the future, It'll all workout in the end [thumbsup]
For your own reference, we have
identical mindsets on that issue. . .
It's hard coded into her to have kids as much as it is in me not to.
Don't get me wrong, kids isn't the only issue. It also has to do with the fact that we really share nothing in common. Maybe a love of movies and good food, but not much else.
It was better when we got married. She was 21 at the time and her mother had been dieing of breast cancer for the few years before that. She basically stopped growing as a person during that period.
Once we got married she sidestepped into a new "safe place" and the growing continued. It was like a light switch. The instant that ring went on, she changed as a person big time. Im not knocking her for that, Im actually kind of happy I could facilitate her continued growth as a person, toward her own happiness. She just grew in her own direction and I had no control over that.
We knew when we got married that (at the time) she wanted kids and I didn't. We said we'd cross that bridge later, and that maybe one of use would change their minds.
So between kids and her radical change as a person, it's bridge crossin' time. I mentioned we've been married 6 years, we were together 4 years before that. That's 10 years. Im 31 so that's 1/3 of my life :o
As much as Im terrified of dating again, there is a certain curiosity and excitement about it. Maybe I could find someone who liked the outdoors or rode her own bike even. Could be pretty cool.
Still scary though.
My wife's daughter is single and lives about a 1/2 hour from Route 30.
She's got 2 kids though, but I could be your stepdad-in-law. [cheeky]
I'm gonna be Mr Poopy Pants.
DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN.
People do odd things around divorce time. They do things they never would have ever thought to do, and in turn, the other party gets screwed.
The very last thing you want..... is child support.
If'n a baby she wants, a baby she'll get. One way or another.
NEVER MAKE A BABY THATS NOT WANTED
I'll post more after breakfast (ham and eggs are calling me) [laugh]
There are always going to be issues. I think resolving them is part of the process of being married. If there's unconditional love and respect between the two partners, anything is possible imo. Doble eagle, speed dog, and bp have all said wise words. It looks like you guys have feeling for each other, but have grown apart. Unconditional love means making trade-offs between both of you that don't affect who you guys really are and your goals in life. Life throws these situations at us so that we can grow. Unfortunately many people make the beast with two backs up. (a divorce/separation is in many cases a wise thing and not a make the beast with two backs up) It takes a real man, or a real woman to stand up for themselves and at the same time split amicably. I wish you the best of luck man. Everything we want or don't want in life has a trade-off. For most women having children is, like you said, encoded in their dna. I think it's a biological need to procreate. We men can be very selfish. Keep a positive attitude and you WILL survive this and become a better person. Hope the same for her.
ok.... a lil more poopieness 8)
If....you have been the major source up funding an education, odds are, you will be asked to continue.
If thats the case, and you agree to those terms, make sure that you also get a percentage of what she earns, when the education pays off.
Unless, kids are involved, which in your case, is not an issue, I say, spit up property 50/50, and walk away owning each other nothing. No alimony, no education support..... nada.
I'm not big on lawyers, so if you two can sort though things with level heads.... I say, "why spend the money on a lawyer" Everybody thinks they need a lawyer, and that a lawyer will make things right, or fair.... remember, in most court cases, one lawyer wins, one's a loser, who's to say the one you pick isn't the loser. If you can work through the spilt and both side are happy, write down all elements of the split, and both of ya'll sign the contract in front of a notary.
Good luck..... divorces suck.
I'm sorry to hear things won't be working out for you and your wife.
Okay, I'm not a lawyer in your state so take it with a grain of salt.
In my state at last 80% of divorces are settled long before they reach court. Once all the paperwork is filled out a judge just needs to sign-off on it and your done. That being said, the judge doesn't have to approve the settlement. It's good to have some type of professional who can give you a clue of what will and will not fly with the judges in your state. This doesn't have to be a lawyer, a good divorce mediator could both help you talk through decisions the pair of you haven't thought of and sometimes even fill out the necessary paperwork. Maintenance/alimony is becoming less and less common but seeing as you have paid the majority of living expenses don't be surprised if at least temporary maintenance is requested/required.
I'd still probably have a lawyer look it over, but I'll admit my own bias being that I'm about 9 months from becoming an attorney myself. One lawyer can look over the whole thing for both of you.
Quote from: bobspapa on June 28, 2008, 07:08:50 AM
I'm gonna be Mr Poopy Pants.
DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN.
People do odd things around divorce time. They do things they never would have ever thought to do, and in turn, the other party gets screwed.
The very last thing you want..... is child support.
+1 on this. I've seen people do crazy things when it comes to divorce and wanting children.
Quote from: bobspapa on June 28, 2008, 07:08:50 AM
I'm gonna be Mr Poopy Pants.
DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN.
People do odd things around divorce time. They do things they never would have ever thought to do, and in turn, the other party gets screwed.
The very last thing you want..... is child support.
If'n a baby she wants, a baby she'll get. One way or another.
double-tripple ++++ 11tybillion-gazillion-trillion to this.
This is coming from a female:
The hormones can make us do
crazy things! After my (reasonably amicable) separation and divorce, my hormones almost took over. It was nuts. I had (have) a child, and DID NOT want more. Getting pregnant would have been the worst possible thing for me, and still, the hormones were screaming! It was awful, like being possessed. I eventually went to see my doc, explained the situation, that I was worried I would accidentally-on-purpose get pregnant, and got an IUD (which is pretty hard to defeat on the spot) put in.
Best thing I could have done.
Do not underestimate the power of the female hormone.
That said, sounds like you're taking the best possible approach to a difficult decision. Take the time to educate yourself on divorce law in your state. Best of luck to you. Be extra careful when operating internal combustion two-wheeled heavy machinery ;) during this stressful time.
Hang in there, this, too, will pass. (where's the "hug" smiley?)
Quote from: bobspapa on June 28, 2008, 07:57:44 AM
ok.... a lil more poopieness 8)
If....you have been the major source up funding an education, odds are, you will be asked to continue.
If thats the case, and you agree to those terms, make sure that you also get a percentage of what she earns, when the education pays off.
I'm not big on lawyers, so if you two can sort though things with level heads.... I say, "why spend the money on a lawyer" Everybody thinks they need a lawyer, and that a lawyer will make things right, or fair.... remember, in most court cases, one lawyer wins, one's a loser, who's to say the one you pick isn't the loser. If you can work through the spilt and both side are happy, write down all elements of the split, and both of ya'll sign the contract in front of a notary.
Good luck..... divorces suck.
Your first point, depending on the state, is exactly one hundred percent wrong in terms of what can and can't be forced (forgetting what you can agree to do for a minute)....which is why people should at least consult an attorney who practicies specifically in family law in your state.
It's great to work things out and decide for yourselves what you want to do, but it's stupid to do that without knowing some law in the area. It's significantly worse than buying a used bike with no research into the market and doing it by just what feels fair. Nobody would recommend doing that here. Don't we all say to talk to an expert to have him look at and evaluate the bike? Or at least give you a list of things to check that you might not think of yourself?
And it doesn't have to be a nasty lawyer. Any good family law attorney should be asking what you want as a client...and telling them you want some info about separating amicably should be no problem.
Many states have required separation periods for no-fault divorces, so that time doesn't start ticking until you aren't under the same roof (some exceptions to that one). So depending on your state, this is going to be a long process even when you fully commit to it.
Consider pensions?
Consider how things are titled, not just divying up and being done with it?
How is any debt titled?
etc.
etc.
etc.
listen here lawman >:(
[laugh]
I was only stating the w/o lawyer options that they may or may not agree to.
I prefer to keep the law out of my bizzyness, but, all it takes is one person to not play along, then yeah... bring legal help in.
LM and her ex split w/o legal aid. They had kids and property. It can be done.
I..... on the other hand had no property, but we had kids.... no lawyers involved.... and I got my ass whopped daily for 17 years. (I wish I would of had some legal help)
Quote from: bobspapa on June 28, 2008, 07:08:50 AM
I'm gonna be Mr Poopy Pants.
DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN.
People do odd things around divorce time. They do things they never would have ever thought to do, and in turn, the other party gets screwed.
The very last thing you want..... is child support.
If'n a baby she wants, a baby she'll get. One way or another.
NEVER MAKE A BABY THATS NOT WANTED
I'll post more after breakfast (ham and eggs are calling me) [laugh]
i'd ammend this to:
1. shut down the factory... get a vasectomy, you've already decided you don't wanna have kids
2. do whatever you want (within reason) without worrying about the above.
good point derb [thumbsup]
I just want to say something about your wife wanting to have children. Don't beat yourself up over that. I personally feel that this world is in such a mess that I wouldn't want to bring a child into it. Everyday it seems that the prediction for the next generation is dire. A polluted planet that is running out of affordable resourses, food that is not going to be available because bees are dying at alarming rates (1/3rd in the US ) and scientists don't know for sure why. Without hony bees there will be no fruit or vegetables and this is going on world wide .
The population explosion in the third world countries and their insatiable need for food. If Global warming is as bad as it is demonstrated already this year with the increase of melting of the polar ice region and the projected effects that will have worldwide.. The fairly certain fact that the cost of gasoline will only contiue to increase and will we find a replacement for Petroleum before the demand way out paces the supply ( India + China ) are becoming more like our middle class and demanding cars and such and they are just getting started for the most part.
The current credit debacle has spread into almost every area of business and even private enterprises like University pension plans , so how will they ever seperate the " wheat from the chaff ." The credit debacle with regards to Subprime lending will more than likely be followed by credit card and auto loan collapses which may lead us deeper into the Abyss of economical distress. Look what is happening to the American Auto Manufactuers. How much longer can they exist?
These are some of the reasons why I would not want to bring a child into this " world."
look up.... thar be a polyticks section up yonder ;) [laugh]
Quote from: bobspapa on June 28, 2008, 11:53:29 AM
look up.... thar be a polyticks section up yonder ;) [laugh]
Most of this isn't poitical...it's Reality
Quote from: lethe on June 28, 2008, 06:44:23 AM
My wife's daughter is single and lives about a 1/2 hour from Route 30.
She's got 2 kids though, but I could be your stepdad-in-law. [cheeky]
Now that would be one for the books [laugh]
Quote from: bobspapa on June 28, 2008, 07:08:50 AM
I'm gonna be Mr Poopy Pants.
DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN.
People do odd things around divorce time. They do things they never would have ever thought to do, and in turn, the other party gets screwed.
The very last thing you want..... is child support.
If'n a baby she wants, a baby she'll get. One way or another.
NEVER MAKE A BABY THATS NOT WANTED
I'll post more after breakfast (ham and eggs are calling me) [laugh]
Well, it's been about 6 weeks and I've already decided that would be a bad idea. That would be the one time in 10 years the condom would fail and things would get much more complicated. Do not want.
As mentioned above, snippage is on the horizon for me.
Quote from: Kyna on June 28, 2008, 08:16:44 AM
I'm sorry to hear things won't be working out for you and your wife.
Okay, I'm not a lawyer in your state so take it with a grain of salt.
<snip>
This doesn't have to be a lawyer, a good divorce mediator could both help you talk through decisions the pair of you haven't thought of and sometimes even fill out the necessary paperwork. Maintenance/alimony is becoming less and less common but seeing as you have paid the majority of living expenses don't be surprised if at least temporary maintenance is requested/required.
Reread my first or second post, we're planning on using a mediator. In PA the mediator helps you work through everything, makes suggestions but can't make any rulings over anything. An arbitrator can though. We're in complete agreement on every point so far so a mediator we will use [thumbsup]
Quote from: Statler on June 28, 2008, 10:18:24 AM
Many states have required separation periods for no-fault divorces, so that time doesn't start ticking until you aren't under the same roof (some exceptions to that one). So depending on your state, this is going to be a long process even when you fully commit to it.
Consider pensions?
Consider how things are titled, not just divying up and being done with it?
How is any debt titled?
All good points. I have considered how things are titled, but have not yet researched how it's normally (or could be) handled. Her car and my Triumph are in both our names. The house is in my name, I bought it before we married. I have a 401k and an SIRA that are mine, but they're not worth too much.
There's also a HELOC that I opened to pay off some high interest credit cards. I would consider this a manageable amount. We no longer carry any card balances on anything.
Thanks to you all for the posts. This is the sort of support I was hoping for. This place = [thumbsup] [beer]
Sorry to hear (ok, read) about this man.
Sounds like it's under control. I would do what most of the crew is saying here and everything will be fine.
Don't be worried about dating either, and for Pete's sake, don't feel that you NEED to date, just let it take it's course. Don't forget, I know the entire indoor football dance team and some of their friends [evil]
That said, we need to get out and ride some more, hit the bars, fish, and do some cookouts at my place. WOOHOO!
Dude, you're the man.
Say the word and I'm there. [beer]
Sounds like you and your wife both have good heads on your shoulders. Good luck with the whole process.
Wanted to say sorry to hear the news... 6 years is a long time. I will say well done on thinking it through before having the kid. The situation would really suck if you tried to make her happy with the kid only to realize you still felt the same way, the kid is the one that ends up paying in that situation.
On a side note... and not trying to make anyone rethink their position, but I did want to give the other perspective on kids.
Quote from: DoubleEagle on June 28, 2008, 11:50:03 AM
I just want to say something about your wife wanting to have children. Don't beat yourself up over that. I personally feel that this world is in such a mess that I wouldn't want to bring a child into it. Everyday it seems that the prediction for the next generation is dire. A polluted planet that is running out of affordable resourses, food that is not going to be available because bees are dying at alarming rates (1/3rd in the US ) and scientists don't know for sure why. Without hony bees there will be no fruit or vegetables and this is going on world wide .
The population explosion in the third world countries and their insatiable need for food. If Global warming is as bad as it is demonstrated already this year with the increase of melting of the polar ice region and the projected effects that will have worldwide.. The fairly certain fact that the cost of gasoline will only contiue to increase and will we find a replacement for Petroleum before the demand way out paces the supply ( India + China ) are becoming more like our middle class and demanding cars and such and they are just getting started for the most part.
The current credit debacle has spread into almost every area of business and even private enterprises like University pension plans , so how will they ever seperate the " wheat from the chaff ." The credit debacle with regards to Subprime lending will more than likely be followed by credit card and auto loan collapses which may lead us deeper into the Abyss of economical distress. Look what is happening to the American Auto Manufactuers. How much longer can they exist?
These are some of the reasons why I would not want to bring a child into this " world."
As long as you're personally responsible none of these things should be reason not to have a kid. I think having and raising smart responsible children could fix these problems. I have 2 kids and spend a lot of intentional time teaching them how to be morally responsible members of society, I believe the world is better for them being in it. Not to mention it's freakin sweet to have little mini me's running around.
But, to each his own.
Again... sorry for your news.
I have never been divorced (or married!), but was with my high-school sweetheart for 9 years. We split ways over the same sort of things you are ending your marriage over. He wanted kids, I didn't...we grew in different directions...yada yada... He really wanted to get married, but in retrospect, I'm so glad I didn't. What I am trying to say is, even though you still love her, you will move on and both of you will be happier in the long run because of it. Good luck getting through this.
Thanks, (wo)man!
Sorry to hear the news.
If I were you, I'd start by getting a lawyer. But, what I'm thinking is one lawyer for both of you, just to make sure that you are thinking of everything and do everything right. If you each have your own lawyers, there's a chance that one of them will want to make it harder than it should be, then feelings start getting hurt, then you start trying to screw each other, and not in the good way.
Good luck with everything.
i am sorry to hear things didn't work out with your marriage ML...
there is some very good advice here, i don't think i can add to it right now...
i will offer my support and an open ear anytime :)
<hug>
[thumbsup]
Sorry to hear the news, man. I wish you both the best as you get through this. [thumbsup]
Best of luck ML. I remember talking with you about it on TOB.
It will be stressful and difficult, but I'm glad you are able to work things out with a mediator.
((hugs)) and support from me, and another ear anytime you need it. :)
I'll throw my good luck in the ring. It's better to do the hard thing now rather than wait until it's much harder, and probably uglier, later.
Wish my wife woulda had the guts to make a decision with me instead of stepping out while I was thinkin I still had a best friend.
Endeavor to persevere, as they say. Things'll look up sooner or later.
Whew. . . and another [thumbsup]
This is a good place. Thanks everyone.
Quote from: Monsterlover on June 27, 2008, 07:21:02 PM
We're going to use a moderator to get things sorted out. We'd like to keep as much control over this as we can.
I'm a moderator on the Coastal Ducati Club site...both of you join over there, and I promise you'll come out smelling like a rose. ;)
Seriously, get advice from a lawyer; if you have to retain counsel, hire a chick. Avoid support OR repayment of school loans, like the plague!!! Good luck.
Been there- done that; you will survive, I promise. Everything works out for the best. Keep it amicable and you'll BOTH be better off. Have faith in the fact that at one point you were very good friends and sometimes things happen. Life is too short to dwell on anything. Do not date for 1 year. Need an ear- drop me a line at c_rex@hotmail.com. It'll take some time but you'll pull through it.
ML -- lot of good thought here, so I won't rehash. I'd add one thing from my own experience that doesn't seem to have been mentioned.
Congratulations (Seriously!) on the calm, rational way you both are approaching this separation.
Don't expect that to last.
Separation and divorce cuts loose some very, very powerful emotions that push rational thought right out of the picture, and there was a long period when I found myself prefacing most sentences with "But I thought we had already..." Expect it from her, don't be too surprised if it hits you, and be ready to ride it out. Let yourself be sad about what you're losing, but be hopeful about what's ahead -- because what's ahead can be pretty freaking amazing.
Good luck, be strong. And get out for a ride -- that always seems to help.
Sorry to hear man, but at least it`s amicable, life goes on.
Quote from: Speeddog on June 27, 2008, 10:26:37 PM
BTDT, in very similar circumstances, other than the reasons for the split.
If both of you are in agreement on how to divide up the personal property, you can get the job done with one lawyer.
It's what I did, and it worked fine.
It will work even if there's support involved.
Just filling out and submitting/filing paperwork, you may even be able to have a paralegal do it.
It's in both of your best interests to keep it simple.
<disclaimer>
I'm not a lawyer, and I likely don't live in your state, so YMMV.
</disclaimer>
DoubleEagle's post is excellent.
Sorry to hear this.
I am here as well. One lawyer is all that is necessary. I am glad you guys are amicable now, hopefully it stays that way. Not going to throw my business in your parade, but the jump from one lawyer to two is large, time invested and financially.
Sorry to hear ML. It is the best for both of you...trust me. I swear the length of your relationship and from the sounds of it financially and even reasons for splitting mirrors me and my ex. Divorcing amicably is very possible, my ex and I are still very, very close.
We did our divorce without lawyers and we're good. We shared the house and my car and bike for finances, that's it. I'm responsible for my bills and he's responsible for his, that's the way it was when we were married and that's the way it still is.
You still love eachother, it's possible to end the marriage and still maintain a friendship.
Good luck, it gets better...I promise.
PM me if you want further info or support. :)
Tanya
Will do, thanks
[thumbsup]
Quote from: fwtcc on June 30, 2008, 01:17:31 PM
One lawyer is all that is necessary. I am glad you guys are amicable now, hopefully it stays that way. Not going to throw my business in your parade, but the jump from one lawyer to two is large, time invested and financially.
one lawyer cannot give you legal advice as to your interest and rights and responsibilities in this and give her the same advice. Talk to someone yourself so you know what is absolute law in your state (not saying you then argue for that...you can very reasonably give up lots you might be entitled to...but you should know what you are doing).
Then if the two of you use one lawyer (a different one than the one you talked to) to work out the amicable divorce for you both then fine.
But one attorney should never give advice to adverse parties...and in a divorce you are suing each other (or at least one of you sues the other) for the divorce.
One hour of consultation on your own with an expert will give you tremendous peace of mind. oh...and don't tell her you talked to a lawyer...it will instantly bring out some hostility in the process.
Sorry to hear...sounds like after a time that things will be OK for both of you.
Now a sidetrack on this comment:
Quote from: derby on June 28, 2008, 11:43:38 AM
1. shut down the factory... get a vasectomy, you've already decided you don't wanna have kids
Just my .02 as a single woman who does not intend to have kids:
When dating, a premature announcement of a vasectomy can feel like a real insult. It's a personal thing, leave it that way. I have had an amazing number of men announce this very early on. On the recieving end it feels like:
"I don't know you all that much, and I haven't even asked about your oppinion, but I have protected myself against your inherent evil because I am sure you are predisposed to intrapment."
I'd rather have the FULL man and feel like he and I were both keeping an aggreement instead of our sex life becoming a one sided thing- you know what I mean?
Quote from: derby on June 28, 2008, 11:43:38 AM
i'd ammend this to:
1. shut down the factory... get a vasectomy, you've already decided you don't wanna have kids
i totally missed derby's advice...
i think it's a drastic move...
what you think you don't want now,
you could end up wanting later...
after my divorce, i said i'd never get married again...
and i've changed my mind already.
just sayin' ;)
Quote from: Grio on July 02, 2008, 10:17:44 AM
Just my .02 as a single woman who does not intend to have kids:
When dating, a premature announcement of a vasectomy can feel like a real insult. It's a personal thing, leave it that way. I have had an amazing number of men announce this very early on. On the recieving end it feels like:
"I don't know you all that much, and I haven't even asked about your oppinion, but I have protected myself against your inherent evil because I am sure you are predisposed to intrapment."
I'd rather have the FULL man and feel like he and I were both keeping an aggreement instead of our sex life becoming a one sided thing- you know what I mean?
Kind of getting off topic, but I'd have to disagree. I got clipped when I was 22. If I'm getting interested in someone, it wouldn't be fair to continue without the full disclosure. At my age (33) it's a lot tougher to find someone who doesn't want kids, and doesn't have any preexisting. Now, I'm not saying on the first date or anything ;)
Quote from: vwboomer on July 02, 2008, 02:01:44 PM
Kind of getting off topic, but I'd have to disagree. I got clipped when I was 22. If I'm getting interested in someone, it wouldn't be fair to continue without the full disclosure. At my age (33) it's a lot tougher to find someone who doesn't want kids, and doesn't have any preexisting. Now, I'm not saying on the first date or anything ;)
We don't disagree at all...;) The way you present the information goes a long way too.
so "wanna see my scar?" isn't the winner?
Hold your own bag of frozen peas...
Burn everything. That's what I would do.
Sorry to hear this. It's good that you guys intend to keep it civil.
My recent experience taught me this: Even though you're being amicable, after she moves out and all the stuff is divided up, take a good long break from each other. No talking, no bootie calls, no "dinner just to catch up."
If you need to travel, I've got a couch in Denver that you're welcome to crash on. :)
Quote from: Grio on July 02, 2008, 10:17:44 AM
Sorry to hear...sounds like after a time that things will be OK for both of you.
I'd rather have the FULL man and feel like he and I were both keeping an aggreement instead of our sex life becoming a one sided thing- you know what I mean?
I don't get it - need some clarification.
Can you define what you mean by "full man" You're saying you'd rather have him be "unsnipped?" Or you're saying you'd rather not know about it until later on?
Perhaps I was babbling a bit, or perhaps it's just my luck that on a first date, I've had more then a few men start talking about the condition of his plumbing. I've been left thinking..."jeez...I didn't really know if we were headed there or not". That's a turn off.
I can think of at least three examples where the information was presented in a "I have protected myself" way, not a "I made a personal decision" way. It felt almost hostile.
So, blah, blah blah...perhaps I'm restating the obvious cuz I've run across some doosies of weird behavior from the dating pool.
And yes, by full man, I mean unsnipped. To me, there is just a little more chance to bond if your concious decision involves your partner. As others have said, if your snipped, it doesn't really matter what you do.
All and all, a tremendous number of men have had vasectomies. A tremendous number of men have had children. Some have had both ;) I only hope that the condition is grounded in personal choice and not feeling the victim of circumstance, cuz it sure comes out to the other party when it's the other way around.
[thumbup]
I get it.
There are other reasons (http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html) not to tell a girl you've had a vasectomy.
Ive read that before.
Part of me feels bad for her, most of me loves it [evil]
Quote from: Monsterlover on July 03, 2008, 01:04:33 PM
Part of me feels bad for her, most of me loves it [evil]
[thumbsup]
Kids are a lot of fricken work and not all of it is playing Chutes and Ladders 10x in a row. She got what she asked for though. Just not everything she asked for- doh!
I haven't read through the 5 pages of replies yet, but I can say, life does get better. It may not get better right away, but it will soon. I was married at 21 and divorced at 24. He was my first serious boyfriend. I'm sure you can imagine how intimidating it was to be 24-25 and suddenly thrown out into the wilderness of the DC meat market. I just spent a few years happily single and took my time.
Make sure that you brace yourself, though. She may be amicable now, but you have no idea how she will feel in 6 months when it comes to actually signing that paper. She may change her mind and decide to milk you for all she can. This is happening to one of my close friends right now. Everything started off fine, but 4 months later, she decided she wanted a lot more than she agreed to in the beginning. It's really sad.
Best of luck to you. It sounds like a really difficult situation to be in. I hope all goes as smoothly as possible for you.
So I quit wearing my wedding ring.
Feels really strange without it.
My thumb keeps bending in to mess with it, but there's nothing there.
Quote from: Monsterlover on July 07, 2008, 10:16:37 AM
So I quit wearing my wedding ring.
Feels really strange without it.
My thumb keeps bending in to mess with it, but there's nothing there.
the mark it left on your finger will go away... in time :)
;)
Indeed
Check your neck--no Ball and Chain mark...ahhhh
There wasn't one there to begin with.
I cannot be contained
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25571617/?GT1=43001
stoopid humans
^^^ That's really make the beast with two backsed up and sad :-[
it is sad...
BP you read too much bad news....
Quote from: DuCaTiNi on July 07, 2008, 10:20:54 AM
the mark it left on your finger will go away... in time :)
My experience is the mark left on your heart can last much longer...or not. ;D
Quote from: ducpainter on July 08, 2008, 05:51:45 AM
My experience is the mark left on your heart can last much longer...or not. ;D
definitely or not for me ;)
getting under somebody new, helps with the getting over somebody thing [laugh]
Now that sounds like a workable solution.
Are you volunteering?
[laugh] [evil]
Quote from: Monsterlover on July 08, 2008, 01:59:16 PM
Now that sounds like a workable solution.
Are you volunteering?
[laugh] [evil]
I just lay there. I'm not much fun.
Well, that just makes it easy.
So I thought Id add in an update with the latest.
She got a job here in town. Between that and working at the health center on campus she'll make enough to get by.
She signed her lease on an apt and moves in over the next couple weeks.
Right now, we're in the process of her applying for money to take her car, and me figuring out what to do with my 675 since her name is on it.
I've been in decent spirits the last month or so. Except for Saturday night. She went out with some mutual friends and I didn't get asked by her, or them. I felt a little slighted, but I'm over it.
I don't see her too much these days, with her schedule the way it is.
Her name is off my bank acct, she's got her own now.
I talked to a couple attorneys, but neither of them wanted to work with both of us. She found an ad in the paper advertising no-fault divorces for $195.
I called and left my address, etc. Letter came a few days later. Me still skeptical.
I read it over and faxed it all to a really good friend of mine in Cleveland. He's a partner at a firm over there and works in corp. finance. He looked it over and called the firm that runs the ads. Got the thumbs up from him. I also checked them out on the BBB website and on the Bar's website. Thumbs up from those to places too.
So it looks like we're doing a $200 dollar divorce by mail. Paperwork goes out tomorrow. 5-6 months from now we won't be married any more.
I've found that I had a harder time telling my family and friends than I did actually accepting that I'm divorcing.
Go figure.
Once it is final, expect to be depressed. Even a little. It's okay; it's normal.
Quote from: Sinister on August 04, 2008, 06:59:28 PM
Once it is final, expect to be depressed. Even a little. It's okay; it's normal.
Agreed. I got the papers in the mail for both my ex and I, so I called him. I started out dialing laughing but when he answered and I said the words outloud I burst into tears and cried. Bittersweet moment.
Don't be suprised if you do feel torn when the papers come, it would only be natural.
Tanya
the mutual friends part is tough...
they are like the children for couples who don't have kids.
they ask lots of questions...
hang in there ML!
Quote from: T-byrd on August 04, 2008, 07:29:41 PM
Agreed. I got the papers in the mail for both my ex and I, so I called him. I started out dialing laughing but when he answered and I said the words outloud I burst into tears and cried. Bittersweet moment.
Don't be suprised if you do feel torn when the papers come, it would only be natural.
Tanya
Hmmm...Tanya's divorced. Maybe she can assist in your "grief therapy". [evil]
;D
Quote from: Sinister on August 05, 2008, 11:19:03 AM
Hmmm...Tanya's divorced. Maybe she can assist in your "grief therapy". [evil]
;D
but if that goes South then the entire forum has to pick sides to stay friends with...yuck.
I'm glad I didn't ride the triple off a cliff in NH.
As to the sadness...I have had hearings where both people want the divorce and it's uncontested and was settled amicably, and both people and their witness are sobbing almost uncontrollably. (In MD you still need a third person as a witnes and take testimony from one party and the witness for uncontested divorce).
That's part of ending something so personal. Doesn't matter if you want it or not....it'll be sad at times.
Quote from: Statler on August 05, 2008, 11:50:49 AM
but if that goes South then the entire forum has to pick sides to stay friends with...yuck.
I'm glad I didn't ride the triple off a cliff in NH.
What? :o Did you almost do that? Really if you crashed it, it wouldn't have bothered me (unless you got hurt) What would have had me worried though, was how to get 600 miles home [moto]
Hell, I almost rode it off a cliff in West Virginia ;D
I just found out that I have to reapply for a loan without her name on it to keep the 675. The kicker is that I also have to borrow another $1000 to do it. Bank's policy. I can do whatever I want with the $1000, but my payment is based on what I owe now + that thou. :(
I'm also in the market for a KTM 950SMR (once her car is her's) I ran the numbers, I can afford both bikes. It actually will cost me less than it does now for my bike + her car.
I hate that I have to borrow an extra grand though. Maybe I'll check out my local bank (use out of town CU now)
[moto]
That thing's so stable I'd have to purposely aim for the cliff.... no...no close calls on the ride. Not even close. It was uneventfully speedy.
See if a different bank or credit union will loan you the payoff amount on your current joint loan. You could then refi in your name alone. It's the two of you selling it to just you for title purposes. Surely if your bank won't someone else will and then your bank is out the loan.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
Make a $1000 payment he day of closing.
Quote from: Statler on August 05, 2008, 11:50:49 AMAs to the sadness...I have had hearings where both people want the divorce and it's uncontested and was settled amicably, and both people and their witness are sobbing almost uncontrollably. (In MD you still need a third person as a witnes and take testimony from one party and the witness for uncontested divorce).
That's part of ending something so personal. Doesn't matter if you want it or not....it'll be sad at times.
Agreed. I had an amicable divorce, we shared a mediating lawyer and agreed on everything.
Even though it was the right thing for both of us, it was quite sad at the time. I felt I was closing a chapter in my life and losing a friend. (We are still friendly, but not friends.)
Quote from: ducpainter on August 05, 2008, 06:18:03 PM
Make a $1000 payment he day of closing.
I could do that. I don't want to though. Id have a payment based on my loan amt + an extra grand. Ill go with my local bank for that and not have the hassle.
Ill use my CU to get the 'tard and use that mainly for the street. Ill pay the 675 like crazy and turn that into a track machine. That's where it belongs and not under me for 12 hours at a time [laugh]
<drunk vulture>
what do you owe on that bike by chance?
<drunk vulture>
You're drunk at 4:17 on a Wednesday?
You're the man.
PM sent.
[laugh]
7:17, but who's countign?
set your preferences to east coast, dude.
[roll]
Fine.
I guess Ill play by your rules
wow...
getting all pissy about edt.... ;D
Nothing else to do at the moment.
Quote from: ducpainter on August 06, 2008, 06:16:46 PM
getting all pissy about edt.... ;D
Nice to see someone actually say EDT.
At work, everybody says "Eastern Standard Time" or "Pacific Standard Time" whether it is daylight savings or not. [roll]
Oh stop with the eye roll. . .I had to google EDT 'cause I didn't know what that was.
On second thought, maybe you should eye roll more [laugh]
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 06, 2008, 06:45:23 PM
On second thought, maybe you should eye roll more [laugh]
[laugh] [laugh]
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 06, 2008, 06:45:23 PM
Oh stop with the eye roll. . .I had to google EDT 'cause I didn't know what that was.
On second thought, maybe you should eye roll more [laugh]
Will you get any smarter? ;D
Its too bad you guys are splitting up, by reading your post I don't see any problem that can't be resolved.
I'm sure there are other underlying issue thats not mention. At any rate I wish you both well on your future.
Quote from: ducpainter on August 06, 2008, 06:49:13 PM
Will you get any smarter? ;D
Will I?
Oh sure. At some point ;D
The length of time between now and that point remains to be determined [laugh]
Quote from: 707soldier on August 06, 2008, 07:42:39 PM
Its too bad you guys are splitting up, by reading your post I don't see any problem that can't be resolved.
I'm sure there are other underlying issue thats not mention. At any rate I wish you both well on your future.
Well, there was other stuff that did get resolved, but fixing those things wasn't enough to keep this boat afloat. Really, the biggest deal is me= no kids, her = kids. How do you resolve that? We already have a dog ;D
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 07, 2008, 04:22:14 AM
How do you resolve that? We already have a dog ;D
Another dog...bought me another 6-12 months. 8)
(Caveat: I love my daughter and my wife, very much...I was just saying)
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 07, 2008, 04:22:14 AM
Will I?
Oh sure. At some point ;D
The length of time between now and that point remains to be determined [laugh]
Well, there was other stuff that did get resolved, but fixing those things wasn't enough to keep this boat afloat. Really, the biggest deal is me= no kids, her = kids. How do you resolve that? We already have a dog ;D
:) ;) ;D
So, just a quick update.
We decided to do the "divorce by mail" thing and the paperwork is already off. She has started staying at her place. I'm having an easier time with her not being here than I am with all the missing furniture.
I have a lot more floor space, and a lot less stuff to sit on [laugh]
The 675 is going away in a couple weeks. It's being replaced with not one, but two badass rides [evil]
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 17, 2008, 05:26:51 PM
The 675 is going away.
Well, it is for the better! [cheeky]
lucky you ML. if you play your cards right, all your rides will be new for a while [evil]
oh, and since everyone else is giving advise,.........keep the shiny side up [thumbsup]
furniture smurniture... you don't need it anyway ;)
im sorry about this but everything in life happens for a reason, good luck to you
badass rides in the living room = furniture ;D
Craigslist is your friend for some really really badass deals on good furniture. [thumbsup]
T
Quote from: IZ on August 17, 2008, 05:54:40 PM
Well, it is for the better! [cheeky]
Of course
you'd be the one to say
that [laugh]
Let me advise you to never touch a Triumph with your bare hand. You might burst into flames.
Quote from: herm on August 17, 2008, 06:02:58 PM
lucky you ML. if you play your cards right, all your rides will be new for a while [evil]
[thumbsup]
Not new, but so damn close. 07 KTM 950 SMR with 489 miles for $5500 off list. Damn it feels good to be a gansta' The other is far from new, ducpainter's ex trackbike - 750ss. I have a 900 transplant ready to go right in there ;D
Quote from: DuCaTiNi on August 17, 2008, 06:04:47 PM
furniture smurniture... you don't need it anyway ;)
That's what I'm sayin' [laugh] New couches are buck$ :o Used or free it is!
Quote from: T-byrd on August 17, 2008, 06:16:58 PM
Craigslist is your friend for some really really badass deals on good furniture. [thumbsup]
T
The only trouble with that is that the Erie PA section of CL is really really inactive compared to a larger city. I will look anyway, thanks for the idea [thumbsup]
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 17, 2008, 06:31:26 PM
Not new, but so damn close.
Uhhhh, pretty sure he wasn't talking about the bikes...
[laugh]
Yeah. . . none for me thanks. I need some more time in the Fortress of Solitude.
So, you need time to build up those forearm muscles huh?
Quote from: NAKID on August 17, 2008, 06:42:30 PM
Uhhhh, pretty sure he wasn't talking about the bikes...
thank you.
Quote from: NAKID on August 17, 2008, 06:52:22 PM
So, you need time to build up those forearm muscles huh?
I do, yours are puttin' me to shame ;D
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 17, 2008, 06:44:35 PM
[laugh]
Yeah. . . none for me thanks. I need some more time in the Fortress of Solitude.
whatever... with an attitude like that, you cant have any fun
you need to go out and have some NSA rebound bootie
Actually I'm having plenty of fun. . .riding [moto]
I don't really care too much about women at the moment.
Quote from: c_rex on August 17, 2008, 06:11:33 PM
badass rides in the living room = furniture ;D
I am all for having motorcycles in the living room. If it's a racebike that you don't exactly care about the Krylon paint job, it even makes a great coat rack. People get a kick out of sitting on them. They're great exercise equipment, since you can work on getting a good stretch if it's up on stands.
I couldn't get a bike in the house easily. Too many steps. I could make a ramp, but really why? My garage has as much square footage as the house does, and it's heated. All the house has on the garage is running water and a potty ;D
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 17, 2008, 07:44:45 PM
I couldn't get a bike in the house easily. Too many steps. I could make a ramp, but really why? My garage has as much square footage as the house does, and it's heated. All the house has on the garage is running water and a potty ;D
And a keg.
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 17, 2008, 07:44:45 PM
All the house has on the garage is running water and a potty ;D
Sounds to me like you need to fix that problem...
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 17, 2008, 07:44:45 PM
I couldn't get a bike in the house easily. Too many steps. I could make a ramp, but really why? My garage has as much square footage as the house does, and it's heated. All the house has on the garage is running water and a potty ;D
If you want a complicated install and extract operation, talk to Charlie (Dragsterhund). He put his bike in his living room while he was overseas. I was there to photograph the extraction. It was 2 90 degree turns, both really tight, and something like 8 steps. When Stillie's bike was in our living room, we had to deal with 5 + 1 steps and making sure we didn't mar the hardwood floor. [laugh]
Quote from: CairnsDuc on June 27, 2008, 11:58:01 PM
I have to say Monsterlover, this is one Issue that scares me with the Wife - Kids
She wants, I don't
I hate Kids, They annoy me, I can put up with friends kids (cause I get to give em back when they cry or shit em selves)
But as a general rule, they shit me to tears, I've talked her down from 2 kids to 1, She keeps trying to convince me, but I just don't know.
We love each other very much, but the kid thing just kills me.
All of our friends have kids, My best mate has 3, but I see how he struggles from week to week to pay the bills.
I don't want to be like that, I'm selfish I'll admit that, and that is not my main reason.
I just can't stand em, I'm not interested in having one.
I can see that this may be an issue in the near future for me as well Monsterlover.
Goodluck with the future, It'll all workout in the end [thumbsup]
when you are 80, you'll wish you had that kid and grandkids to take care of you, thats how life works.
check out ikea for some well priced furniture...
i bought some stuff in college that i still have... it holds up well.
a used couch imo is just eeeeeeew....
[laugh]
What if I put the sticky side of the cushion on the underside? Would you sit on it then?
[laugh]
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 18, 2008, 04:25:47 AM
[laugh]
What if I put the sticky side of the cushion on the underside? Would you sit on it then?
[laugh]
problem is... you never ReaLLY know which side is up do ya? [laugh]
I've decided I'm keeping the 675.
It's mainly to piss off IZ.
Not really, but ;D
I'm still waiting for the dealer with my KTM to call me and tell me the title is there so I can go get it. It's been 3 weeks and I'm still riding the 'umph.
I can't stop liking it enough to trade it in. It fits me too well.
TJR178 and I F'ing ripped it up yesterday and it was an awesome time! I'm talking full on badness, hooliganism and squidlyness- tripple digits, a little stoppie action, wheelies down the on ramps (and else where) I wish I was better at them. Yeah, I said it. Lots of lean angle, great curves, strawberry ice cream sandwich and gatorade at the gas station, a couple new (and awesome) roads.
I have to keep this bike.
And get the KTM too. [evil]
I don't know what I'll do with 3 bikes, but I'll have fun figuring it out. Actually 5 bikes if you count the 2 old Honda CL350's sitting off to the side ;D
I've pretty well adjusted to living on my own. Laundry, no problem. Shopping, got it. Cat boxes :-X um, yeah, Im on it. She comes around about once a week to gather up some more of her things.
Probably this weekend I'll help her move her couch, then I'll need my own couch.
Heading to a HUGE garage sale in a subdivision near my mom and dad's house on the 6th. Taking the trailer hoping to score deals on furniture :D I'm sure I'll find something.
Good luck with the furniture shopping. I need to do some in preparation for when my couches go to the evil one. On another note, I got the date of tumor removal and that is absolutely relieving. Refinancing the house is going to suck, I have a really good rate.
So....
three bikes? ;D
Quote from: DuCaTiNi on August 26, 2008, 07:09:20 AM
well... how many do YOU have? ;D
three...
but only two run. :'(
;D
Quote from: Monsterlover on August 25, 2008, 08:06:21 PM
I've decided I'm keeping the 675.
It's mainly to piss off IZ.
Not really, but ;D
I'm still waiting for the dealer with my KTM to call me and tell me the title is there so I can go get it. It's been 3 weeks and I'm still riding the 'umph.
I can't stop liking it enough to trade it in. It fits me too well.
TJR178 and I F'ing ripped it up yesterday and it was an awesome time! I'm talking full on badness, hooliganism and squidlyness- tripple digits, a little stoppie action, wheelies down the on ramps (and else where) I wish I was better at them. Yeah, I said it. Lots of lean angle, great curves, strawberry ice cream sandwich and gatorade at the gas station, a couple new (and awesome) roads.
I have to keep this bike.
And get the KTM too. [evil]
I don't know what I'll do with 3 bikes, but I'll have fun figuring it out. Actually 5 bikes if you count the 2 old Honda CL350's sitting off to the side ;D
I've pretty well adjusted to living on my own. Laundry, no problem. Shopping, got it. Cat boxes :-X um, yeah, Im on it. She comes around about once a week to gather up some more of her things.
Probably this weekend I'll help her move her couch, then I'll need my own couch.
Heading to a HUGE garage sale in a subdivision near my mom and dad's house on the 6th. Taking the trailer hoping to score deals on furniture :D I'm sure I'll find something.
^True story^
That was definitely a good time. That road out of Findley Lake was pretty sweet! You're obviously comfortable on the 'umph. I can't wait to check out the KTM though!
Let me know if you need furniture. I have a couple dressers and a TV stand in the basement. Oh! I have some very 90's looking window decor too :)
So this is likely my last update to this thread.
She's been out since last August or so and at the beginning of the month we signed the last of what needed signed in front of the notary.
We both got our letters this week that say we're divorced.
So I suppose Im a free man now. Not that I wasn't before, but it's legal now.
Im dating a great girl and it looks like things may go far with her.
The 675 is long gone, replaced by a sweet 07 KTM 950 Supermoto R that I've lusted over for about two years.
I got ducpainter's old DOA 750ss track bike and have already finished the 900 transplant. Future plans for it include forged alum wheels and I'll probably build a titanium frame for it. Sure it's light, but I just want to do it. ;D
When I got the letter in the mail a couple days ago, it was just another day. We only have to get through tax season together and that should be all she wrote.
I kept my house, my car, tools, bikes and my pets.
That's pretty much what matters to me so I'm happy about that.
I don't regret the 6 and half years I was married, but I am happy to be able to start life again.
Not too much else to say.
Oh, wait.
Especially for ADG who wrote this in another one of my threads:
Quote from: ADG on September 06, 2008, 09:20:39 PM
Your spouse will get everything after the divorce, gloat boy.
The day you posted that I bookmarked your post and waited.
I waited until today, almost five months later, when I would get to post all of the above to throw it all back at you because I knew that I, for a
fact, would lose nothing in my divorce. I knew you were just a shallow, arrogant piece trying to be inflammatory because you had nothing better to do and no sense of self worth to go find some way to amuse yourself. And now I'm calling you what you are.
On one level it bothered me that what you wrote stuck with me. But as I thought about it I wasn't really bothered. I
wanted it to stick with me so that in the end I could put you in your place and let you know how worthless you are to me.
So to sum it up: I win.
You can get down on your knees and suck it.
That is all.
One final note:
I just wanted to thank everyone for coming out and lending moral support. It means a lot, and it really shows what a great place this is.
I'm glad to be a part of it all.
[thumbsup] to DMF
:)
Good for you, dude. I'm happy to hear everything worked out. [thumbsup]
Glad to hear a positive update "gangsta"!! ;)
On to your next phase of life!
I'm sure it'll only get better with the new girl and the new bike!! :)
Looks like it ;)
Man, sounds like you really landed on your feet. That's awesome; really respect you for the approach you took to the whole thing, and I hope I've learned something from it. Best of luck going forward from here.
I think..... I shall down a barley pop in you honor [beer]
congrats on a bloodless battle ;)
To your future [beer]
Tonight I shall have a [drink] on your freedom [thumbsup]
this a new year for new luck! hip hip hurrah!
[thumbsup]
good for you kev [beer]
Thanks all [thumbsup]
[beer]
Great news ML!!
[beer] on me this weekend, if we make it to cleveland. [thumbsup]
Quote from: Monsterlover on January 29, 2009, 07:45:00 PM
Especially for ADG who wrote this in another one of my threads:
The day you posted that I bookmarked your post and waited.
I waited until today, almost five months later, when I would get to post all of the above to throw it all back at you because I knew that I, for a fact, would lose nothing in my divorce. I knew you were just a shallow, arrogant piece trying to be inflammatory because you had nothing better to do and no sense of self worth to go find some way to amuse yourself. And now I'm calling you what you are.
On one level it bothered me that what you wrote stuck with me. But as I thought about it I wasn't really bothered. I wanted it to stick with me so that in the end I could put you in your place and let you know how worthless you are to me.
So to sum it up: I win.
You can get down on your knees and suck it.
That is all.
Consider that this could have been his underlying purpose: to keep this in your mind and be a fire in your belly. That's what I would have done, but maybe he was just being a dick. His statement does apply to the majority of dudes who get divorced (ask me how I know); your outcome is not the norm, but I am overwhelmingly happy for you. Take it slow with the new girl, and good luck.
GW
Glad to hear you are doing so well! [thumbsup] [beer]
Congrats on your forward steps (with a minimum of backward steps) [thumbsup]
Not sure I could be that adult...
It wasn't always easy...