So my wife and I are splitting up

[Monsterlover]

Maybe you all remember from TOB where I talked a little about this.

Well, it's a done deal now.  Or at least it will be.   

We finally made the call to part ways.  So far everything is amicable, and we don't want the same stuff so that works out nicely.  She's not pushing for any sort of support (at the moment.)

We've been talking about this for about 6 months or so.

We're just headed in different directions.  She'll be done with her last year of school in December (went back to finish her 4 year deal) and I was ready for her to start working after that.  We've been married 6 years and 85% of the income has been from me.  You can imagine how ready I am for financial pressures to ease.

Well, she wants to keep going and get her masters.  I imagine after that she'll want the PHD.

We also disagree on the kid issue.  Im just not into it.  I try to want it, but I think it's just coded into my DNA to not want them.  She, of course, has to have them.

I don't want to be the reason she never does, and she doesn't want to be the reason I lead a life vastly different that what I'm envisioning.

Soooooo, she's looking for a job that will pay her enough to move out and keep her car paid for, etc.  Im keeping the house and the dog/cat's (she's taking her cat)  She's under no time deadline to leave, I want to make sure she's setup to succeed.

We're going to use a moderator to get things sorted out.  We'd like to keep as much control over this as we can.

It's odd because we still love each other, so I don't know how to feel about things just yet.

I can say for sure Im not looking forward to dating again.  It's probably been 10 years at least.

I guess I just needed a place to say all this.  DMF support group seems like the best option.

If anyone has any advice/recommendations I'd love to hear them.  We haven't started looking for said moderator yet.  Is there anything I should be doing between now and then either to prepare for this or to protect myself?  Like I said, things are amicable, but it's not done until it's done.  I don't want to get caught unprepared.

[Buckethead]

I'm really sorry to hear that, man, but it sounds like its for the best and you're both being mature about it.

I hope it goes as smoothly as it seems to be so far, and best of luck with everything.

If you need anything, you know we're all here for you. 

[raulduke]

Be strong.  It will only get easier.  Time heals.

[Monsterlover]

to both of you.

thanks

[herm]

i feel for you dude......

[IZ]

I have no advice.  I do know that Teddy is looking for a sugardaddy and Randimus is already taken.








Sorry ML.  You know I had to be a smart azz! 

Unfortunately, it happens.   People grow apart or in different directions.      Sounds like you two have a handle on things though and you know where each other stands.  I hope everything works out for you ML and you can get on with a new life that works for you!   The DMF will always be here to listen and help you out when we can.   

If you need to get away, come visit Austin!!   

[PizzaMonster]

I never like hearing about things like this but if neither one of you is going to be happy with the compromises that continuing to live together would require then it's probably best that you say goodbye sooner rather than later.

On the positive side there are no kids involved and it sounds like the two of you can still talk rationally about the whole thing.  Let's hope you can keep it that way until things are settled.  Six plus years of your lives are involved and this can't be easy for either of you.  Having some type of a mediator is a great idea (maybe even a counsellor...not to get you back together but to keep you both seeing clearly the other's side).  Lawyers have their place but I think they sometimes promote an unecessary adversarial approach.  I'd leave talking to them until after letting a mediator have a go at striking a deal first.

Best of luck.  In time things will work out.

Oh and BTW.  If you go out riding the twisties to clear your head don't let your thoughts preoccupy you.    Be safe!

[DoubleEagle]

Breaking up is a fact of life when two people are not on the same" big picture " page. It sounds like it is going much better than 90% of splits , break ups , divorces or what ever. That's certainly a good thing. The fact that you still Love the lady  may make for some difficult times in your heart.  Just remember that for both your sakes it's been decided that going your own ways is the best solution for both your futures. In time you both will find someone who shares your life's ambitions . Dating takes some soul searching. Do you want to have good times but not be committed until you have had time to ease your way back into the world of being single for awhile ...or are you wanting to find your life partner very soon. The latter can be a recipe for dissapontment. Usually better to wait awhile and let things simmer down some before you get right back into a serious commitment. Take it easy and it will come and you will know when it's right if marrage is what you want.

In the mean time best of luck with the journey.

[Randimus Maximus]

If you need to get away, come visit Austin!!   

I hope you like turkey bacon! 

Seriously, though, sorry to hear of the split.  Sounds like it's been headed that way for a while.

Fortunately, there seems to be willingness to be civil, which is cool.  I know a couple that split a long time ago that still share season tix to the Broncos.  They too, split for some of the same reasons as you are.  Hope it all works out for you!

[roy-nexus-6]

I think the fact you are looking for a moderator, and not a blood-n-guts divorce lawyer is a very positive sign.

You are both still talking, resolving the issues with maturity & dignity. You might be ending a marriage, but I think you'll probably remain close friends for the rest of your lives.

Good luck. 

[Howie]

News like this always saddens me, but unfortunately it happens.  Glad to hear you are working the material issues successfully without a lawyer.  Do have a lawyer check out the final agreement to make sure all the legalese is correct.

[Xiphias]

Sorry to hear about that. I fairly recently wen through that except there is child that is caught up in all this. I really think society make the beast with two backss with people by making it sound that marriage is the end all. People should be aspire to be happy and content in my opinion.

Rob

[Speeddog]

BTDT, in very similar circumstances, other than the reasons for the split.

If both of you are in agreement on how to divide up the personal property, you can get the job done with one lawyer.
It's what I did, and it worked fine.
It will work even if there's support involved.
Just filling out and submitting/filing paperwork, you may even be able to have a paralegal do it.
It's in both of your best interests to keep it simple.

<disclaimer>
I'm not a lawyer, and I likely don't live in your state, so YMMV.
</disclaimer>

DoubleEagle's post is excellent.

[CairnsDuc]

I have to say Monsterlover, this is one Issue that scares me with the Wife - Kids

She wants, I don't

I hate Kids, They annoy me, I can put up with friends kids (cause I get to give em back when they cry or shit em selves)
But as a general rule, they shit me to tears, I've talked her down from 2 kids to 1, She keeps trying to convince me, but I just don't know.
We love each other very much, but the kid thing just kills me.
All of our friends have kids, My best mate has 3, but I see how he struggles from week to week to pay the bills.
I don't want to be like that, I'm selfish I'll admit that, and that is not my main reason.

I just can't stand em, I'm not interested in having one.
I can see that this may be an issue in the near future for me as well Monsterlover.
Goodluck with the future, It'll all workout in the end

[gojira]

Some great responses so I'll let them speak for me.

Best wishes.