So my wife and I are splitting up

[Monsterlover]

My wife's daughter is single and lives about a 1/2 hour from Route 30.
She's got 2 kids though, but I could be your stepdad-in-law. 

Now that would be one for the books

I'm gonna be Mr Poopy Pants.

DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN.

People do odd things around divorce time. They do things they never would have ever thought to do, and in turn, the other party gets screwed.

The very last thing you want..... is child support.

If'n a baby she wants, a baby she'll get. One way or another.


NEVER MAKE A BABY THATS NOT WANTED

I'll post more after breakfast (ham and eggs are calling me) 

Well, it's been about 6 weeks and I've already decided that would be a bad idea.  That would be the one time in 10 years the condom would fail and things would get much more complicated.  Do not want.

As mentioned above, snippage is on the horizon for me.

I'm sorry to hear things won't be working out for you and your wife.

Okay, I'm not a lawyer in your state so take it with a grain of salt. 

<snip>
This doesn't have to be a lawyer, a good divorce mediator could both help you talk through decisions the pair of you haven't thought of and sometimes even fill out the necessary paperwork.  Maintenance/alimony is becoming less and less common but seeing as you have paid the majority of living expenses don't be surprised if at least temporary maintenance is requested/required.

Reread my first or second post, we're planning on using a mediator.  In PA the mediator helps you work through everything, makes suggestions but can't make any rulings over anything.  An arbitrator can though.  We're in complete agreement on every point so far so a mediator we will use

Many states have required separation periods for no-fault divorces, so that time doesn't start ticking until you aren't under the same roof (some exceptions to that one).  So depending on your state, this is going to be a long process even when you fully commit to it.

Consider pensions?

Consider how things are titled, not just divying up and being done with it?

How is any debt titled?

All good points.  I have considered how things are titled, but have not yet researched how it's normally (or could be) handled.  Her car and my Triumph are in both our names.  The house is in my name, I bought it before we married.  I have a 401k and an SIRA that are mine, but they're not worth too much.

There's also a HELOC that I opened to pay off some high interest credit cards.  I would consider this a manageable amount.  We no longer carry any card balances on anything.

Thanks to you all for the posts.  This is the sort of support I was hoping for.  This place =     

[TJR178]

Sorry to hear (ok, read) about this man.

Sounds like it's under control.  I would do what most of the crew is saying here and everything will be fine.

Don't be worried about dating either, and for Pete's sake, don't feel that you NEED to date, just let it take it's course.  Don't forget, I know the entire indoor football dance team and some of their friends  

That said, we need to get out and ride some more, hit the bars, fish, and do some cookouts at my place.  WOOHOO!

[Monsterlover]

Dude, you're the man.

Say the word and I'm there. 

[ODrides]

Sounds like you and your wife both have good heads on your shoulders.  Good luck with the whole process.

[aleng]

Wanted to say sorry to hear the news... 6 years is a long time. I will say well done on thinking it through before having the kid. The situation would really suck if you tried to make her happy with the kid only to realize you still felt the same way, the kid is the one that ends up paying in that situation.

On a side note... and not trying to make anyone rethink their position, but I did want to give the other perspective on kids.

I just want to say something about your wife wanting to have children. Don't beat yourself up over that. I personally feel that this world is in such a mess that I wouldn't want to bring a child into it. Everyday it seems that the prediction for the next generation is dire. A polluted planet that is running out of affordable resourses, food that is not going to be available because bees are dying at alarming rates (1/3rd in the US ) and scientists don't know for sure why. Without hony bees there will be no fruit or vegetables and this is going on world wide .                                                                                                                                                                                        

The population explosion in the third world countries and their insatiable need for food. If Global warming is as bad as it is demonstrated already this year with the increase of melting of the polar ice region and the projected effects that will have worldwide.. The fairly certain fact that the cost of gasoline will only contiue to increase and will we find a replacement for Petroleum before the demand way out paces the supply ( India + China ) are becoming more like our middle class and demanding cars and such and they are just getting started for the most part.                                                                                                                                                                                          

The current credit debacle has spread into almost every area of business and even private enterprises like University pension plans , so how will they ever seperate the " wheat from the chaff ." The credit debacle with regards to Subprime  lending will more than likely be followed by credit card  and auto loan collapses which may lead us deeper into the Abyss of economical distress. Look what is happening to the American Auto Manufactuers. How much longer can they exist?                                                

These are some of the reasons why I would not want to bring a child into this " world."

As long as you're personally responsible none of these things should be reason not to have a kid. I think having and raising smart responsible children could fix these problems. I have 2 kids and spend a lot of intentional time teaching them how to be morally responsible members of society, I believe the world is better for them being in it. Not to mention it's freakin sweet to have little mini me's running around.

But, to each his own.

Again... sorry for your news.

[Nitewaif]

I have never been divorced (or married!), but was with my high-school sweetheart for 9 years.  We split ways over the same sort of things you are ending your marriage over.  He wanted kids, I didn't...we grew in different directions...yada yada...  He really wanted to get married, but in retrospect, I'm so glad I didn't.  What I am trying to say is, even though you still love her, you will move on and both of you will be happier in the long run because of it.  Good luck getting through this.

[Monsterlover]

Thanks, (wo)man!

[Duc Stamp]

Sorry to hear the news.

If I were you, I'd start by getting a lawyer.  But, what I'm thinking is one lawyer for both of you, just to make sure that you are thinking of everything and do everything right.  If you each have your own lawyers, there's a chance that one of them will want to make it harder than it should be, then feelings start getting hurt, then you start trying to screw each other, and not in the good way.

[psycledelic]

Good luck with everything.

[TiNi]

i am sorry to hear things didn't work out with your marriage ML...
there is some very good advice here, i don't think i can add to it right now...
i will offer my support and an open ear anytime
<hug>

[Monsterlover]

[Count Desmo]

Sorry to hear the news, man.  I wish you both the best as you get through this.

[somegirl]

Best of luck ML.  I remember talking with you about it on TOB.

It will be stressful and difficult, but I'm glad you are able to work things out with a mediator.

((hugs)) and support from me, and another ear anytime you need it.

[vwboomer]

I'll throw my good luck in the ring. It's better to do the hard thing now rather than wait until it's much harder, and probably uglier, later.

Wish my wife woulda had the guts to make a decision with me instead of stepping out while I was thinkin I still had a best friend.

Endeavor to persevere, as they say. Things'll look up sooner or later.

[Monsterlover]

Whew. . . and another

This is a good place.  Thanks everyone.