better marriage blanket

[Pip]

I just got rid of a girlfriend who was a serial farter. It was a nightmare.

[RAT900]

I just got rid of a girlfriend who was a serial farter. It was a nightmare.

Was she triggering the Air quality sensors in your abode?  Did she gas during sex?....Was she raised in a dairy barn?

Did she giggle when it first started and you kind of went with it as being "somewhat cute" and then she escalated to the full local utility broken gas main output?

To get rid of her did you toss a lit match through the bedroom door one morning and dive for cover?

Share the dreadful details...get it all out here...we are good listeners and we have empathy

[Pip]

That would require me digging the horrendous experience out from its very repressed state . PTSD would most certainly be the result.

Was she triggering the Air quality sensors in your abode? My dog stopped going near her... so yes. Did she gas during sex? YES.  ....Was she raised in a dairy barn? Quite affluent actually, which struck me as odd.

Did she giggle when it first started and you kind of went with it as being "somewhat cute" and then she escalated to the full local utility broken gas main output? OH GOD IT"S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW!

To get rid of her did you toss a lit match through the bedroom door one morning and dive for cover? Had it only been that easy...

Share the dreadful details...get it all out here...we are good listeners and we have empathy

[KnightofNi]

That would require me digging the horrendous experience out from its very repressed state . PTSD would most certainly be the result.

sometimes the best therapy is to get it all out.
it's ok, we are here for you.

[RAT900]

He is making good progress...

we can't bring it all out at once...too risky he may lapse into a dissociative state

gentle probing questions are in order...perhaps getting him to describe the piquancy of the vapors...

did he sense something was wrong when his pet birds started dying mysteriously

or does he recall ever asking her "damn! was that you or is the dog eatin' road-kill again?"

did she secretly feast on beans, raw cauliflower and Molson's Golden Ale to increase her compression ratio and output?

and maybe inquire if she ever let one go when he was munching on her pie, a gale-force one that blew him backwards off the bed

but again these matters need to be approached with caution and sensitivity...our man has been through a dreadful experience that few have endured much less survived

[KnightofNi]

as always rat...you are wise beyond my years.

i can only imagine this is due to experience in such matters.

[RAT900]

Indeed I have walked this dreadful path before him

Others who haven't will crack jokes and make fun of the situation...

Only those unfortunate few who have watched as their dreams of a bright future and romance

get slowly choked to death, gasping before finally suffocating under the relentless, reckless rampaging of a rancid rectum

only those few can appreciate the ordeal

[Pip]

He is making good progress...

we can't bring it all out at once...too risky he may lapse into a dissociative state

gentle probing questions are in order...perhaps getting him to describe the piquancy of the vapors... somewhere between the inside of a mule and burning tires...

did he sense something was wrong when his pet birds started dying mysteriously Canaries, as previously mentioned, are lifesavers.
or does he recall ever asking her "damn! was that you or is the dog eatin' road-kill again?" My dog was cleaner than this girl.

did she secretly feast on beans, raw cauliflower and Molson's Golden Ale to increase her compression ratio and output? Either that, or she was part goat... consuming every grimy, dead, decaying, and fetid thing she could get her unclean hooves to grasp.

and maybe inquire if she ever let one go when he was munching on her pie, a gale-force one that blew him backwards off the bed Thankfully this never occured, or I would be verbalizing my thoughts in a robotic, Hawking-esque manner.

but again these matters need to be approached with caution and sensitivity...our man has been through a dreadful experience that few have endured much less survived Your understanding is unimaginably appreciated.

[Popeye the Sailor]

I just got rid of a girlfriend who was a serial farter. It was a nightmare.

There's a way to make those stop.

WWSDD? 

[Pip]

There's a way to make those stop.

WWSDD? 

There's only so much you can do when it wilts due to... um... atmospheric conditions. 

[RAT900]

I'm thinking maybe SacDuc would have thought he hit the jackpot with the continuous "Siren's Call"

I do get what you speak of...between marriages I did in fact experience one of these cases...I went I think almost 5 months and cashed out

At month 3.5 I didn't want to go anywhere near the zone of my torment...

my dick handed the situation back to me to deal with...it said "No way Jack, I'll be looking for somewhere new to park, you get rid of this one because I ain't going there"

I thought of rumping her but only as an act of survival to get a few minutes of relief...but then I thought something evil was up there and it might launch a counterassault

I contemplated butt plugs for her...but thought better of that as it could become a deadly projectile...like a rubber riot bullet or something

all kidding aside eventually they do hit the "fart of no return" so to speak....and you know it is over and worse they have no clue they just killed it

[Pip]

I'm thinking maybe SacDuc would have thought he hit the jackpot with the continuous "Siren's Call"

I do get what you speak of...between marriages I did in fact experience one of these cases...I went I think almost 5 months and cashed out

At month 3.5 I didn't want to go anywhere near the zone of my torment...

my dick handed the situation back to me to deal with...it said "No way Jack, I'll be looking for somewhere new to park, you get rid of this one because I ain't going there"

I thought of rumping her but only as an act of survival to get a few minutes of relief...but then I thought something evil was up there and it might launch a counterassault

I contemplated butt plugs for her...but thought better of that as it could become a deadly projectile...like a rubber riot bullet or something

all kidding aside eventually they do hit the "fart of no return" so to speak....and you know it is over and worse they have no clue they just killed it

The parrallelism between this post and my experience is almost frightening. Is there a support group for people like us, Rat?

[RAT900]

The parrallelism between this post and my experience is almost frightening. Is there a support group for people like us, Rat?

Yes it is the NMC...we are here to help....

my professional counseling credentials contain and boast considerable first hand experience in disastrous deflating and disappointing romantic interludes including some bordering what would be considered horrifying in even the most primitive cultures

My resume includes nearly every type of (chronologically) adult human female except for amputees, transgenders (I'm pretty sure) and fortunately also does not include hermaphrodites

I have had my hopes and expectations elevated to stratospheric levels on many occasions only to have them do screaming burn-ins leaving huge scarring craters in my emotional and psychological landscape...

I am willing to share my experience strength and hope so that others may be spared or if too late....will not feel entirely alone

[lethe]

Yes it is the NMC...we are here to help....

my professional counseling credentials contain and boast considerable first hand experience in disastrous deflating and disappointing romantic interludes including some bordering what would be considered horrifying in even the most primitive cultures

My resume includes nearly every type of (chronologically) adult human female except for amputees, transgenders (I'm pretty sure) and fortunately also does not include hermaphrodites

I have had my hopes and expectations elevated to stratospheric levels on many occasions only to have them do screaming burn-ins leaving huge scarring craters in my emotional and psychological landscape...

I am willing to share my experience strength and hope so that others may be spared or if too late....will not feel entirely alone

So you fancy yourself the Andrew Zimmerman of carnal relations?

[RAT900]

carnal and connubial catastrophes would be more accurate