How much of an asshole am I?

[Punx Clever]

Lu:

I'm with you.  Tell them to make the beast with two backs off.  Adults are responsible for keeping themselves alive... part of being an adult.  If the bartender decided it wasn't worth his while to wear a helmet... he should have been prepared to cover his bills.

I'd feel 100% different and be all for charity if he had worn a helmet and still needed the help, unless of course he was drunk... but no one knows that for sure.

[SacDuc]

ducpainter is right, being pissed is a choice. There is an emotional option that people seem to forget a lot. I mean, this is a bad situation and you should be feeling something, right? Maybe anger that no one helped you when you needed it. Maybe guilt, for not wanting to help others. Maybe some empathy mixed in there just to confuse things. Maybe a genuine desire to help out dulled by perceived obligation.

But the other option is . . . drum roll . . . to feel nothing at all. To simply not give a shit. At all. Don't care. If you are a bit envious that people are helping her in a way that they didn't help you, well, get over it. Those people weren't obligated to you any more than you are to her. Then again, maybe you should have been make the beast with two backsing more chefs.   And try to get over your desire to help too. And your empathy. And your anger at the people trying to guilt you into helping. And what ever else you might be feeling.

A while back a guy I didn't know very well got into a bad moto wreck. The local monster community, including some of his closer friends talked a lot about "we should do something to help him." But few people were actually doing anything (though the ones that did were just awesome!) Of course once my wife and got one of the balls rolling, the outpouring as amazing. And I certainly can't take any credit for that, other than making it a bit easier for generous people to do what they wanted to do anyway. The point is, we considered doing nothing and just couldn't do it. Had the guy been a jackass instead of who he is, I could very likely have sat on my hands.

In short, my advice is to let it all go. Don't think about it. Don't participate. Do nothing. Go about your life. If you can't do that, if it is distasteful for you, be honest with yourself when you ask yourself, "why not?" Then act according to your conscience. You shouldn't feel guilty or angry or negative in any way with your choice. Let that be your guide. If you are upset at how you are acting do something else. If you are simply feeling guilty for not feeling anything, not doing anything, STOP IT! You are under no obligation regardless of how inspiring the logo on the make the beast with two backsing T-shirt is.

Cheers.

sac

[Dannyboy]

I would turn that used helmet into a trophy of sorts.  Paint it gold and put a pair of butt cheeks on it and call it the Golden Asshat award, or something.  And then donate it.

[DrDesmo]

El Matador thinks much more highly of me than logic would allow. It's probably because he's seen my boobies. That changes things.


...and speaking of assholes... looks like there will be a convention for them in town next week?

Yes! As a lifetime member of the AAA did you receive your invitation?

In true A-Hole tradition they likely didn't send you one.  Pity 

Cheers,
Adam

[RAT900]

Like food it is all in the "presentation"

if you are being button-holed, shanghai'd and press-ganged,,,

I for one can see why you would react the way you do

When charity is in the form of a thinly masked demand imposed with obligatory expectations my visceral reaction is "make the beast with two backs you"

hell I would and do cop a whole shit pile of resentment when folks approach me with their hand out saying "of course you'll help"

I am much better with things like that guy that got bent-up a few months ago and had a whopper of an air ambulance bill

and someone here posted a website to raise funds for him and offered a really good testimonial about his character as a human

I reached into my pocket...why?   because it FELT like the right thing to do

I will still buy a mountain of Girl Scout cookies for the service men overseas (I still think the boxes of cookies should have pictures of the early bloomer scouts in uniform on them ) 

The point is...charity works best when a person is allowed to evolve their own rationale for giving, and where, how much and how they will contribute

but this is life and all the fastest roads to hell are paved with the best of intentions.

[Speedbag]

^ Indeed.

[WarrenJ]

Since you are already bent out of shape about the situation and there are some potentially negative business connotations for not donating - is there a way to use your "charity" to benefit your business via advertising or other creative ways to make your involvement increase the visibility of your business?  If you are being used against your will, you might as well maximize your advantage from it.  Give "The Prince" by Niccolo Machiavelli a read...

[donzo]

what is a "food community"?

i'm of the school of thought that you say what you mean and do as you say.

if you don't want to, don't

[DanTheMan]

well if its a small community you have to live in/ operate in, you have to play nice the game and be political about it.

Donate some food, not much, but actual cost to you is minimal. you can promise more 12 dozen, and give less 3doz when the time comes. Big order, lots of money excuse.... Or use it as a marketing opportunity for yourself.

But letting them use your kitchen i think is a bad idea. If their baking turns out to be shit, it may get back that it was made at your place, of course the details of who baked would be left out.

I think your best option would be to donate a few small gift certificates to raffle off. Actual cost to you is minimal, impact is good, and there is a chance they wont every be redeemed (30 day expiration date) win, win.

[Langanobob]

DesmoLu,

I hardly ever come here to NMC and this thread is a perfect example of why!  (just kidding).  Seriously, it seems like you are totally immersed in an uncomfortable situation.  My only suggestion is to get away for just a couple of days.  I  don't know if you have a bike or a car, but any sort of road trip somehow works wonders.

[Greg]

Why cant you tell them the truth?

"dude, im paying off my own medical bills, i really cant help to pay yours, but heres a small donation"

+1 on this.
If you don't mind my asking, how much were they asking for?

[Grappa]

I like the more Machiavellian ideas posted.  Create something yourself in your kitchen as a subtle way to market you wares, product, talent.  Keep the receipts, write it off for your taxes.  Being a business owner in a community, I don't think you have the luxury of telling someone to make the beast with two backs off, unfortunately. 

I also hate the obligated forms of charity and what not.  Part of what I hate about Christmas, bah humbug. 

Another thought... you stated that if anyone tried to raise money for you when you were hurt, you would have been pissed.  Maybe everyone kind of knew that already, and that's why there wasn't the same outpouring of graciousness for you as for this other person. 

Or maybe you need a new BFF.   

[Grampa]

Im a "hands on" kind of guy.  (Especially with da boobies)


When the dust settles ....... teach her how to ride.