So my wife and I are splitting up

[Sinister]

We're going to use a moderator to get things sorted out.  We'd like to keep as much control over this as we can.

I'm a moderator on the Coastal Ducati Club site...both of you join over there, and I promise you'll come out smelling like a rose.

Seriously, get advice from a lawyer; if you have to retain counsel, hire a chick.  Avoid support OR repayment of school loans, like the plague!!! Good luck.

[c_rex]

Been there- done that; you will survive, I promise.  Everything works out for the best.  Keep it amicable and you'll BOTH be better off.  Have faith in the fact that at one point you were very good friends and sometimes things happen.  Life is too short to dwell on anything.  Do not date for 1 year.  Need an ear- drop me a line at c_rex@hotmail.com.  It'll take some time but you'll pull through it. 

[triangleforge]

ML -- lot of good thought here, so I won't rehash. I'd add one thing from my own experience that doesn't seem to have been mentioned.

Congratulations (Seriously!) on the calm, rational way you both are approaching this separation.

Don't expect that to last.

Separation and divorce cuts loose some very, very powerful emotions that push rational thought right out of the picture, and there was a long period when I found myself prefacing most sentences with "But I thought we had already..." Expect it from her, don't be too surprised if it hits you, and be ready to ride it out. Let yourself be sad about what you're losing, but be hopeful about what's ahead -- because what's ahead can be pretty freaking amazing.

Good luck, be strong. And get out for a ride -- that always seems to help.

[Big Troubled Bear]

Sorry to hear man, but at least it`s amicable, life goes on.

[fwtcc]

BTDT, in very similar circumstances, other than the reasons for the split.

If both of you are in agreement on how to divide up the personal property, you can get the job done with one lawyer.
It's what I did, and it worked fine.
It will work even if there's support involved.
Just filling out and submitting/filing paperwork, you may even be able to have a paralegal do it.
It's in both of your best interests to keep it simple.

<disclaimer>
I'm not a lawyer, and I likely don't live in your state, so YMMV.
</disclaimer>

DoubleEagle's post is excellent.

Sorry to hear this. 


I am here as well.  One lawyer is all that is necessary.  I am glad you guys are amicable now, hopefully it stays that way.  Not going to throw my business in your parade, but the jump from one lawyer to two is large, time invested and financially.

[T-byrd]

Sorry to hear ML.  It is the best for both of you...trust me.  I swear the length of your relationship and from the sounds of it financially and even reasons for splitting mirrors me and my ex.  Divorcing amicably is very possible, my ex and I are still very, very close. 

We did our divorce without lawyers and we're good.  We shared the house and my car and bike for finances, that's it.  I'm responsible for my bills and he's responsible for his, that's the way it was when we were married and that's the way it still is.

You still love eachother, it's possible to end the marriage and still maintain a friendship. 

Good luck, it gets better...I promise.

PM me if you want further info or support. 

Tanya

[Monsterlover]

Will do, thanks

[Statler]

  One lawyer is all that is necessary.  I am glad you guys are amicable now, hopefully it stays that way.  Not going to throw my business in your parade, but the jump from one lawyer to two is large, time invested and financially.

one lawyer cannot give you legal advice as to your interest and rights and responsibilities in this and give her the same advice.   Talk to someone yourself so you know what is absolute law in your state (not saying you then argue for that...you can very reasonably give up lots you might be entitled to...but you should know what you are doing).

Then if the two of you use one lawyer (a different one than the one you talked to) to work out the amicable divorce for you both then fine.

But one attorney should never give advice to adverse parties...and in a divorce you are suing each other (or at least one of you sues the other) for the divorce.   

One hour of consultation on your own with an expert will give you tremendous peace of mind.   oh...and don't tell her you talked to a lawyer...it will instantly bring out some hostility in the process.

[Grio]

Sorry to hear...sounds like after a time that things will be OK for both of you.
Now a sidetrack on this comment:

1. shut down the factory... get a vasectomy, you've already decided you don't wanna have kids

Just my .02 as a single woman who does not intend to have kids:

When dating, a premature announcement of a vasectomy can feel like a real insult.  It's a personal thing, leave it that way.  I have had an amazing number of men announce this very early on.  On the recieving end it feels like:
"I don't know you all that much, and I haven't even asked about your oppinion, but I have protected myself against your inherent evil because I am sure you are predisposed to intrapment."

I'd rather have the FULL man and feel like he and I were both keeping an aggreement instead of our sex life becoming a one sided thing- you know what I mean? 

[TiNi]

i'd ammend this to:

1. shut down the factory... get a vasectomy, you've already decided you don't wanna have kids

i totally missed derby's advice...
i think it's a drastic move...
what you think you don't want now,
you could end up wanting later...

after my divorce, i said i'd never get married again...
and i've changed my mind already.

just sayin' 

[vwboomer]

Just my .02 as a single woman who does not intend to have kids:

When dating, a premature announcement of a vasectomy can feel like a real insult.  It's a personal thing, leave it that way.  I have had an amazing number of men announce this very early on.  On the recieving end it feels like:
"I don't know you all that much, and I haven't even asked about your oppinion, but I have protected myself against your inherent evil because I am sure you are predisposed to intrapment."

I'd rather have the FULL man and feel like he and I were both keeping an aggreement instead of our sex life becoming a one sided thing- you know what I mean? 

Kind of getting off topic, but I'd have to disagree. I got clipped when I was 22. If I'm getting interested in someone, it wouldn't be fair to continue  without the full disclosure.  At my age (33) it's a lot tougher to find someone who doesn't want kids, and doesn't have any preexisting. Now, I'm not saying on the first date or anything

[Grio]

Kind of getting off topic, but I'd have to disagree. I got clipped when I was 22. If I'm getting interested in someone, it wouldn't be fair to continue  without the full disclosure.  At my age (33) it's a lot tougher to find someone who doesn't want kids, and doesn't have any preexisting. Now, I'm not saying on the first date or anything

We don't disagree at all...  The way you present the information goes a long way too.

[Statler]

so "wanna see my scar?" isn't the winner?

[Grio]

Hold your own bag of frozen peas...

[duccarlos]

Burn everything. That's what I would do.